Original subtitles

Thank you.

Now, we have a week's vacation.

One at a time, where should we go?

Let's go to New York and take in some theater.

Forget New York, girl. I want to go lie on the beach.

You know, catch some rays, catch some bees, catch a man around his knees.

Let's go to Disney World. Good idea.

I think we should pay our respects to Elvis.

Let's boogie on down to Graceland.

Now, wait a minute. Let's be realistic.

I mean, we only have a week's vacation, and I don't want to spend half of it

cooped up in a car picking Cheetos off my lap.

Well, where do you want to go?

Lake Geneva.

Like in Switzerland?

No, like in Wisconsin.

I mean, we can rent a nice cabin, do a little fishing, a lot of relaxing.

Hey, it's perfect.

You mean it's cheaper.

Well, that too.

So Lake Geneva it is, right?

Anyway...

Thank you.

Now, people, arguing is not the way to settle things in this family, right?

Right. So we're going to listen, be considerate, and agree on a place that

make everybody happy, right?

Right. Okay. So Lake Geneva it is.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of heaven. We'll

see you next

time.

Harvey Garvey to your party?

Yeah, why not?

Well, for one thing, he only has four teeth.

Yeah, but he doesn't eat much.

Hi, ladies.

So, how goes the party plan? Great.

Oh, good. Are you still having it up on your roof? Yeah.

How'd you talk your parents into having the party up there?

They just got new carpet.

They begged me to have it up there.

Maxine, sweetheart.

I'm really glad you asked me to cater your party, but if you don't give me

money, I'm going to have to use generic tips and water down the punch.

No problem.

Great.

I'll just take the profit from this job and buy a stamp.

fabulous i look hideous oh no you look fabulous i love your hair oh i love your

hair mine is hideous wait

a minute you have

There's Harvey Garvey.

Hello.

Hi, guys.

What's so funny?

Uh, nothing.

Nothing? Does anybody want to dance?

Yeah. Hey, hey, hey.

Maybe later.

We're doing something.

Right, guys?

What we doing, Willie?

We're trying to decide what we want to drink.

You don't like punch?

Sure.

Especially when it's spiked.

Here, have some rum.

No way.

Waldo, where'd you get those?

My dad's a stewardess.

Drinking is polluted.

Oh, really? Hey, Waldo, say hello to St. Lawrence.

Laura Winslow.

Why don't you take your bottles and your behind out of here? Hey, if I leave,

I'll take the booze and the boys with me. Right, guys?

Yeah. Right, guys? Yeah.

Laura, if you don't want to drink, fine.

But shut up about it. You're going to ruin my party.

Fine.

But I don't need a drink to have a good time.

Big deal.

Well, maybe you're right. Nothing terrible has happened.

It's Steve the Dweeb.

Not bad, Buckner.

I'll bet you were up all night putting that sentence together.

You must be exhausted.

Why don't you sit down, but not too hard. You don't want to crush your

Watch it, Urkel. The last guy who talked to me like that was Harvey Garvey.

Oh, you two guys put the hit in pathetic.

over there just waiting to be swept off their doctor's shoulders. So what do you

say, punsters?

Let's dance.

Well, okay.

I'll break the ice.

Harp! Hang up the music.

It's time to do the Hercule.

Now, if I do the Steve Hercule dance, all you have to do is catch up.

Bend your knees and stick out your pelvis. I'm telling you, baby, it's

than that.

Do it.

Do it.

Everybody.

Now point your fingers up to the sky and talk through your nose way up high.

Spin and dip and jump and go forward and finish it.

gonna get Urkel.

Why you gonna do that, Willie?

Because he humiliated me.

But you humiliate me every day.

That's different.

You're my friend.

Mark for me.

I've learned I shouldn't mess with the Earthman.

Well, this is a pleasant turn of events.

To be quite honest, Buckner, I'd written you off as being incorrigible.

What did he say?

He called you a gerbil.

Come on, buddy.

How about we make a toast to our new friendship?

William, I am truly moved by this gesture.

Word.

What? I said he... Hey, you can't trick me.

Okay, where'd you hide the booze? I don't know what you're talking about,

officer.

He probably means the booze that was in my coat with it.

Is Steve okay?

Yeah, Rachel's taking him home.

See, officer, everything's fine.

We were just having a little fun.

Fun? Steve could have been killed.

Hey, but he wasn't. You chill out. Okay?

You just don't get it, do you?

You think it's cool to come to a party with a minibar in your coat?

You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool?

Well, it's not cool.

It's not funny. It's dangerous.

It's also against the law.

What are we calling, Winnie?

GL, I guess.

You go in a juvenile hall until your parents pick you up. Do we get a phone

call? One call.

It's confirmed.

Six days and five nights at Lake Geneva.

Carl will be happy.

Yeah, I can't wait to see his face when we tell him the good news.

Hi, sweetie. Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey.

Oh, Carl.

We've decided where to go on our vacation.

Oh, you have.

Have you?

You know, I come home from a hard day of fighting crime.

And do I hear, hi, Carl, can I get you some trail mix?

No, I do not.

Well, I guess my boat doesn't count around here.

But may I remind you, too, that I bring home darn close to 50 % of

this family's bacon. And you eat darn close 90%.

Well, thank you for those kind words, Mother.

merely trying to point out that whenever vacation time rolls around,

my desires, my wishes are

never even conceived.

And why?

Because I don't matter, do I, Harriet? I don't matter.

Once, just once, can we go where I'd like to go? All I'm asking for is one

measly little week.

you already made a reservation.

Typical. Well, let's see what hole you're dragging me to this time.

Lake Geneva?

Yes. We all decided that it would be nice if for once we went where you

wanted to go.

Gee, thanks, guys.

That's swell.

since you've always been so gracious about not giving your own way.

That's just the kind of guy I am.

I think I'll just go in the kitchen and make us all some trail mix.

And I think my tongue needs a shave.

Oh, fuck up, Steve.

I am fixing you a surefire hangover remedy. This will either cure you or

you.

Well,

the night that I graduated from the police academy, me and my buddies

tie one on.

Well, most of the night is a blur, but Dawn found me riding a cow down the Dan

Ryan Expressway.

Well,

good for you, Steve.

Here, chug this down.

Well, I don't know, Carl. It smells rancid.

Well, that means it's ready.

Go ahead.

Down the hatch.

That's it.

Go ahead.

All right.

Now, what's the verdict?

Hey, not bad.

Rather tasty.

I think it is a trick.