All language subtitles for ellen_s01e06_the_hand_that_robs_the_cradle

Step up and down.

Now clap.

Good. So far.

Four more times.

Four. Go right over there. It's fine.

Three.

Two.

One. Lift that leg. Up with the knee.

I can put on the new bottle if you like.
No, you can just sit him right there. I

can handle it. I work out.

You might want to try it.

Two.

And one.

Eight.

All in one motion.

One.

Two.

I can't believe you like rosemary.

I love rosemary.

I'm insane for rosemary. It's my
favorite herb.

I couldn't agree more. I mean, imagine a
world without rosemary.

The song would be Parsley, Sage,
Coriander in Time.

And that's no hit.

You know, I think Simon and Garfunkel
would be washing cars today.

Actually, I think Garfunkel is.

Now, so, is it me or is this going
really well?

This? This, us.

Our date.

Well, we have made very few mistakes.

The mistake column remains empty.

You know, maybe we should start planning
a second night out.

Oh, I don't know. It's a little early
for that.

Oh.

Okay, I'm ready. Where do you want to
go?

Come on, hurry. up. I'm getting
insecure. Where? What?

Well,

maybe we could go dancing. You know, I
heard this new club just opened

It's called the Kremlin. It's supposed
to be amazing.

I don't know. Dancing?

I haven't been dancing since Club
Joshua.

I remember Club Joshua. You know, the
only time I went there, I got carded.

don't you love when that happens? It's
so flattering.

Oh, no. I couldn't get in.

Actually, it was the night of my high
school graduation.

Wait, wait, when was this?

87.

87.

Oh, okay, okay, so I get it. So you must
have been kept back.

Seven or eight grades.

I was never kept back.

No, no, of course not, smart young guy
like you. And when I say young, I don't

mean young, young, as much as young.

Just how old are you, little Timmy?

I'm 24.

24?

Wait, is that metric or dog years?

No, I'm kidding. I mean, 24, that's
good. We're in the same ballpark.

Of course, you have much better seats
than I do.

Well, Ellen, this isn't going to be a
problem, is it? No, I'm kidding.

I couldn't care less.

Not at all.

I'm old.

I'm so old.

I'm elderly.

Probably entitled to benefits I don't
even know about.

Alan, you're making way too big a deal
out of this.

Do you think Tim is banging his head
against the wall right now about dating

older woman? Of course not.

Two o 'clock, he's having a snack and
quiet time.

Hey, older women are great.

Sexiest movie in the past ten years?

Cocoon.

This is silly.

Guys date younger women all the time,
and nobody cares.

Jim.

So, what exactly is the spread here?

32 to 24.

Oh, that's nothing. A touchdown, a field
goal, he's right back in it.

You know, I would love to date a younger
guy.

Well, maybe Tim has a little friend from
kickball.

happen. I mean, a whole generation has
snuck up on us when we weren't looking.

They're ten years younger than us, and
they're adults.

I see them at the bookstore.

They call me lady.

Consider yourself lucky.

They call me dude.

Little ones. They all need haircuts and
steady jobs.

That's what you need.

Hey, you're right.

I must be young and hip.

and hip, and neither am I. We're old and
hip. Oh, come on, Ellen. We're not hip.

You're right. I don't know when it
happened.

I just started going out less, stopped
buying albums.

I believe they're called CDs now.

Still, you know that when you go to the
Kremlin this weekend, you're going to be

a better dancer than Tim is.

Well, that's true.

Wait a second. How do you know that?

He's a white guy.

the hokey pokey okay and i resent that
i'm a white guy and a lot of people have

told me that i'm a terrific dancer oh
come

on adam i've seen you dance your basic
move goes something like this

You've got to show me how to do that arm
thing.

You know what?

I still have it. I feel great.

You look great.

Hey, what do you say we all go to the
Kremlin tomorrow night and check it out?

See what kind of music they're playing,
what kind of dancing they do. Yeah,

sure, sure. I'm up for it. How about
you, prom king? You up for it? You bet.

you've got to show me that arm thing.
That's great. Get your move. First get

your move.

Okay, and then just let it go.

Okay, okay.

Don't hurt anybody. Just be careful.

We're not the oldest ones here.

Yes, we are.

Look at that guy all in black on the
motorcycle.

First of all, he's a police officer.

And still, he's five years younger than
us.

What about that bald guy with the rat on
his shoulder?

The bald guy is definitely younger than
us. The rat may be our age.

I should be home in bed. It's 10 o
'clock.

Tomorrow's a work day.

Don't these people realize tomorrow's a
work day?

You would have been my first choice,
too. Save us some chicken wings.

I don't like the look of this. There's
no system. How can you run a club

a system?

Club Joshua had a system. Well, how did
they do it there? I don't know. I'd show

up and they'd let me in.

Now, that's a system.

You've seen what the place is like.
Maybe we should just go home.

Tomorrow's a work day.

All right, go get them.

It's me. It's the way I'm dressed. It's
the way I act. I'm too cheery and sunny.

It stinks.

No, no, it's me. It's the khakis. Khakis
in a baseball jacket.

Look like I coach Little League.

out on his shoulders.

It's got to be some type of health
violation.

That's it. I'm getting to the bottom of
this.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

That smells good. What is that? High
karate?

Excuse me.

Hi. This is my first time here. I'm just
trying to figure out your system.

Is it first come, first serve or
reservations?

What?

I got you.

You won't let me in, but perhaps if I'm
with my date.

Abraham Lincoln.

Okay, now why the hell did he get in?

That was meatloaf.

Where are my manners?

Ellen Morgan, Warner Brothers Records.

I'm with Mr. Loaf. I'm part of Mr.
Loaf's entourage.

Sort of a side dish. He's meat, I'm
potatoes.

on the cops.

Tell me that wasn't your mom.

Sorry, lady.

I'm no lady!

Hey, Ellen.

Why the long face?

I'm sorry, I'm in a bad mood. I tried to
go to a new dance club last night and I

couldn't get in. Which one?

The Kremlin. Couldn't even get past the
doorman.

Yeah, Carl can be brutal.

More importantly, he knows me.

Next time, mention my name.

Well, you know what? Since you're so
plugged in, maybe you can tell me what

doing wrong, because I used to be hip,
you know.

Define your terms.

Hip, with it, cool, on the edge.

No, I mean used to be.

When exactly were you hip?

Come on, I'm not that out of it. Who's
smarter, Beavis or Butthead?

Who's your favorite rapper?

Hammer Time.

No, not Hammer Time.

M .T. Hammer.

Oh, come on. It's not like I listen to
disco.

Disco's in.

You, my friend, are out.

Well, so what if I am, you know? You
don't have to fit in to be cool. You

have to be yourself.

Uh -uh. Being yourself, out.

Mindless conformity in.

Ellen,

Ellen. Hi. Hi. You gotta see this. Okay,
how you doing? What?

What's hot, what's not? California
Magazine takes a look at West Coast hip.

So? So, it's everything you need to know
for tonight. What to wear, how to

dress, street slang, the works. It's a
complete guide to cool.

Plus, it even lists the ten hippest
people in every major city.

I'm not in there, am I?

Sorry.

Whew, thank God. Something like that
could ruin me.

Joe, Joe, you've got to help me be cool.

I'm going back to that club tonight, and
I would die if I didn't get in again.

You've got to have the right clothes.

Try a store called Combe de Fou. It's
around the corner from the Kremlin.

Is that what it's about? Because I just
don't get their system. Last night they

let in some guy with a rat on his
shoulders.

The bald guy? Yeah. Yeah, everybody
hates him.

But you should see that rat dance.

Long sleeves in case you get chilly.

I really should use the bathroom.

No, you can't do that.

She'll think that's the only reason we
came in.

Well, we're looking at stuff.

I don't think you're just looking at
stuff so you can use the bathroom.

got to try on.

Well, here.

Try this.

This is delightful.

$700 later, I'm still naked.

One of the hottest new terms on the
street is fat, only it's P -H -A -T.

Fat? Fat is a compliment? That's stupid.

Stupid's a compliment, too, only it's F
-T -O -O -P -I -D.

Ellen, you're fat and stupid.

I think I'd spend a lot of time crying
if I lived on the streets.

So can I help you?

Yes, can I get a napkin?

Then I need to use the bathroom.

I meant with the clothes.

Oh, we're just looking.

Actually, um, I'm looking for something
to go dancing in.

Go get undressed. I'll bring you
something that suits you.

Privacy. Stand on the feet.

I know this might sound silly, but
whenever I come to a place like this, I

help but think that people are judging
me.

Do you ever feel that way?

You okay?

I didn't do this. It was like that when
I put it on.

That's the design.

Holly, what do you think?

It's your color. I mean...

Let's see how it dances.

Stop, you're making me nauseous.

All right, come on, be honest.

Do I look stupid?

Very.

I'll ring it up.

Wait, you know what? I just realized.

I don't know, I'd forgotten. I have
something exactly like this at home.

We should just go back to the bookstore
and ask Joe.

Joe?

Coffee Joe?

friend of Joe?

Why don't you say something?

I don't know.

I have just the thing for you. Lose the
clown suit and follow me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I use the
bathroom?

Stand on the feet.

Wow.

I think it's a...

What does Holly think?

What difference does it make what Holly
thinks?

Well, I mean, if Holly likes it, then it
must be, you know, Holly knows clothes.

Stop hemming and hawing.

Who's hemming and hawing? You, him, him,
him, ha, ha, ha.

It's pathetic. Come on, if you've got
something to say, just come out and say

it.

You look like Chairman Mao.

So much for hemming and hawing.

Yeah, but, you know, I...

I don't know clothes. I'm sure it's
great, you know.

The Kremlin, Chairman Mao.

It's all communist thing.

You know what? You're just not picturing
it right.

It's got to be dark.

Well, now I can hardly see you.

Exactly. And now?

Now, picture you're Tim's age and you've
had a few drinks.

Okay. I'm Tim's age.

Woo!

Beer is neat.

Oh, no.

The room is spinning.

I'm going to Ralph.

Very, very funny.

You just wait. This will be the deafest
outfit there tonight.

Oh, you look great. You dance great.

Did you just say deafest?

You think these shoes are good?

Did you just say deafest?

Yes, yes, I did.

Ellen, the guy's younger than you. He's
not a rapper.

You know, I don't even know why I'm
bothering to talk to you. You are so

Who's smarter, Beeble or Bunhead?

Wow. That is some outfit.

And you look like you're... Stepped out
of the pages of a fashion magazine.

Well, thank you very much.

I can't get over the change in you.

Change? This is no change.

On our first date, I was holding back.
This is the real me. Young and hip,

plugged into the club scene.

I thought you said you hadn't been
dancing in years.

Okay, well, there. You've got me on a
technicality. See, I go to the clubs. I

to the clubs to see and be seen, but
never really get a chance to dance

I'm so popular.

Carl, how you doing?

Yeah.

You know, I do a lot of pointing and
waving and everything, so it looks like

dancing, you know.

How you doing?

Wow. I mean, you know the doorman.

Yeah, sure, Carl. He's in my posse.

He and I are in the house.

In the house.

Everybody say ho!

Bring the noise!

You're fat and you're stupid.

Ellen, I have to tell you, I'm a little
thrown by this. I thought that we were

on the same wavelength, but I don't even
understand what you're saying.

What? Well, I don't know. Maybe this
isn't my thing. I'm afraid I'm not as

as you are.

You're 24 years old. You can't help but
be hip.

Age has nothing to do with it. Look at
me.

I mean, look at these people.

You fit in here. I don't. I mean, I'm a
little league coach, for God's sake.

But you're the one who wanted to come
here.

Well, I read about this place in
California Magazine. I thought maybe we

just come and check it out, you know,
and goof on people.

We can still do that.

You can't goof on these people.

They're you.

No, they're not me. I'm me. I mean, I'm
the me I was before I became the me I am

now. The me that isn't me for you. You
get me?

Oh, God, you rap, too.

I really should just go. No, you don't
understand. I'm like you. This is just

act. Ellen, please, you don't have to
change for me. Just be yourself.

Look, maybe we should just call it a
day.

Wait, you got me all wrong. I hate these
places. I hate these people.

You.

How does it work that way?