Original subtitles

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Cause all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of every scene.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

But we'll smother the blues with deadness.

There's room for you.

Room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Oh, hitting the courts again, Mother Winslow?

I'm playing Alice Grayson. I whip up Buddy every time.

But she's half your age.

Poor thing, she can't go to the net.

Later, have fun.

Oh, here, give me one of those.

One.

These grocery bags are heavy.

Thank goodness I'm in such great shape.

Look at this.

Eight bags of groceries are $180.

Yeah. And can you believe the fuss they made when I paid with a check?

Well, Carl, you told them not to cash in until November.

Oh, Carl.

We need to call a plumber.

Why?

Well, little Ritchie was curious to see if your new slippers would float in the

toilet.

They don't.

Don't we have enough expenses around here without the kids sabotaging the

There are eight people living in this house. It is bound to get expensive.

But if things get a little tight, we'll both just work some overtime.

Listen, you two.

I feel like a freeloader. Rachel, don't be silly.

Well... No, I appreciate the way you two have supported my attempts to be a

writer, but my career is going nowhere fast.

You know, I'd really like to contribute to the family budget on a regular basis.

But it's really not necessary, right, Carl?

Well, let's hear it out, Harriet.

I mean, look at these newspapers.

I've been checking all the want -ins, but these jobs sound so lousy. Listen.

Lakeshore Zoo seeks executive veterinary assistant, Simeon Sanitation.

Well, now, that sounds good. What exactly do you do?

You scoop monkey pooch.

What's the pay?

Listen, Rachel.

If you gotta find a job, try to find something that's challenging.

Hey, here's something challenging.

Shy guy seeks hot babe who shares love for pie toppings.

Rachel.

Listen, don't feel that you have to take the first job that comes along. Take

your time, okay?

Don't worry.

It's almost impossible to find a job these days.

I just got a job.

I'm going to be a part -time waitress at Leroy's. I get minimum wage plus tips.

We're talking new clothes. We're talking concert tickets.

I want money.

I want a pie in the sky. Whoa. I want to be rich. Whoa.

Whoa.

What? You are only 14 years old.

You're too young to have a job.

You have school, work, and chores around the house. Mom, listen, just let me

work at Leroy's for one month. If my grades slip or if I don't pull my weight

around here, I'll quit.

Deal?

One month.

Yes! Oh, Mom, will you save my work for me?

Why do you need a work permit?

I'm too young to have a job.

Laura, are there any more openings at Leroy's?

No, but...

sugar knees.

I saw you ask Leroy for a job, so I decided to ask for one, too.

Go home, Steve.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

A peck near the lip area would speed me on my way.

So would a left hook.

I love it when she gets physical.

Boy, Laura's got a job. Even Steve Urkel's got a job, and I should be able

find one.

Well, if you're interested, my Uncle Cecil Urkel is looking for somebody.

Really?

What kind of job is it?

Or Tyrone?

Well, right now, Eddie, I'd have to say Tyrone.

Why? Because you don't look real hunky with mustard on your nose.

Laura, give table six a check.

But they're not done eating.

If I waited for people to finish eating my food, I'd never make a dime.

We need menus.

Sorry, this is not my station.

Stay in table ten.

Hi.

I'll be with you in two shakes of a lamb's tail, okay?

Here's your food.

We're out of fries right now, but I'll try and scrape some up.

burgers and fries.

Thank you.

I got it.

Laura, keep it up. Thanks, sir.

A bill?

That's what you owe me for broken dishes.

Well, perhaps if you pop for better china.

I should fire you, Urkel, but I'm in a good mood, so I'm going to cut you some

slack.

Thank you.

deposit. Take your time. Why don't you stop off and treat yourself to a decent

meal for a change?

to this particular Joe.

I'd mastered waitering. I'm a crackerjack cashier, and during peak

pretty darn good hostess.

Yep, I think it's time I became a chef.

Uh -oh.

Erica, where are you going?

To turn on the grill. I'm gonna fry you up a Stevo Supremo.

Erica, I don't think you should do any cooking.

Don't fret, my pet. What could go wrong?

I'm not the judge. I'm the fire inspector.

I know. I was just practicing.

Here's what happened. Some grease flayed up on the grill.

Still, we could have handled it. But then he threw water on it. Oh, no, no,

You never, ever, ever throw water on a grease fire.

Thanks. I'll know for the next time.

Why are you holding up?

I've had better days.

You!

Take it easy.

You're going to rebuild.

The place will be better than ever. No way. No way. I'm too old to start over.

I'm going to retire to Fort Lauderdale. Get me a nice little co -op.

You don't mean that, Leroy. Yeah, I'm taking my insurance money.

Maybe even my wife.

buns I want to see will be on the beach.

Boy, did he ever get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Okay, does everybody have their name tags?

Steve, Carl and I know each other.

leaving, so feel free to ask any questions at any time.

Yes? Why are we here?

Good question. Come.

And I'll answer it.

You see, um, when Steve burned down Leroy's, it caused a lot of problems.

The neighborhood kids lost their hangout, Steve and Laura lost their

poor Leroy lost his mind.

At the same time, I was looking for a job and getting absolutely nowhere.

So that's when I dug down into the old gray matter and yanked out an idea that

reeked of sheer genius.

Yeah, you see, Steve suggested that I buy Leroy's, rebuild it, and run it as

own business.

Whoa.

It's the answer to everyone's problem.

But, Rachel, where are you going to get money to buy a restaurant?

Well, from the bank and my brand -new...

I bet you mean thus, Carl.

See, the bank will finance us if we can come up with a 20 % down payment. Now, I

can kick in the insurance money that my husband left me, so all I need from you

two is a check in the amount of... Whoa.

I know I can make it work. I really believe that with all my heart.

Well, Rachel, we have plenty of confidence in you, but I... Restaurants

risky investment?

Steve? Good question. I think the following visual aid will clear up any

doubts you have.

the advice of the world's best CPA, my own uncle, Hiram Ross Urkel.

And according to H &R Urkel, Rachel's Place should inevitably turn a profit in

less than one year.

Well, how does he know that?

Oh, it's an inverse curve. Rising neighborhood population growth versus

declining franchises that serve meat.

Oh.

Well, look, we'll leave you two alone to discuss the proposition.

And if you decide to invest, great.

And if you decide not to, believe me, it's okay. I understand. Come on.

Well,

honey, what do you think?

It's an interesting proposal, and I believe Rachel can handle it.

Well, it's obvious she really wants to do this.

But I feel uncomfortable about asking you to put up so much to help my sister.

You worked hard for that money. No, no, no.

Now, we worked hard for that money.

Sweetheart, Rachel is family.

Not just your family, but our family.

But like you said, Carl, a restaurant is a risky business.

Yeah, it's a gamble.

But I say our odds are a lot better if we bet on somebody we love.

So you want to do it?

Absolutely. Oh, Carl.

I just wish we could.

Rachel needs just a little bit more money than we have.

Oh.

You see, the thing is, a couple of months ago,

Lieutenant Murtaugh, he gave me a good tip on a sweet little stock, so

I invested.

How much, Carl?

Five grand.

is going down a bit.

If I did, we'd only have enough money to go bowling.

One of us, anyway.

Carl, we'll discuss this later.

But in the meantime, you better pray that stock goes back up.

Rachel!

Did I keep you waiting?

Rachel, uh, we talked it over and we decided we want to help.

We're a few thousand short of what you need.

Oh. I'm so sorry, Rachel.

Oh, look, guys, don't worry about it.

It just wasn't meant to be.

How dare you people have an investor's meeting without me?

Oh, Mama. If it wasn't for Steve here, I'd still be out back shooting hoops.

Damn.

Mother Winslow, this is a blank check.

Oh, you're pretty swift.

We need $5 ,000.

Write in the number.

Whatever you need.

You have that kind of money?

It's a frog's butt watertight.

and make history. Yes, sir. Not to mention a whole lot of money. Yes, sir.

A toast to Rachel's place and its beautiful owner.

Thank you.

Wait,

wait, one more.

Let's drink to the person who really made this possible.

Our junior partner, Estelle Winstead. Here, here. Here, here.

Now, come on, everybody. Let's dance. I can't wait to get down with my bad self.

Now, before we all throw down,

i want to take the time to thank a young man who will always hold a special

place in my heart we wouldn't be here today if he hadn't had the foresight to

burn this place down