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1
00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:11,170
Why, my fragile flower, do you smell a
special fragrance today?
2
00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:17,990
I do? Oh, yeah. Now, what is it that
spins my nostrils into overdrive?
3
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:21,730
Arpades? Chanel?
4
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:23,410
Chalamet?
5
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:26,090
Sweet and sour meatloaf.
6
00:00:27,910 --> 00:00:28,950
Ah, yes.
7
00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:32,130
Only you can enhance the aroma of old
meat.
8
00:00:37,970 --> 00:00:38,970
Eddie, look.
9
00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:40,930
Uh -oh. It's the dragon.
10
00:00:51,990 --> 00:00:52,990
Table.
11
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:09,300
Table for seven, geek.
12
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,560
Oh, okay. Coming right up. And that's
Mr.
13
00:01:13,780 --> 00:01:14,780
Geek.
14
00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:31,640
It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
15
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,320
page and love and tradition of the grand
design.
16
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:39,040
Some people say it's even harder to
find.
17
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:46,080
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
18
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,920
Because all I see is a tower of dreams.
19
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,360
Real love bursting out of every scene.
20
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,400
We're going to fill our house with
happiness.
21
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:09,759
We'll smother the blues with tenderness.
22
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:17,140
There's room for you, room for me, for
23
00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:19,020
gentle hearts and opportunity.
24
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,180
but do you have a name or just a zip
code?
25
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,300
Osgood.
26
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,440
Osgood? Oh, that's a great name.
27
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:54,380
If you're a duck...
28
00:02:54,380 --> 00:03:01,980
Hey,
29
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:03,580
are you okay?
30
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,320
Not really. I fell on my house keys.
31
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,800
Look, why don't you guys just haul it
up? out of here. And what if we don't?
32
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:18,780
Then I have to get... What's going on
here?
33
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,240
Well, hello.
34
00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:23,500
My name is Chang.
35
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,060
Chang? Chang what?
36
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,700
Just Chang. You know, like Dean,
Gerardo, Madonna.
37
00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:34,020
Sometimes one name says it all.
38
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,820
Yeah, like jerk.
39
00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:37,220
Hey,
40
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,090
you got... Spunk, do you want to go out
with me sometime?
41
00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:43,330
Nope.
42
00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:46,310
I wasn't talking to you.
43
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:51,570
Do you want to go out with me? No, see?
44
00:03:54,310 --> 00:03:56,870
Come on, let's go to a movie. Don't
touch me.
45
00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,110
Oh, come on, baby.
46
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:06,230
You slapped my hand. The lady asked not
to be touched.
47
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,280
I do what I want, when I want, and you
can't stop me.
48
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,430
Another nice chick. Yeah.
49
00:05:04,830 --> 00:05:06,410
Old, but a good lady.
50
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,870
Look, I want you to get out of here
right... Oh.
51
00:05:12,870 --> 00:05:13,870
Hey, do you own this place?
52
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:17,370
Yes. And I don't want people like you in
here, so get lost.
53
00:05:18,290 --> 00:05:19,290
What?
54
00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,310
You heard the lady. Get lost.
55
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,970
Are you standing up to me? That's right.
And so am I.
56
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,450
And so is my friend Waldo.
57
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:32,880
Anybody think Waldo?
58
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,340
You see, you people are rude.
59
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,840
And you shouldn't be rude to a customer.
60
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:43,240
Because something bad might happen.
61
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,940
Hey! Uh -oh. Oops.
62
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:47,920
Accident. Look,
63
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:51,640
I want you to get out of here before I
call the police.
64
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:53,480
It's more food now.
65
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,400
Hey, guys, do you feel another accident
coming on? Yes, we do.
66
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,700
One, two.
67
00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:21,010
Problem here, fellas?
68
00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:24,130
Nah, it's no problem. We were just
leaving, officer.
69
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,810
Well, you know, leaving's a very, very
good thing.
70
00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:33,530
But you know, never coming back is an
even better thing.
71
00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:38,390
Wait a minute.
72
00:06:39,070 --> 00:06:40,070
Did you break that glass?
73
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:42,670
Pay the lady.
74
00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,209
Thank you.
75
00:06:46,210 --> 00:06:47,410
Have a nice day.
76
00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,600
Brush her teeth.
77
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,640
And then they all picked up the dishes
in the chairs. Yeah, they wanted to
78
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:09,760
destroy my restaurant.
79
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:11,320
No place is safe anymore.
80
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:15,660
That's when Daddy walked in and saved
the day. Yes, Chicago's finest.
81
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:19,300
I wish I was there. I would have given
those punks a cunt.
82
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,800
their kneecaps.
83
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,400
Hello?
84
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:38,560
Oh, hi, Carl.
85
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,240
What?
86
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,440
Oh, my God.
87
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,100
Well, when did this happen?
88
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,300
All right, then. We'll be right down.
89
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,180
Harriet, what's wrong?
90
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,220
The dragon's just trashed your
restaurant.
91
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,240
Oh, I gotta get down the right way.
92
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,680
Excuse me, honey.
93
00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:03,330
incident may be too grisly for your
delicate eyes to behold.
94
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,130
Move it or lose it.
95
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,690
in time to catch him in the act.
96
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,230
Look at this.
97
00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:36,169
They sure left their calling card.
98
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:40,909
The whole place is full?
99
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,830
Carl, can't you arrest these guys?
100
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:48,910
Yes, we can and we will.
101
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:53,010
Good. Two hours later, the dragons will
be right back out on the street.
102
00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,790
What? Why?
103
00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:59,090
Well, because every gangbanger will
produce ten people who will say they
104
00:08:59,090 --> 00:09:00,450
someplace else when all of this
happened.
105
00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:04,120
So these two of them can just do
whatever they want and get away with it?
106
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:05,140
I wouldn't go that far.
107
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,100
I would.
108
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:10,960
Eddie! No, Eddie!
109
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:12,780
Eddie!
110
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,300
Edward,
111
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,280
who did this to you? The dragons.
112
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:24,440
How did this happen?
113
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,240
I was walking home from my date, and all
of a sudden, eight of them jumped out
114
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,680
from behind a Volkswagen minibus.
115
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:38,180
you okay? Does anything feel broken?
116
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:42,040
No, it hurts a little, but only wimps
get into pain.
117
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,800
Come on, sweetie, let me get you home,
and then I can put some antiseptic on
118
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,499
those cuffs.
119
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,380
Mom, that stuff stings!
120
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:55,680
Well, Laura, let's get this place
cleaned up.
121
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,300
How long do you think it'll take us?
122
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,560
Well, if we start now and work through
the night, about two years.
123
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:13,300
Steve. I want revenge.
124
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,780
But you can't. You're a cop.
125
00:10:15,140 --> 00:10:16,140
But I'm a father first.
126
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:18,980
But wait, wait, wait. I said wait.
127
00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:22,940
What is it?
128
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:28,840
Well, now you're upsetting with good
reason. But if you go out dragon
129
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,520
they'll scream police brutality and
you'll lose your job.
130
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,720
Steve, are you saying that I should
forget what they did to my son?
131
00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:40,760
No. I know a way we can get the dragons
and you can still keep your badge.
132
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:43,640
What is it?
133
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:47,700
Well, suppose we can get some hard
evidence to prove that the dragons were
134
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:51,260
responsible for this. That way, no one
could lie to save them.
135
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,180
Well, how do you suppose we get this
hard evidence?
136
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,820
Wire me, big guy.
137
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,240
I'm going in.
138
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:14,380
I wish you'd let me talk you out of
this. I still think this is too
139
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:15,380
for you.
140
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:16,640
Boo! Pocky!
141
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:20,700
My danger is my middle name.
142
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:25,200
And besides, you guys will be listening
to every word. So if I get into any
143
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,360
trouble, why, you just rush in and yank
my bacon out of the fire.
144
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,600
Quiet, men. Listen up.
145
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:31,900
Here's my plan.
146
00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:42,470
At the end of the alley, right by the
brown lake.
147
00:11:43,890 --> 00:11:45,150
Sir, that's a coffee stain.
148
00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:52,930
Thank you, Sergeant.
149
00:11:52,990 --> 00:11:53,990
You're welcome, sir.
150
00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:56,470
Never correct me in front of the kid.
151
00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:06,270
Gentlemen, our neighborhood has been
stolen from us.
152
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:10,130
We take it back.
153
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:16,430
Tonight, the dreaded dragons face
Stephen Q. Urkel,
154
00:12:16,530 --> 00:12:20,350
better known as the Urk -Man.
155
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,050
I'll put this to a vote.
156
00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:44,890
Who wants to go to the movie and then
rob him?
157
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:51,470
All right. Who wants to go bowling and
then rob him?
158
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,400
I love what you've done with the place.
159
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,360
You've got five seconds to tell me why I
shouldn't stuff you in a dumpster.
160
00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:21,940
Gentlemen, rejoice.
161
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,540
I'm here to join.
162
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:24,900
Oh, man.
163
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:28,600
Wait a minute. I know you.
164
00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:31,020
You're that little nerd from the burger
joint.
165
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,980
Ah, that's my day job.
166
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:36,500
But by night, I'm a man.
167
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,000
A deranged, antisocial, bloodthirsty...
168
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,080
Yeah.
169
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,080
How tough am I?
170
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,780
Yeah, well, I also do my own dental
work.
171
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,380
And I've been known to return videotapes
without rewinding.
172
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,180
Hey, Chang, you want me to hit this
pump?
173
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,700
Try me, Chucky Drunk.
174
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,140
But it's only fair to warn you that I'm
a black belt in karate.
175
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:07,780
I used to practice in the Sahara Forest.
176
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,840
And the Sahara is a desert.
177
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,440
Oh, sure.
178
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,480
And now...
179
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:39,180
Winkler, check these out.
180
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,600
What?
181
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,440
Crick handcuffs. They look exactly like
regulation cups.
182
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,700
Sir, shouldn't we be paying more
attention to Steve's transmission?
183
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,220
Oh, if he needs us, he'll scream.
184
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,520
You know what's beautiful about these
guys?
185
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,140
They're great icebreakers at Singles
Bar.
186
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:03,360
Sir, we're on duty. This is no time for
fooling around.
187
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,380
Well, excuse me, Sergeant Killjoy.
188
00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:08,850
Where's the key to these?
189
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:11,610
There isn't one. You just tap them on a
certain spot.
190
00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:12,950
Watch.
191
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:14,370
Ow!
192
00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:16,270
Wrong spot.
193
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,350
Ow!
194
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:19,710
Ow!
195
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:23,130
I think these babies are defective.
196
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:24,970
Good thing I kept the receipt.
197
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:28,330
What you kept these on?
198
00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:33,210
I see someone's mighty good with a spray
can.
199
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:34,950
Yes.
200
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:46,650
great dragon at Rachel's place?
201
00:16:46,970 --> 00:16:47,970
Yeah, did you see that?
202
00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:51,410
I was going to have it come out of this
lake of fire, but I thought it was too
203
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,570
derivative and trite.
204
00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:55,670
Oh, absolutely.
205
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:59,210
Oh, and kudos to you on the great job
you did on smashing up the place.
206
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:03,710
Well, thank you. I can't take all the
credit. You see, the guys here help.
207
00:17:03,710 --> 00:17:04,710
like a family.
208
00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:05,910
Wow.
209
00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:07,869
It's nice that you do things together.
210
00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:09,670
Yeah, it is.
211
00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:12,150
Were you together when you beat up the
Winslow kids?
212
00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:14,170
Yeah, it was a team effort.
213
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,040
You talk too much.
214
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,280
Get up.
215
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,300
Why? I'm comfy.
216
00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:22,960
I've been thinking. Something doesn't
add up.
217
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,380
What might that be?
218
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,560
I've seen two versions of you.
219
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:30,620
A wimpy little nerd and this.
220
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,100
So I asked myself, which one is the real
one?
221
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:37,340
And I don't think it's this.
222
00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:39,340
Nice earrings.
223
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,600
I'm lucky for you that was a clip -on.
224
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,640
So then I asked myself, if this is just
an act, why are you really here?
225
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,460
Oh, come up with an answer.
226
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,000
It occurs to me that you could be wired.
227
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,080
We gotta get these off now!
228
00:19:37,950 --> 00:19:38,950
Really, really sure.
229
00:19:39,250 --> 00:19:40,250
Really sure.
230
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:43,250
Well, ten more seconds and I would have
been a Steve kebab.
231
00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:45,630
You did real good, Steve.
232
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:46,870
I'm proud of you.
233
00:19:47,230 --> 00:19:48,870
Gee, thanks, big guy.
234
00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:53,190
Now let's cut these bollocks and feed
them to the paddy wagon.
235
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:55,910
Uh, no cuffs. No cuffs.
236
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,910
Go outside now. Keep your hands high
where I can see them. Take it slow.
237
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,710
All right, here we go. One at a time.
One at a time. See the officers outside.
238
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:04,790
Let's go. Keep it moving.
239
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:06,190
Keep it moving. Come on.
240
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,980
Pick up the pace, Mr. Backwards Hat.
241
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,700
Hey, you guys are so casual and so
nonchalant.
242
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,340
Hey, we're professionals.
243
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,680
I'm told.
244
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:24,620
To Rachel's place.
245
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:30,540
Back and better than ever. Thank you.
And I want to tell you how much I
246
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:33,520
appreciate the way you all pitched in
and helped me clean this place up.
247
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,760
Oh, Rachel. We're family.
248
00:20:36,620 --> 00:20:38,520
And we don't expect to be charged for
this, please.
249
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:41,820
Oh, wait a minute. One more toast.
250
00:20:42,580 --> 00:20:47,200
To the young man who helped put the
dragons away for a very long time,
251
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,200
Urkel.
252
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:49,700
Aw,
253
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,300
thanks, big guy.
254
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:55,780
Hey, may I draw your attention to the
menu and the new Urkel sandwich?
255
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,880
Yeah, it's a hero sandwich, but it's
mostly bologna.
18650
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