All language subtitles for ellen_s02e03_the_thirty_minute_man

Already pressed it.

That's okay. One more push. Let them
know we mean business.

It's been pushed.

See? Bright red light. Means somebody
pushed it.

Oh, good.

Five pushes. Maybe it'll come five times
faster.

Idiot.

Now, you're pushing the button?

Moron! There are like 20 people here.
You think none of us knew what to do

we got here?

How about a big round of applause for
the jerk in the suit?

Oh, thank you very much.

She wants me.

Knock, knock.

Come in.

Ellen, that guy you like is here.

What guy?

You know, comes in every Thursday, buys
a half dozen books.

What's his name? Benny?

It's Dan.

And he's nothing more to me than a
valued customer.

Okay. Just thought you'd like to know
he's about to leave and Andrew's ringing

him up.

Over my dead body.

Andrew, I'll take this. You go do that
thing in the place where I tell you to

that thing.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, Ellen. How you doing?

Good, good.

Just buying some books. How about you?

Oh, just selling some books.

What do you have today? You have African
culture, Italian art, and architecture.

Are you planning on doing some
traveling?

Only in my mind. Oh, well, it's cheaper.

And they almost never lose my luggage.

That's funny.

Well, I guess I'll see you next
Thursday.

Actually, I was wondering about
Saturday.

Okay. We're open from ten till six,
so... Well, then maybe I can pick you up

closing time.

Oh.

Like... Like a date?

Not just like a date. I mean an actual
date. Oh, real... Okay. Yeah, um... Yes,

sure. Yes. Great. Okay. Great. Good.
Okay. All right.

Okay. Oh, you're... Oh.

Just... Okay.

No, that... Yeah.

Just another valued customer, huh?

Joe, the first rule of business is the
customer's always right.

Now, this customer finds me charming,
funny, and irresistible.

He's right.

So the damn guy, he just asked you on a
date out of the blue?

No, I mean, I thought coming there were
signals.

What kind of signal?

Oh, I don't know, spends a lot of time
browsing, buys a lot of paperbacks,

always pays with a credit card.

It's so obvious.

Your hideous couch is gone. Yeah, we've
been robbed by someone with terrible

taste. Adam, where's the couch?

I took it down to the curb.

Won't it be hard to see the TV from
there?

Well, the new one's being delivered
tomorrow, so I thought I'd put the old

out for adoption.

Someone will give him a good home.

Maybe a farm out in the country, a nice
place with kids.

Yeah, it had no life here. You did the
right thing.

Clashed with everything, and it had...
an odor.

A very faint odor. It smelled.

Only on hot days.

Luckily, we have so few of those in Los
Angeles.

We were together 11 years.

Oh, the things I almost did on that
couch.

Now look at him.

He probably thinks we're just moving
again.

He's down there, waiting for the rest of
the furniture to join him.

Poor little guy.

It's a couch.

That's probably my pizza.

I'll get it.

Thanks. I'll get the next one.

Dan.

Ellen. Dan.

What do you, uh... What do you... What
do you know?

This is incredible. Do you live here?
Yes, I do. Yes.

Um, this is my... My roommate Adam and
my friend Paige.

And, uh, this is...

Adam's pizza that you're delivering in a
professional manner as if it were your

job. Am I up to speed here?

It sounds like it. Okay.

Listen, that'll be... What am I saying?
No, this one's on the house. No, no, no.

It's your job.

It's your job, isn't it? Am I up to
speed? Yeah. Does anybody have money for

more to give?

Please, I insist.

Enjoy the pizza.

Nice meeting you. Ellen, I'll see you on
Saturday. Okay. Okay. Bye -bye. Bye

-bye.

Pizza. And it's nice and hot. What do
you say we eat it in silence to better

enjoy its freshness?

So that was... Yes, it was.

And did you know it is?

Is there a... It's in the fridge behind
the milk.

It's too bad because he's cute.

Well, what's going on? Are you going out
with that guy? Well, she wasn't going

out with him until she opened the door
to 12 slices of reality.

What's the matter with you? I mean, just
because he delivers pizza doesn't mean

he's a loser. He's smart and he's
interesting, and of course I'm going to

go out with him. Well, good for you,
Ellen. I mean, I think it's despicable

many ways you women have of ruling men
out. You know, if we're not too poor,

then we're too insecure, or we're too
short, or our photography careers aren't

going anywhere.

It sickens me.

Anyway, I'm sure he does more than
deliver pizza. Everybody in Los Angeles

aspiring something.

That's right.

I forgot. Maybe he's just delivering
pizza until he can break into Chinese

Almost close of time, folks. Last
refill.

Joe, I've got a question for you.

I'm, uh...

I'm attracted to this guy who has a
menial, low -paying, food service

job. I was afraid this was going to
happen.

It's not you.

Anyway, he's cute and he's funny and...
Thank you.

It's not you.

Anyway, he's just so smart. There's got
to be something more to him. Ellen, I'm

flattered, but things just wouldn't work
out with us. It's not you!

We're rehearsing a play, and that's my
one line. It's not you!

And then my line is, yes, it is.

And then we kiss, like this.

It's that guy, Dan, that comes in here
every Thursday. We're going out tonight,

but I found out that he delivers pizza.

Is he an eccentric billionaire?

Probably not.

I think that he's probably just
delivering pizza while he pursues a

dream. I've just got to find out what
that dream is.

Well, it makes sense. Everybody's got
dreams.

Either that or he's in the witness
protection program like I am.

Oops. Uh, coffee?

It's a great perfume you're wearing.

It mingles well with the pepperoni.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard
that compliment.

Listen, I am sorry about the pizza
smell. Oh, don't be silly. No, I love

can't get enough of it.

Nope, turns out I can.

Ah, so this is where it all happens,
huh?

Yep, this is the nerve center.

Hey, if you ever want to make a
delivery, just say the word.

Oh, I don't think so, without the proper
training.

Oh. What's that?

That's my ten minutes to make a delivery
alarm. I'm sorry, um, I just left work.

It's on the way. No problem, no.

The policy is we can only promise around
30 minutes for delivery.

I say that's for the guys who can't cut
it.

Carrot cake?

Tell me carrot cake is fattening.

Yes, it's cake. It's got frosting. It's
because there's a shape of a carrot on

top. You think it's like a vegetable or
something?

It's like one of the most fattening
desserts there is.

You shouldn't call it carrot cake. It's
misleading.

I mean, a pound cake, okay. You know
what you're getting into.

It sure is quiet here after hours.

Yeah.

I love coming here at night.

Just look at everything.

It's hard to believe it all belongs to
me.

What, me? In the bank.

Actually, the bank owns most of it.

I own, like, the leg of that chair.

Not even the leg. You know that little
coaster thing that goes on the bottom of

the leg?

Scraping, that's what I own, that right
there.

It's very impressive.

The whole store, I mean. No, it's
nothing. I just had a dream and scrimped

saved and made it come true against all
odds.

Hey, that is impressive.

Good for me.

I am something else. But you know what?

Everybody's got dreams, right? I mean,
you, for example, are probably an

aspiring... What? Writer? Actor?
Painter? Poet?

Doctor? Lawyer? Indian chief?

You figured it out. I'm an aspiring
Indian chief.

Seriously. I mean, you know, you deliver
pizza, so maybe one day you'll own the

restaurant. I suppose I could do that.
Yeah, there you go. You're on your way.

Oh, no, no, I am not.

My life is not about being on the way to
anywhere.

I'm already here.

Happy living in the now. You know, not
chasing after some dream job I might not

even like when I get there.

Wow. You have a great outlook. That's
terrific.

But, I mean, really, how long can you
see yourself delivering pizza?

I don't know. I've been doing it 11
years now.

11 years.

11 years.

Wowee.

You know what that says about me, don't
you?

You're an eccentric billionaire?

When I find something I like, I stick
with it.

That's great.

Good for you.

No, I won't hold. I refuse to hold. I've
been holding for three hours now.

I demand to know when my couch is
coming.

I'm on hold.

Where is it now?

Maine.

Maine? It was made in Michigan.

I don't know if you realize this, but
they are going the wrong way.

Hey. Hey, Paige.

So, how was the big date with Pizza Boy?

His name is Dan, and I do want to tell
you about it, but you've got to promise

me you're going to keep an open mind.

All right?

It was great.

It was great. I mean, he's funny and
he's smart. We had such a good time. It

just terrific, really. It was.

Now, it does turn out that for the
moment, he

appears to have no plans beyond
delivering pizza.

Loser.

Thank you, Paige.

You know, it just sickens me that you
would sink so low as to judge another

human being based on what he does for a
living.

This is a person with fears and hopes
and dreams.

Actually, he doesn't have any dreams.

Oh.

Loser.

Okay, you had one good date, one night
out of your life, over and done with.

Well, I'm going out with him again next
week. Oh, Ellen, you can do so much

better. I mean, at least the UPS guy is
union.

You know, Paige, I don't go out with
guys for the same reasons you do. I

go out with guys because of how much
money they have or what kind of car they

drive or what they look like.

A little bit on how they look, but it's
more of what they're like inside.

You are so much more uncomfortable with
this than you think you are. I mean, I

can see it. What can you see?

What is this? Look, look.

How is that uncomfortable?

I mean, I am comfortable with this.

You know what?

Here's the thing. If you met Dan, and if
you spent any time with him at all,

you'd see what an interesting guy he is.

Friday night. Let's get together Friday
night, okay?

Okay, Friday, I'm seeing Richard.

Good. That's good. That'll be a
comfortable double date. The four of us

dating on Friday. And he's like a
lawyer. Is that right?

Actually, he's the assistant D .A. for
Los Angeles County.

Well, you gotta do something.

Hey,

if the guy was never read his rights,
there's really not a whole lot you can

Yeah, but it just seems like we're all
so familiar with police procedure

TV shows that we're already aware of our
Miranda rights, whether they've been

read to us or not.

Hey, you know what? It's not a bad
argument.

I bet that would hold up in court.

Ever thought about becoming a lawyer?

Oh, Dan's perfectly happy with the job
he's got now.

Really? What do you do? I deliver pizza.

Seriously?

As seriously as you deliver justice.

Oh, I get it, I get it. Wait a minute.
Let me guess. You're an actor.

Richard, I... No, no, no. I'm really
good at this. Fine.

Writer, right? That's it.

No, I really just deliver pizza.

Oh.

Yes, he does. And it can be fascinating,
too.

Richard told some of his court stories.

Dan, why don't you tell some of your
pizza stories?

Pizza stories? What are you talking
about? Well, just like last night, he

delivered a pizza to Scott Baio.

From Charles in Charge, Johnny Loves
Chachi, Happy Days... Anyway, tell that

story.

Ellen, that is the story.

But you've got to give detail. Tell the
toppings.

Tell them what... You'll never guess
what the toppings were. Just guess.

Okay, don't. Just tell them. Tell them
what it is.

Double anchovy, double onion, extra
cheese. Can you believe that

That's not three pizzas. It's just
what... Tell another story.

Ellen, I really don't think this is very
interesting.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your
job is every bit as interesting as

anybody's here.

And there are things that people want to
know about pizza that we don't know.

For instance, what is the most popular
topping? I don't know. Do you know? I

mean, is it pepperoni? I'm guessing. I
don't know if it's pepperoni.

What is it? Do you know what it is?
Guess. Come on, guess.

What do you think it is? Come on. What?
I don't know.

Onion. No, no.

I don't think it is.

What do you think?

Well, the good news is that that wasn't
me.

I don't know who she was.

Wasn't me.

And we both agree that we hate her, that
lady.

So we'll never see her again.

I will never bring up pizza again until
I'm 90. And when I say 90, I mean the

age, not the speed. You are going very,
very fast.

Is this mad driving? Is it like pizza
delivery driving?

That's where I get my dry cleaning done,
back there.

I found a dollar there once. It was a
Canadian dollar, so it was more like

finding, well, trash, really.

But it was exciting still to lose money,
and if I'm in Canada...

Well,

Ellen, this has been quite a night.

You obviously have a huge problem with
what I do for a living. No, I don't. I

really, really don't.

Okay, I do.

But it's...

See, because I think you're so smart,
you could be doing so much more with

life.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Congratulations, it's a couch. Have you
tried it out?

I can't.

I'm not ready yet.

I don't know it at all.

So new, so untouched, so cold.

I don't think it likes me, Ellen.

Maybe it's just tired. It had a long
drive.

So, uh, any calls for me? No, sorry.

It's been a week. I guess I should just
stop hoping.

I never should have let what he does
come between us.

You know, that's ultimately what broke
up me and Cindy Crawford.

That and the fact that the two of you
never actually met.

Well, that didn't help either.

Dan. Hi, Ellen.

Did we order pizza?

Actually, this is a gift.

It's my...

Last delivery for Signor Pizza, and I
wanted you to have it.

You quit your job? Yes, I did.

Yes, I did. What you said really got to
me, you know. You made me look deep down

inside myself, and I realized that I do
have a dream.

And it's about time I pursue it.

That's great.

That's great. What are you going to do?

I'm moving to Italy.

Italy?

Italy as in, oh, solo or mio?

Great, so... But we'll stay in touch,
right? I mean... Yes, of course.

Whenever I'm in Italy, I'll just drop
by.

I know this is kind of sudden, but it
really feels right.

Yeah.

No, I mean, congratulations.

I'm really, I'm happy for you. I am.

Well, look, I've got a lot of
preparations to make.

Ellen... I don't know how to thank you
for this. You've changed my life.

I'll never, ever forget you.

What are you going to do? Are you going
to paint or sculpt or study

architecture? What?

No, I'm going to deliver pizza.

In Italy.

Where it all began.

The very cradle of pizza.

Thank you, Ellie.

Loser.

is wrong with you? Just... Adam,

just sit down.