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1
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blackened pizza.
2
00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:50,160
It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
3
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,840
page. Love and tradition of the grand
design.
4
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:57,400
Some people say it's even harder to
find.
5
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:04,370
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these kids of war.
6
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:12,490
Because all I see is the power of dream.
Real love bursting out of everything.
7
00:01:15,790 --> 00:01:21,110
We're going to fill our house with
happiness.
8
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,390
But we'll smother the blue.
9
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,800
It's the bigger love of the family.
10
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,160
Hurry up, Windlow.
11
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,640
I don't like to be kept waiting.
12
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,300
Promise you won't laugh?
13
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,139
You have my word as an officer and a
gentleman.
14
00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:45,900
Promise me you wouldn't laugh.
15
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,120
I had my fingers crossed, ma 'am.
16
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,080
You're beautiful when you're angry.
17
00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:00,720
Okay, that's it. As of now, I am
unvolunteering for this operation.
18
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:10,660
Fine, Winslow.
19
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,420
You want to be a sergeant for the rest
of your life, that it?
20
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:15,810
Well, no, but... Listen up.
21
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:20,350
Some lowlife mugged the wife of our
beloved police chief.
22
00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:26,290
Now, if we capture that lowlife, how do
you think our beloved police chief will
23
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,290
reward us?
24
00:03:27,930 --> 00:03:28,930
With a promotion?
25
00:03:30,390 --> 00:03:32,850
That's the least we can expect from that
old rummy.
26
00:03:34,670 --> 00:03:36,770
Well, let's get this over with.
27
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:42,090
May I?
28
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,280
I'll put my face on in the car.
29
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:52,700
Wait, wait, wait.
30
00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:58,320
Allow me, babe.
31
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,380
Don't you even think about it.
32
00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:16,789
Yes, sweetie.
33
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,550
Have you checked out the guy on table
four?
34
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:22,830
Six foot two, tweed jacket, brown eyes,
gold watch, no wedding ring, small scar
35
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:23,830
on the chin.
36
00:04:24,190 --> 00:04:25,190
That's him.
37
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:26,630
Hardly noticed him.
38
00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:29,630
Right. Well, he has to see the manager.
39
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,230
Oh, no. What's wrong?
40
00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:32,229
He didn't say.
41
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,830
Will you go over there? Check out his
dimples when he chews.
42
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,470
I'm the manager, sir. Is there a
problem?
43
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:45,620
As a matter of fact, there is.
44
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,240
I've got this delicious dinner in front
of me, and I have to eat it all alone
45
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,440
unless... Would you join me?
46
00:04:55,300 --> 00:05:00,600
Well, it's the after -school rush, and
as you can see, I'm really very, very...
47
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,600
Sure.
48
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,640
Mahoney.
49
00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:15,940
In the flesh.
50
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,800
And oh, what flesh it is.
51
00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:21,540
What you gonna do, Eddie?
52
00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:26,140
I'm gonna put the moves on Vonda. Word
is, she's fast.
53
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:27,520
I could beat her.
54
00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:32,260
Those high heels would slow her down.
55
00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:35,940
No, man.
56
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,920
Guys who go out with Vonda get instant
reps.
57
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:41,140
We'd be sons instead of what we are.
58
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:44,340
No.
59
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:45,800
Virgin?
60
00:05:59,340 --> 00:06:00,340
Hi, Wanda.
61
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,820
Can I buy you a soda? A burger? A
motorhome?
62
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,800
That's a great line.
63
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:08,440
Thanks. Now go away.
64
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:16,990
I got a D on my algebra test this
morning, and if I can't get at least a B
65
00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:18,070
the midterm, I'm gonna flop.
66
00:06:19,430 --> 00:06:20,670
Well, maybe I can help you out.
67
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:22,750
Really?
68
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:24,850
You any good at algebra?
69
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,110
Oh, please.
70
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:32,090
Does this look like the body of a guy
who's good at algebra?
71
00:06:34,690 --> 00:06:35,830
Then how can you help?
72
00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:38,910
Oh, well, I know the smartest kid in the
school. He got me through my math
73
00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,550
classes, and I'm sure he could do the
same for you.
74
00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:41,850
Really? Mm -hmm.
75
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:49,200
Um, if you can get him to tutor me, I'll
be very grateful to
76
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,200
you.
77
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,760
Very grateful?
78
00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:57,160
Very, very grateful.
79
00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:03,940
Excuse me.
80
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,100
Ow! What'd I do? What'd I do? Steve!
81
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:11,680
I need your help.
82
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:15,170
Now, Edo, I'm busy and I don't blow
mama.
83
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:21,110
That's Vonda Mahoney. She's fucking
algebra.
84
00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:24,090
If you tutor her and she passes, she'll
go out with you.
85
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,130
Gotcha. And what's in it for the Steve
Arena?
86
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:31,990
Friendship. We'll be best buddies.
87
00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:44,140
Okay.
88
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,060
Excuse me, Greg. I have to go help my
help.
89
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:56,900
I wasn't done flirting. Well, neither
was I.
90
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,640
Is that my check?
91
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,180
No, you're mailed down the house.
92
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,640
That's my phone number.
93
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:15,250
I've been parading around in this getup
for a whole month now, and I haven't
94
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,830
attracted one single sleazeball.
95
00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:20,110
To tell you the truth, Carl, I'm not
surprised.
96
00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:22,950
What's that supposed to mean?
97
00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:27,350
Well, isn't the object of this to look
as much as possible like a woman?
98
00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:28,870
Well, of course.
99
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,570
There might be a small problem with your
mustache.
100
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,490
Oh, no, no, no, no.
101
00:08:35,270 --> 00:08:37,929
The police chief's wife has a bigger
mustache than me.
102
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:44,039
I don't know. Apparently, this guy is
hot for hair.
103
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,360
Something else must be wrong.
104
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,040
There is.
105
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,580
Carl, you don't walk like a woman.
106
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,920
You walk like a linebacker.
107
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,300
Oh, well, I suppose that you know how to
walk like a woman.
108
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,060
I've had a few years' experience.
109
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,080
Watch me close.
110
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:21,620
A woman is daintier, more feminine.
111
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,980
She flies.
112
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,540
Hey, you are good.
113
00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:28,780
I know.
114
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,180
Let me try. Okay.
115
00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:40,100
Slow down. Slow down.
116
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,400
Okay. Slow.
117
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,620
Okay. Slow. Left to right.
118
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:45,960
Left to right.
119
00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:47,940
Are we struggling with grease now, baby?
Yes.
120
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:56,100
Sweetheart, I don't know if I'll catch a
mugger, but I sure need a good laugh
121
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,100
this morning.
122
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:02,260
Oh,
123
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,580
unhand her, madam.
124
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,080
Steve, take it easy.
125
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,000
All right, how can you be so blase about
this?
126
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,980
My God, girl, you've been watching too
much Geraldo.
127
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,280
I'm working undercover.
128
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,160
I'm a mugging decoy.
129
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,860
Oh, boy, that's a big relief.
130
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,340
Carl, I need the car tonight, so I'm
going to have to drive you. Oh, okay,
131
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:43,420
honey.
132
00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:44,780
Oh, wait a minute, sweetheart.
133
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,840
That's my bag. Oh, excuse me.
134
00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:48,420
Easy,
135
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,180
easy, Carl. I'll get all the way over
there.
136
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,440
Uh -huh.
137
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,420
And it was thanks to you and your
tutoring.
138
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:08,640
Oh, congratulations.
139
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:12,380
But you're the one who deserves most of
the credit. Your own brain got you
140
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,280
there. I just pointed it in the right
direction.
141
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,820
Well, I still want to thank you, Steve.
Oh, you're welcome.
142
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:22,620
No, you don't understand. I want to
really thank you.
143
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,160
Oh,
144
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,040
you're really welcome.
145
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:33,680
No, no, um, you don't understand.
146
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,340
There's a certain way.
147
00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:37,010
Did I show my gratitude?
148
00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:38,890
Ow.
149
00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:41,090
Well, I am partial to teeth.
150
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:47,010
No, no, I was thinking we could go out
on a date.
151
00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:48,770
A date?
152
00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:50,590
Mm -hmm. Ooh, with me?
153
00:11:50,850 --> 00:11:51,850
Mm -hmm.
154
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,070
Ooh, a date day?
155
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:54,169
Mm -hmm.
156
00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:55,170
Ooh, with me?
157
00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:56,310
Mm -hmm.
158
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,460
I'm going to have to turn you down.
159
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:38,000
Why? Oh, you're good. It's all good.
160
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:44,620
Steve, don't you understand that one
date with me is going to change your
161
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:45,620
life?
162
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:47,460
Oh.
163
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:48,960
Well, hell exactly.
164
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:54,400
Don't some of the kids think that
you're, uh... Well, what's the word I'm
165
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,000
looking for? The word is nerd.
166
00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:57,260
Yeah.
167
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:04,010
Well, after you go out with me, your rep
would change. You'd become a lady. man.
168
00:13:04,730 --> 00:13:05,730
Yeah.
169
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:09,790
Wow.
170
00:13:10,570 --> 00:13:12,310
From dead to
171
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,000
Sweat patrol.
172
00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:57,940
I'd give anything to be like Steve
Urkel.
173
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,440
Face it, Eddie. There can only be one
Steve Urkel in this world. And Steve
174
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,440
is one of them.
175
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,300
Oh.
176
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:18,500
Lara, I saved my best perspiration for
you.
177
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:22,070
Not my brow.
178
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:23,230
Forget it.
179
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,510
No sweat, my pet.
180
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:29,190
In your dreams.
181
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:31,570
Hey, this is my dream.
182
00:14:32,230 --> 00:14:35,130
Well, then, not even in your dreams.
183
00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:40,690
I can't believe this. I'm being rejected
in my own fantasy.
184
00:14:43,870 --> 00:14:45,370
Steve. Steve.
185
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,630
How?
186
00:14:47,590 --> 00:14:48,590
What?
187
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:51,960
Now, we need to talk.
188
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,360
About what?
189
00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:54,940
Well, about reputation.
190
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,080
Now, we'll start with Mark.
191
00:14:57,380 --> 00:15:00,740
Now, I wouldn't be comfortable being a
ladies' man. I just want to be one
192
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:01,739
ladies' man.
193
00:15:01,740 --> 00:15:02,719
Laura, right?
194
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:03,720
Yes, indeed.
195
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:09,640
Now, if I have the reputation of being a
nerd, well, that makes no never mind to
196
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,340
me, because I like myself.
197
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,300
Well, good for you. I'm glad.
198
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:19,240
Now, um, you have a reputation, too,
don't you?
199
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:25,919
I don't know.
200
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:31,480
Well, some of the guys in school say
that you're, um... Well, that you're,
201
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,540
Easy? Yeah, that's it.
202
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,680
Hey, to you.
203
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,700
I want to be popular, okay?
204
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:43,200
But, Fonda, you're terrific. You're
pretty, you're smart, and you're nice.
205
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:46,740
Like, you don't have to be easy to be
popular.
206
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:52,360
But I want guys to like me. They will,
but first you have to like yourself.
207
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:56,830
Do you like yourself?
208
00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:03,010
Not always.
209
00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:05,690
Well, you can change that.
210
00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:11,430
Oh, but I'm supposed to go out with
Eddie Winslow tomorrow night. Steve,
211
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:14,170
expecting me to be very, very grateful.
212
00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:16,530
Oh, pistache!
213
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:23,610
Eddie is my best bud, and he happens to
be a true gentleman.
214
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:26,810
Eddie Winslow?
215
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:32,590
I guarantee you he will be the first to
congratulate you on your new life.
216
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,070
Actually, he'll be the second one.
217
00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:40,230
Congratulations, Wanda.
218
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,240
I am telling you, I never knew that
hockey could be so much fun.
219
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:56,500
Well, there's always great action on the
ice. Yeah. Hey, now, what were the
220
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,520
players doing when they weren't punching
and gouging and slapping each other
221
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,219
with those sticks?
222
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:00,739
Oh, that?
223
00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:02,480
That was hockey. Get out of here.
224
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,599
I tell you, you can sure get rid of all
your aggressions. Oh, yeah, it's a
225
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:07,599
terrific game. Yeah.
226
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:12,040
Well, thanks for another great evening,
Greg. My pleasure.
227
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:13,819
Rachel, I think you're terrific.
228
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,980
In fact, so is your whole family.
229
00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:18,940
They're good, solid, salt -of -the
-earth people.
230
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:23,200
Hey, hey, hey, Rachel.
231
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,460
Great news.
232
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:25,619
I got mugged.
233
00:17:27,619 --> 00:17:29,300
Harry is going to be so proud.
234
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:30,820
Hey, honey.
235
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,480
Sweetheart, it worked.
236
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:34,340
Hey, Harry.
237
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,280
Yeah, we're good, solid, salt of the
earth people.
238
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:50,700
Good night, Greg.
239
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,400
Good night, Rachel.
240
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,760
Look, why don't you call me tomorrow,
okay?
241
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:09,260
Okay.
242
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,180
Rachel. I need to know something.
243
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,700
We've gone out several times now, and I
think we're good for each other.
244
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,460
Well, I think so too, Ray.
245
00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:28,820
You do?
246
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:31,720
Then why do I feel you're always backing
away from me?
247
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:37,180
I don't think I'm... Rachel, I'd like
for this relationship to go somewhere.
248
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:39,300
But if you're not ready for that,
249
00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:42,160
well, I'd like for you to let me know
now.
250
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,540
That way we don't waste each other's
time.
251
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,880
I am ready for a relationship.
252
00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:49,740
Oh?
253
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,040
Then why are you still wearing your
wedding ring?
254
00:18:57,780 --> 00:18:58,780
I'll call you tomorrow.
255
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,240
Sleep tight.
256
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,720
You too.
257
00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:31,990
Hey, Steve.
258
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:33,110
Doesn't Vonda look great?
259
00:19:33,470 --> 00:19:35,070
Oh, yes, as usual.
260
00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:38,830
I just picked Vonda up. We'll go grab a
quick bite and then it's right back to
261
00:19:38,830 --> 00:19:40,810
Vonda's. Her parents aren't home.
262
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,890
Hey, here's a thought.
263
00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:45,050
Let's get the food to go.
264
00:19:47,030 --> 00:19:48,850
Vonda, did you tell Anna all the good
news?
265
00:19:49,390 --> 00:19:50,390
What good news?
266
00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:52,090
The good news ain't happening yet.
267
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:56,670
Uh, Eddie?
268
00:19:57,570 --> 00:20:02,590
Do you even know... I had a nice talk,
and, um, he helped me realize that I
269
00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:04,470
don't have to be easy to be popular.
270
00:20:06,910 --> 00:20:07,910
You don't?
271
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,250
No, I don't.
272
00:20:11,590 --> 00:20:14,470
So from now on, I'm not even going to
kiss on the first date.
273
00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:17,430
Thanks to Steve, I have respect for
myself now.
274
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:19,730
That's great.
275
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:22,530
Excuse us.
276
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:25,290
Anna, is there a problem, Anna?
277
00:20:29,409 --> 00:20:30,409
Hi,
278
00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,010
everybody. Hey, sweetie.
279
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,870
I got my commendation for catching the
mugger. Oh, girl, that's great.
280
00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:41,930
But would you believe that Lieutenant
Murtaugh is jealous?
281
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:45,210
What? He says he won't rest until he
gets a commendation, too.
282
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:47,930
Wait a minute.
283
00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:51,170
Wait a minute.
284
00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:54,590
What are you up with? The clock is
ticking on this 18 -hour girdle.
285
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,240
After you, babe.
286
00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:00,500
Don't even think about it.
20519
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