Original subtitles

Mom, that's too long. Him and I are short this year.

Still too long.

Keep going.

Laura, are there going to be boys at this party?

Of course.

Perfect.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these kids of war.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of heaven.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

We'll smother the blues with tenderness.

There's room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Hi, guys. Hi, Randy Charlesburg.

Oh, it was a nightmare.

I lost two waitresses. Gladys quit and I had to fire Loretta.

Loretta? Yeah, she was feeling food.

Went to hug her goodnight and a ham fell out of her dress.

You sure look wiped out. Oh, girl, I am.

You know, I don't know if I can last until I can hire new help.

Well, that's no problem, my Rachel. I can work a few nights.

Oh, Laura, thank you. You're a lifesaver.

I tell you, my feet ache, my back is sore, my head is throbbing. Rachel, I

help out, too. But it's not that bad.

Tomorrow is Carl's poker night, and I'd be thrilled to get out of the house. No,

really, Harriet. It's not necessary.

Rachel, are you trying to say you don't want my help?

I'm not trying to say it.

I said it.

Why?

Harriet, we don't work well together.

What do you mean?

You can be abrasive, Harriet. You know, whenever there's a disagreement, you

just have a tendency to be rather blunt and harsh.

Now, Rachel, I'm going to be your new waitress. I don't want to hear another

thing about it. Discussion closed.

Great. I hired Harriet the hunt.

Yellow.

Polka central.

McCormick, where are you? You're holding up the game.

Say what?

Hold on a sec.

Hey, guys.

McCormick's wife just went into labor.

He wants to know if he should come here or go to the hospital first.

How far apart are the contractions?

McCormick, go to the hospital.

Good luck and congratulations.

Well, we're down to four players.

Before I make the lousy game, we've got to find somebody else. Who are we going

to get on short notice? Hey, I'm desperate. I'll take anyone.

Hello, there we are.

Hey, what's your plan, big guy?

Canasta? Animal rummy? Crazy eight?

No, Steve.

It's poker.

You want to join us?

I know can do, Lou. I came for the beauteous Laura.

Well, Laura isn't here. She and Harry went to help out at Rachel's place

tonight. Oh, pity, pity, pity.

I thought she might enjoy watching me buy my new accordion.

I finally saved up enough to buy the pearl -enlaid Morse plastic poker

Well, she'll be sorry she missed you.

How much you got there?

$327.

Sit down.

Handling poker.

Yeah!

Hey, guys, wait a minute. He's just a kid. Let's not take advantage.

Relax, Winslow. It's just a fun, friendly game.

Oh, a bunch of guys shuffling the 52s, talking sports and skirts, eh? I .e.,

male bonding.

All that and more.

Well, if it's just for fun, count me in, amigos.

Now, how does this work? Well, first you gotta bite some chips.

Okay.

Oh, red, white, and blue.

I didn't know poker was so patriotic.

Sergeant George Randolph. Oh, Steve Urkel. Put her there.

Fred Yamano.

Ah, Steve Urkel. Put her there.

What do you say?

But you don't speak the emperor's language?

No. I was born in Omaha.

Where the girls are, the ferrets, and the boys are, the ferrets, and the boys

are.

Ooh,

a 25 -bit tip.

I can take that away on vacation now.

Somebody pick up this book. What do you think? I'm looking for practice here.

Uh -huh. Did you rearrange the storeroom? Yep. Now, everything is where

should be.

But, Harriet, it took me months to organize it just the way I wanted it. It

all wrong. My way is much more practical.

Oh, really?

Then why did you put the mayonnaise and pickles under J?

Because they're in jar.

Then why is the jar of jelly under F?

Because it's strawberry.

Harriet, I... Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.

You're the owner... and you can stand and do nothing. But me, I've got a hash

sling. Wait a minute.

We don't serve hash.

We do now.

It's more possible straight.

Steve takes the seven.

Oh, yeah,

poker face.

Hey, no help, I damn straight.

Can I take the five?

Pass showing.

Dealer takes the jack.

No apparent help.

Your bet, kid.

I make it. Cheers.

I'm out.

Call.

Well, as Sir Edmund Hillary used to say, this is getting pretty steep.

Oh, but what the heck, I'm in.

Last card. Down and dirty.

Whoa, Nellie! Oh,

I did everything I got.

You don't scare me, kid.

I call.

Two reds for my blood.

What do you got?

Three tens and two sevens.

What's that again, big guy?

A crowded condo?

A full house.

Oh, yeah.

What do you got?

Oh, I only have two pairs.

Two pairs of five. I win.

Yes!

Excuse me.

That wasn't very nice of you to let me think I won.

No, but it was pretty funny.

Well, as the Ming boss said after it fell off the Sears Tower, I'm broke.

You'll just give me my money back, Al. Good addle.

You expect us to give you your money back?

Well, sure. You said it was just a friendly game. You know, guys having

Yeah, the more money I win, the more fun I have.

Hey, but I need that money for crying out loud.

Well, sir, Steve is new to the game. He didn't know we were playing for keeps.

He knows now.

But under the circumstances, I think that we should.

Give him his money back, Lieutenant.

But out, Sergeant.

Why, you bully!

It's becoming obvious to me that the things Carl says about you behind your

are true.

He's delirious, sir.

It's the cheese puffs talking.

You stole my cabbage head. Well, they had it coming, Carl.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I've got all your money.

Steve!

Steve! Steve!

Steve, I'm going to give you your money back.

Well, gee, why are you going to do that?

Well, because you didn't know the rules and you're a guest in my house and I

feel responsible.

So?

Here you go.

Hey, thanks, big guy.

You really are my friend.

Okay, don't get crazed.

Now go buy your accordion and take my money before I realize what I'm doing.

No, sir.

Not until I wipe the smirk off this flatfoot's face.

You're coming back for more? Oh, you bet your sweet billy club.

Don't do this.

Well, why not?

Because now you'll be losing my money.

Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Kids, belly up to the table. It's time to play some cutthroat poker.

Oh.

Huh? Those are places.

My sister works here. My mom helps out.

That's one of the reasons why I like you so much, Eddie. Family's important to

you. Yes.

Yes, it is, Lisa.

My family is warm and emotional, and that's what I get it from.

Harriet, I cannot believe you. How could you talk to the cook like that? I just

asked Ramona a simple question.

Is this blackened chicken, or did you burn it again?

Who are those people?

I've never seen them before in my life.

Let's go get Chinese.

I'm going back to the track stop where Ramon is loved.

Laura, go talk to Ramon. Give him the usual speech.

He's an artist. We love him. He's a Michelangelo meatloaf.

Big mistake.

If Ramon's ego was any bigger, he wouldn't fit in the kitchen.

I heard that.

And I'm refusing to take any insults from a lousy biscuit shooter.

Either she goes or I go.

Well, in that case, pick up your paycheck and hit the road, Jack.

You're firing my cook?

Well, somebody's got to do it. Oh, wait. Just a minute. Let's get something

straight here. Look at that sign. Does that sign say Harriet's place? No. It

says Rachel's place.

What are you hinting at?

I'm hinting that you can pick up your paycheck and hit the road, Jack.

You're firing me? Yeah, that's right.

You're fired.

Evening, miss. You got a table for 35?

You're hired.

I'll bet one.

Your hot streak is over, kid.

I make it five.

I call.

This Cornhusker's no fool.

You're five.

And bump it.

How much?

Ten more, dude.

I'm out.

You don't even have a pair showing. Not a possible straight or a flush.

You're bluffing, kid.

Yeah, those slapping lips are keeping me cool, but you're wasting my time.

You're ten.

And another twenty.

Too rich for my blood.

Well, it's just you and me, nerd.

Put up or shut up?

All right, copper.

I'll put up.

I'll put up everything I've got.

Everything?

Everything. The whole kit and caboodle.

But, Steve, what are you doing? That's over $200.

I know.

I don't have that much.

Well, as my grandma once said when she overcooked her nuggies, tough nuggies.

Wait.

This watch is worth over $300.

Captain gave it to me for breaking up an illegal gambling ring.

But, Lieutenant, you love that watch.

That's the watch you refused to sell when your mother needed that operation.

I know.

But this is poker.

What you got?

A flush.

Diamonds are a cop's best friend.

All I have is two pair.

You lose.

Or tens.

You lose.

You see, any way you say it, you lose.

Good luck next week.

I never knew the

restaurant business could be so hard on the hooves.

Yeah, but the tips make up for it. Oh, yeah.

A nice smile and a cheery attitude, and you will go home with your pockets full.

How'd you do tonight, Laura? 38 bucks.

All right.

How about you, Mom?

Mom? $4 .13.

And a half a take of chewing gum.

All right. Would you mind going back there and giving Ramon his usual

pep talk?

You're a genius. You're a god. You saved our butts again.

Rachel.

And I owe you an apology.

Yes, you do.

This is your restaurant, and you should run it with no interference from me.

And you know what?

What? You're really good at it.

You really think so?

Never seen anything like it.

A few minutes ago, this place was a madhouse.

But you were calm, cool, and in control.

You dealt with a hungry mob, a crazy cook.

And a big mouth pushy sister who thinks she knows everything.

Wait a minute.

A compliment from you?

What's the catch?

No catch.

You know, Rachel, as far back as I can remember, I've always

been the big sister looking out for my little sister.

But somewhere along the line, you started looking out for yourself.

Yourself.

I'm proud of you, Rachel.

Yes.

I'm just lucky I had a big sister who taught me how to look out for myself.

Myself.

Thank you for always being there for me.

I couldn't have a better sister.

A fake Charlotte.

Four tens.

Uh, Lieutenant.

It's late.

Don't you think we better call it a night?

Yeah.

Sure.

410.

Hey, Lou.

Yeah?

You forgot something.

I play for fun.

I really get to keep this?

Well, as Lady Chatterley said to all of her lovers, sure, why not?

You're all right, kid.

That was nice, Steve.

Real classy. Oh, thanks, big guy.

But you know what would be even classier?

What? If you give me my money back.

Oh, sure. It's right here.

Well, thanks, Steve.

Hey, and listen.

Now, I'm going to give up gambling.

But before I do, how about one last wager?

What do you got in mind?

Well, we cut the deck.

If I get the high car, I can come over here any time I want.

What do I get if I get the high card?

I stay away for a month.

Six months.

You're wrong.

Oh, no. A three.

Deuce, you win.

feelings began.

Ah, fair is fair, Steve.