Original subtitles

I can help you ladies here.

Hi, we're checking in. The name is Manning.

Yes, here it is, the deluxe smoking with balcony and partial ocean view.

Oh, well, no, there must be some mistake because we specifically asked for no

smoking. Yes, we prefer to get our second -hand smoke the old -fashioned

nudie bars.

Well, let me see.

Ah, yes, we do have one non -smoking room left. And actually, this one should

much better for you, too. It has twin beds.

For some reason, the room you reserved before only had one king size.

Sharing a bed, that would have been crowded. Oh, boy.

Especially if we decide to pick up some sailors.

That will be room 404. If you'll see the bell captain, he'll take you right to

your room. Thank you.

We don't want twin beds.

I don't believe I choked like that. It's not like I haven't done this a million

times. What?

Trice. Trice.

Come on. Let's just tell him the truth. I mean, even my grandmother knows I have

a friend who hasn't met the right man yet either.

I want the king bed.

I know. Let's just go tell him. Yeah. There's nothing to be uncomfortable

How?

Rock, paper, scissors? Uh -huh.

Hi.

Is there something else I can do for you? You know, we decided that we're

to go ahead and take the first room after all.

I'm confused. I thought you said you didn't want the smoking room.

Silly. And we probably should have told you. I don't even know why.

I just started smoking just recently.

Just silly. But I do. I smoke. And that cartoon camel finally got to me.

Oh, thank goodness. Can I have a smoke from you, please?

Uh, yeah, they're non -filtered. Oh, just the way God intended it. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I

just...

I just... Just my lungs way of saying thank you.

balcony take our first picture of our first vacation together okay well

technically it won't be the first picture i sat on the camera on the drive

here well we gotta have the ocean in it where is that shifty little earth's

largest body of water look right there between those two buildings you can see

partially a third building reflected in the windows is the mighty pacific wow

yeah stick with me and i will show you this and many many other wonders of the

world okay are we in i have no idea

All right.

Come on, I'll race you to the beach.

Oh, well, I thought I would just unpack a few things.

If that's okay with you.

No. No?

No, it's all right.

I'll watch TV.

Oh, they get the hotel channel here. Good. I can't get this on my cable.

Aren't you going to unpack?

Nope.

Talk about your peer pressure.

Look, in Old Town, they have a winery that has tastings. Let's go. I packed an

extra liver.

Well,

maybe later. I mean, there are lots of things we can do.

You're right.

It's vacation.

It's not like we're on some typewritten schedule or anything, huh?

Hey, I

have got a crazy, spontaneous idea. What do you say we

cross the Coronado Bridge, we wander into the Crown Room at the Hotel Del, we

have a nice, romantic little lunch, soup of the day, minestrone.

And then from, I don't know, three to...

3 .40, we take a nice casual VIP tour of the Scripps Oceanic Institute.

Or there's the ocean.

Yeah, we can do that if you want.

Oh.

It's obvious you have some pretty specific plans. It's okay. We'll do

you want. Okay, great. I think we ought to start out at the quilt show because

the guidebook says that mornings are less crowded.

Really? You think it gets crowded?

Seth's leaving.

I had a good time with you today.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry the space museum was such a bore.

Oh, I thought it was educational.

For instance, I learned that in a space museum, they really can hear you scream.

Hi, we have reservations for a table by the window facing the sunset.

Name's Manning.

Okay, that'll be about an hour.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no. That's no good.

By then the sun will be down and we'll be facing the wrong direction to watch

rise.

She really needs to eat. She's pregnant.

Congratulations. I'm sorry, but we're really crowded tonight.

Okay, well, come on, honey. I'll buy you and the baby a margarita.

I'm really sorry.

Oh, hey, vacation means never having to say you're sorry.

Unless you're Chevy Chase and it's about that Vegas movie.

Hi.

Cigarette? No, I don't smoke.

Yeah, no, I quit. I finally read the side of that package. That is, uh, it's

for you.

Yeah, that's, uh, that darn Surgeon General finally got to me. Yeah.

But, uh, thank you anyway. Are you all waiting for a table?

Yeah, and we're starting to regret it.

Well, yeah, we've been here for hours.

Our reservation was actually for lunch.

hours. I only had a space food stick and a tube of Tang to eat.

We went to the space museum. Yeah.

Yeah, boy.

Fascinating.

Yeah, learned a lot. For instance, when the astronauts come back from space,

they drop things on their feet all the time.

So let's make a pact. Whoever gets in there first sends the other out a basket

of rolls.

We were just talking about going to this other place, the Steerenstein Huffbrow.

Hey, want to join us?

Oh, actually... They have a ceramic cow that shoots Jägermeister out of its

udders.

Hey.

You know, I raised one of those in the 4 -H club. Come on.

But we don't eat red meat, so... Yeah, but they have Strudel Spätzle and Stein,

which, in addition to being a crack accounting firm, good, good eating.

Okay, sure. Let's let down our hair. All right, great.

Come on, honey. We'll tell the doorman to get us a cab. Okay, we'll be right

there. Great.

Come on, you're up for this, right?

Yeah, sure. You know, I'd have to be crazy not to want to see a cow that

liquor.

All right, now you're being sarcastic, but you're going to thank me later when

you're sprawled across the bar with an udder in your mouth.

That borrows all your makeup.

How can you sit here with her all day? I'd die laughing.

Yeah, it's a good thing I have insurance.

Hey,

who's up for a polka?

I'll pass, John.

See, I like a polka when she's on vacation.

She does it for a living.

Hey, come on, you okay?

Yeah, I'm having fun.

Oh, it's amazing how time flies when you're having as much fun as I am.

I signed this up for Crowdy the Enchanter.

stereotype any good by parading around in golf clothes.

Well, I wanted to play, but we missed our tea time, so I went to the driving

range instead.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You should have woken me up and taught me how to play golf.

Something wrong?

Nope. Nope. Half the day's gone, that's all.

It's 10 .30. What is dinner at noon?

That's the free continental breakfast.

Oh, that's okay. I'm pretty full from all the aspirin.

Hey, why don't you come back to bed, huh?

Well, I thought we were going to the Mission Basilica.

Well, we could do that some other time, like next trip.

You know, I'm getting pretty tired of you knocking my plans.

I'm not knocking your plans.

I don't know what else to call it.

Come on, Laurie.

I think I've been a good sport. I did everything you wanted to do yesterday

relatively little sarcasm.

Today, let's just hang out. Come on, let's just relax.

It's not as if we haven't done anything that you wanted to do. We went to that

stupid Hofbrau last night.

Oh. Okay, so now I... I guess you didn't have a good time.

Well, apparently not as good as you, because the pharmacy called and they

develop three of the pictures.

How do you get to be queen of the bratwurst?

Yeah, well, I wasn't sulking, and if I was, at least it's better than being

obnoxious.

Well, I didn't realize that having a good time on vacation was considered

obnoxious. Well, it's just that my idea of having a good time involves less

policemen.

Okay, well...

Maybe next trip we can go to Amish country, if that's not too wild for you.

All right, you know what?

Let's not let this spoil our trip. We should just both get to do whatever it

we want to do today alone.

Good. Good. Fine. Fine.

Good. I'll go to the pool, and you can go to the museum of pools.

I'm sorry, but you still don't have any messages. Oh, that's okay.

Must be neat being a desk clerk, huh?

Yes, it's especially a gas when you have a master's in comparative literature.

But, you know, it's got to take its toll on you emotionally to meet so many

people only to see them leave a few days later.

You know, if you're bored, you might want to check out the brochure rack.

I'm not bored. I just like to set a little time aside every day to talk to a

smarty pants.

past as a commoner.

Hey, what are y 'all doing? You just hanging out? You want to do something? I

was thinking about sneaking into Mexico and confusing the border patrol guy.

Oh, listen, we had a great time last night, but we planned this weekend sort

as a romantic getaway.

Ah, and you want me to get away.

No, it's just that we're on John and Sue time now.

Oh, well.

Hey, well, have fun.

Oh, where's Lori?

She's, uh, she's at the patio.

Just playing some cards. She likes to play cards.

That's how we cover our expenses, by gambling.

Have a good one. Yes, you too.

Excuse me, I'm sorry. Can I sit next to my friend?

Can I touch your boob?

Ma 'am, he's just about age.

We're lesbians.

The trickiest to get the bigotry to work for you.

His friends in the ocean think he's sold out.

Seen Bob lately?

Nah, he moved out to California. People hand -feed him his chum now.

That's how wheels talk.

I wonder if he's even real, you know? I just found out today that San Diego

Chicken is just a guy in a costume.

Why are you here? I thought that you didn't want to be tied down by any

activities. I thought that you wanted to be spontaneous.

I am spontaneous. I'm just here for a short time. I'm going to sing a few show

tunes and then go out to the parking lot and count cars.

You found my itinerary. What, did you go through my drawers?

I got bored in the hotel room.

And you know what? When you put nylons over your head, you really do look like

robber.

the good seat.

Let's see here.

Oh, it's right here on the itinerary. 6 .15, Laurie gets splashed by whale.

6 .16, Laurie continues to give Elle on the cold shoulder.

Okay, okay.

I'd like to have a schedule. I need to be organized. I'm sorry.

I'm kidding. It's fine.

If you would have left this trip up to me, we never would have gotten here.

I thought San Diego was somewhere in Luxembourg.

All right.

Maybe I overdid it. I just... I wanted our first vacation together to be more

normal. Well, I think we accomplished that.

I hate that we had that stupid argument.

Any time I spend any time at all apart from you, it just sucks.

Fine, so then why did you want to go out to dinner with that other couple

instead of just me?

I don't know. They just seemed like they'd be fun.

Well, see, I wanted to have a romantic dinner just with you.

Maybe that's...

Maybe that's too boring. Maybe I'm boring. Hey, hey, look, you may be a lot

things.

Beautiful, smart.

You're not boring.

Well, I am compared to you. You're so damn witty and charming.

I guess I just thought that if, you know, I filled everything up, all our

with activities, then you wouldn't notice I'm such a yawner.

What are you talking about? You're fascinating. You're the most interesting

person I know.

What, you don't think I get nervous sometimes?

Come on.

Ever since we met, all you do is tell me how funny I am. You know what kind of

pressure that is?

You don't have to worry about that with me. You know, I would still be with you

even if you were no fun at all.

Really? Yeah.

Even if I worked in a toll booth and just told work stories?

No. You look beautiful.

You know, that no -run mascara is just a big fat marketing ploy.

Here.

You know, we've been going out for a while. We should be at that stage in our

relationship where we don't have to work so hard to impress each other.

You mean just relax and just be?

Yeah. Not do anything. Not even talk if we don't want to.

You know, I think I could sit here and not talk to you for hours.

Park closes at 10.

Okay, all right, let's try it.

Let's just sit here and enjoy the silence of each other's company. No

to impress.

Okay.

We could be like one of those old couples at the IHOP.

They don't say a word to each other all through their meal, but you know they're

still in love.

Or over -medicated.

I guess this must be why they say silences.

Golden shh.

Laurie, it's just...

When you put those nylons over your head, you really do look like a robber.