Original subtitles

See? Munchies.

Comfy couch.

No control.

Oh,

the good life.

Okay, Mom, bring it in.

All right, sweetheart.

Be careful, Harriet. Yeah, okay.

Harriet, I am trying to watch the football games.

Look at my new playhouse.

Yeah, this baby is really loaded. It's got a table, a phone, a swinging door. A

mortgage.

Good luck putting it together, Uncle Carl. Oh, Harriet.

Please, Uncle Carl.

Richie, I'll put it together after the game.

How long is that?

Three hours.

I'll be two bits for it by then.

But, Richie, it's the Bears and the Vikings.

Please, Uncle Carl, I love you. A bushel and a pet and a hiler and a net.

Okay, okay.

I never had a chance.

And there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Cause all I see is a tower of dreams.

Real love bursting out of every scene.

We're gonna fill our house with happiness.

But we'll smother the blues with tenderness.

What do you want?

Oh, Steve, why don't you just wear a hat like everybody else?

Steve, I'm in no mood for this.

Why the sourpuss, my portly pouty pal?

Well, I have to assemble this, uh, playhouse for Richie.

Oh, you want some help?

No, no thanks.

I mean, it's just a kid's toy.

How hard can it be?

Yikes!

Okay.

You read the instructions while I add all the pieces.

Okay.

What are

you babbling about?

This page is in Korean.

It's a beautiful language.

I'll teach you. We'll start with a common Korean phrase.

But what's that mean?

I'm falling and I can't get up.

I'll get us some tools.

You, uh, lay out all the pieces.

I'm falling.

Carl to Bill Ritchie's playhouse.

After all, he's not exactly Mr. Fix -It.

That's not true. Remember last month he installed that extra light socket? It

works perfectly.

Attention, everybody.

I can't find my screwdriver.

in the middle of a very important conversation.

Winky Bear can't wait to see his Winky Bear.

Edward, have you seen my Phillips screwdriver?

Uh, yeah. Last week I used it to fix my bike.

Well, where is it now?

Dad, I don't know. I'm busy here.

Sorry, Winky Bear, but Winky Bear has to talk to Papa Bear. Bye -bye.

What did you do with my screwdriver?

I don't remember.

You don't remember?

Why can't you remember where you put one little screwdriver?

Because that's not important. So give me a break, okay?

Edward. I have told you a thousand times that when you borrow my tools, you put

them back where they belong. Okay, okay.

Son, you know better than to misplace my tools.

Oh.

My dad misplaced one of his. tools once.

Boy, was he upset.

Well, of course, he's a brain surgeon.

So it's tough wondering which of your patients has a clamp in his cranium.

Steve, this is a family discussion.

And I'm darn proud to be part of it.

Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.

Edward, I want to know where my screwdriver is. Dad, I don't know where

Look, I'll buy you a new one. Edward, I can do that myself.

Great. Thanks, Dad.

still missing the point here. What is the point? The point is that this

screwdriver incident is just another example of your total lack of respect

people and their property.

It is?

Yes, it is.

You start off by forgetting screwdrivers, the next thing you know

dropping out of school, you can't get a job, and you wind up wearing a cardboard

belt and selling your blood for a bowl of soup.

What kind of soup?

What difference does that make?

I gotta get going.

Oh, wait. Edward, we are not through here.

But, Dad, I have to get ready for my date.

No, you don't. You're grounded.

What?

Over a stupid screwdriver?

Son, it is not the screwdriver. It is your attitude that I don't like. Well,

maybe I don't like your attitude.

Uh -oh.

All right, that's it.

Go to your room. Look, Dad, I'm...

Maharishi Moskowitz once said... Scram!

Uh, that's not exactly what he said, but it's close enough.

Patty! What was the place? Yes, I'm taking Jolene to the concert.

Life in your hands.

Eddie, Dad grounded you. If you leave here, kill you.

Laura, it'll be worth it to see Jolene in her new miniskirt.

Well, congratulations, Eddie.

For what? You'll be making the license plate for your first car.

Laura, thanks for your concern. But as they say in France, sayonara.

Dad! Hi.

Hi. Hey, Dad, you found that screwdriver.

Yeah, well, actually, Urkel found it.

He used his metal detector and combed our backyard.

He found the screwdriver, 38 cents, and a mood ring.

Great.

So where were you?

Uh... I was in the garage looking for the screwdriver.

Really? So is this your, uh...

Screwdriver hunting outfit?

Well, I... Lipstick on the collar?

Edward. Yeah?

Where are you necking with the weed whacker again?

Okay, Dad, I went to the concert with Jolene.

You, uh...

You really like that girl, don't you?

I sure do, Dad.

I hope she was worth dying for.

Look, Dad. No, you look.

Edward, I went up to your room to apologize, thinking maybe I was too

you. But judging from your behavior, I haven't been rough enough.

Dad, you just don't understand.

This date was really important to me tonight.

Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself, son, because you're not going to have another

one for a very long time.

You're grounded for one month.

What? No way. Make that two months.

What's going on in here? Mom, Dad's acting like a maniac again.

Make that three months. How?

Edward, let me tell you something.

As long as you live under my roof, you will live by my roof. Then maybe I

just find another roof.

Eddie!

So you're moving out?

Well, yeah!

Well, fine!

Fine! Fine! Fine!

Is everything okay?

Fine!

I don't want to hear it. Where are you going to?

This thing has gotten way out of hand.

We can't let Eddie move out.

Where's Eddie going?

Nowhere. Go back to bed.

Can I have his room?

Go.

Oh, guys, I feel terrible. This is all my fault.

I should never have asked you to put together Ritchie's Playhouse. I'm his

mother. It's my responsibility.

Rachel. True, I'm no good at that sort of thing, but that's no excuse. We learn

by doing.

Rachel. But I didn't do, and now look what I've done.

You're mad at Eddie. Eddie's mad at you. I'm mad at me. I tell you, this is a

madhouse.

This whole family has gone off the deep end.

Carl, we can't let our son move out.

Harriet, I will not tolerate outright disobedience.

Now, I don't ask for much, but there's one thing I do demand, and that's

respect. You know Eddie respects you.

Harriet, the boy deliberately antagonizes me. He knows everything that

goat.

Carl, be fair.

Your goat's gotten older, and it's easier to get.

Oh, sure. Take his side.

There are no sides here.

We're family.

Please go up and talk to Eddie and settle this.

Harriet, he is the one who disobeyed. He is the one who wants to leave. So he is

the one who has to come to me.

Carl. Harriet, I have spoken.

Whatever you say, King Carl.

But if Prince Edward leaves this kingdom, you will be sleeping on the

couch.

Mom, I'm leaving, and don't try and talk me out of it.

I don't want to leave.

Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine.

So where will you sleep?

I don't know.

What will you do for money? I don't know.

Then how will you buy food?

I don't know.

Well, at least you have a plan.

Well, anything's better than staying here.

Your father's not that bad.

Oh, really? Why don't you try living with him?

Dad drives me crazy.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe you drive him crazy?

Sure. Take his side.

Eddie.

You know your father loves you.

Well, Mom, he sure doesn't act like it.

No matter what I do, it's never good enough.

He's always on my back.

I don't even think he likes me.

Wait here.

I'll be right back.

You two.

Mom. Harriet, I'm not going to stand up. I'm not going to stand up.

You know, the reason you two don't get along is because you're so much alike.

No way.

Look at this.

The two most important men in my life acting like big babies. Well, he started

it. Nuh -uh. Did too. Didn't. Didn't.

Let's help you two.

Now, I want to tell you a story.

years ago on january 28th 1974 my birthday

well it wasn't supposed to be but you were as impatient then as you are now

we had just moved into this house and we hadn't finished unpacking it was 1 30

in the morning in the middle of a terrible snowstorm

two things.

Your wife and your pants.

I'm sorry, honey.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm just swell.

Come on, let's go cut some lung blood.

It's a wonder you ever made a baby in the first place.

Things went from bad to worse.

We were completely snowed in. The phones were dead, and we had no way to get to

the hospital.

So we did what anyone would do.

We panicked.

Carl, relax.

Relax.

Relax. Yeah, relax.

Now you're a cop.

I'm a cop.

You're trained to handle these kinds of things. I'm trained.

Okay. I took a class once.

The baby was plastic.

I put him on the radiator and he melted.

Tell me what to do.

I'll go buy us a water.

Good idea. I could use some coffee.

you're never touching me again.

Finally, the phone started working again and we called our doctor.

He skied right over just in time to be too late.

Carl, you did a great job.

Thanks, Doc.

Your wife and your son are doing just fine.

Would you like to hold your son?

Hello, Edward.

I'm your dad.

Isn't he cute?

Yeah.

Looks just like you.

I think it looks more like you.

Yeah, he does.

Edward, my son.

What a wonderful word.

You know, I'm real nervous right now.

I've never been a father before.

Then again, you've never been a son before.

I tell you what, we'll learn together.

I just want to tell you,

I love you with all of my heart.

I'll never forget how proud I am.

Right now.

really say those things?

Well, something like that.

Dad, I'm sorry I disobeyed you. I shouldn't have snuck out.

Well, I might have overreacted. A little.

I can promise you one thing.

I'll never lose another screwdriver.

You know,

I remember once I used my father's hammer to mix a can of paint.

At the time, he didn't think that hammers should be purple.

Man, he grounded me for one whole week.

Man, I thought he was the world's biggest jerk.

Now look at me.

I'm him.

Well, Dad, if it makes you feel any better.

One day I'll probably have a kid who'll drive me crazy, too.

I sure hope so.

Dad,

I'd like to stay.

I would like that, too, son.