Original subtitles

And, Rachel, could you please hurry up? Somebody might see you like this.

Stand still.

Besides, you look kind of cute.

That's it. I'm taking this thing off. No, no. Your mother wants to wear this

tonight. I'll be done in a minute.

Well, the dress is bad enough, but this push -up bra's killing me.

Ow! Oh, sorry. It's just a little pin.

Darn, that was the last one. Don't move. I'll be right back.

Edward! Dad!

Son, I think it's time we had a little talk.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

talk. Go clean your room. We can talk later.

Why can't I keep it the way I like it? It's my room.

Laura, it's not your room. That room belongs to your father and me. We're

letting you use it till you go to college.

If I clean it up, can I go to the dance Saturday?

I already told you no.

Is that your final word?

It was my final word last month. It was my final word last week, and it will be

my final word until you're 15, and that's fine. All right. Bye, babe.

much today, Daddy. Oh, I missed you, too.

By the way, can I go to a party Saturday night?

Hmm. Sounds great. Have fun.

Carl, she's 13. She's too young to date.

When Eddie was 13, you let him take Brenda Jackson roller skating.

That was a date.

That's true.

Yeah, and Eddie hasn't been the same since.

That's also true.

You know, Mom, in some countries, girls get married at 13.

Sure. And they die at 30. You want to die young? Go to the dance.

Was that a yes?

Uh, no. I think that was a threat on your life.

Mom just doesn't understand me.

But you do.

You're the greatest dad in the whole wide world.

Laura, I know what you're trying to do.

Is it working?

Yeah.

we ought to let Laura go to the party.

Carl, she's 13.

If she starts dating now, she'll get serious.

And then the boy will get serious. And then they'll both get serious. And

serious.

Harriet, will you get serious?

This is a dance.

She's got to be home by 10.

Carl, I don't think it's a good idea.

Oh, honey, come on. All her friends are going to be there. Let her go.

If it'll make you feel better, I'll have the squad car drive by every hour to

check on her.

Carl, if you want her to go, fine.

Just remember, I'm dead set against it. Aw.

Thank you, honey. I'm so glad we can agree on this.

happening. You waited too long to put yourself on the market.

Face it, girl. You're at the sale table.

Not her. Not now.

Not him.

Well, don't look now.

He's coming this way.

I don't believe this is happening to me.

If I don't get a date, I'll be humiliated.

Hey, don't get all upset. We'll find somebody.

Brussels sprouts.

Brussels sprouts make me want to puke.

At my table, you eat them. Now, what you do on your own time is your business.

Laura, I know this dance is a big moment in your life, so I thought I'd make you

a dress.

Maybe something with puffy sleeves. What do you think?

I think you can save yourself the trouble.

Nobody's asking to the dance.

Well, honey, I'm sure somebody will.

Laura, you're on Rachel's right.

Now, there are plenty of boys out there just trying to give up the courage to

call you.

That phone is going to ring any minute.

That's right.

Are we going to wait long?

Nobody's ever going to call.

I go through this every time there's a dance.

That's how we know there's a dance coming up. The phone will go dead.

She's just too young for this dating thing.

Rachel, you go right ahead and make that dress.

Laura is gonna get a date, I guarantee it.

Hello?

Mr. Urkel?

Yes, uh, Carl Winslow.

Right, remember we met at the pet shop.

Yes, you were buying mice.

Right. Well, listen, um, I need a little favor.

Yes, uh, does your son, Steve, by any chance happen to have a date to the

tomorrow night?

Are

you

okay?

Not really.

I'd like to be alone.

I understand.

Laura, you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure.

So what if you don't have a date for the big dance?

I can tell you from years of experience that dating is no big deal.

Say what?

Well, it's very overrated.

I mean, think about it.

What is a date?

Two very nervous people trying to think of cool things to say so one doesn't

think the other one's stupid.

You should thank your lucky stars no one called you.

That is the biggest crock I've ever heard in my life.

Okay, look.

I know you have a crush on Mark Newhouse.

So if you want him to take you to the dance, why don't you just call him and

him yourself?

What if he doesn't want to go with me?

Then you'll look like a fool.

That's why I can't call him.

Hey, no gut, no glory.

I'm going out to shoot some hoops.

Any guy who wouldn't go up with you isn't good enough for you anyway.

Thanks, Andy.

Hello, Mark.

This is Laura Winslow.

Look, I may be risking humiliation here, but... Do you want to go to the dance

with me or what?

Okay, here's the party, girl.

Beautiful. What about the dress?

Wait a minute.

That looks familiar.

When we were kids, didn't you make a dress like that for your Betsy Wetsy

Yeah, only to put this on, we didn't have to take Laura's arms off.

Oh, you have a loose trick.

Why

did you

do that?

I didn't know it was a tearaway dress.

Honey, I can fix it. Harriet, get me some thread.

All right, but Rachel, hurry. She doesn't have much time.

Well, there'd be plenty of time if a certain someone didn't pull out one of

threads. You don't see me going around yanking out other people's threads.

So she got a D.

You know, I had a feeling that would happen.

So did Steve, uh, a boy call?

Yes, he's getting ready now.

You get that. I've got to go up and help Rachel.

Didn't know she felt that way.

Nice flowers.

Yeah, thanks.

On the way over, I stopped by the cemetery.

Why don't you go in the kitchen there and wash off the roots?

What have I done?

Laura?

Sweetheart?

Your, uh, date is here.

He's here?

Well, stall him, stall him. I've got to put this dress back together. I can't

work around this kind of pressure.

Hey,

Dad. Hey.

This is Tyrone.

Nice to meet you, Tyrone.

He's taking oil to the dance.

Laura to the day.

Oh, you see, I felt sorry for her. So I gave Tyrone here ten bucks to take her.

But I already set her up with Steve Urkel.

The mouth eater?

He eats mice.

Well, it's probably just a rumor. Does she know he's taking her?

Of course she does, but has anyone actually seen him eat a mouse?

Dad, I've got better things to do than to watch Steve Urkel eat.

What am I going to do with Tyrone?

I already gave him ten bucks.

Thanks, Mom.

Hey, Laura. Look who's here.

Tyrone.

Oh, hi, Tyrone.

He's your date for the night.

No, he's not.

Yes, he is. I gave him ten bucks.

You hired Tyrone to take me to the dance?

Oh, Eddie.

Edward, your sister is right. She can find her own dates. But, Dad... I don't

want to hear another word about it.

Honey, I'm sure Eddie was just trying to do something nice for you.

Hi, I'm Martin House.

Oh, Mark, come on in.

Well, what is he doing here?

Dad, Mark is my date.

Your date?

and all dressed up.

Uh, well, better get going, kids. Don't want to miss the big dance. Have a good

time. Nice to meet you, ma 'am. Hi, Laura.

These are for you.

Wow! Were you wearing a bra?

Who are you?

And why are those flowers dripping on my floor?

I can explain this.

You call Laura to... asking for the date, didn't you?

Why should I?

My dad said you said it all up.

You did what?

Well, honey... I can't believe this.

I've never been so embarrassed in my life. But, Laura, I... Thank

you. What's your name, sugar?

Oh, Steve.

Steve and Tyrone, we won't be needing you tonight.

Come on, Tyrone.

Miss Bell, date's over.

Laura?

Want to talk?

Mom, do you have any idea how humiliating this is?

Laura, your father and Eddie acted like fools.

What they meant, Bill?

guys to go out with me.

I'm sure your father didn't pay Steve a cent.

Mom, this is the worst day of my life.

Laura,

I should be happy.

A very nice boy asked you to the dance.

Mark didn't ask me. I asked him.

You did?

Oh.

Well, he said yes.

That should tell you something.

girlfriend had a fight. He was on the rebound.

He probably would have gone with anybody.

Mom, what's wrong with me?

Nothing. There's nothing wrong with you, Laura.

You're smart. You're funny. You have a great personality.

Great personality?

Oh, I get it. I'm ugly.

You're not ugly.

You're beautiful.

And why didn't Mark ask me that himself?

Because boys are scared to death.

Just like you.

But that will change.

Mom,

dating is hard.

Honey, it's hard for everyone.

Took your father six weeks to get up enough courage to ask me out.

But I'm glad he did.

Now, come on.

I want you to go back in there and go to that party with Mark.

I think he likes you.

How can you tell?

I'm a mother.

I have a feeling about these things.

Thanks, Mark.

Dear Lord, please let this boy like her.

Mark, do you still want to go to the dance with me?

Sure.

You know, I'm glad you called.

I've liked you for a long time.

Night, Mom.

Good night, kids.

Have a good time.

Don't be late.

Laura! Laura, I got it! Rachel! Rachel! What?

She's gone.

But don't feel bad. She can wear your dress on her next date.

little girl's first date?

It was okay.

Well, now that's it? Just okay?

Well, for about three hours, the guy stood on one side of the room and the

stood on the other. I spent most of the night talking to Penny, which I could

have done here.

Didn't you dance at all?

A little.

When I was about 15 minutes left, Mark finally got up a nerve nerve to ask me

dance. Then we had a real good time.

I'm looking forward to when I'm older and boys are braver.

Sweetheart, if they get too brave, you let me know.

Okay, Dad.

And, sweetheart, I am real sorry about what I did tonight.

That's all right, Dad.

But the next time you feel like fixing me up, do me a favor.

Picture Steve Urkel.