Original subtitles

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

It's the bigger love of the family.

4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Your turn, Judy.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

Judy, didn't I ask you to straighten up in here?

Yeah. Well?

You meant today?

Laura, did you remember to take the chicken out of the freezer?

Oh, I sure did, Mom.

About five minutes ago.

supposed to bring brownies. Do you think you could whip some up?

Whip some up?

Well, not a lot. Just a few dozen.

Laura, I have worked overtime every night this weekend. Do you know what I

Rich?

No, I'm tired.

I've asked everyone around here to help out.

Hey, honey, would you iron this shirt for me? I would do it myself, but you

always make them so fresh and crispy.

Carl, I really don't have time. I can't do it. Hey, ma.

When's dinner?

When I have been home less than five minutes, can I at least have time to

breathe? Sure, but can you breathe while you're making dinner?

That's it.

I work 60 hours a week, but that's not enough, right?

I apparently also have to cook chickens, iron crispy shirts, and bake brownies

for the world.

Harriet's right.

Now, come on, everyone. We've all got...

Yeah, we should all pitch in. Listen, you go upstairs and have yourself a

relaxing bubble bath.

And when you come back down, I promise you that there'll be a piping hot meal

waiting on the table for you.

Thank you, sweetie. That's an awful lot of work. I appreciate it. Hey, it's no

problem.

Hello,

Pizza City.

The logarithm, also called log, is the exponent indicating the power to which a

fixed number, the base, must be raised to produce a given number.

Oh, Perka, this is riveting.

Very nice, Vivian.

Thank you, Stephen.

I realize that logarithms can be difficult, so...

How visual aid might help stimulate your interest.

Vivian, you wait a moment, Steven. Now, I want you all to take a close look at

the logs on this chart.

Miss Connors.

I thought that putting this poster up would be funny, but instead it's turned

out to be tasteless and rude. That's right.

Well, live and learn. Can I go now? Yeah, straight down to Principal

office. Oh, no!

Miss Connors, Principal Shimada just nailed me for writing my phone number

in the girls' bathroom.

He said one was stunting him off the basketball team.

Well, you should have thought about that before you tacked up the boom -booms.

Yes, ma 'am.

You are a bright young man. Why are you behaving this way?

I don't know.

I guess I... I just... Well, I don't know. I mean... Well,

I don't want to lay my problems on you.

Problems? What problems?

Oh, just stuff. That home.

But I don't want to get into it.

It's painful.

Eddie, talk to me. What's going on at home?

Well, Miss Connors, Oprah uses the phrase dysfunctional family.

But, hey, the bottom line is that I screwed up and now it's time to pay the

piper. Well,

Eddie, if you need someone to confide in... No, no, no. I don't want to air

dirty laundry.

I'll just go down to Principal Shimada's office and...

Let him take away the one thing I have left. It brings me joy.

Well, Eddie, Eddie, wait.

Maybe in light of your stress at home, we could let this go.

Really? Yes, but no more hijinks in my classroom.

Oh, yes, ma 'am. Thank you, ma 'am.

Very few share our passion for trees.

No, it's not that, Steven.

I'm worried about a student. He says he has problems at home, but he won't talk

about it.

Huh?

Another lonely teenage mariner navigating his fragile kayak through the

sea of life.

Yeah, something like that.

Well, knowing you as I do, Vivian, I'm sure you'll take the active approach.

Active approach?

Well, this poor teenager, whoever he may be, is obviously crying out for help.

But I don't really know what's wrong.

Well, find out.

Investigate. You really think I should?

Oh, absolutely.

Reach out and touch that student.

And tell him Stephen Q. Urkel sent you.

Mom, can you help me with my science project?

Mom, I forgot to tell you. I need a costume for the school play. Honey, have

seen my black socks?

You know, the comfy ones with the blue stripe?

Hold on.

I thought everyone was going to pitch in around here.

I'm helping it, Harry.

Richie, look at you.

What are you doing?

I'm making a cake for dinner.

Mom,

what about my science project? Judy.

She doesn't have time. My costume's going to take all night.

Harriet, where are the black socks?

Have you seen them? Hey, Mom, when's dinner?

I have asked you again and again to help

out around here, and you've ignored me.

this place is really getting gross.

Then clean it up.

I'm still on strike.

I can't pitch in right now. I promised Grandma I'd help her get ready.

For what?

Tonight's that charity bachelor auction.

Oh, Lord.

Remember last year when she bought that date with that retired underwear model?

Then she demanded that money back when she found out he modeled ladies'

underwear.

need those things. Tonight is my big undercover drug bust, and I don't have a

thing to wear.

Carl, where did you see them last?

Well, I put them in the hamper two whole days ago.

Honey, check the clothes hamper.

What? Oh, gee, didn't anybody do laundry around here?

Not me. I'm still on strike.

Well, excuse me, Norma Ray.

Look, Carl. No, you look.

Now, if you want to play this little strike game with the kiddies, It's okey

-dokey with me.

But now, you're messing with the big kahuna.

And the big kahuna wants some attention from his little wahine.

And what would you like your little wahine to do?

Well, the heart's a mess.

So why don't you just hula yourself on into the laundry room and wash... Watch

the big kahunas wiki -wiki.

Either the big kahunas had too many Mai Tais or he's got his head up

his volcano.

Because there is no way this little wahine is going anywhere near your wiki

-wiki.

Hello. Are your parents home?

Beats me. Are you here to clean?

Oh, no.

Well, I love to chat, but I have to go make dinner.

You're making dinner?

Yep. We're having hot fudge sundaes.

Thank God. I'm sick of candy bars.

Thanks, honey.

I just hope 200 bucks is enough to buy me a decent man.

Well, you just be patient and don't buy the first guy that you see.

It's a recession, sugar.

I might be able to buy two.

How you look fine.

No, I don't.

Now, you know I like to wear my ripped jeans when I go out to buy.

teacher. It is no wonder he is acting up in class.

How can he live in this mad house?

Excuse me?

But what are you talking about?

Eddie said there were problems at home but this is appalling.

Thank God the boy is just pulling harmless pranks.

Miss Connors?

Oh, Eddie.

You poor child. Come here. You need a hug.

Stephen, I want to thank you for urging me to get involved. This young man would

have been better off raised by wolves.

come here if you hadn't urged me to get involved.

up in my class and he confided in me that he is having problems at home.

Miss Connors, I assure you that our son, Edward

Winslow, is not having problems at home.

Yet.

Edward, go wait in the kitchen for me. But, Dad, I... Yes, sir.

Harriet, would you please... Explain to Miss Connors here that we are a very

loving family.

I'll try.

Good. And while you're doing that, I'll be in the kitchen killing our son.

Hi, Dad.

Knock it off.

Yes, sir.

You know, Edward, I just don't get it.

You appear to be quite normal.

You have all five senses.

You walk erect.

But yet you often act like a bonehead!

Edward, your mother is out there trying to explain things to one very

traumatized math teacher.

Dad, let's just face it. Miss Connors just picked a bad day to visit.

And I picked a bad time to say that.

Edward, let me get this straight.

Now, you pulled a stupid stunt in class and got caught.

But instead of taking your lumps like a man, you instead try to make your poor

teacher feel sorry for you.

You lied about us just to save your scrawny neck.

Well, yeah.

I mean, I was in big trouble and I panicked.

Edward, whenever I talk about you, I tell people that my son has a straight A

average. He's witty, he's clever, and man, he's even better looking than...

Denzel Washington.

You see, when I lie, I lie up.

I am very, very proud of my family.

I put them on pedestals because, son, that's where I think that they deserve

be.

You're right, Dad.

I'm sorry.

You know, son, I'm a cop.

And every day I see families out there who really do have problems.

That kind of tragedy is nothing to make light of.

I know, Dad. And I'm lucky to have a happy home.

Well, I am really glad to hear you say that.

Because you're going to be spending a lot of time in your happy home.

Ouch.

So how's it going out there?

Well, I managed to explain why the house is under three feet of trash.

And I think she understands why you were going out to store drugs.

Because she's having real trouble with your mother buying men.

From

now

on, I expect each and every one of you to pitch in and help your mom out around

the house.

Is that understood?

Yeah.

Well, be happy about it. Well,

thank you, everybody.

Okay, the strike is over.

Let's clean up this house.

No, no, sweetheart.

Since I set the bad example, I'm going to set the good example.

I want you to take the family out to dinner, and when you get back, this

is going to be squeaky clean.

Oh, what's that?

Let's go to Bubba's Barbecue.

No, I want to go to Mighty Weenie's. No.

Waiters have nice buns.

Mr. Winslow, we're from Squeaky Cleaning. Hey!

It's all yours.

Family Matters is a Miller -Boyette production.

Geez, Frank, we're going to have to call for backup.

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