Original subtitles

Ooh, these will make great earrings.

Man, fishing in Alaska.

I wish I was going.

Yeah, me too. Then I could have your room.

Okay, kids, come on. Let's load up the car.

I'm worried about those tiny prop planes. One big gust of wind and you

glacier.

Wind and adventure is the whole point of a trip like this.

Still, I wouldn't go all by myself.

Well, I'm off.

With all that dumping, I hope the fish are still jumping.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even harder

find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of heaven.

There's room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Loretta, I think you'll like this neighborhood.

Friendly, family kind of folks.

No wild party?

Nope. Darling, I just unpacked everything.

Sucker finally bought that old shack.

Oh, hi.

Carl, this is Loretta McKay.

I'm the sucker who bought the shack.

Oh. Well,

I was just kidding. It's a fine place.

Just slap a roof and a floor on that baby and bingo, you got a house.

Carl usually puts his best foot forward instead of in his mouth.

Well, sit down a little bit.

So, Loretta, if there's ever anything I can do to help... Actually, there is.

Oh? Well, Carl, our hot water heater isn't working.

Oh, does it have a resume? I could ask around.

What can I say? I'm blessed with wit.

Come on, Loretta, let's have a look. Oh, great.

And I'll go and make dinner.

Welcome to the neighborhood, Loretta. Thanks for the coffee, Harriet.

And you know, you have a lovely home.

Want to trade?

For that old shack?

You know, I really appreciate this, Carl.

Hey, my pleasure.

Harriet told me how wonderful you are, but she didn't mention that you're

incredibly handsome, too.

your poetry. When you swing hash, the angels sing.

What do you want, Steve?

Oh, I have a present for you.

The star registry?

Yeah, I've arranged to have a star named after you.

Celestial object number D42750 -B -6218

shall now and forevermore be called a...

a heavenly body be named after a heavenly body?

Thanks, Steve. I have to admit, I'm actually touched.

Really, my little supernova?

Enough to engage in a little lip wrestling?

Pin me, baby.

I'd rather kiss a flagpole on a winter day.

I wish Steve Burke would like me.

Don't go away. I'll be right back.

Hey, we need to talk. Listen down.

What's on your mind, my cute little comic?

Steve, how long have we known each other?

Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and

seconds. 15 seconds.

16 seconds. The point is, the whole time we've known each other, you've been

pestering me.

that I fall in love with you. Oh, it's my most curious dream.

Well, wake up.

It's not gonna happen.

Well, there's always hope, Laura. What if we're stranded on Desert Island

together? I'm a strong swimmer.

Well, what if I was the last man on Earth and you were the last woman?

Mankind would end with us.

So what are you trying to say?

I'm saying that I would never, never,

Okay,

then try this. There's a girl over there who thinks you're sweet and cute.

Susie Crenshaw.

Well, I'm just a third wheel here, so I'll just be...

Hi.

Hi.

Laura, is Steve actually sitting with another girl?

Yeah, that's Susie.

She actually likes Steve.

Excuse me?

Yeah, I got them together hoping they'd hit it off.

Oh, and then maybe he'd stop bugging you.

Yeah, that's the plan, but I don't really expect it to work.

Hey, did you know an elephant can be pregnant after two years?

Did you know that ancient Egyptians saved their eyebrows to mourn the death

their cat?

through the front door, and there we are standing face -to -face with the United

States Senator and his mistress.

Oh!

Woo -hoo!

Did you recognize them right away?

Not till they took off the Zorro suit.

Oh, Carl, you tell the most wonderful story.

Well, hey, I've lived quite a life.

All right, you want to come in and say hi to Harriet?

No, no, I've monopolized too much of your time already, but thanks for

at my water heater. Hey, my pleasure.

I'm just sorry I couldn't fix it. Oh, and I'm really sorry about that little

explosion. Oh, don't worry.

That wall needed to be knocked out anyway.

Well, see you later, Loretta.

I hope it's not too much later.

Do you know what time it is?

Uh, 7 .30, 8.

It's 9 .06.

Well, you know the old saying, time flies when you're having... to fix a

heater.

Do you realize you missed dinner?

Well, yeah, but, uh... I made flank steak, mashed potatoes, and butter

Oh, honey, good.

I'm starved. I ate it all.

She just moved in. She doesn't have her phone hooked up yet.

You could have walked over.

All the way back?

I should have done that.

I should have done that.

You do realize what's happening here, don't you? Loretta McKay isn't after me.

She just thinks of me as a tip -top A -number -one fix -it guy. Yeah, right.

I'm telling you, it's not hot water heater. She's looking to get fixed.

Well, where are you going?

You're 15 minutes late for work.

Oh, good, because for a moment over there, it looked like you were a little

jealous.

But that's silly, right?

Right.

Father Wentz, what time is it?

One minute later than the last time you asked.

How long can it take to fix a leaky faucet?

Well, Carl's doing it, so it might take two to three months.

You're upset with him, aren't you?

A little.

I can tell.

For the past week, you've been eating up all his favorite foods.

Mother went slow.

I'm worried about Loretta Matei.

I don't blame you.

That floozy's trying to steal your husband.

You think so, too?

I've seen her kind before.

She's a man burglar.

Well, what should I do?

Lock up Carl or knock the rat upside the head?

No, you do something else.

Something much harder.

What's that?

How do you trust your husband?

Hello, Dave.

I already get you out of the shower.

Could you come over tomorrow morning?

to talk to you about.

It's no big deal, really, but I feel better if I get it off my...

Hi,

Laura. I would have been here sooner, but my mom made me put on a towel.

So what did you want to talk to me about?

You and the zoo.

Ah.

Is it possible that the green -eyed monster of jealousy is rearing its ugly

head?

For a second.

This afternoon when you were calling Susie those pet names and giving her

Your heart ached and you were willing to do anything even because McMurder

joined me back.

Steve, I'm talking.

I'm sorry.

Pay attention because this is hard to explain.

Steve, ever since we've met, you've been like a whining, buzzing mosquito.

me the unsquashable oracle but then you start buzzing around suzy and for a

second i actually almost missed your obnoxious greeting present but then i

to my senses and the reason i asked you over here is to tell you that i'm happy

for you and suzy

A week ago, Susie was a shy, fragile flower afraid to open.

But I applied a generous sprinkling of Hercule Miracle Grow, and lo and behold,

she blossomed.

And I'm proud to say that an hour ago, I introduced Susie to the captain of the

chess club.

What? You went through all that trouble bringing her out of her shell just to

lose her to Doyle Easterwood?

That was my intention all along.

seems to have had a serendipitous side effect.

You missed me. For a second.

Oh, that's long enough to give me hope. I love you all.

Go home, Steve.

Ah, yes.

Music to my ears.

How about a movie this Friday? Drop dead.

you for looking at my leaky faucet. Hey, my pleasure.

I'm just sorry I couldn't fix it.

And I'm really sorry about that little flood.

Hey, I always wanted a jacuzzi.

Oh, I brought this all the way over here and almost forgot to give it to you.

Oh, what's this?

Just a little thank you for all the things you... tried to fix.

Musical underwear?

Yeah.

They play only you by the platters.

Oh, I hope you don't already have them. Oh, no, no. This is my very first pair

of singing underpants.

You know, Loretta, this is an awful Are

you embarrassed?

Well, a little.

Would you like to come over to my place and try them on?

Say what?

You know, model them for me.

Don't you think I'm attractive?

Oh, I think you're very attractive.

Very, very attractive.

Stay there.

Carl, what's the matter?

Well, Loretta, I'm a married man.

Yeah?

Doesn't that bother you?

Well, I just thought maybe we could have a little fun. Now, Loretta, stop that.

Look, I can't cheat on my wife.

I'm sorry, you, uh...

You're just going to have to find yourself another handyman.

Too bad.

Your loss.

Sweetheart, you were right.

That woman made a pass at me.

And? Hey, I shut her down cold.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Go ahead.

Dust her body for fingerprints. You won't find mine.

I'm glad.

Oh, sweetheart.

Look, I'm sorry I made you worry.

I mean, you tried to warn me about Loretta, but I didn't listen to you.

I guess I underestimated my irresistible charm.

My killer good looks.

My awesome animal magnetism.

Okay, let's face it. The woman would have jumped a scarecrow.

Loretta's an attractive woman.

And I was scared.

Well, that you'd give in to temptation.

And that I'd have to kill you.

Sweetheart, listen to me.

You are the only woman that I'll ever want, now and forever.