Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the feet of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes. But they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? You'll have yours and I'll have

mine. And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world.

strokes to move the world.

suck your pillow right up into your nose.

Come on, Will, let's wake up.

This sleep is one of the most important days of our lives.

Ah!

Hey!

What are you doing?

Just trying to get your attention.

You do that again, I'm going to be the only child.

Listen, Will, you've got to get ready.

That social worker will be here any minute to tell Mr. D if you get adopted.

Well, what do you think I set the alarm clock for?

Another five minutes and we'd have gone off.

You want to go back to sleep?

Nah. Might as well get dressed for that social worker.

Yeah, we won't make too much of an impression in our pajamas.

Speaking of making an impression, when she gets here, don't do anything stupid

like you did last time.

What did I do?

You invited her to dance with you.

She's a social worker. I was just trying to be social.

Kimberly, are you in the bathroom again?

She's always in there. That's where they deliver her mail.

Morning, guys.

You look like an antenna for a CP radio.

I want my hair to look nice for the social worker. I'm so excited. Today

find out if you get to be my real brothers.

After we're adopted, does it mean you're going to come in here every morning in

your pajamas and break our neck?

Willis, we got a problem.

She just became our sister, and we got to sue her for whiplash.

Now, what could have happened to that social worker?

Oh, don't worry, Miss Garrett. She'll be here soon.

Mr. Drummond, you're finally going to legally adopt Willis and Arnold.

How can you be so calm?

It's easy. I'm too numb to be nervous.

Well, I'm in worse shape than you.

I was trying to cook and do the laundry, and I ironed an avocado.

Well, Daddy, that social worker should have been here by now.

I wonder what's holding her up. Well, she came through Central Park. I wonder

who's holding her up.

Well, Mr. D., I'm so happy you're becoming our legitimate father.

Yeah, up until now, you've been illegitimate.

Well, I'll feel even better when that social worker gets here. Yeah, I sure

nothing went wrong.

Mr. Drummond is a responsible, solid citizen and a wonderful father. They

to give their approval.

Yeah, but he's got all the qualifications except one.

What's that?

You ain't black.

Not even close.

Well, I certainly hope the court won't hold out against me. Hey, guys, why

you show Daddy the declaration?

What declaration is that?

Well, I figured that now that Willis and Arnold are becoming official members of

the family, they should get a few extra privileges.

So, we came up with the Willis and Arnold Jackson Bill of Rights.

Bill of Rights?

All right, Thomas Jefferson, let's hear it. Article number one.

We want the right to our own refrigerator loaded with food.

Guess who thought of that one?

I can't imagine.

Could it be that same little person whose hobby is collecting sandwiches

of stamps?

Well...

that taste like salami and cheese, I'll start collecting them.

Article number two.

Willis and Arnold have the right to an 8 % cost of living increase and a pension

plan. Cost of living increase, pension plan?

Where'd you get that idea?

Well, we figured since we both ride bicycles, we're entitled to everything

Teamsters do.

Okay, Simpson.

This load of junk comes to 65 bucks.

No problem. I'll pay for it on a two -word plan.

What's that?

Charge it.

I got two words for you.

Stick it.

Simpson, I'm gonna give you just two days to pay me.

Fine. I'll take the Fourth of July and Mother's Day.

Two days from now, or I'm gonna take all of this junk back.

Look at that big hole in that mattress.

The man must have had a sandpaper behind.

If there's anything live in there, just shake hands.

Hey.

Well, now, what do we got here?

Dear Morton, hope things are going well for you in L .A.

Keep in touch.

Remember, you've always got a friend in Lucy May and me. Take care of your old

friend, Henry Jackson.

Wow, what a thrilling letter.

It's right up there with the one I got for contributions to the Ku Klux Klan.

Whoa, what is... Hey, some bank books here.

Here.

32...

$24 ,000.

$41 ,000.

$78?

Yeah, what else we got here?

Oh -ho.

Last will and...

to Henry Jackson of 259 East 135th Street, New York City.

In the event of Henry Jackson's death, my fortune will be left to his widow,

Lucy May, or in the event of her death, to their two sons, Willis and Arnold.

Wow, a lot of money involved here. This calls for a call.

Mr. Drummond, we will recommend that the court grant the adoption.

Now you two are going to be my brothers for the rest of your life. Come on,

guys, lay one on me.

Well, I hate mushy kisses.

But go ahead, mush me.

Well, gang, we're all set.

All we have to do is go to court. What do we have to go to court for?

Oh, well, the judge still has to sign the adoption papers.

Now that's the kind of judge I like. He gives you a life sentence on Park

Avenue. And a maximum security penthouse.

You know, you are a perfect example of how an ethnically mixed adoption can

work, Mr. Drummond.

Sometimes they get turned down.

I know they do, but thanks to you, I'm sure we're not going to have any

Oh, my stars, I'd better get going.

I've got a wife beater after lunch.

Well, thank you very much. We appreciate everything you've done. Why, all right.

It was my pleasure. And, Mr. Drummond, don't forget your court date, Friday, 10

o 'clock.

Yeah, what a day. Not only do we get adopted, we get to miss a day of school.

Hey, Arnold.

Are you deep in thought or counting the flies on the ceiling?

Willis, do you remember how scared we were when Mama died?

Yeah, and all we had was each other. I didn't know what was going to happen to

us. And I still felt that way when we first moved in here. You did, too.

Yeah, not as much as you did.

I guess I'm more the penthouse type.

What are you looking so sad for?

I guess because I'm thinking about Mama and Papa.

We're going to be somebody else's son.

Yeah, but that's the way Mama wanted it.

You know, I'll bet you right now Mama and Papa are up in heaven looking down

us. Just as happy as they can be.

You think so?

I'm positive.

You know, I think you're right.

I think I hear some laughing up there.

You feel better now?

Yeah.

Say, Willis, after we're adopted, does it mean we become Willis and Arnold

Drummond?

Well...

I've been thinking about that.

And I think we ought to keep the name Willis and Arnold Jackson.

Well, he could be Willis and Arnold Jackson Drummond. You know, like Farrah

Fawcett Majors.

Well, for Mommy and Papa, I think we ought to keep the name Jackson.

But won't that hurt Mr. D's feelings?

Nah, I'm sure he'd understand.

Yeah, that way I won't have to carve new initials on my turtle.

No, now I think Mr. Drummond's going to be our father.

Maybe we shouldn't call him Mr. D.

How about just calling him Phil?

Arnold, we can't do that. And we can't call him Papa because only our real Papa

is Papa. And we can't call him Mama for a whole lot of other reasons.

You know, why don't we just call him Dad?

Dad?

Now, Dad, about my allowance.

Dad, we're just fine.

Glad we're going to call him Dad, because he's terrific.

Yeah, and who else would take in two strange kids and feed them and close

and give them a place to sleep? Nobody I know except the cops.

Hey, you guys still up?

Hey, Mr. Drummond, we have something to tell you.

Yeah, just come on in here and take a load off your feet. All right, now.

Okay.

Now, what's up, fellas?

Well, me and our...

discussion around here about our future. Oh?

What about your future?

Well, we think we should definitely have one.

I'll handle this, Arnold.

You see, we came to a decision. That is, if it's okay with you.

Well, what's that, Willis?

Well, when the adoption becomes final Friday, if you don't mind,

well, we'd like to call you Dad.

You want to call me Dad?

If it's all right with you. If it's all right.

If it's all right.

You made a dream come true. I've always wanted a boy. Now I got two of them.

And if it's all right with you, too, we'd like to keep the name Jackson. For

and Papa's sake. Oh, of course, Willis. I insist on that.

Holy smoke.

Dad.

You guys don't know how much happiness you bring me.

What'd you find out about that guy Henry Jackson? Is he still living at the same

address I gave you?

Oh, he died, huh?

Well, what about his wife? Is she looking for a new husband?

Oh, she died, too.

What about the two boys?

You're putting me on.

Are they really staying on Park Avenue with some rich white cat named Drummond?

Oh, well, thanks, Scooter. I got to go now.

I owe you money.

How can I talk about money when I'm in mourning?

Ah, two little orphan boys who don't know they're coming into all that money.

And they sure need somebody of their own kind to take care of them and that

money.

And I vote for me.

Good. Well, then we're all set?

Oh, thanks, Tom.

Well, I'll see you here tomorrow morning, and we'll all go down to court

together.

Right. No, I don't have time to listen to a joke.

Bye. Why don't you want to hear a joke, Mr. Drummond?

He's my lawyer. He charges me by the hour.

How much does he charge you?

$100 an hour.

What are you talking about, Mr. D?

That's what some lawyers make.

$100 an hour?

Man, I'm going to be a lawyer and stay open.

Yes? Well, I'm here to see Willis and Arnold Jackson.

Oh?

Someone to see the boys.

Better let them in.

You must be Mr.

Drummond's young daughter.

No, I'm Mrs. Garrett, Mr. Drummond's young housekeeper.

I thought you were a teenage cheerleader waving your pom -pom.

Come on in.

This is Mr. Drummond.

You say you came to see the boys?

That's right, Mr. Drummond.

My name is Jethro J. Simpson, and I'm their cousin.

Cousin? How do you do?

Wow. The only time we ever saw a cousin dress that fancy was right after they

died.

Boy, you never told me you had a cousin.

Why we never told you is because we didn't know.

Well, this is wonderful.

This calls for celebration.

How about some champagne?

Okay. But don't be surprised if yours looks like milk.

Well, it sure is good to see you boys.

Uh, Arnold and Willis, right?

Uh, no.

I'm Willis and he's Arnold.

Yeah, it's easy to tell us apart.

Just like... Just like... My mama.

Right.

And, Willis, you look just like your... Papa.

Right. You know, I'd recognize you boys anyway.

We'd recognize you, too, if we knew who you were.

Well, I've been in South America for 15 years, boys.

I'm your cousin, Jethro, from Brazil.

How about that, Arnold?

You'd find another relative just like your Ruth.

Kunta Jethro?

Won't you want to sit down, Mr. Simpson? Oh, muchas gracias.

De nada.

Oh, you speak Spanish?

Oh, and poco.

Oh, well, I usually let my interpreter handle my poco.

Why, come on, Mr. Drummond. Oh, thank you.

Yes, Simpson Limited, South America.

Copper, chinchilla, coffee, and auto parts.

That's quite a variety.

I don't suppose you boys have ever been to the jungle.

No, but we've been on the New York subway.

That's close enough.

Boys, I brought you some presents.

Oh, man.

Nothing I like better than finding an old cousin with new presents.

Well, this one's for you, Willis.

It's a stuffed crocodile tail.

I captured it myself.

It scratched the hell out of me.

And this is for you, Arnold. I found that in the Amazon River.

Gee, thanks.

This is it?

A rock?

Well, it might not look like much, but it meant a lot to that fan crab I took

away from.

Bet it didn't put up much of a fight.

Tell me, how do you happen to be related to the boys, Mr. Simpson?

On the daddy's side, I just got back and I heard about my dear cousin Henry and

his wife, Lucy Mae, passing.

So I rushed right over here.

Cousin Jethro, I'm sorry I don't remember a mom or a papa ever mentioning

Yeah, they never talked about a lot of people, but they never talked about you

the most.

Well, that's all right.

I was always considered the white sheep of the family.

Well, you sure came at the right time, Mr. Simpson, didn't he, boys? Yeah.

Tomorrow, Mr. Drummond's gonna adopt us.

What you talking about, Arnold?

Cousin Jethro is definitely a part of the family.

You mean adopt them legally, like an I -now -pronounce -you father and son?

Right, Mr. Simpson.

Oh, boy, this comes as a surprise.

It's a nice surprise, of course.

Well...

Congratulations. Thank you.

Oh, it certainly has been nice meeting all of you. I think I better be going

now. So soon?

Can't you stay for dinner?

Maybe we can whip up a crocodile pizza.

Well, no, I'm on a diet.

Cousin Jethro, will we be seeing you again?

Well, it's up in the air at the moment.

Comme ci, comme ça, Arnold.

He's willing.

Well, that's all right. The adoption will straighten all that out.

Well, I want to thank you for dropping by to see the boys.

It's really nice to know they have a relative. It sure is.

Bye, Cousin Jethro. Nice meeting you.

It's been my pleasure, boys.

And as we say in the jungle, may you never find a tiger in your pajamas.

Oh, Kimberly, this is my daughter. This is Mr. Simpson, Arnold and Willis'

cousin. Oh, really? Hi.

Well, buenos dias, senorita.

Buenos dias, senor. Como estas, dad?

Well, I couldn't have said that better myself.

I guess I'll be going now.

Well, drop by any time, Cousin Jethro. Jethro.

I will return.

Sayonara. Bye.

So, this is where he lives, huh?

Yep. But you know, it sure is funny how Mommy and Papa never mention Cousin

Jethro. Maybe not. I don't mention Donna Summer a lot, but you can park her

records in my stereo anytime.

Hey, I got an idea.

Maybe there's a picture of Cousin Jethro in our old family album.

Hey, good thinking, Willis. Was your brain...

hide, we could make half a detective.

Let's see what we got in this thing.

Hi.

You sure were a funny -looking baby, Willie.

That's not me.

That's you.

Oh, well, I should have known by those chubby cheeks.

And I don't mean the ones on my face.

Don't make a difference anyway.

You look the same from both ends.

Hi, here's three of my favorite pictures.

Papa fishing, Mama dancing, and you getting sick in the car.

I wasn't getting sick in the car.

Oh, sure.

You were just sticking your head out the window because you couldn't afford a

dog.

Hey, here's a picture of Mama and Papa at the circus.

Doesn't that look like Cousin Jethro standing behind him? No, that's the

lady.

Yeah. Yeah, she's standing behind Papa, so it's hard to tell that she's wearing

a dress.

He just got confused.

Yeah, I bet the bearded lady gets even more confused.

About what?

Whether to use the men's room or the ladies' room.

I don't see a picture of Cousin Jethro in here anywhere.

Hmm.

I'm beginning to think there's something strange about him.

Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. What kind of guy would gift wrap a rock?

More important,

you know, who would just show up like that out of nowhere, give us presents,

then split in a hurry?

Nobody I know except for Santa Claus and the Lone Ranger.

Well, maybe I'm wrong about Cousin Jethro.

I just got a weird feeling about him.

Yeah, and what do you mean?

He's got the same shifty look our teacher gets just before she hits us

tent.

Now, you sure you got all the legal papers that we need, Tom?

Are we going to have that judge that you mentioned before?

Phil, this isn't the first adoption case my law firm has handled.

Relax.

You weren't this nervous the day Kimberly was born.

The day Kimberly was born, I didn't have to wait for a judge to tell me who her

father was.

Bishop. Hey, how you doing, Mr. Bishop? Kimberly.

We're all ready, Daddy.

Oh, man, I can't wait.

I was so excited last night, I kept waking up.

Well, I was so excited last night, I kept going to the bathroom.

Boy, getting a doctor sure wears you out.

Are we all set, Gary?

Do I look okay for court, Mr. Bishop?

Oh, you look just fine, Mrs. Gary.

Ah, it's a lovely dress.

Thank you.

Only wear this dress for special occasions that represent great joy and

happiness. When did you wear it last?

When I got divorced.

All right, let's go, gang. All right.

Oh, I got it, Mr. Drummond.

Oh,

Cousin Chevro. Oh, Mr. Simpson, nice to see you again.

Hasta la vista, everybody.

That means goodbye.

Well, I won't be staying long.

court with us.

Maybe that trip to court won't be necessary.

What do you mean?

Drummond, this is my attorney, Mr. Payton.

Your attorney?

How do you do, Mr. Payton? Mr. Drummond, you'll be interested in this document.

What is it?

I think it speaks for itself, Mr. Drummond. It's a letter written by your

father, boys.

My father?

It says if anything ever happens to him or to your mother...

He wants your cousin, Jethro Simpson, to be your legal guardian.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

For many boys need a better beat than a long come to.

They got nothing but the change that they got.

Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to take. Different strokes to do the work. Different

to move the world.