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See? Munchies.
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Comfy couch.
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No control.
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Oh,
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the good life.
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Okay, Mom, bring it in.
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All right, sweetheart.
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Be careful, Harriet. Yeah, okay.
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Harriet, I am trying to watch the
football games.
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Look at my new playhouse.
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Yeah, this baby is really loaded. It's
got a table, a phone, a swinging door. A
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mortgage.
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Good luck putting it together, Uncle
Carl. Oh, Harriet.
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Please, Uncle Carl.
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Richie, I'll put it together after the
game.
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How long is that?
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Three hours.
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I'll be two bits for it by then.
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But, Richie, it's the Bears and the
Vikings.
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Please, Uncle Carl, I love you. A bushel
and a pet and a hiler and a net.
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Okay, okay.
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I never had a chance.
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And there must be some magic clue inside
these gentle walls.
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Cause all I see is a tower of dreams.
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Real love bursting out of every scene.
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We're gonna fill our house with
happiness.
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But we'll smother the blues with
tenderness.
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What do you want?
29
00:03:16,510 --> 00:03:19,450
Oh, Steve, why don't you just wear a hat
like everybody else?
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Steve, I'm in no mood for this.
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Why the sourpuss, my portly pouty pal?
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Well, I have to assemble this, uh,
playhouse for Richie.
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Oh, you want some help?
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No, no thanks.
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I mean, it's just a kid's toy.
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How hard can it be?
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Yikes!
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Okay.
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You read the instructions while I add
all the pieces.
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00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:53,580
Okay.
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00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:03,560
What are
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00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,720
you babbling about?
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This page is in Korean.
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It's a beautiful language.
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I'll teach you. We'll start with a
common Korean phrase.
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But what's that mean?
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I'm falling and I can't get up.
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I'll get us some tools.
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You, uh, lay out all the pieces.
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I'm falling.
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Carl to Bill Ritchie's playhouse.
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After all, he's not exactly Mr. Fix -It.
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That's not true. Remember last month he
installed that extra light socket? It
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works perfectly.
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Attention, everybody.
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I can't find my screwdriver.
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in the middle of a very important
conversation.
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Winky Bear can't wait to see his Winky
Bear.
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00:05:30,010 --> 00:05:32,730
Edward, have you seen my Phillips
screwdriver?
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00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:35,730
Uh, yeah. Last week I used it to fix my
bike.
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Well, where is it now?
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Dad, I don't know. I'm busy here.
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Sorry, Winky Bear, but Winky Bear has to
talk to Papa Bear. Bye -bye.
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What did you do with my screwdriver?
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I don't remember.
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You don't remember?
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00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,680
Why can't you remember where you put one
little screwdriver?
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Because that's not important. So give me
a break, okay?
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00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:10,920
Edward. I have told you a thousand times
that when you borrow my tools, you put
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them back where they belong. Okay, okay.
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00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,500
Son, you know better than to misplace my
tools.
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00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:17,920
Oh.
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My dad misplaced one of his. tools once.
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00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,800
Boy, was he upset.
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00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,700
Well, of course, he's a brain surgeon.
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00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,580
So it's tough wondering which of your
patients has a clamp in his cranium.
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Steve, this is a family discussion.
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And I'm darn proud to be part of it.
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Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.
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Edward, I want to know where my
screwdriver is. Dad, I don't know where
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Look, I'll buy you a new one. Edward, I
can do that myself.
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00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,260
Great. Thanks, Dad.
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00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:57,350
still missing the point here. What is
the point? The point is that this
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screwdriver incident is just another
example of your total lack of respect
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people and their property.
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00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:04,610
It is?
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00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:05,830
Yes, it is.
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You start off by forgetting
screwdrivers, the next thing you know
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00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:12,730
dropping out of school, you can't get a
job, and you wind up wearing a cardboard
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00:07:12,730 --> 00:07:14,890
belt and selling your blood for a bowl
of soup.
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00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:17,450
What kind of soup?
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What difference does that make?
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I gotta get going.
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00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:28,810
Oh, wait. Edward, we are not through
here.
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00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,170
But, Dad, I have to get ready for my
date.
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No, you don't. You're grounded.
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What?
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Over a stupid screwdriver?
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00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:41,730
Son, it is not the screwdriver. It is
your attitude that I don't like. Well,
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maybe I don't like your attitude.
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Uh -oh.
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All right, that's it.
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00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,290
Go to your room. Look, Dad, I'm...
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00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,680
Maharishi Moskowitz once said... Scram!
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00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:08,820
Uh, that's not exactly what he said, but
it's close enough.
106
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:32,240
Patty! What was the place? Yes, I'm
taking Jolene to the concert.
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Life in your hands.
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00:08:34,929 --> 00:08:37,190
Eddie, Dad grounded you. If you leave
here, kill you.
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00:08:37,590 --> 00:08:40,770
Laura, it'll be worth it to see Jolene
in her new miniskirt.
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00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:43,770
Well, congratulations, Eddie.
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For what? You'll be making the license
plate for your first car.
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Laura, thanks for your concern. But as
they say in France, sayonara.
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Dad! Hi.
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00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,180
Hi. Hey, Dad, you found that
screwdriver.
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00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,180
Yeah, well, actually, Urkel found it.
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00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,060
He used his metal detector and combed
our backyard.
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He found the screwdriver, 38 cents, and
a mood ring.
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Great.
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So where were you?
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Uh... I was in the garage looking for
the screwdriver.
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Really? So is this your, uh...
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Screwdriver hunting outfit?
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Well, I... Lipstick on the collar?
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Edward. Yeah?
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00:09:57,860 --> 00:10:00,180
Where are you necking with the weed
whacker again?
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00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:05,980
Okay, Dad, I went to the concert with
Jolene.
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00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:09,720
You, uh...
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00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,960
You really like that girl, don't you?
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I sure do, Dad.
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00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:19,520
I hope she was worth dying for.
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00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:22,840
Look, Dad. No, you look.
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00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:28,220
Edward, I went up to your room to
apologize, thinking maybe I was too
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00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:32,100
you. But judging from your behavior, I
haven't been rough enough.
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00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:33,860
Dad, you just don't understand.
135
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,040
This date was really important to me
tonight.
136
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,020
Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself, son,
because you're not going to have another
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00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:40,380
one for a very long time.
138
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:41,840
You're grounded for one month.
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00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:44,320
What? No way. Make that two months.
140
00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:47,720
What's going on in here? Mom, Dad's
acting like a maniac again.
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00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,460
Make that three months. How?
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00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:50,920
Edward, let me tell you something.
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As long as you live under my roof, you
will live by my roof. Then maybe I
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just find another roof.
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Eddie!
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So you're moving out?
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00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:01,569
Well, yeah!
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00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:02,489
Well, fine!
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00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:03,710
Fine! Fine! Fine!
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00:11:04,190 --> 00:11:08,630
Is everything okay?
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00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:09,990
Fine!
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00:11:31,820 --> 00:11:33,540
I don't want to hear it. Where are you
going to?
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00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,140
This thing has gotten way out of hand.
154
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:37,560
We can't let Eddie move out.
155
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:38,940
Where's Eddie going?
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00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:40,540
Nowhere. Go back to bed.
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Can I have his room?
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Go.
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00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,880
Oh, guys, I feel terrible. This is all
my fault.
160
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,180
I should never have asked you to put
together Ritchie's Playhouse. I'm his
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00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,280
mother. It's my responsibility.
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00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:57,320
Rachel. True, I'm no good at that sort
of thing, but that's no excuse. We learn
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by doing.
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00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:00,720
Rachel. But I didn't do, and now look
what I've done.
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00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,800
You're mad at Eddie. Eddie's mad at you.
I'm mad at me. I tell you, this is a
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madhouse.
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00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,520
This whole family has gone off the deep
end.
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00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:13,060
Carl, we can't let our son move out.
169
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:17,600
Harriet, I will not tolerate outright
disobedience.
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00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:20,710
Now, I don't ask for much, but there's
one thing I do demand, and that's
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00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:23,230
respect. You know Eddie respects you.
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00:12:23,950 --> 00:12:28,290
Harriet, the boy deliberately
antagonizes me. He knows everything that
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00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:29,290
goat.
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00:12:29,350 --> 00:12:30,850
Carl, be fair.
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00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,390
Your goat's gotten older, and it's
easier to get.
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00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:36,670
Oh, sure. Take his side.
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00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:38,550
There are no sides here.
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We're family.
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00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:42,690
Please go up and talk to Eddie and
settle this.
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00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,760
Harriet, he is the one who disobeyed. He
is the one who wants to leave. So he is
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00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,900
the one who has to come to me.
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00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:54,380
Carl. Harriet, I have spoken.
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00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,760
Whatever you say, King Carl.
184
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:08,320
But if Prince Edward leaves this
kingdom, you will be sleeping on the
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couch.
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00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,840
Mom, I'm leaving, and don't try and talk
me out of it.
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00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:23,600
I don't want to leave.
188
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,600
Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine.
189
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,280
So where will you sleep?
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00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,279
I don't know.
191
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,820
What will you do for money? I don't
know.
192
00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:31,300
Then how will you buy food?
193
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,560
I don't know.
194
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:34,400
Well, at least you have a plan.
195
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,440
Well, anything's better than staying
here.
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00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,320
Your father's not that bad.
197
00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:43,420
Oh, really? Why don't you try living
with him?
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00:13:45,940 --> 00:13:47,240
Dad drives me crazy.
199
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,220
Did you ever stop to think that maybe
you drive him crazy?
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00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,340
Sure. Take his side.
201
00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:54,940
Eddie.
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00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,920
You know your father loves you.
203
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,500
Well, Mom, he sure doesn't act like it.
204
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:02,760
No matter what I do, it's never good
enough.
205
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,480
He's always on my back.
206
00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:06,600
I don't even think he likes me.
207
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,439
Wait here.
208
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,440
I'll be right back.
209
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:25,359
You two.
210
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,940
Mom. Harriet, I'm not going to stand up.
I'm not going to stand up.
211
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:32,740
You know, the reason you two don't get
along is because you're so much alike.
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00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,040
No way.
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00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:36,080
Look at this.
214
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,000
The two most important men in my life
acting like big babies. Well, he started
215
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,400
it. Nuh -uh. Did too. Didn't. Didn't.
216
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,160
Let's help you two.
217
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,780
Now, I want to tell you a story.
218
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:06,590
years ago on january 28th 1974 my
birthday
219
00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:11,950
well it wasn't supposed to be but you
were as impatient then as you are now
220
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:18,950
we had just moved into this house and we
hadn't finished unpacking it was 1 30
221
00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:21,890
in the morning in the middle of a
terrible snowstorm
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00:15:40,910 --> 00:15:41,909
two things.
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00:15:41,910 --> 00:15:43,870
Your wife and your pants.
224
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:46,750
I'm sorry, honey.
225
00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:47,990
Are you okay?
226
00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:49,870
Oh, yeah, I'm just swell.
227
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,670
Come on, let's go cut some lung blood.
228
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:58,130
It's a wonder you ever made a baby in
the first place.
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00:16:00,650 --> 00:16:02,510
Things went from bad to worse.
230
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:07,170
We were completely snowed in. The phones
were dead, and we had no way to get to
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00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:07,969
the hospital.
232
00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,570
So we did what anyone would do.
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00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,020
We panicked.
234
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,420
Carl, relax.
235
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,840
Relax.
236
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,920
Relax. Yeah, relax.
237
00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:19,100
Now you're a cop.
238
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,239
I'm a cop.
239
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,420
You're trained to handle these kinds of
things. I'm trained.
240
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:25,280
Okay. I took a class once.
241
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,760
The baby was plastic.
242
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:28,680
I put him on the radiator and he melted.
243
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,920
Tell me what to do.
244
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:35,140
I'll go buy us a water.
245
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:36,420
Good idea. I could use some coffee.
246
00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:26,579
you're never touching me again.
247
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:35,340
Finally, the phone started working again
and we called our doctor.
248
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,080
He skied right over just in time to be
too late.
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00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,200
Carl, you did a great job.
250
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:45,760
Thanks, Doc.
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00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,180
Your wife and your son are doing just
fine.
252
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,240
Would you like to hold your son?
253
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:13,260
Hello, Edward.
254
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,640
I'm your dad.
255
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:20,940
Isn't he cute?
256
00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:22,580
Yeah.
257
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,140
Looks just like you.
258
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,780
I think it looks more like you.
259
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,560
Yeah, he does.
260
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,760
Edward, my son.
261
00:18:36,060 --> 00:18:37,600
What a wonderful word.
262
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,360
You know, I'm real nervous right now.
263
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,540
I've never been a father before.
264
00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:47,660
Then again, you've never been a son
before.
265
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,940
I tell you what, we'll learn together.
266
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,500
I just want to tell you,
267
00:18:57,290 --> 00:18:58,870
I love you with all of my heart.
268
00:19:00,570 --> 00:19:02,450
I'll never forget how proud I am.
269
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,510
Right now.
270
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:27,010
really say those things?
271
00:19:30,110 --> 00:19:32,950
Well, something like that.
272
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:41,930
Dad, I'm sorry I disobeyed you. I
shouldn't have snuck out.
273
00:19:43,310 --> 00:19:45,930
Well, I might have overreacted. A
little.
274
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,190
I can promise you one thing.
275
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:50,010
I'll never lose another screwdriver.
276
00:19:53,530 --> 00:19:54,530
You know,
277
00:19:55,950 --> 00:20:01,750
I remember once I used my father's
hammer to mix a can of paint.
278
00:20:03,690 --> 00:20:07,030
At the time, he didn't think that
hammers should be purple.
279
00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:13,310
Man, he grounded me for one whole week.
280
00:20:15,370 --> 00:20:17,910
Man, I thought he was the world's
biggest jerk.
281
00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:19,610
Now look at me.
282
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,010
I'm him.
283
00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:24,770
Well, Dad, if it makes you feel any
better.
284
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:28,430
One day I'll probably have a kid who'll
drive me crazy, too.
285
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:31,350
I sure hope so.
286
00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:36,850
Dad,
287
00:20:39,910 --> 00:20:42,930
I'd like to stay.
288
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:48,290
I would like that, too, son.
21201
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