Original subtitles

Hello, I'm Linda Ellerbe. I'm sure we can all agree on the place in television

history held by the show created right here on stage seven. I am, of course,

talking about Ellen. We've been breaking new ground ever since we first aired

back in 1959.

Nothing like the smell of freshly ground coffee.

Ow, you're gonna hurt. Just wait till I add the boiling water.

Was being innovative always important to you?

Oh, absolutely, yeah. Back to when I first started my career, when I started

in vaudeville. I started out spinning Waterford crystal, but the $2 ,000

admission got a little expensive for people.

Did you go to school, stupid?

Yeah, and I came out the same way.

You're probably asking yourself, did you go to school, stupid?

Yeah, and I came out the same way.

Didn't you go to school, stupid? Yes, and I came out the same way.

One day, I heard from this hitman that I knew that ABC was developing a new show

called Ellen.

And it struck me that Ellen might be right for this.

This is her.

This is our Ellen.

What do you mean? Look at her. She's a natural comedian.

And I should know. I discovered Betty Granville.

How'd you like to star in your own sitcom?

Well, I told the temp agency I'd be available through the end of the week,

after that... So it's 1959, and fate has brought you to your true calling, the

situation comedy.

I don't believe in fate, Linda. I think it was something in the stars.

But it seems like right from the start you pushed the envelope.

I mean, back in those days, shows like Father Knows Best and Donna Reed were

norm. And here you were, a single woman making her own way in the world.

The pilot episode was magnificent.

Well, it's funny you should mention that, Linda, because the original pilot

we shot was really quite different.

Holly, I'm home.

Hello, dear. How was your day?

Super fantastic.

I was having lunch with some of the fellas, and they told me about a great

investment. Oh, it all sounds so exciting.

Perhaps we should leave these two lovebirds alone.

Toodles. Ta. Ta, chum.

You know, sweetums, if this thing works out, we can finally start a nest egg,

and then we can begin that family we've been talking about.

Oh, but dear, the family we've been talking about is the Millers next door.

What's your investment?

I have one word for you.

Asbestos.

It's the fabric of the future.

It's a funny -looking thing.

It's a miracle is what it is. It's the best idea since nuclear power.

It's beautiful. It's completely fireproof. Why, it's perfect for drapes,

Baby pajamas?

I like the way it makes dust when you rub it together.

I'm taking all our money out of the bank and I'm investing it in this. We'll be

rich, Lambchop. Rich and clothed in the finest asbestos.

Well, I was thinking about our money, too, dear. And I was reading about a new

stock for a small typewriter company called Ibm. It's spelled IBM.

And the stock is only 50 cents a share. And if we reinvest our dividends, a long

-term prospect... What were you reading about this? The back of a cake box?

No, no, silly. You leave investments to me.

Oh, it makes a nice napkin.

Wipe your face, dear.

So they showed the pilot to audiences, but they just didn't like Ellen being

married. In those days, I was linked publicly with a lot of men.

A lot.

Elvis, Hugh Beaumont, a couple of the Kennedys.

But my fans just didn't want to see Ellen tied down.

Although Jack Kennedy disagreed.

So you had to reshoot the pilot?

Yeah. I don't know what happened to the guy who played my husband.

Last I heard, he was tending bar in Boston, but that was a couple of years

Well, you know, Ellen was responsible for the big break in my career. I was

one of a thousand comics out there on the circuit telling jokes, pounding

and hitting on waitresses in every two -bit town, it seemed, from New Haven to

Midland, Odessa.

She hired me to help warm up the audiences that came in to see her

show.

She also told me to change my name.

She didn't think Eddie Stenchwagon was a good name for a comic.

So I start doing the warm -ups. But to tell you the truth, man, I sucked.

I mean, I couldn't buy a laugh at a nitrous oxide convention.

So one night I drop the act and I just start asking questions.

Who's sexually impotent?

What's the best way to flatten your abs?

Well, I mean, they go nuts. I'm running around like a maniac, shoving

microphones in people's faces, and they're eating it up.

Ellen sees this, makes a phone call, and the next thing I know, I get a daytime

talk show.

Unbelievable.

And the person I have to thank for this is Ellen DeGeneres.

So you were a single woman on television before Marlo Thomas, before Mary Tyler

Moore. It seems like the Ellen show was innovative right from the start.

Absolutely. And people don't realize that we were the first show where

characters got trapped in a meat locker, where someone has two dates on the same

night, you know, where someone learned a valuable lesson. And who can forget the

pioneering work that your show did in the area of identical evil twin cousins?

We got a patent.

That must have been very hard for you, playing both parts.

It would have been impossible.

Fortunately, I actually have an evil twin cousin.

Oh, it's true. No, she really did have an evil twin.

Helen.

I hated working with her, though.

I mean, she was as mean as a polka with a staple in its eye.

She killed a cameraman once because he was out of cigarettes.

In her defense, I must say, he wasn't a very good cameraman, but still, I mean,

it was uncalled for. The studio covered the whole thing up, but, um... No, it

was a different time.

You could kill people on the crew back then.

It really was the golden age of television.

It seems as if Ellen mania reached its peak with the young people in the late

60s. There were Ellen lunch pails, Ellen shrinky dinks, and the stores couldn't

keep these Ellen dolls on the shelves.

You're far out. Want to come to my party?

Neil Armstrong is groovy.

Hey, don't forget the Saturday morning cartoon, Ellen and Her Fun Bunch with

Harlem Globetrotters in outer space.

They're Ellen and her fun bunch in outer space.

They met the day that aliens destroyed the human race. But somehow they

and got onto a ship that was headed into orbit for a far out groovy trip.

There's Mr.

Teenage Doctor.

And Pinch who has great hair.

Ellen is their leader.

Joe and Arby both are there.

They use their groovy ray guns and sometimes their guitars to zap out all

space ghosts from Jupiter to Mars.

There's Ellen and her fun bunch with the Highland Globetrotters in Outer Space.

When I was little, I had so much Ellen stuff. I mean, well, the lunchbox, of

course, and the little paper dolls, you know, and, oh, those, the Ellen

-shaped vitamins. Every Saturday morning, I would wake up at 6 and watch

cartoon.

They had this breakfast cereal at the time, Sugar Ellen Loops. And I would

a huge bowl, and I would just watch and laugh and watch and laugh so hard

that I just poured milk all over my Ellen PJs.

You know, I bet I can remember every word to that song.

There's Ellen and her fun bunch in outer space.

They...

Wild and crazy.

There's more. There's more. There's way more.

The first time that we met, Ellen was one of those celebrity marriage

enhancement seminars. She was leading it. Yeah, it was us. It was John Tesh

Connie Selica and Larry King and number four or five. I can't remember which.

And she taught us to be completely open, completely honest with each other.

Right, right. For instance, Mary has a story about how we went to her mother's

house for Thanksgiving the first time. Oh.

And thanks to Ellen, Sina, I can say to Mary, that story is boring.

And it's okay.

You think that story's boring?

This is perfect.

Yes. Yes, it's boring. I mean, it's not funny. And the finish is the dog licking

the turkey. I mean, how's that interesting?

Okay, well, I thought it was interesting.

I thought you liked it. I told it for that reason.

No, no, no, no, no. I do like it. I love it. No, you just said it was boring.

Not boring, boring. More soothing.

It was soothing.

You should tell it. Come on, tell it. They don't want to hear that silly,

old story. Come on, they're dying to hear it, Mary. Come on, aren't you?

Well, it is kind of cute.

All right. The thing that you have to know is that the dog was a diabetic.

Okay. It's great. You're going to love it. It really is.

So all that fun with cartoons and lunchboxes was great, but it belied the

that there were dark undercurrents moving in America at that time.

Yes, and I was determined to change the show to reflect what was going on.

The 60s was a turbulent era. War, racism, unrest, difficult subjects for

Yeah. Thank God we had the ridiculous clothes.

Hey, people, what do you think?

Let Saigon's be bygones. Hey, that's great.

Yeah. What do you think about ours?

Say nay to palm.

Yeah. Why don't you work something in about boycotting grapes?

Hey, Audrey, did I tell you that Ellen and I burned our bras today?

Yeah. Now we have to find a new way to sneak beers into the movies.

Actually, my bras are too pretty. I just burned a sock.

Well, sisters, while you were out burning symbols of the white patriarchal

establishment, I got an abortion.

Which I'm sure was a hard choice, but ultimately yours to make.

I was a lifelong liberal.

Well, except for the time I voted for Barry Goldwater. Hell, we all knew crazy

things to get laid.

So when Ellen said to me that she wanted the character of the father to change

to this conservative dope, I was against it. But then she explained that doing

this would help to unmask the political right for what they are.

Reactionaries with a secret agenda to curtail our freedom. Well, you know,

she explained it that way, I could see it was the right thing to do.

Plus, my contract was up for renewal.

And those bitches at the studio really played hardball with me.

Oh, jeez.

If it isn't Big Red and the fellow travelers.

Why don't you call me Simpleton, stop protesting, and do something useful for

change, like shutting your yaps.

Daddy, war is not healthy for children and other living things. Oh, yeah? Well,

let me tell you something else that's not healthy.

Peter!

Hey,

hey, kids!

Kids, come on out! While you were gone, I adopted some kids.

Uh,

kids, this is Peter.

With shaking age, it's orange.

Uh, well, I just got back from Saigon.

It's a really rotten war, kids.

Oh, and if anyone pops a balloon around me, I'll probably kill everyone in the

room. So,

you went to Vietnam, stupid?

Yeah, and he came back the same way.

Since those days in the early 70s, I believe it was, I have always been

impressed by Ellen's commitment to social causes. You know, whether it's

with the president or flying on the Concorde to Paris to discuss world

Oh, oh, oh, I can't say enough about the car. The great car she donated to our

Meals on Wheels program.

I mean, last night we almost had it up and running, but we got too tired. And

that's when, of course, I selfishly turned in. a couple of hours of sleep,

Ellen, Ellen was still hard at work, this time saving the rainforest.

Well, not actually saving the rainforest, but talking about it while

in a hot tub with Sting.

The show's biting social satire of the early 70s was eventually pushed aside.

America was reinventing itself.

And as the country moved into the hormone -charged 80s, your show once

seemed... A step ahead of it, transforming itself into what TV Guide

sexiest show on television.

That's probably because of all the sex we were having with the reporters from

Guide. As I recall, the network wanted to pull the plug.

Ah, and then ABC learned a lesson. Unlike television executives, many

like sex.

You have to help me out here. I told Megan I'd sleep with her at night, but

I picked up Candy at the Royal Rabbit, and she is hot to trot.

Candy doesn't know that I'm living with a woman, so here.

You put this on, she'll think you're me.

All right, but this is the eighth and final time I'm doing this.

Ooh, Sven, you're naughty.

Well, come closer. I can hardly see you way over there.

Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?

The only thing I'm hungry for is you.

Oh, no.

Unhook my bra.

Um, okay, I think I've got a tool for that in the garage. I'll be right back.

Oh, Spence, unhook my bra.

All you women have the same catchphrase?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

And after a couple of years of that, we all got pretty exhausted, so we decided

to go a whole different way with the show.

And that brings us up to the president.

what was undoubtedly one of the most groundbreaking events in the history of

television. Yeah, of course, you're talking about the episode where I wore

chicken suit.

No, I'm talking about the one referred to as the puppy episode.

Of course.

Over 40 million people watched that show. Boy, if I'd have known we'd get

kind of number, I would have called it the everybody who's watching, please

me a dollar episode.

It truly was a remarkable television event.

Let's take a look.

Are you saying what I think you're trying to say?

What do you think I'm trying to say?

Oh, I'm not going to say it again and be wrong. No, you're not wrong. You're

right.

This is so hard, but I think I've realized

that I am... I can't even say the word.

Why can't I say the word? I mean, why can't I just say...

I mean, what is wrong? Why do I have to be so ashamed? I mean, why can't I just

say the truth? I mean, be who I am. I'm 35 years old.

There you have it.

History. And I couldn't be prouder. Wait, that wasn't it.

Of course it was. It was the first time on television somebody was honest about

their age.

35 years old.

I can't tell you the freedom I felt when I said those words.

But I... Well, everybody thought I was younger, but I thought it was time for

to be honest about my age and help other 35 -year -olds out there who couldn't

admit it, especially the kids.

But there's the part coming up where you tell her you're gay.

Right. I'll tell you what, that age thing really, really changed a lot of

people's lives.

Maybe I'm mistaken, but I thought telling people you were gay was the

point of the episode.

Really? No. No, that's just the spin the network put on it. They're gay crazy

over there.

But don't you see how groundbreaking it was to have your character come out?

Not really. No more groundbreaking than it was to stay pregnant on television. I

mean, 20 years from now, it's going to be one big fat so what.

Well, I guess I missed the whole point.

Don't worry about it. It was subtle.

There is one more thing I'd like to do.

Bring him in.

Knuckles.

Oh, Knuckles.

It's so good to see you. Look at me. I know the audience would like to see you

do some of your act.

Really? Well, what do you say, Knuckles?

You want to do the old act, stupid?

We never did it any other way.

Heartwarming.

We done?

Cut. Can someone take him? He smells funny.

That's a wrap.

And so it goes.

Ellen and I go back to right after the war.

We worked together on The Great White Way.

That's Broadway for those of you in podunk.

We were both chorus girls in a musical comedy about the Hindenburg disaster.

The reviews simply said, oh, the humanity.

But we didn't care. We gals had a blast in the Big Apple. Anyway, I ran into

Ellen a few weeks ago at Tiffany's. She even talked me into doing one of the old

numbers. After all these years, our gam still had some kick left.

I'm now the proud owner of $40 ,000 worth of broken goblets. But, hey, you

put a price on memories.

Bright and kooky and gay.

Who goes a different way? Who finally came out with friends? Who, who, who?

Ellen.

Spence and Paige and Audrey and Joe. All suspected, but they didn't know.

They had to wait till the end of the show for her to come out of the closet.

Who got a lesbian smile?

Who's got a lesbian style?

Who's happy and healthy and gay? Who, who, who?

Ellen.

She's happy and healthy and gay.

Ellen,

Ellen, you groovy gal.

Here we go.

And action.

I said I would.

I used to work with Ellen and Dave. Actually, I opened for them. They were

the... funniest people I ever met.

Really, seriously, and I've met a lot of people, but you talk, they were

humorous. We were on the circuit together.

We lived out of a suitcase, and then afterwards, when things got going pretty

good, we put the clothes in the suitcase and lived in a room.

We'd do that.

I remember one night, it was me, Ellen, Dave, and Tommy Kirsch.

What a guy. He used to like to spin live animals, you know.

Put them up on the stick like this. They get the little prairie dogs, you know.

And he'd keep 12 of them going at the same time.

Then he'd introduce a hawk and they'd come down and get them.

So anyway, we were kind of having a few one night. And Ellen says, I got an

idea.

Why don't we go up on the water tower here in Dubuque and moon the entire

So we did.

And I'm up there.

Great.

It was kind of cold that night. So I had backed into the metal.

Tower there, and the whole right cheek. It's still up there on the tower. I

think it's under the queue.

Yeah, this right here. See this, huh?

Solid plastic.

Yep.

There you go.

And then what happened next really astounded me.

It's the other cheek.

Oh my God.

Shut up.