Original subtitles

What's the big announcement, Grandma?

Steve isn't here yet.

Oh, Grandma, I called this house and his mom said he was still in the shower, so

we might as well go ahead.

Well, all right.

Watch out, friends of ours.

Now, what's the scanning?

Ethel and I have set the date for our wedding.

Grandma, are you going to be at Junebride?

Not exactly, honey.

We'd like to get hit sooner than that.

How much sooner?

In two weeks.

Hey, I already had a shower.

Mother, it'll take a miracle to pull off a wedding in two weeks.

What's the rush? You're not in the family way, are you?

That would really be a miracle.

The reason why we're moving so fast is we have a terrific deal on a honeymoon

cruise. All right.

Where are you guys going?

Oh, who cares? We'll be in the state room the whole time.

Mother. Oh, loosen up, Carl.

It's a Caribbean cruise, and it leaves in two weeks, honey.

Look, folks, we don't want a lot of fuss.

Just a simple ceremony.

Wait, wait, hold up, hold up. Time out here.

This is my mother we're talking about here.

Now, I want her wedding to be spectacular.

But, Carl, I'm trying to... Uh -uh, uh -uh, uh -uh.

Mom, I want a big traditional wedding for you. Big church, reception at Chez

Josephine's, ten -piece orchestra, the work.

We'll invite everybody we know.

I'll be there.

On the other hand, we should draw the line somewhere.

Okay, you can come, too.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

over to Jenkins.

We've reserved the church for the wedding. Now I have to call the

you have to call the florist.

Carl, it's only been three days, and I'm exhausted already. Hang in there,

honey. We're going to relax the weekend after the wedding.

We are?

Mm -hmm. Sergeant Grunewald is loaning us his cabin up at Lake Waxahachie at a

really good price, too. How much?

Three. I like that price.

Goodness gracious.

I am shocked and dismayed.

What are you talking about?

Your parents are just now getting married.

No, man, my grandmother's getting married.

Oh, my God.

It's worse than I thought.

It's frightening.

Soon, you'll be able to vote.

Yo, Einstein Flash.

What is it, Weasel? Your parents just said they're going to be gone for a

weekend. That means we can get stupid.

We can?

Relax, Waldo. You're already there.

We can have a flyer party.

What in the name of my Aunt Annie is a flyer party?

You print up some flyers, pass them around the neighborhood, and then charge

bucks to get in.

Even us?

No.

We'll only charge you 10.

Me too.

I have some doubts.

Care to hear them?

No.

Uh,

look, Waldo, you make up a thousand flyers.

But I'll get writer's cramp.

the word to all the honeys.

Guys, here's to a great party.

Do it.

Do it.

Good

news,

Fletcher.

The wedding plans are right on schedule.

It's gonna be grand. The grandest... most spectacular ceremony that this

neighborhood has ever seen.

But it's not what Estelle and I want.

Fletcher, your job is to say I do.

And my job is to find the most expensive way for you to say it.

But Estelle and I want to keep things simple.

You know, Fletcher,

You keep telling me what my mother wants.

Well, I mean, I had an idea.

You see, I think I know a little bit better than you about what my own mother

wants. Well, I didn't have ideas about that. You see, because I am her son.

Her firstborn.

Her pumpkin poop.

Well,

I was just saying that Adele wants a small, simple ceremony.

Mother! What is it, Carl?

Fletcher here seems to think that I'm going overboard with the wedding.

He says that you two want a small, simple ceremony.

That's right.

Say what?

Well, we tried to tell you before, but you wouldn't listen.

Oh.

Oh, well, well, uh... I'm listening now.

Yeah, you two are coming through loud and clear.

You two go ahead and have your small, simple ceremony.

You won't get any more interference from me.

Because I won't be there.

Carl, the caterer called with a beverage and appetizer suggestion.

A nice chardonnay and liver pate.

My mother just informed me that she wants a small, simple affair.

So please call the caterer back and tell him it's Kool -Aid and cocktail we

need.

Carl, what happened?

I don't want to talk about it, Harriet.

In fact, I am washing my hands of this whole wedding business.

Carl, we need to talk. Oh, look who's here. The no -frills bride.

He's all yours.

Yes?

Did you mean what you said?

That you won't attend your own mother's wedding?

Mama, I told you from the very beginning that I wanted to give you a big

storybook wedding.

Now, why didn't you say something then?

But I thought when you found out how expensive it was, you'd pull back a

Oh, no way. I want the best. I don't care what it costs.

But these fancy plans you're making will put a dent in your savings, honey.

I know.

Well, why would you do that?

Because you are my mother.

All of my life, you made sacrifices for me.

Mama, I can remember you scrimping and saving just to get the things that I

wanted.

Mama, do you remember the time I wanted that new bike? I was 10 years old.

It was red, wasn't it? That's right. A cherry red Schwinn with headlights, an

electric horn, and big western saddlebags.

Oh, I remember.

Your best friend, Bobby Johnson, he had one and you had to have one, too.

Yeah, but Daddy said we couldn't afford one.

But you, you took the money that you had saved for a new dress for your high

school reunion, and you went and you bought me that bike.

The store wanted $5 for delivery, so I rode it home.

I bet the neighborhood is still talking about that wheelie you popped.

Oh, your face lit up when you saw that bike.

And that meant more to me than all the dresses in the world.

I just remember that I kept thinking that someday, somehow...

I was going to pay you back.

And I thought that this was going to be my chance.

A big, beautiful wedding to say thank you.

Oh, honey, you don't have to say thank you to me.

But I appreciate the appreciation.

Mama.

Oh, Ma.

I'm sorry I got carried away.

You just tell me exactly what you want, and I'll make it happen.

Well... Let's see.

How about a nice garden ceremony?

Yeah, right here at the house.

Oh, a moonlit wedding under the stars.

Oh, Mama, that's a great idea.

Good.

Oh, I love you, Ma.

And I love you, too, my pumpkin poop.

son. You're going to be late even for your own wedding.

I want to save some energy for my honeymoon.

Oh, hi, Carl.

Hi, Fletcher.

Carl, I want you to meet my father, William Thomas.

Well, nice to meet you, sir.

My friends call me Skippy.

Oh, okay, Skippy.

This is my son, Edward.

My friends call me E -Man.

Your mother is a fine -looking lady.

Well, thank you, sir. Thank you. Does she have an older sister?

about it, Steve.

What?

Waldo, how could you mess this up?

Hey, cut me some slack. I only got the day wrong on one flyer.

My mom's the one who really messed up. She Xeroxed it over and over and over

over and over and over and over and over and over. Hey,

chill.

Observe the bright side.

Bright side?

What bright side, Weasel?

Look at this.

1 ,500 dead presidents.

And the homies are still coming in.

Yeah, well, you got to get rid of them, man. This is my grandmother's wedding at

1 ,500.

No, no, no, no. This isn't right.

These kids are going to ruin everything. They got to go. Oh, come on. You shut

up, Eduardo.

Look, I threw everybody in.

We all stand here nice and quiet until Gramps and Granny make it legal.

Then we bop that...

has a bigger family than we thought.

Why not try the truth?

Okay, Dad.

Me and the guys are gonna have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of

town. But Waldo messed up and put the wrong date on the flyers.

All these people think the party is tonight.

All right, right now, we're gonna have a wedding.

But directly after that, we're gonna have a... funeral.

Because I want this moment to last forever.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here this evening to unite this man and this

woman in holy matrimony.

Who gives this woman away?

I do.

And by the way, you know, I wasn't too cool about Fletcher in the beginning.

after a while, it grew on me and I figured... Excuse me. It wasn't an essay

question.

Sister Crawford?

Inseparable That's how

we'll always be Inseparable

Just you and me

Fletcher Thomas, do you take this woman to be your wife, for richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health, to love and honor for as long as you both shall

I do.

Estelle Winslow, do you take this man to be your husband, for richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health, to love and honor for as long as you both shall

Sugar. I sure do.

Marie, please.

What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Thank you.

great wedding, huh, Dad?

You know, son, if screwing up ever became an Olympic event, you would win

gold.

150 extra people at what was supposed to be a small family affair.

Now, can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ground you for the rest of

your life?

Well, we took in $2 ,000, Dad, and we want you to have it.

I love you, son.

Tonight at 6, a pit bull named Daisy is accused of viciously attacking and

almost killing another dog on an all -new Judge Judy. Then at 7, former

fight over a car that one claims the other gave her and then took back on

Joe Brown.

Now, it's Family Matters coming up next on UPN 27.