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1
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:12,510
You're waiting.
2
00:00:12,650 --> 00:00:13,650
Now do it.
3
00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:31,050
Now stand back, everybody. I'm going
first.
4
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:35,170
Hold your breath, Steve. You're going
down.
5
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,320
Scream on, Edo. You couldn't hit
Wisconsin.
6
00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:44,780
Oh, please.
7
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,520
Why, I've seen better arms on a chair.
8
00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,220
Yo, everybody, how about a little help?
9
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,640
Hey,
10
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,320
hey, no fair.
11
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,800
All right, do something.
12
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,200
Okay, Steve.
13
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,000
On three, everybody.
14
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:11,000
It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
15
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:17,220
page. And love and tradition of the
grand design, some people say, is even
16
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,480
harder to find.
17
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:25,440
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these jizzle walls.
18
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,340
Because all I see is a tower of dreams.
19
00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:03,730
Laura. Hello.
20
00:03:06,110 --> 00:03:07,110
Can I read your poem?
21
00:03:07,630 --> 00:03:09,930
No, but you can read my lips. Get lost.
22
00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:17,390
Laura, don't you think you were a little
rough on Ted?
23
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,570
Maxine. He let his friends think we
slept together.
24
00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:21,829
He's a liar.
25
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:25,750
That was two months ago. He apologized
in front of the whole school.
26
00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:29,570
I think he's a nice guy who made a
mistake and is truly sorry.
27
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,800
Well, maybe, but I'm not ready to
forgive him.
28
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,620
Well, what if another girl would ask him
to the Sadie Hopkins dance?
29
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,240
Wouldn't you be upset?
30
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,460
No way. It wouldn't bother me at all.
31
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,360
I'd help the girl pick out her shoes.
32
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:46,800
Wow.
33
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,100
What a great turnout.
34
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,660
I bet the school pulls in a nice chunk
of change.
35
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,780
Tara, do you like this dress?
36
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:57,140
I love that dress.
37
00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:58,660
Yellow was a great color for you.
38
00:03:58,860 --> 00:03:59,860
No way, Anthony.
39
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,300
I look like a school bus.
40
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:08,760
No, you don't. Yes, I do. All I need is
a sign on my back. Stop when lights
41
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,760
flash.
42
00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:12,140
Harriet, please. You look wonderful.
43
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,420
Thank you, but I don't feel wonderful.
44
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,680
I feel fat.
45
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,600
Listen, let's just change the subject,
okay?
46
00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:20,019
Good idea.
47
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,140
Tomorrow for my birthday, no cake or ice
cream.
48
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:24,600
Harriet, you're not fat.
49
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:27,360
So stop dwelling on the subject. Let's
just forget about it.
50
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,480
Hello, ma 'am.
51
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,020
Would you like me to guess your weight?
52
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,720
Why? Do I look fat?
53
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,140
Is that what you're saying?
54
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:40,600
I'm sorry. Her mother was mugged by a
guess -your -weight guy.
55
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:49,499
Let's see.
56
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,520
I see a recent challenge.
57
00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:54,060
A math test, huh?
58
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:57,180
Yeah. I had a math test yesterday. How'd
you know that?
59
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,620
You still have the trade formulas
written on your hand.
60
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,800
I do not.
61
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,420
I know, I was just kidding.
62
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,040
I'm in your class.
63
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,400
Oh, that's right. You're Jane Bowman.
64
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:09,480
Close, close. I'm Melissa Robbins.
65
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,599
I'm sorry.
66
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,800
That's okay. Jane and I are a lot alike.
We both have hair.
67
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,000
Well, it's nice to meet you, Melissa.
I'm... Eddie Winslow.
68
00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:24,920
I know your sister, Laura. She told me
all about you.
69
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,480
Uh -oh.
70
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,900
Yeah, what'd she say? Good things, good
things.
71
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,740
You're a terrific big brother.
72
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,360
You're an all -city basketball player.
73
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:34,700
True, true.
74
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,740
And you won't go to sleep without your
Scooby -Doo nightlight.
75
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,180
Hey, keep it moving, Mr. Leg Pants.
76
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,640
Don't tuck her your pucker, Karen. It's
me she wants.
77
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,120
Hi, Laura.
78
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,160
You're lucky this is for charity, Tiff.
79
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,960
Look, Laura, I know you're still mad at
me, and I don't blame you.
80
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,240
But, girl, I'm miserable without you.
81
00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:02,540
Look at this.
82
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:06,780
Better than my favorite soap opera, The
Young and the Useless.
83
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,840
You're really miserable without me? I
swear, Laura, I can't sleep, I can't
84
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,080
Please forgive me.
85
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,400
could start it.
86
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:41,680
Yeah, that'd be great.
87
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,440
Would you like to go to the dance with
me?
88
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,040
Yes. I mean, no.
89
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,540
Maxine asked me and I said yes.
90
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,020
Me and my big mouth. I told Max I didn't
care if you went with someone else.
91
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:56,920
We'll go out next week.
92
00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:03,160
Yeah, well, walk on, pretty boy.
93
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,640
A lot lives with a man.
94
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,180
Ship change.
95
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,880
Ship change.
96
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,560
Let's try.
97
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,740
Do you see anything in here about a
dance?
98
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:49,620
Hmm. Ah, yes, I do. Oh, you are having a
great time.
99
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,540
Can you see who I'm with?
100
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:56,540
Well, um, she's very mysterious.
101
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:01,580
But she was afraid to ask you because
she wasn't sure if you'd accept.
102
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,540
Well, uh, I hope she's the adventurous
type.
103
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,860
Will you go to the dance with me?
104
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,640
It says here I'll pick you up at 8.
105
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:21,519
A guy.
106
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,399
Guess what?
107
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,240
I got my date for the Sadie Hawkins
dance.
108
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,040
Who? Who's the lucky bait?
109
00:08:26,260 --> 00:08:27,260
Melissa Roberts.
110
00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,020
That's the good one, man. Melissa
Roberts.
111
00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,419
Now, come on. Who you really going with?
112
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,000
I just told you. Melissa Roberts.
113
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:38,980
Oh.
114
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,220
Let me see. I can't put this delicate
in.
115
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,920
She's a thug.
116
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:48,220
She is not.
117
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,480
Oh, please.
118
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:52,140
She wouldn't be allowed in the
restaurant unless she was leading a
119
00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:57,600
Listen, guys, Melissa's really a nice
girl. She's a schnauzer and a skirt.
120
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:14,960
What's the matter?
121
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:16,960
I'm embarrassed.
122
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:21,420
You see, I can't go with you to the dam.
123
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,860
Oh, well, how come?
124
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:27,940
Well, I forgot that next Saturday I'm
taking my dog to be neutered.
125
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,400
Can't you change the appointment?
126
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,260
No, he's really looking forward to it.
127
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:38,960
I'm sorry, Melissa.
128
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,200
Bye.
129
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,279
exercise traveling?
130
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:25,280
Yes.
131
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,960
This baby will take off the piles in no
time.
132
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:31,140
Don't you love it?
133
00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:39,940
For my birthday, you brought me an
exercise traveling?
134
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,520
Yes. And that's not all.
135
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:52,360
Lose weight, feel great at Chicago's
premier health spa, Hip Whippers.
136
00:10:56,270 --> 00:10:58,310
It's a full year membership, babe.
137
00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,090
You may kiss me now.
138
00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:05,430
Why don't I just skip the kiss and kick
you in your pants?
139
00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:08,990
Huh? You think I'm fat.
140
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,670
No, no.
141
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:13,610
Harriet, you're the one that said you
were fat. You've been saying it for
142
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,530
And you agree with me. No, no.
143
00:11:16,490 --> 00:11:18,310
You know, Harriet, it's the thought that
counts.
144
00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:26,580
insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever
received.
145
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:28,800
Well,
146
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,340
thank God I didn't give her the
Thighmaster.
147
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:00,890
out with this napkin.
148
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,050
That's unbelievable.
149
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:09,870
They are the sweetest boys, well
-mannered, and oh, so talented.
150
00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:12,170
Wait a minute, Grandma.
151
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:14,430
You actually know Criss Cross?
152
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,690
Of course.
153
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,650
They pulled me up on stage at their last
concert.
154
00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:27,770
That is amazing. The greatest thing to
happen to you. Things don't happen to
155
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:28,830
honey.
156
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:30,360
make them happen.
157
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,180
Hey, Laura. Hello, slimeball.
158
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:43,980
Why aren't you out walking our non
-existent, soon -to -be -neutered dog?
159
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,640
Been talking to Melissa, huh? Yeah.
160
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,300
She really liked you, Eddie. Why'd you
dump her?
161
00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:52,460
Look right out, Laura. I mean, it's a
guy thing.
162
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:54,620
Uh -oh.
163
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:57,080
Here comes something stupid and shallow.
164
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,850
It is not stupid and shallow.
165
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:04,170
I can't take Melissa to the dance
because she's not pretty enough.
166
00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:06,650
That's neither stupid nor shallow.
167
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,230
You must have been switched at birth.
168
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:14,150
Come on, Laura, it's like the guy said.
169
00:13:14,530 --> 00:13:15,930
I gotta protect my image.
170
00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:18,010
Ah, the guy.
171
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:22,610
Would this be the esteemed Waldo and the
revered Weasel?
172
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:24,890
Yeah.
173
00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:27,750
Well, I hope you're happy.
174
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,940
You hurt a really nice girl just because
you didn't have the guts to stand up to
175
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:32,940
your friends.
176
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,700
Harriet, we need to talk.
177
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:00,480
Okay.
178
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:08,260
Look, I want you to know that I finally
realized how stupid I was.
179
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,600
I did a very insensitive thing, and I
promise you it will never happen again.
180
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,780
Just one question, hon.
181
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:17,180
What? What'd I do?
182
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,900
Carl, I was feeling real insecure about
my weight. And then when you bought that
183
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,600
trampoline, I thought you thought what I
thought.
184
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:30,830
Harriet, I couldn't possibly think what
you think, because I never have a clue
185
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:31,830
what you're thinking.
186
00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:37,730
Well, I can't expect me to read my mind.
187
00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:39,230
I'm sorry, Carl.
188
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:43,290
It's just that I've picked up a few
pounds, and I'm mad at the world.
189
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,210
Well, I'm sorry, too, babe.
190
00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:49,110
I mean, you may not believe this, but
there are times when I actually feel...
191
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,110
portly.
192
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:54,250
Oh?
193
00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:56,310
Yeah, but I don't worry about it.
194
00:14:56,570 --> 00:14:59,370
See, because I know that you think that
I am incredibly handsome.
195
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,850
Yo, Harriet, jump in here any time,
babe.
196
00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:11,650
You see, Carl, for a second there when I
didn't answer, didn't you feel a little
197
00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:12,650
bit insecure?
198
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,390
Well, yeah, I guess I did.
199
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:15,990
Well, see, that's my point.
200
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,990
The bottom line is, if I feel fat, I'm
fat.
201
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:25,210
Well, the bottom line for me is that no
matter how you feel, you'll always be
202
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:26,210
beautiful to me.
203
00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:31,670
Here, sweetheart.
204
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:32,890
What's this?
205
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:34,970
It's the present I should have brought
you in the first place.
206
00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:38,430
The present that expresses how I truly
feel.
207
00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:45,710
That you are the most wonderful, the
most beautiful
208
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,890
person in my life.
209
00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:50,370
Oh, Carl.
210
00:15:52,090 --> 00:15:53,310
Carl, it's lovely.
211
00:15:53,970 --> 00:15:55,410
Not as lovely as you, dear.
212
00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:57,450
Happy birthday.
213
00:15:57,710 --> 00:15:58,710
Oh, Carl.
214
00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:45,860
Hey,
215
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,580
what's my thing doing with Ted? I
thought you liked him.
216
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:57,060
I do, but things got all mixed up.
217
00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:07,430
Well, check it out. What's Melissa doing
with her coat?
218
00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,609
Tonight's just one big crazy mix -up.
219
00:17:10,869 --> 00:17:12,810
You telling me? I'm here for gym class.
220
00:17:15,010 --> 00:17:16,670
Then why aren't you wearing your gym
clothes?
221
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,030
I have a note from my doctor.
222
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:23,150
You look great, Ted.
223
00:17:23,869 --> 00:17:25,130
She does, doesn't she?
224
00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:29,470
No, I said you look great, Ted.
225
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:30,790
Oh, thanks.
226
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,210
Is she wearing a new dress?
227
00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:33,870
I wouldn't know.
228
00:17:35,190 --> 00:17:36,190
Oh, I'm sorry, man.
229
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:39,670
You look fabulous. You look great. All
the guys are staring at you.
230
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:41,710
And you're staring at Laura.
231
00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:45,410
Come on.
232
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,910
Listen, you wanted to go with Ted to the
dance.
233
00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:55,430
And Ted wanted to go with you to the
dance.
234
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:58,770
So why don't you both just dance?
235
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:03,810
Thanks, Max. You're the best.
236
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:05,410
I know.
237
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:20,990
Thanks for coming to the dance with me,
238
00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:22,050
Steve.
239
00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:26,550
Oh, piss off. We're friends, ma 'am. But
fine. It's comforting to know that you
240
00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:28,530
respect my feelings for the lovely Laura
Winslow.
241
00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:30,050
Yes, I do, Steve.
242
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:35,350
Oh, when I... take you home tonight, I'd
appreciate it if you didn't try to take
243
00:18:35,350 --> 00:18:36,350
advantage of me physically.
244
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,350
I'll try to control myself.
245
00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:50,070
Hey, guys. That's what I do.
246
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,730
Yo,
247
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,550
Winslow, you're just in time.
248
00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:55,430
Look what the nerd dragged in.
249
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,010
Cute couple, huh?
250
00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:11,210
double -legged, banana -brained, gum
-flapping, trash -talking pig.
251
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:12,630
You talking to me? Yes.
252
00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:13,930
Just checking. Go ahead.
253
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:18,450
Weasel, you are the last person that
should be giving me advice about girls.
254
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,150
Because, buddy, check this out.
255
00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:21,510
You're alone.
256
00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:22,970
Just temporarily.
257
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:28,770
Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl,
but you know what?
258
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:30,910
I find her very attractive.
259
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:33,910
Let me tell you something, Weasel.
260
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:38,130
If all you look for is the funk with
Miss America on it, The whole parade is
261
00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:39,130
going to pass you by.
262
00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:44,330
What was that for? I'm missing a parade.
263
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:51,070
Surprisingly, that kind of song is one
for one bacon.
264
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:53,870
Excuse me, Steve.
265
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,930
Can I talk to Melissa a second?
266
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:57,390
Oh, certainly, you know.
267
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:58,870
I'll be right back.
268
00:19:59,170 --> 00:20:01,010
Trey Quick, a big punch.
269
00:20:08,229 --> 00:20:09,490
Melissa, I lied.
270
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:15,450
I don't have a dog. The truth is, I
backed out of our date.
271
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:17,430
I figured that.
272
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,190
Look, Eddie, I know I'm not the type of
girl that you usually date. You're
273
00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:22,190
right.
274
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:23,310
You're not.
275
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:25,530
You're funny.
276
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,550
You're smart.
277
00:20:27,650 --> 00:20:29,430
And I really enjoy being with you.
278
00:20:31,970 --> 00:20:33,210
I'm really sorry, Melissa.
279
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:36,570
Do you want to dance?
280
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,500
I'd love to.
20551
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