All language subtitles for ellen_s02e01_the_dentist

Hi.

Hi. God, I've had the worst day.

My alarm didn't go off. Now I'm late for
the most important job interview of my

life. Ah.

Is there a run in my stocking? No.

Oh, you have a thread on your dress
right there. Oh, um, could you get it

me? Sure. Okay.

Thanks. Oh.

Did you get it okay? Yeah, I got it. I
got it. Okay.

Good luck on the interview.

Thanks.

So, I figured, you know, I have next to
no money in the bank, zero credit, $3

,000 left on a college loan. I know.
What I should really do is buy a

Well, you always said that you were
going to be your own boss someday.

And now I am.

I'm also my own employee.

You should see me suck up to myself.

It's hard, but I do.

How about another round of beers?

Sounds great. Yep.

Ew, someone is kissing Adam.

Seriously, you guys seem really great
together.

Thank you.

Isn't there someone else you should be
thanking?

Yes, Ellen.

Thanks.

Thanks again. For the millionth time,
thank you for setting us up. Oh, please.

Come on.

I mean, your happiness is all the thanks
that I need.

Hey, cutie.

Can I get you anything?

Oh, thanks. My girlfriend just went up
to the bar.

Girlfriend? How come the good ones are
always taken?

I believe that waitress was flirting
with you.

Really?

No, she was. Seriously.

Actually, it's weird because I've
noticed that lately you're...

Almost attractive.

Really?

Almost attractive?

Wow.

Well, Adam, the reason that you're more
attractive lately is because you're

happier and more confident. The reason
that you're happier and more confident

because you're dating Joanna. And the
reason you're dating Joanna... Thank

Ellen. Stop!

Sorry to take so long. Thank you.

Did you miss me?

Terribly.

All right, rack them up, Paige. Seven
more wins and we're even.

Ow!

What's wrong? Oh, nothing.

Oh, just a little, uh... Uh -oh.

That's a little huge, huge chip off my
tooth.

Ellen, you've got to see a dentist.

Oh, I don't have a dentist.

Well, I'm going to set you up with mine
because he's great.

Oh. And the added bonus is he's cute.

Cute? Who cares about cute?

I just want somebody to fix my tooth.

How cute.

Hi, Dave.

Just Dave, not Dr. Ellis.

No, no.

It fell off. I saw it earlier.

No, I never went in for doctor.

Too formal for me.

Well, I hope the actual study of
dentistry wasn't too formal for you.

No, not to worry. I got my degree.

No, I'm not worried.

I mean, Paige told me what a great
dentist you are and how very undentist

you are.

I'll take that as a compliment?

Whatever.

All right, let's have a look at that
tooth, shall we?

That's a very nice smile.

Thank you.

But I'd like to see that chipped tooth,
so let's open wide.

Oh, come on, really, really wide.

Helen,

do you floss?

Yes, I do, yes, religiously.

Christmas, Easter, Rosh Hashanah.

Well, you've got a little decay in
there. Now, I'd like to do some x -rays,

then I'm going to have to clean it out
and put on a crown.

Well... It'll probably take a couple of
visits.

Oh, two visits. Aren't we rushing things
a little? I mean, shouldn't we just

have that first visit and see how that
goes and take it from there?

So, was that a cute dentist or was that
a cute dentist?

Yeah, he is now my cutest health care
provider.

So, are you going to ask him out?

No. Are you crazy? He had his hands in
my mouth.

Well, at least you broke the ice. I
mean, now it's easy. You can make a late

afternoon appointment and then
afterwards maybe suggest going for a

right. Yeah, sure. I mean, my mouth will
be numb.

Wine will be dribbling down my chin.

Yeah, that's a good look for me.

Listen, I have to go, but I am telling
you, life is way too short.

Carpe dentist.

Seize the dentist.

Hey. Hi. Hi, how was the beach?

Okay. Oh, it was so great.

Listen, can I get some change for the
meter?

Sorry, you'll have to buy something.

Really? Yeah. Okay, I'll take a couple
of biscottis.

Okay, that'll be a dollar even.

Here, he does that all the time. Thanks.

I'll be right back.

Oh, Adam, tell her about Santa Barbara.
Okay.

You going to Santa Barbara?

I'm not going anywhere.

Ellen, I'm going crazy. I can't take it
another minute.

What? I'm completely stifled. If it's
not, let's play pool. Let's go to the

beach. Let's go to Santa Barbara for the
weekend.

Well, clearly the woman is a sadist.

I want to be free to pursue other
options.

What options?

Before, Joanna, you spent your weekends
sorting laundry.

Not anymore.

Like... This woman at my photo lab, in
five years, she's never given me the

of day.

Until today.

What'd she say?

Well, she gave me the time.

But it was the way she said it, kind of
like, I have the time for you, too bad

you don't have the time for me because
you're stuck in a relationship.

Were you sure she wasn't saying, I have
the time, but not enough time to call

the men with the big butterfly nets to
haul you away?

Why are you doing this? You wouldn't
understand.

It's a guy thing.

Adam's right.

It is, in fact, the most primal of guy
things.

Our survival instinct dictates that we
find as many mates as possible to ensure

the propagation of our genes. That's
exactly it. I want to propagate my

Of course you do. We still possess the
primitive instincts of our hunter

-gatherer ancestors.

It is virtually impossible to remain
monogamous. So...

You think I should break up with Joanna?

Joanna? The one that was just here? Uh
-huh. What are you, an idiot?

She's gorgeous.

Marry her.

Marry her now.

Well, you heard him. But I want to hunt
and gather, you know?

Play the field.

You said yourself I'm more attractive
lately.

Yeah, I said that's because of Joanna.
Before her, you never got dates.

I admit, I've had a couple of dry
spells.

Decades. They're called decades.

Adam, Joanna's a good friend of mine,
and she's great for you. No, I want out.

The only way to deal with this problem
is to face it head on.

Oh, God, here she comes. I'm going to
have to figure out what to say.

Hey. Hey. Hey, where's Adam? Adam, uh,
is, uh, the, um, bathroom.

This time.

Next time, who knows?

You know how flighty he is. Here one
moment, gone the next.

Not exactly the most dependable.

Character, not exactly a sure thing.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, you remember when I set
you up how I warned you about him.

Warned me? You said he was fun.

Oh, you... Okay, now wait. When I
said... You didn't think that I meant

happy -go -lucky enjoys... Ah!

No! No!

I meant the acronym. F -U -N.

Flaky.

Unreliable.

No gooder.

What are you talking about?

Look, I just want to say that I just
think you're a wonderful person.

I really mean it. I think you're great.
And any sane guy would be thrilled to be

with you, and sane being the key word.

I'll let you two talk.

Joe, look what he's doing.

He is not breaking up with her.

In this world, he does not break up with
her.

He would have to be the dumbest man
alive.

Wow!

Your teeth look great. What are you
wearing? Where is she going? I'm wearing

this. Hey, we're going to the dentist. I
am going to the dentist.

Okay, lean back.

Open. Now, I like it.

So, you have a date with your dentist?
No, I have an appointment with my

dentist. The last appointment of the
day, which could easily lead to a date.

going to drop her off, and she'll need a
ride home, and presumably Dr.

Dave has a car.

And you think this will work?

Of course not. But the point is, I am
single.

I am not in a steady relationship, so
I'm willing to try idiotic schemes like

this. If I were in a relationship, I
wouldn't need to because I would be

And happy. And not stupid.

Stupid is your opinion. No, stupid is
everyone's opinion. Listen, Adam, I have

got three words for you. Fear of
intimacy.

Oh, please, I've got three words for
you.

I don't know what they are right now,
but you're wrong, Paige.

Wait, that's three. You're wrong, Paige.

I can be as intimate as the next guy,
and I've got the feeling something great

is coming my way.

Yeah, I believe it's called Jeopardy.
Enjoy.

Oh, um, I don't think this will be
necessary, unless you're planning on

lobster.

Oh, it's just to protect your clothes.
We think you'll be more comfortable in

it. Oh, really, I'd prefer not to wear
it, though. Oh, I'd hate to spill on

a nice outfit.

Are you going out someplace special
after the visit?

Oh, no. No, I'm not.

No, I just put this on because it's the
only clean thing I had in my closet.

No, after the appointment, I've got no
plans, nothing at all. I'm wide open.

Okay, Sarah's going to give you a little
nitrous oxide.

We'd like you to take about ten deep
breaths through your nose.

Oh, this stuff doesn't work on me. I
tried it once at a Grateful Dead

It's okay. I was with my dentist.

Just keep breathing.

So are you from Los Angeles originally,
Ellen?

No, no.

No, Louisiana.

Oh, sure. The French Quarter, jazz,
Mardi Gras.

Things you see in New Orleans.

Well, born and raised.

Things you do with a child. Things you
do with your mother. Things you do with

chicken.

Well, what do you know, Ellen? We're
both from the old bayou.

Ah, the old bayou.

The old bayou.

Can I buy you a drink, Doc, today?

I think the night just may be starting
to work.

Are you feeling relaxed, Ellen?

Why, I feel downright tingly.

And my daddy won't be home for hours.

Does little Tooth Fairy have to stay in
here with us?

Okay, we're going to give you a little
Novocaine. Numb up your mouth a little.

Why don't you numb it up with a long,
hard kiss like a gentleman?

Are you guys playing eight ball?

Don't sink that white one.

So are you guys all models?

Let's take that table over there.

I'll tell your waitress that you moved.

Hey, you.

What's up?

Hey, not a lot. I'm flying solo tonight.

Broke up with my girlfriend.

Sorry, she seems so nice.

Pretty, too.

So what can I get you?

How about your phone number?

Oh, that's original. Never heard that
one before.

Would you excuse me? I'm just going to
share that little pearl with the other

waitresses.

Santa Barbara.

That sounds great, honey.

when I said seize the dentist?

Both hands.

I am so embarrassed.

And the worst part is I still have to go
back for the crown.

I take it you never ended up actually
asking him out then?

Well, I asked him to marry me. I suppose
that counts.

Oh, well, look who's here.

The man of many options.

Aren't you going to introduce us to your
date?

Hi. Hello. I'm Ellen.

And you must be... nobody.

But that's right. I've seen you with
Adam many times before. You're perfect

him.

All right. I'm alone.

I'm so alone.

Struck out, huh?

I quit trying three hours ago.

I've just been driving around thinking
about Joanna.

Oh, Joanna.

My one shot at happiness and I...

Brew it away.

Oh, but you have your freedom.

Freedom?

It's for losers.

I want the iron shackles of a
relationship.

What happened to Mr. Hunter Gatherer?
Oh, please, that was crap.

Look at me. Do I look like a hunter?

You do wear that awful orange poncho
sometimes.

Oh, God, I want her back.

How can I get her back?

You can't. You treated her like dirt.

But I've grown.

I've changed.

Please, Ellen, can't you talk to her for
me? She'll listen to you. Forget it.

Look at me.

Tonight I've been slapped in the face,
had a drink thrown on me.

I've been laughed at half a dozen times.
What does that say to you?

It's the weekend.

I'm sorry.

It's just that how do I know it's Joanna
you want? Maybe you just don't want to

be alone.

No, that's not it. See, I understand now
what I did wrong.

It was the grass is always greener.

When you're in a relationship, you want
to be out, and when you're out, you want

to be in.

Okay, so I'll get you back in the
relationship. You're just going to want

single again.

Uh -uh, not this time, because I will
never forget how awful and pathetic I

right now.

And if I ever do forget, you'll be there
to tell me what a jerk I am.

Can that be my job?

Helen, you've got to trust me on this,
please.

I really miss her.

You better really mean it.

Hi, Dave. About last time, I want to
explain. Ellen, please. I'm a dentist.

These sorts of things happen all the
time.

Well, lucky you.

But I still want to explain. I mean, I
admit I do find you attractive.

Yeah, Ellen, let's not go down that road
again.

But I swear, it was the nitrous oxide
talking. Well, if it makes you feel

to think that, fine.

Look, I just don't feel comfortable
being your dentist anymore.

Well, who's going to fix my tooth?

Well, if it's all the same to you, my
colleague, Dr. Garber, will take over.

is very capable.

I guess that's best.

I think so.

Yeah.

Hello, Ellen. I'm Dr.

Garber.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Yodel -ay -ee -hoo, made you wear those
stupid hats.

We've just been to a beer tasting at
this new brewery downtown. Well, it

my heart to see the happy couple back
together again.

Too bad you had to work. They served
this amazing bratwurst and sauerkraut.

there was a Bavarian folk band.

Ah, stop it. You're just making me
jealous.

Only thing they didn't have?

Enough women's bathrooms.

You'll have to excuse me.

Sure.

My God, you've got to help me. I'm
suffocating.

What? It's happening again. I think I
want out.

Oh, no.

No, you don't. No, you're ecstatic.
You're with Joanna, remember? You're

yourself with joy.

Well, I wish I was. I just don't know
what I'm going to... Oh, my God, she

smiled at me.

Hunt, gather.

No, this is where I'm supposed to remind
you how lonely and pathetic you were

the other night. I'm going to go to your
office.

I've got to think about what I'm going
to do.

Adam!

What happened, Adam?

Adam? Adam is a...

I am so

sorry to have to tell you this.

But I have to tell you this.

And it makes me so sorry.

But it has to be told, and I have to be
the one to tell it.

And it makes me so sorry.

Just say it.

Adam is, uh, is gonna be fun again.

He's breaking up with me? I'm sorry.
He's my best friend. Even I don't

understand what he's doing.

I do not believe this.

You told me he'd grown. You told me he'd
changed.

He changed back.

So, you talked me into going back to him
just so he could dump me again? No. I

don't know what kind of game you and
Adam are playing, but I've had enough of

both of you.

Got your beer sign.

Ellen, I've just had the most profound
revelation.

I was about to throw away my one chance
at happiness in life.

Again!

What an ass I almost was.

But, uh... Please, Ellen, don't defend
me.

You know me too well.

I was looking at myself in the mirror,
and your words started ringing in my

ears. Lonely, pathetic, jerk.

Ellen... Thank you.

Joanna is the most wonderful, kind,
beautiful woman I know. And who am I?

luckiest guy on earth. That's who.

Maybe not the luckiest.

Where is she?

Where is that woman I love?

Right here.

Thomas Wolfe or F. Dotson's Jerry?

Thomas Wolfe.

Or Conwood Angel?

Fitzgerald.

Gatsby.

Okay, okay.

Dostoevsky or Melville?

Dostoevsky.

Melville was a snooze.

Call me Ishmael. Call me bored.

Okay, I got one.

Favorite Bronte sister?

Emily. Definitely Emily.

Charlotte was a bimbo.

God, I hate those commercials.

What commercials?