Original subtitles

Hey, hey, I'll race you.

You win.

Thank you, my dear.

I am a blur.

Laura,

what's the matter?

Well, it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a great big zero in the babe department.

I didn't get one single birthday card from a guy.

I mean, I got 23 cards, six from relatives, and 17 from Steve Urkel.

And this one even has his face on it.

Wait. Before you open that up, let me leave.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, in them upbeats of magic glue, inside these gentle walls,

all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of

everything.

We'll see you

next

time.

Say, man, I'm dating three chicks right now, and it's getting kind of expensive

with inflation.

Oh, I get it. They're not real girls. They're inflatable.

Waldo, just loan me $20 so I can take Amy to the movies.

Use your noggin, Eddie.

Just put Amy in your pocket till you get into your seat.

Then blow her up.

Hi. Hey, Mother Winslow. How was your tennis game?

Great. I whipped the Ferguson's in straight sets.

Ooh, doubles. Who was your partner?

I didn't need one, honey.

Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, hi. I'm Daniel.

Hi. I'm... leaving.

Kids, why don't we go into the kitchen and find something to... to, uh... Eat.

Oh, good, good. Okay.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Can I get you anything to drink?

A soda would be nice.

Coming right up.

I came to see Laura.

What? You what?

I wanted to give her her birthday gift.

What? You what?

You heard me.

Hold it. Laura Winslow is spoken for, and the language is Urkel.

Are you kidding me?

I'll have you know that I'm...

I'm her, shall I say, a boy toy.

Hey, look, Urkel.

I like Laura.

And what I like, I take.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Take? Yeah.

Girls can't resist me, man.

But hey, don't worry.

When I get bored with Laura, you can have her back.

You prey on tender and fragile women and break their hearts.

Well, not on purpose.

But hey, I gotta admit, you know, it does happen.

Quite brave of you, considering the risk involved.

Hey, wait a minute. What are you talking about?

Laura's got the highly infectious mucous nasalosis inflammatus.

Oh, my God.

What is that?

Well, it starts off with a little cough.

Then your nasal passages swell, and your nose and your throat slam

shut. than a clam.

Whoa, man.

Yes. And then if you sneeze, why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb

in a cantaloupe.

Hey, wait. Hey, wait a minute. Hey, you know, you could be making this whole

thing up.

Good.

But if I'm not, the last two words you'll ever say will be ah -choo.

Gone. Why?

Hmm?

Why did he leave?

Why is he not here?

Oh, who knows? You know how flighty those pretty boys are.

Talk! He might have gotten the idea that he had mucus, nasolosus, and flammicus

and that his head would blow up.

and designer clothing.

Get out.

Get out now.

Here's a thought. Why don't I just leave?

And don't come back.

Ever. Now, you've said that before and you don't really mean it.

This time, I do.

I mean it with every fiber of my being.

I don't ever wanna see you again.

piece of your cake.

You feeling better now?

Wonder how Steve is feeling.

Don't you think you're a little tough on Steve?

No! He chased away Daniel Wallace.

He's the cutest boy in my whole school.

Is this the same Daniel Wallace who dumped Maxine a couple months ago?

Yeah.

You called him a slimy, low -down, womanizing pig boy.

But that was before.

Now he's interested in me.

Oh.

Why don't you just leave me alone, okay?

See? Now you're pushing me out.

That's what happens when you start cutting people off.

It becomes a habit.

And as the years go by, you start pushing more and more people out of your

And then all of a sudden, you look around, only to find that you're old and

alone.

Old and alone.

Old and alone.

Old and alone.

110, and you're 90 years old today, we have to go to five different stores to

get enough candles for your cake.

What's going on? I mean, when I went to bed, I was 15. I woke up, and I'm 90.

Just be thankful you woke up.

Look at me. I got wrinkles, my hair is gray, and I'm slightly lovely in the

end.

Slightly?

You could serve dinner for eight on that.

Let's say you and I go upstairs and fool around, huh?

time.

as ever.

Those eyes, that hair, and whoa, mama, what a nightie.

Eve, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually glad to see you.

Oh, am I? I'm glad to see anything.

Come on, let's sit down.

Easier said than done, but I'll give it a shot.

Really? Yeah.

Maybe you and I could... Yes?

Yesterday, I met some chick and got married.

Yoo -hoo! Lulu!

Yes, even darling?

Why,

Lulu, Lulu, why?

Charmed, I'm sure.

Actually, I'm glad.

You are?

Yes.

Look, Steve, I shouldn't have kicked you out of my life.

Ah, look, you had a right to be upset.

After all, I did use my superior intellect to scare away Daniel Wallace.

Maybe I should have thanked you.

I know he's got that love him and leave him rep.

I was just hoping that maybe I'd be different.

are different well i was afraid that if he realized that too and then

i'd lose you you never had me let's not split hairs

okay steve i overreacted and i'd like

you to forgive me

steady. No. A date. No. A kiss. No. A handshake. No. I'll see you tomorrow?

Yeah. I'll take it.