All language subtitles for ellen_s02e12_the_christmas_show

Wow,

that was quite a night.

So you had fun?

Oh, the flowers, the dinner, the concert
at the Hollywood Bowl. How did you know

I loved the Eagles?

Well, you mentioned it on our first
date, so that night.

Actually, the next two nights I camped
out for tickets.

You didn't have to do that.

Anything to see that smile.

Thanks for a terrific night.

Oh, thank you.

There it is again.

I'll call.

I'm in hell.

So, you like him?

Oh, it was horrible.

He took me to this beautiful restaurant,
this wonderful concert, and he likes

everything about me. Everything I do,
everything I say, everything I wear.

He's so nice.

Get out now while you still have some
self -respect.

He's too nice.

You haven't even met him. No.

Opens doors for you? Every one of them.

Compliments you incessantly? Did you
know that I had beautiful lobes?

Calls you every chance you get?

I've met him, I've dated him, I've
dumped him.

Hello. Hi, Greg.

You like the way I answer the phone, do
you?

Kind of straightforward.

Hello.

Kind of a classic.

Lunch tomorrow?

Sure. Yeah, I'll see you then.

Night -night.

Like you, too.

He's got to go.

Don't sweat it, Ellen. The nice ones
always understand.

That's true.

I always understand.

You better get out quick before he hits
you with a Christmas present.

Oh, that's true. How much time would I
have to give him? Well, that depends.

Something pathetic that he made himself?

Three to five days.

A nice piece of jewelry? A week, too, if
it's diamonds.

My Corvette cost me the entire month of
January.

You slave to etiquette, you.

Here, let me wrap these for you. This is
my first day.

So, who are these books for?

They're for my eight -year -old niece.

Yeah? I remember being eight and getting
books for Christmas.

Hated it.

I wanted an easy -baked oven. But no,
Aunt Alberta had to give me little

Yeah, my friends thought I was so cool
with my new book. What a great

So, ribbon, red or green?

Okay, come again.

Merry Christmas.

Question. Did you ask Stephanie if she
had any experience?

Well, sure I did.

And? She had none.

But she was very enthusiastic, and she
said this funny thing. There was this

guy, and he had a really wrinkled shirt
on, and he's walking out, and she's

like, Seattle's that way, you know,
because of the whole grunge. It was just

funny.

You're right, Ellen. She's very funny.
As a matter of fact, she calls me Slim.

Get it? It's ironic.

Come on, she's just being playful. And
as far as the job goes, she'll get the

hang of it. You know, I just need to
work with her. Oh, like you worked with

I run wild around this place and you do
nothing.

I'm looking for a cookbook for my
daughter.

That's nice.

I'm walking over there to get some
coffee.

Stephanie? Hey, boss.

Liking the job? Oh, good.

You know, I think that that customer
needed some help finding a book.

Yeah, what was that all about?

That happens a lot. People will come in,
and then they'll ask for help, and

that's when you step in and give it to
them.

Right, right.

Got it.

Now?

Why not?

Oh, all right. I'm all over it. Okay.
Yoo -hoo!

Cookbook lady!

I can't have lunch. Greg's coming by.
I'm ending it today.

Oh, that's okay. I have some Christmas
shopping to do. This is the year that I

get my mother a gift that does not make
her cry.

Paige, have you ever gotten your mother
any gift that didn't offend her? Nope.

Ever since she and my dad split up,
everything has some hidden meaning with

Like, if I get her a pair of gloves, I'm
saying she has ugly hands.

If I get her a microwave, I'm saying she
can't cook.

So get her some innocuous gift like a
scarf or a belt or a turkey baster.

Oh, yeah, I can hear it now.

Thank you, Paige, for the lovely turkey
baster. And then it's another Christmas

spent trying to coax Mom out of the hall
closet.

This year, I'm getting her an
impersonal, stupid, meaningless gift.

Like a book.

Oh, here's Greg.

Merry Christmas.

You shop. Don't watch. This won't be
pretty.

Ellen, how are you?

Missed you.

Missed you.

So, ready for lunch?

Uh, not quite. Um, can we just sit down
just for a minute? Because, um, I just,

I really want to talk to you about
something. Oh, sure, but before you

ho, ho, Santa's brought something for
you.

I couldn't wait.

Merry Christmas, Ellen.

It's jewelry.

I can't accept this.

Oh, I know it's still nine days until
Christmas, but I couldn't wait.

Read the inscription.

My dearest Ellen, Merry Christmas.

May this be the first of many to come.

Greg.

They got a lot on there, didn't they?

And look.

A diamond.

That's your birthstone.

I know. How did you find out my
birthstone?

I called your mom.

What a wonderful woman. We talked for an
hour.

I hope you like it.

I do. I do.

I do. As a matter of fact, I got you
something, too.

I couldn't wait.

A thesaurus!

Well, I know how much you like words.

You know, you always use them and stuff.

I have never been so happy, glad,
cheerful, fulfilled, merry.

Merry Christmas.

So, lunch?

I'll get my coat.

Yeah, you're right.

That was not pretty.

Hey. Hey.

You want to go out tonight?

No, Greg's coming over in a half an hour
for a gentle breakup.

Bad idea. I take it from a nice guy
who's had a share of rejection, a gentle

breakup's a turn -on.

Now, it's an invitation to obsession.

What do you mean?

Well, what are you going to say to him?

Uh, Greg, I just don't think we're
compatible.

Well, change!

I don't think we have anything in
common. Well, I can be more like you.

Well, I guess I just don't see a future
in us.

But I can't live without you, Helen. I
won't live without you.

I don't think Greg would say that. Greg?
Who's Greg? I'll kill him, you're mine!

I'm sorry.

Okay, so how should I do it? Well, you
know, the problem is you're just so

desirable. Oh, ain't that the truth?

But, I mean, how can I make myself less
desirable?

How do you do it?

Look,

the thing you want to do is just be
unpleasant, you know? Drive them away.

Tell them that you hate sunsets and
children and kittens.

But I love those things.

Well, that's what I love about you,
Ellen.

I'm not going to let it get to that.
When he comes in here, I'm not going to

him say a thing. The first words out of
his mouth are going to be, but why?

Poor, pathetic guy.

Well, Saturday night, I've got to get to
the video store. This time, they'd

better have my cousin, Benny.

Greg, I... I like you. I do. It's just
that I don't think things are going to

work out between us.

I mean, you can understand that.
Sometimes things work out, and sometimes

don't, and...

Oh,

my God.

You even brushed your teeth, cute.

I'm sorry I'm early.

Ellen, I'm so glad we're together
tonight.

There's something I wanted to say, and I
just can't hold it in any longer. It's

just busting to get out of me.

I love you.

But why?

Why do I love you?

Because you're you, damn it.

You are the most loving, warm, generous
person I know.

Now, Ellen, Ellen, I don't want you to
say it just because I said it. I want

to wait until the time is right for you.

In fact, I insist you not say it now.

Okay.

That rule doesn't apply to me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I just want to say it to the world. No,
that's not necessary, is it?

I love Ellen Inez Morgan.

You've been talking to my mother again,
haven't you?

Oh, oh, oh, hold it right there, sir.
You haven't had one of my special

Christmas cookies on the house. Great
coffee, great service. No, great

Thank you.

What have you done with Joe?

What have you done with him? Where is
Joe?

He's not Joe.

Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt, but
we're out of charge slips.

The bottom door.

See you later, Slim.

She calls me Slim.

Oh, you too.

Joe, you big lug.

I'm happy for you. Not as happy as I am.
Hiring Stephanie was the best Christmas

present you could have ever gotten me.

Oh, in that case, I'm returning your
pony.

I have to say that cheerful employees
are really, really helping business.

This is the happy little bookstore I've
always dreamed of.

Actually, in my dreams, the bookstore
was chasing me and I was naked. But you

get my point.

Hey, so how'd it go with Greg?

Not good. We've never been happier.

Ellen, you have got to be strong with
him. Drop the bomb.

I will. I will next time I see him.
Believe me, I refuse to spend Christmas

a nice guy who loves me.

Amen to that.

Speaking of Christmas, I have solved the
mom problem, okay? Three ways to go.

Expensive perfume.

Oh, so I think do I.

Okay.

Cordless phone.

Why? So I can walk around while my
children never call me?

Chia pet?

You know how sensitive I am about my
back hair.

Hey, I made that one up.

Stop staring at her.

I wasn't staring.

You're practically drooling. I was
looking at the lemon squares.

Oh, is that your little nickname for her
bosoms?

Can I get you some espresso and more
biscotti?

Some espresso and more biscotti.

Why don't you just have sex with her?

I was just being friendly to the
customers. Yeah, right.

No, Stephanie, stop it. Just calm down.

Excuse me, do you have the bridges of
Madison County?

We sure do.

Just being friendly to the customers.

I never.

And that concludes our little play.

Let's pull over.

The glitter of Christmas lights and the
cool night air.

My heart is full.

What you thinking?

That I hate kittens?

What? I hate them.

Oh, boy. I hate kittens. Sometimes I
just want to smush them.

Oh, boy, that was wrong.

I should have stepped in at that time.
Look.

I understand. If you want me to get out,
I'll get out, because I've really

crossed the line.

You've crossed the line.

Right into my heart.

I'm a dog person.

You know, we have so much in common.

You know what, Greg? I've really needed
to talk to you and tell you something,

but it just never seems to be the right
time. I understand completely, because

there's something that I need to tell
you, too.

May I?

Sure.

Ten years ago, just before Christmas, on
a night very much like tonight, my

parents were killed in an accident.

I haven't had a happy Christmas since.

Until now.

I'm so glad I'll be spending Christmas
with you instead of a lot of sad

memories.

Well, what did you want to tell me?

Just, um...

Does your family like marshmallows on
their sweet potatoes or not? Because I

make them either way.

We're marshmallow people.

Of course you are.

So, you're spending Christmas at Greg's
brother's. With his wife, her sister,

and their three children, each one nicer
than the next.

Somebody shoot me.

But I promise I will be Greg -less
before the dawn of the new year.

Well, good luck. I'm off to Mom's for
the weekend.

Suitcase for each day?

Clothes are in here. These two are
filled with gifts.

Something in here will show that bitter
old saw sound how much I care.

Well, have a holly jolly.

Hi. I came back for another one of your
great free Christmas cookies.

Oh, you did, did you?

Well, that's just how I make my living,
serving free cookies to deadbeats like

you. Tell you what, why don't you just
reach in my back pocket, take my wallet,

and rob me? Better yet, take my
girlfriend. She's right over there. You

should be very happy together.

I can only order some candy canes. Have
a candy cane. Have two candy canes.

Goodbye. Can you get it down, coffee
monkey?

Here's your free cookie.

Come here, come here. Sit down. Both of
you, sit down.

I can't tell you how sad it makes me
feel to see you two act this way.

Joe, you told me Stephanie was the best
Christmas gift that you ever got. And

Stephanie, you told me that Joe was your
Slimmy Jimmy Jimbo.

I don't know what that means, but I'm
assuming it's good.

Christmas is not about selling coffee or
books.

Christmas is about...

Setting aside our differences and coming
together with loved ones.

Well, I guess there's no way really to
make my point without going back to the

very, very beginning.

2 ,000 years ago, a babe was born in a
manger.

And three wise men came on to him.

Well, they didn't come on to him.

That'd be sick. But no, they came on to
him.

Christmas my true love gave to me.

Twelve drummers drumming. Eleven pipers
piping.

Ten lords a -leaping. Nine ladies
dancing.

Eight maids a -milking. Seven swarms a
-swimming. Six geese a -laying.

Five golden rings.

Four calling birds.

Three French hens. Two turtle dogs.

And a partridge in a...

One more time. No.

No.

No. Why improve on perfection?

She's right. Besides, we have to save
our voices for caroling at the hospital.

All right.

You know, Ellen, this is the first time
in ten years anyone has sung Five Golden

Rings.

We have to just have a moment of
silence.

What do you say, everybody?

Is Ellen better? Is Ellen better than
Mom? Huh?

From now on, Ellen sings Five Golden
Rings. Yes.

Well, no, I'm not really part of the
family.

Not yet.

You guys, don't listen to her more.

Hey, let's sing Deck the Halls. Yeah.

Ellen, Ellen, why don't you do Fa La La
La La?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, come on, come on, come on. Give it a
try.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly.

Better than Dad!

Mom, please come out of the closet.

I didn't mean anything by it.

Yeah, that's what you say every year.

It's a rice cooker.

Well, thank you for reminding me what
your father left me for that

three other gifts out here for you, Mom.
I got you a thesaurus.

Oh, so you're saying I'm stupid?

I guess that's why your father left me.

All right, then. A globe.

Yeah, with Vietnam on it.

How can you be so thoughtless?

Why couldn't you just gotten me a nice
turkey baster like your sister did?

Times Square.

I can't believe you're still with Greg.
I thought you were going to break up

with him by the end of the year. I've
still got time. Well, we've got just one

minute left in 1994.

They had a lot of time.

All I said was Dick Clark gets younger
looking every year.

Why don't you just have sex with him?

Hey,

Greg, I really, really have to talk to
you. Oh, great. Let me just get some

champagne.

Well, Paige, hey, thanks again for the
rice cooker and the globe.

My pleasure.

So, uh, are we going to kiss at
midnight?

That's right. I forgot.

I've got to go find somebody.

They say the one you kiss on New Year's
Eve is the one you'll spend the next

year with. I hope it comes true. Here we
go.

Craig,

this is my fault. I've let this go on
far too long, but I can't see you

I don't love you. I can't hear you. I
don't love you.

I love you, too.

Craig,

I really, really, really, really, really
have to talk to you.

We have a lifetime to talk, dear. Just
say, I do, and our dream begins.

No, no, but I really, really have to
talk to you. I do. I do, too.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Thank God it's not till tomorrow.

Still have 12 more hours to tell him.