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1
00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:22,510
That was a fun date.
2
00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:26,510
It wasn't a date.
3
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I went to the movie alone, and you sat
down next to me right after it started.
4
00:00:31,910 --> 00:00:35,210
Uh -huh. But this time, you didn't dump
your soda all over me.
5
00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:38,790
I'm wearing you down, baby.
6
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:50,930
Let's get comfortable.
7
00:00:56,910 --> 00:00:57,910
Hey, baby.
8
00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:01,470
Let's get comfortable.
9
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:07,970
What are you doing?
10
00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:10,430
Making a move, sweetheart.
11
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,290
Feel free to make one back.
12
00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:23,380
Okay.
13
00:02:00,810 --> 00:02:06,990
It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper
14
00:02:06,990 --> 00:02:13,250
page. And love and tradition of the
grand design, some people say, is even
15
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:14,430
harder to find.
16
00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:21,490
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
17
00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:26,290
Because all I see is a tower of dreams.
18
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,240
Don't lose that thought.
19
00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,240
Hey!
20
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:05,900
Waldo! What's up?
21
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:09,040
Uh, uh, uh, Vonda's here. Oh, cool.
22
00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:12,739
Hey, Vonda.
23
00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:13,960
Hello, Waldo. What's up?
24
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:18,500
Waldo. What's up?
25
00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:27,290
Waldo, I'm kind of busy right now. You
know.
26
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:29,250
Oh.
27
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:30,990
No problem, Bob.
28
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,250
All right.
29
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:34,710
All right.
30
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:39,950
Waldo. What's up?
31
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,010
Yo, man.
32
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,210
Check out my lady Vonda over there.
33
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,790
Look at those sweet lips. They're just
begging to be kissed.
34
00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:52,550
You got it, Bob.
35
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:01,340
told me to
36
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:14,960
waldo
37
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:19,440
you just kissed my girlfriend yep now
you got some tough lips to follow
38
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:26,400
i don't want you to kiss her for me i
wanted you to leave so that i
39
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,400
could kiss her you idiot
40
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:34,900
Yeah, I understand.
41
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,880
I understand something else, too.
42
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,000
What?
43
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,200
My best friend thinks I'm an idiot.
44
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,700
Need a little bit more oomph.
45
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:08,150
More oomph.
46
00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:13,710
Hey, Carl.
47
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,250
Did you fix the ice maker yet? Oh, yeah.
48
00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:17,530
Good.
49
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:19,310
You better call a repairman.
50
00:05:22,050 --> 00:05:23,050
What for?
51
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:28,610
Carl, fixing things is a talent. A
talent you don't have.
52
00:05:31,950 --> 00:05:35,250
Well, now, I fixed the dryer, and it
works just fine.
53
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,940
Yes, and then it exploded.
54
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,140
Your mother was beamed by the lint trap.
55
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,020
Well, she was only out for a few
minutes.
56
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,100
Let's see.
57
00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:52,580
Refrigerator repair.
58
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,360
Excuse me.
59
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,240
Would it kill you just to give me a
little support?
60
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,480
A teeny tiny vote of...
61
00:06:09,179 --> 00:06:12,040
Explosions. You dredge up the ancient
lint trap incident.
62
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,840
Well, you know what, Harriet?
63
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:18,340
There should be a country called
Naysayer.
64
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,120
And you would be queen of the Naysayers.
65
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:28,200
Well, I am the king of this household,
Queenie.
66
00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:12,370
Nice work, old mighty king.
67
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:19,470
Well, let's see. Refrigerator repair.
68
00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:25,890
Vonda, baby.
69
00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:26,990
Baby.
70
00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:30,410
Vonda, I swear I will never be rude to
you again.
71
00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:38,050
Steve! Anno, you can sweet -talk the
hottie some other time. Right now, we've
72
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:40,230
got an emergency on our hands. Now, come
on.
73
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:43,799
talking about?
74
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,240
I just got a phone call from Fort McGee.
75
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:47,880
Waldo's there.
76
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,500
Fort McGee?
77
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,300
Well, why would Waldo be in Fort McGee?
78
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,400
Waldo joined the army.
79
00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:57,520
What? Come on, we gotta go talk him out
of this.
80
00:07:57,740 --> 00:08:00,260
Why would Waldo do such an idiotic
thing?
81
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:04,700
It was your insensitive use of the word
idiot that caused this whole mess.
82
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:09,360
Waldo joined the army because I called
him an idiot?
83
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,040
Hey, strong emotions and a weak...
84
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:13,570
We make a dangerous combination.
85
00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:42,210
Eddie, were you guys drafted?
86
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:45,390
No, man.
87
00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:49,730
We snuck on the base. We got to... Hey!
Are you ladies having a little trouble
88
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:50,730
finding the door?
89
00:08:51,290 --> 00:08:52,290
See you in there.
90
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:53,890
See you in there.
91
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,510
All right.
92
00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:01,810
Who are you two?
93
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,189
Prang and Erica.
94
00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:04,190
In private, Winslow.
95
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,600
of pasture paddies doing in my platoon.
96
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:57,240
Excellent use of alliteration, sir.
97
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:02,920
I don't believe I've had the pleasure
of... Sergeant Robert Shishka.
98
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,940
Hey, get on your name backwards. It's
Shishka Bob.
99
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,600
Shut up! Yes, sir. Shut it up, sir.
100
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,000
I'm not a sir.
101
00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:15,260
You're not, sir? No, sir. I'm a
sergeant.
102
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:32,220
Call me Sarge. No problem, Bob.
103
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:41,980
Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list
of new recruits.
104
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:46,040
Oh, well... You mean the Army screwed up
the paperwork again?
105
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,160
Gosh, I'll bet that's never happened
before.
106
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,400
Don't insult my Army.
107
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,560
I love my Army.
108
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,320
I'll take this up later with the
Lieutenant.
109
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,240
moment with Private Waldo privately?
110
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,220
Well, no!
111
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:14,000
You see Sarge, he's our friend and you
know...
112
00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:33,810
Very nice to meet you.
113
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:40,630
Eyes are here.
114
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,030
What are you looking at?
115
00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:46,730
Suck in that gut.
116
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:49,090
Square those shoulders.
117
00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:51,450
Chin up.
118
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,690
Now stay that way.
119
00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:57,050
Welcome to basic training, maggots.
120
00:11:58,070 --> 00:11:59,750
During the next six weeks...
121
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,620
six weeks... Stop that!
122
00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:25,340
Well, I have to breathe. Excuse me for
being a mammal.
123
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,080
At ease.
124
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:40,940
During the next six weeks, it
125
00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:47,180
will be my job to turn you...
126
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:52,710
spread jackasses into soldiers in this
United States Army.
127
00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:57,830
What?
128
00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:02,370
Why all this gratuitous name -calling?
129
00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:08,750
You know, you catch far more flies with
honey than you will with incense. Shut
130
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:09,750
up!
131
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:14,570
You probably don't have too many
friends, do you? I...
132
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,820
reasonable displays of anger are
occasionally caused by an impacted
133
00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:26,800
I'm going to have to... That does it,
mister.
134
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,500
Give me 50 push -ups. Without stretching
first?
135
00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:08,330
A 20 -mile field hike with full field
packs.
136
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:11,910
Oh, no, no, no. Don't thank me.
137
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,770
Thank Private Urkel.
138
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:22,650
You see, men, an infantry unit is only
as strong as its weakest soldier.
139
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:27,230
And this soldier is the weakest man in
America.
140
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,710
Oh, yeah? Yeah, they bet my dad.
141
00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:15,570
It's a nice place you got here.
142
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:16,749
Thank you.
143
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,970
How much you pay for it?
144
00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:22,330
I really don't think that's any of your
business.
145
00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:24,870
Take a bath on it, huh?
146
00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:28,150
How much do I owe you?
147
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:29,870
$285.
148
00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:32,310
What? For a little motor thing?
149
00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:35,590
I'll wait, dearie.
150
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,750
You want to get on the horn there and
call your little old hubby.
151
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:41,850
Why would I do that?
152
00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:43,270
Well, he controls the buck.
153
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:55,240
We control the buckaroonies. We share
the buckaroonies. You got that?
154
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:56,560
Yeah, okie -dokie, sure.
155
00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:02,640
Furthermore, I'm authorizing this repair
myself.
156
00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:05,940
Understand? Okie -dokie, sure.
157
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,240
I'm also authorizing you to pull up
those pants.
158
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,580
This is an old house, and we got enough
cracks in it.
159
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:28,920
Relax, men.
160
00:17:13,470 --> 00:17:14,470
Hello. Hello.
161
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:16,030
Do me a favor.
162
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,569
What? Shoot me.
163
00:17:21,329 --> 00:17:22,630
Leave him alone, Winslow.
164
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,329
Why don't you lay off, Sarge?
165
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:27,310
I mean, sure, Steve is annoying.
166
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:47,520
company so you and faldo can stay here
with your buddy urkel while the rest of
167
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:54,440
us go for chow and while we're gone you
three will scrub this entire floor
168
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,320
where are the mops right here
169
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:05,100
all right men fall out it's chow time
double time
170
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:08,400
now it's wednesday that means powdered
fish
171
00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:30,850
Why'd you guys come here anyway?
172
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:33,930
To stop you from making a big mistake.
173
00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:46,450
You know, Waldo, the only reason you
joined the Army is because... because I
174
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:47,450
hurt your feelings.
175
00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:49,290
It's not the only reason.
176
00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:52,770
But you shouldn't have called me an
idiot.
177
00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:54,350
Yeah, I know.
178
00:18:54,490 --> 00:18:55,890
You're supposed to be my friend.
179
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:57,390
My best friend.
180
00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:02,330
When you call me that, I never felt so
bad in my whole life.
181
00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:04,870
Really? Yeah.
182
00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:06,890
I mean, I admire you.
183
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:08,770
I respect you.
184
00:19:09,610 --> 00:19:11,130
And I've always looked up to you.
185
00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:14,270
So when you call me an idiot, you hurt
me.
186
00:19:15,010 --> 00:19:16,010
Here.
187
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:19,430
No, Waldo, you're not an idiot.
188
00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:24,510
An idiot is a guy who loses his temper
and hurts his best friend's feelings.
189
00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:27,650
Waldo, uh...
190
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:30,590
I'm really sorry, man.
191
00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:36,530
Ian, will you be my best friend again?
192
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:42,810
Who?
193
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,110
Mission accomplished, Dean!
194
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,180
Yes, sir, Sergeant Fisker, sir.
195
00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:06,820
Let's go home, guys.
196
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:09,220
Wait a minute.
197
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:13,140
Getting Waldo out of the army is easier
said than done.
198
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,820
Well, let's just talk to the serge.
199
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:21,420
Oh, good idea. Yeah, he seems to be a
caring and compassionate individual.
200
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:28,000
Well, maybe if we explain the situation
and beg real hard, he'll rip up Waldo's
201
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,000
enlistment papers.
202
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:30,300
Papers?
203
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:37,900
Yeah, Waldo.
204
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:41,680
You signed enlistment papers, right?
205
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,120
No. I just saw a long line and stood at
the end of it.
206
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,800
Listen up, maggots. Prepare for drill.
14787
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