Original subtitles

(rock music)

(rock music continues)

(rock music continues)

(wheels screeching)

♪ It started in a motel bed ♪

♪ Then your words kept messing with my head ♪

- Stop, stop! Stop, stop!

♪ And from the side of your mouth, saw the venom pouring out ♪

♪ Oh, you kissed me hard, then soft and slow ♪

♪ The only love that I've ever known ♪

Asshole!

♪ But secondhand smoke don't always work ♪

♪ To keep a girl like me around ♪

(Star coughing)

♪ So say my name, I'm always the one to blame ♪

(door shuts)

(thunder booming)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughs)

(thunder booming) (Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(Star sighs)

(door creaking)

(no audio)

(door clunking)

(bottles clinking)

(door thuds) (engine rumbling)

- [Announcer] For your livestock needs, it's Triple L Feeds.

(somber classical music)

(bottle clinking)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(door creaking)

- Weather's about to get bad.

Throw your gear in the back under the tarp.

(Star coughing)

(door thuds)

(thunder rumbling)

So where are you headed?

- Dubuque.

- Ain't going that far.

(somber music continues)

- Where are you taking me?

- My place.

- That's not okay.

- Want to get out?

You're better off at my place than out here.

I'm just trying to help.

(somber music)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(door thuds)

I'll get your things, then.

(Star coughing)

It's not in good shape.

- We have that in common. I'm good here.

- Suit yourself. (melancholy music)

I got indoor plumbing.

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

You hungry?

(melancholy music continues)

(Star groans)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

- That's a blast from the past.

All those albums.

- My mother, she...

Just don't mess with it.

- Not to worry.

(Star coughs)

(silverware clattering)

(melancholy music continues)

Pinto beans?

- Close, but not pinto.

- What's this?

- [Logan] Bread.

- Right. You made it?

- [Logan] Try.

(hand thuds)

- Is it bread bread?

I don't know, it's kind of nutty.

- That's a good description.

You got a name?

- Star.

- Made up, or your real name?

- What's yours?

- Logan.

- Where am I?

- Geographically?

- Yeah, geographically. (coughing)

- Drink the water. Drink it.

Arizona, near Rodeo, New Mexico, population 101.

- Seriously? 101?

- Could be less by now. That's from last census.

- The middle of nowhere.

Don't worry, I'll be gone first thing in the morning.

- Do I look worried?

Where are you coming from?

- LA.

You work around here?

- Yeah.

- Cowboy?

- Was.

- Never met a cowboy before.

Is that what they're still called? Cowboys?

- Far as I know.

You can sleep outside or on the couch, it's up to you.

(chair scraping)

(door thuds)

(blanket thuds)

(melancholy music)

(light clicks)

(melancholy music continues)

(light clicks)

(paws tapping)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music continues)

Pretty good, huh?

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

Hey there Gilda, Gracie. You two ready to stretch your legs?

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(melancholy music)

(Star coughing)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(gate creaking)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(door thuds)

(water splashing)

(beans squelching)

(melancholy music)

Hey. Hey, you okay?

- Oh my god, what time is it?

- It's okay, just lie there. (Star coughing)

- I'm sorry.

- You could fry an egg.

- I really meant to be out of here.

- But God had other plans.

- You believe in God?

- It's just a figure of speech.

What have you eaten today?

- Water.

I feel like crap. You can dump me by the side of the road.

- I'll think on it.

(kettle whistling)

(water pouring)

(Star sighs)

Careful, it's hot.

- Mint?

- There's some mint.

I actually grow these herbs.

- Look, I'm gonna be- - Drink your tea.

(Star coughs)

Not good. 103.

Shower could help.

(melancholy music)

(shower hissing)

(melancholy music continues)

(door thuds)

Care to guess what's for supper?

- What kind of beans are these?

- Anasazi beans. Gourmet.

- Mm, actually kind of good.

It's pretty much what you eat?

- Pretty much.

- Variety's not your thing?

- I keep things simple. It suits me.

- Here I am, messing things up.

- Yep.

- It's just you here?

- If you don't count Nala.

- Nala?

- My dog.

She's outside.

- I like dogs.

(chair scraping)

Aw! Aren't you a good girl?

- She's my therapy dog.

- Really?

- Night duty.

You know, I think you would sleep better

in the other bedroom tonight, so wait here.

You miss her too, don't you? (melancholy music)

I know. It's okay.

- Oh my gosh.

Is this the same house?

- This is...

Was my mother's room.

She died a year ago.

A year ago yesterday.

- I'm so sorry.

I'm not sure I can sleep here. I feel like a trespasser.

- She would like that.

(Star coughing)

Come on.

(Star coughing)

(melancholy music continues)

(Star coughing)

(melancholy music continues)

(Logan gasping)

(somber music)

(zipper rasping)

(somber music continues)

(Star coughing)

(Star coughing)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(Star coughing)

(doors creaking)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(Star coughing)

(somber music continues)

(Star coughs)

(somber music continues)

(engine rumbling)

(birds chirping)

(chirping continues)

How're you feeling? - Better.

I've been drinking your tea. I think it's been helping.

Sorry I'm still here.

- No, don't be.

- Never been this exhausted my entire life.

Never. I pretty much slept all day.

Thanks for the sewing kit, but I bought my jeans like this.

- New?

- Yeah. - Why would you do that?

- You serious? Where have you been?

It's been the fashion for years.

I mean, mine are nothing compared to ones

with huge holes up and down both sides.

And they're expensive. (coughs)

- Perfect metaphor for the times we live in.

We gravitate toward destruction and we pay a high price.

- Good point.

- How'd you sleep last night?

- Oh my god.

It was the best night's sleep I've had

since I was a little girl.

I'm not even kidding.

I felt so safe.

- Safe.

- It was such an unfamiliar feeling.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on.

- Feel like moving around a little bit?

Take the girls back to the corral. You can join me.

Hello, girls. Meet Star.

Star, meet Gilda and Gracie. Mother, daughter.

- Never been this close to a horse before. They're so big.

- You're from Iowa and you've never been around horses?

- Just preachers in my family.

- You can go ahead and stroke her nose.

She might take a bite of your hair, but that's about it.

- Oh, thanks.

- [Logan] Come on.

(melancholy music)

- Come on!

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

- My mother crocheted that. - Nice.

You've lived here your whole life?

- Mostly.

- I love how it smells out here.

- It smells?

- What do you farm? Cotton?

- What makes you think I farm?

- Oh, I just- - I do.

But not cotton.

So what's in Dubuque?

- I'm not sure.

- That's a long way to go not to be sure.

- It's not your problem. Don't worry, I'll be gone tomorrow.

- You said that before.

- Right, actually, you know what, I'm feeling much better.

- I'm teasing! You need to get better first.

Another day or two should do it.

(Star coughing)

Or three.

101. You're not leaving quite yet.

Is that okay with you?

- I guess so. You don't mind?

- If you need to do laundry sometime,

there's a washer out back and a clothesline.

- A clothesline? I've never used one.

- Then you'll have to figure it out.

- [Star] What are you reading?

- "Invisible Man".

- [Star] Oh, is it recent?

- Nope. Written before you were born.

- How old do you think I am?

- 20?

- 24.

- Hm. Well, you look younger.

- How old are you?

- 33.

- You look older.

- So what are you running from?

- Did you say running from?

- There's nothing wrong with your hearing.

- It's a long story.

- What are you reading?

- It's a book about Janis Joplin.

- You a fan? - Huge fan.

Not the drugs. Her passion, her guts.

There was no one else like her.

- Is that what you are? A singer?

I've never met one of those before.

Is that what they're still called, singers?

- I had that coming. (coughs)

- Is anyone looking for you?

- You think I'm running from the law?

- No, I mean family or...

- I have to call my aunt in Dubuque.

Do you have a cell phone charger I can use?

I can't find mine.

- What do you think?

I have a phone in my bedroom. Feel free to use it.

- Thanks, but that won't help,

because her number's in my dead phone.

- You ever hear of a pencil? Address book?

Like I said, I like to keep things simple.

- Keeping things simple's never really been my thing.

Your mother's bed's calling. (melancholy music)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(cheerful music continues)

(no audio)

(cloth rustling)

(Star coughing)

(no audio)

He's a rodeo guy, huh?

Are you really a therapy dog?

Hello, ladies. Anything interesting going on?

Is this what you two do all day? Hang out, eat grass?

Where can I sign up?

Come on.

(gate creaking)

(gate clunking)

(melancholy guitar music)

♪ What was I running from ♪

♪ Now you're gone ♪

♪ Was I running from the law ♪

♪ I'm not quite sure ♪

♪ At the end of the day ♪

♪ I was running away ♪

♪ I was running away ♪

(paper rustling)

(door shuts) (melancholy guitar music)

♪ What was I running from ♪

♪ Now you're gone ♪

♪ Was I running from the law ♪

♪ I'm not quite sure ♪

♪ At the end of the day ♪

- Keep going.

- I'm done. How was your day?

- About what I expected.

How're you feeling?

- Better. Your tea's amazing.

My energy's slowly making its way back.

It's been five days or so?

- Six.

You got your guitar out.

- Felt right, for the first time in ages.

Wow, six days?

- Don't worry, I'm not out of beans.

Want to ride a horse?

- You serious? - Come on.

(guitar thudding)

(Star coughing)

(somber music)

You went in?

- Yeah.

- This can untie in two seconds, see?

- Sorry, guess I need knot tying lessons.

- The girls, they like to wander.

They can push the damn gate open with their nose.

- Like I said, I'm sorry.

I thought I was being careful.

I'm tired. I'm going to take a rain check.

- I'm sorry.

I just think you'd enjoy a ride.

(gate creaking)

So you're gonna put your left foot in the stirrup,

then you grab the mane with your left hand

and the horn with your right and just spin yourself up.

- It's okay.

(Star yelps)

Easy peasy.

- How do you like it up there?

- I like it so far, as long as she doesn't move.

- You can give it a little slack,

and you can grab hold of the horn with one hand,

the reigns in the other, and a little tap

with your foot will get her moving.

- Okay.

Isn't this gorgeous?

- My favorite time of day.

- We don't get this in LA.

- I liked watching you play guitar, singing.

Those words were from our conversation.

- All my songs are from my life, so yeah.

I haven't touched my guitar in six months.

- What happened six months ago?

- Let's just enjoy the ride, okay?

(somber music continues)

That was great. - The shower?

- The horseback ride.

Running low on your Ana-whatever beans?

- Anasazi. We're good.

You want to hear the beans' story?

- Sure.

- Anasazi Indians disappear from New Mexico about 900 AD.

Those are their beans, as discovered by some old farmer

who recently found a few in a small pot

hidden on Anasazi sacred ground.

So he planted them, and they grew.

Now there's this farm in Colorado that sells them.

And they did a DNA test, they're healthier than pinto beans.

- Maybe I should write a song about them.

You want to go for a walk?

- It's been different for me with you here. Not all bad.

The last person in this house other than me was my mom.

- What was she like?

- She had many sides. I will stop there.

So what happened six months ago?

- My roommate died. Killed, I'm pretty damn sure.

Leah was my one true friend in LA.

- That's rough.

How?

- Opioids.

But it was no fucking accident.

Her asshole boyfriend was ready to move on. She wasn't.

- That's a pretty serious accusation.

- Fentanyl was in her system. She didn't do drugs, ever.

- You sure about that?

- She was like me, 100% anti-drugs.

She was black, he was white.

He knew I suspected him.

He threatened me, if I ever said anything to anyone.

- And you didn't talk to anyone, like the police?

- His brother is on the force.

I still plan to, when I feel safe.

Leah told me that being smart and black

is worse than being dumb and white.

No respect, not heard.

Her singing was finally getting her

the positive attention she deserved.

We were so excited.

- And you stopped writing songs.

Why LA?

- I truly believed I'd find myself there,

do my music like Janice did.

How stupid, stupid, stupid. I was never a good fit.

I don't sleep around. I don't do drugs.

Janis did all that stuff.

- Then you're not completely stupid.

- Well, there's stupid, then there's stupid.

- Is that the name to your next song?

- I'm trying to have a serious conversation.

- Me too.

- I left LA because I wasn't safe.

If he could do that to Leah...

I hitched a ride with a guy I thought I knew,

headed to El Paso.

Suddenly we're off the 10

going I don't know where, it was scary.

- It feels safe in Dubuque?

- Hell no, there's just no other choice. It's home.

- Well, here you're safe.

- Go figure.

Thing is, it's clear to me that this is your space,

and you're better off alone in it.

- You might be right.

So, middle America, Dubuque. Why not safe there?

- For a man of few words, you ask a lot of questions.

You must have a story. Everybody does.

Even if you've never left this place.

- I've left.

- You ever head to El Paso?

- I've been known to.

- If you can give me a lift,

I can get a ride from a trucker, they're pretty safe.

- I'll be heading to Lordsburg, New Mexico,

before I head out to El Paso.

There's a bus stop there. Be another week.

- Heck, I can just walk to the road tomorrow.

Start hitching. I don't mind.

- You in a rush?

I told you, I don't mind you being here.

Not yet, anyway.

Besides, you'll be lucky if you see three cars

going the other way all day,

so why don't you just hang around?

Relax.

- Okay, thanks. I just need a truck stop.

- I ain't leaving you at no truck stop, little lady.

- Little lady? What movie's that from?

- It's John Wayne.

- Who?

- I think the middle of nowhere, Arizona,

will be good for you.

You can write songs and sing them to me.

I like your voice.

- I guess I can do that.

I can even help out on your farm. I don't mind.

- No, I work alone. Besides, you still need to recover.

I'm gonna get supper ready.

- Thanks for the horseback ride.

I'll never forget it.

(somber music) (Logan groaning)

(Logan yelping)

(Logan gasping)

(Logan grunting)

(explosions booming)

(Logan gasps)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)

(herbs grinding)

(somber music continues)

Good morning.

- You're up early. How'd you sleep?

- Fine. How about you?

- I'm off.

Get some rest.

- Is there a choice?

You okay?

- Always.

(melancholy guitar music)

(paper rustling)

(melancholy guitar music) (Star singing indistinctly)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy jazz music)

♪ After you've gone and left me crying ♪

♪ After you've gone, there's no denying ♪

♪ You'll feel blue, you'll feel sad ♪

- What the hell? - I was just-

- I know who it is! I told you to leave the records alone.

- I'm sorry, I guess I just-

- I'm going to Lordsburg tomorrow. Be ready.

- I know, you told me.

I'm sorry, I was just dusting, and...

(melancholy jazz music)

♪ The evening sun go down ♪

♪ I hate to see ♪

♪ The evening sun go down ♪

♪ It makes me think ♪

♪ On my last go 'round ♪

♪ Feeling tomorrow ♪

♪ Like I feel today ♪

♪ Feeling tomorrow like I feel ♪

(static hissing)

- Hey, sorry about yesterday.

- Yeah, well, I don't know who you are

or what floats your boat,

but I'll try to remember the good things.

- I thought we'd have breakfast at the Crossroads.

- I'll pull off the sheets and start a load.

- I'll do that after you're gone.

After you're gone. That's a good name for a song.

You can dedicate it to me.

- Already been written.

I'm almost ready.

It's hard leaving...

Nala.

- Nala.

- Yep, Nala.

(no audio)

(melancholy music)

(melancholy music continues)

(perfume spritzing)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

- Wait right here.

- No fucking way!

I guess I can't hate you after all.

- Damn. - (indistinct) the Mud Hens?

- Yeah, my mom's from Toledo.

- Wow. So was mine.

You going to wear it? (melancholy music)

- Sure, why not?

- Just one sec.

(melancholy music continues)

(door clunking)

(door thuds)

Bye, Gilda.

Nala, you're the best dog. The very best.

Shake. Down.

Aw.

Bye bye!

(door thuds)

- You smell like my mother.

- I couldn't resist.

I appreciate what you've done for me, by the way.

You saved me.

- You may not know it, but it's been a two way street.

I'm sorry about yesterday, I just...

Never mind.

(melancholy music continues)

- I don't really know anything about you.

You know a lot about me.

- I don't, actually, know a lot about you.

You never told me why Dubuque isn't safe.

- Right. Guess I'll save that for another day.

- You don't know a lot about me, more than anyone.

Secret stash of beans.

- Wrong.

I don't even know what you grow on your farm.

- I guess I forgot to mention it.

Hemp. I grow hemp.

- Really?

How do you know about Chinese herbs?

- Just something I was interested in.

It's been practiced way longer than Western medicine,

so I figured they knew a thing or two.

- You have the Quran. Why?

- I wanted to know more

about the people I was hired to kill.

- Have you read it? - I have.

- Your thoughts?

- It's like the Bible,

aimed at keeping the population in line,

full of myths and metaphors, some history, allegories.

- You were deployed.

- Afghanistan, two tours.

- [Star] I forgot to ask what your mom thought

about you signing up.

- [Logan] We got in our first fights over it.

I'd never seen her that angry.

- [Star] Probably afraid you wouldn't come home.

- [Logan] It was more than that.

When I got back, she didn't like who I was.

Her son the cowboy was an angry asshole.

It aged her.

(door thuds)

(door clunking)

- Seems like a millennium since I was here.

- Strange, I've been coming here all my life,

and it's never been closed.

I hope nothing happened to Harry.

His dad started this place.

Well, I guess I'll just take you to El Charro,

it's old hangout for railroad guys.

- Why do you use Chinese herbs?

- They seem to keep my nightmares to a minimum.

- Afghanistan?

Sorry, Logan. We can change the subject.

- No, you know I don't want to change the subject.

These days, it's hard to be a proud American.

We've created so much chaos, pain.

I contributed to it.

- God, Logan.

- When I got back, I was angry, short-tempered.

When I went to sleep,

I'd have the same nightmares over and over.

I was guilty when I was happy,

so I just avoided being happy.

I especially avoided the goddamn news.

No, I'm good.

I'm good with Nala, my girls,

my books, my garden, beans, hemp.

- Hemp?

- It's a miracle plant, you know.

- I don't know much about it, except it was illegal.

Can you smoke it?

- You can wear it, you can eat it.

It takes less water than cotton.

In fact, cotton farmers benefited hugely when it was banned.

So how was it for you, being out of touch for three weeks?

- It didn't kill me.

- Your aunt's in Dubuque?

- I hope so.

- What about your folks?

- I should keep my mouth shut.

(door clunking)

I told you, until I slept in your mom's bed,

I'd forgotten what safe felt like.

- There are other places, you know.

- Actually, I don't know.

What are those mountains over there?

- The Chiricahuas.

- Chiricahuas? Nice.

- Feels like a major holiday. Zip traffic.

- Tell me about this Carl Jung guy.

- It's pronounced Jung. You been looking at my books?

- Right, yeah. You have a weird bunch of books.

I mean, "Uncle Tom's Cabin"?

- I wish we'd have talked about my books before.

I'm serious about becoming more self aware, if possible.

- Why?

- Just don't get along well with people.

Should get you to Lordsburg.

- Probably.

(door thuds)

What's happening? It looks like a ghost town.

- I don't have a clue. (somber music)

Get down. Get down!

- Logan, what are you doing? - Something's not right.

You see the guy with the mask over there?

- No. Are you sure?

Let's just get the fuck out of here. I'm serious, please.

- Get down. - Logan!

- Back up. Back up, show me your face!

Take off the mask! Take off the mask!

- We can't because of the virus.

- Virus?

What are you talking about? What virus?

Polka dots, huh?

- My wife made this!

When did all this happen?

Are y'all from Toledo?

Missing your beans?

(somber music continues)

- God, I never thought a cheeseburger could taste this good.

- What's it called again? COVID-18?

- 19, the coronavirus.

Such a pretty name for something so evil.

I'd heard about it,

but it was in, like, China or somewhere, not here.

- That restaurant I was going to take you to, El Charro,

closed down three years ago.

It's a cabinet shop now.

- Guess you can't blame the virus.

- Nope, but you can blame it on buses canceled to Dubuque.

- I tried getting out of your hair.

- But God had other plans.

- How funny, that guy Peter's from Toledo? Small world.

- He thought that we were a couple.

- So, there was a gun under the seat.

- Just in case.

- Just in case.

My name is Jane.

- What do you want me to call you?

- You can call me Star.

(paper rustling)

(door clunking)

(door thuds)

(melancholy music continues)

(door thuds)

(birds chirping)

- Should last a while.

- All those people dead in less than a month.

- You suppose that was your situation?

- Maybe.

Well, I survived. Guess I'll never know.

Your Chinese herbs did their magic.

Maybe we should spread the word.

- Nobody would listen.

- At least you're not sick. I feel terrible-

- Stop, stop. I'm fine.

Just goes to prove one of my mother's favorite sayings.

You don't think God has a sense of humor, just make plans.

- Normally I'd find that funny.

- You okay being here?

I know I'm not the best company.

- Compared to the jerks I've been around lately,

you're an improvement, a big improvement.

- Oh, dammit! What was I thinking?

I am so sorry.

- About what?

- I was on autopilot at the store,

and I just bought the same things I always do.

- I noticed.

- I'll do better next time. You can make the list.

- You're brave.

- And I forgot to make bread.

We'll make some later.

- So where's this hemp farm of yours?

- It's not too far.

- Do you really work alone?

- Not quite.

- Meaning?

- Meaning, best not to ask too many questions.

- Really, Logan? You hire criminals or something?

I'll clean up when you're done.

Thanks.

Smells good.

- Look.

You first.

- Ah, look I.. I don't know what this is-

- I was going to say that I really don't mind you being here

I, I think you're Godsent to

force me to

- Godsent?

You don't believe in God.

- I never said that

I don't believe in religion

- Godsent, huh

Here to make you crazy

- No, I see myself

different with you

I just realize you can't really know yourself

in a vacuum.

- All those books with all those answers

They're not enough?

- You want to ride some horses?

- Now?

- Yeah, sunset's the best.

- Okay.

(wind in trees)

LA is a million years ago. (cheerful music)

I paid my rent waiting tables, writing songs,

waiting for my big break.

I tried coffee shops, too.

If three people showed, it was a crowd.

I can't help thinking about Leah.

She was on the cusp of making it.

She wasn't good at men, though. That's for sure.

- What about you, when it comes to men?

Want to let the girls run a bit?

It's safe, they know where they're going.

(cheerful music continues)

- Well, that beats riding the bus.

- That's a low bar.

- So amazing. I wasn't even afraid.

I trusted Gilda. Trust isn't usually my thing.

- What about me? You trust me.

- Some of the time.

Careful, little lady.

Just be careful.

(no audio)

(somber music)

(doors creaking)

(somber music continues)

- What the fuck? (door slams)

(Logan grunting)

(door creaking)

(somber music continues)

(Logan laughing)

(melancholy guitar music)

♪ I was walking, you knew my name ♪

♪ You were talking to me ♪

♪ As the days go by ♪

♪ The reason why ♪

- Really, Logan, I'm sorry. It was an impulse.

- Impulse? Which, slamming the door in my face, or-

- The dress.

- That was as shock. So was slamming the door in my face.

- That was bad.

- You thought I was gone.

- I don't know when I last wore a dress.

- I got something for you.

It's for you.

- How nice. You're not going to kill me.

- (laughs) It wouldn't hold up in court.

- What's this? - Hemp.

- It looks harmless enough. It's quite pretty, actually.

- Is that a new song?

- You want to see it?

(paper rustling)

- It does not take you long

to make poetry out of a conversation.

- Now to come up with the melody.

(Logan sighs)

- Go work in my garden.

Chinese herbs need to work in combination.

Just don't ask me to pronounce the names.

- How do you know which combinations?

- I got nothing better to do than study.

I'll let you pick some weeds, if you like.

- I feel so honored.

- Just toss them in there.

No, it wasn't even open. (Star laughing)

You missed that totally. There you go, wow.

(Logan whistling cheerfully)

I haven't whistled since I was a kid.

- Pretty good at it. You can do a little jig.

- Ha! I'm not the jig type.

Got some work to do in the corral.

(melancholy guitar music)

Sorry about the limited menu.

- It's nutritious.

Once I'm out of here,

I may never eat another bean, gourmet or otherwise.

Since we're on the subject,

tell me something you've learned from one of your books.

- You want anything?

- You avoiding my question?

- We weren't on the subject.

- I know, but we are now.

Seriously.

Why does getting to know yourself matter?

I mean, you're a recluse, and from what I can tell,

happy to stay that way, so why all the effort?

- The human condition doesn't interest you?

- I haven't given it much thought.

- I got this book, "The Body Keeps the Score".

It's by this Dutch shrink

who's writing about the effects of trauma on the brain.

He says that the brain is the only organ

that changes because of experience.

- Physically?

- And at any age.

PTSD, it's a brain disorder.

That's why it's so hard to overcome.

It's more than psychological.

And for kids that have been traumatized,

I won't even go there.

- You don't have that book on your shelf.

- It's in my room.

- Maybe I should read it.

God, I could sure use some ice cream right about now.

(chirping continues)

(Logan laughing)

- Which hand?

- My mom used to do that. - Hurry!

- That one!

Are you kidding me?

I was making a joke! Where'd this come from?

- I guess you never opened the freezer.

- French vanilla?

- It's my mom's favorite.

Been sitting in the freezer for over a year.

- Are you serious? Tastes fine to me.

- It's frozen.

- I can't believe this. You don't want any?

- I'll save it for you.

Heading to Lordsburg today.

I told you things I'd never told anyone.

I figured I wasn't ever going to see you again,

so what the hell?

I thought it would feel uncomfortable, but I was wrong.

- Are you leading up to something?

- My mom.

We had a very close relationship,

but it was not always easy, not for me.

She

was a...

Lady of the night, that's what she called it.

That's how she supported us.

That swing?

When I was a boy, I'd be sent to my room,

but I'd sneak out the window and I'd come watch my mom

with men,

so many different men.

And it squeaked then, too.

I never sat on that swing until you came.

- Kind of noticed.

- That restaurant I was going to take you to earlier,

El Charro?

My mother was very popular there. She...

It's where the old railroad men hung out.

She'd eat with them,

and then she'd just bring them back here.

Then she'd drive them back.

Sometimes she'd bring three home.

My father was one of those men.

My mother was 38 when I was born.

- She was loving to you, though?

- I was her one true love.

She bought me a pony, then she bought me a horse.

She'd take me to rodeos, you know?

It was just the two of us.

- It's not that traumatic for you after all.

- No, no, it was...

It was plenty traumatic. I'm not kidding myself about that.

To see my mom with all those men all over her, come on!

- Quite the story, Logan.

Here I thought Afghanistan was the source of your PTSD.

- That's just the source of my nightmares.

- [Star] Nice to have a loving parent.

(Logan sighs)

(no audio)

- You okay?

- Strange it was the swing that made you feel uncomfortable,

not the other bedroom.

- I never saw what went on in there.

Didn't occur to me till I was older that anything did.

It was all about that swing. (melancholy jazz music)

(melancholy music continues)

♪ My heart is sad and I'm all alone ♪

♪ My man's treating me mean ♪

♪ I regret the day that I was born ♪

♪ And the man I ever seen ♪

♪ My happiness is less today ♪

♪ My heart is broke, that's why I say ♪

- That was a pleasant surprise.

- Little lady, you outdid yourself.

Bessie would agree, that was quite the performance.

You consider me your biggest fan.

- That did me in. Guess I'm not 100% yet.

- As far as I'm concerned, you're 200%.

I was a total jerk the other day. I'm sorry.

- It's okay. - It's not okay.

Just went to autopilot again.

Mother used to entertain her gentlemen friends with Bessie.

- And you keep the albums?

- Of course.

- I don't even know your name, but,

I think I'll call you Trixie.

I'm not sure how I feel about you,

but I think you live life on your own terms.

Is that a good thing?

What's your plan for today?

- I think I'll teach myself Swahili.

- Swahili? Are you serious?

- Ha! Of course not.

- You think you're funny. - I am funny.

- So why don't we check what's going on with the virus?

Like, when can we start living a normal life again?

- You really want to go back to your normal life?

This is normal for me.

- I'm not suffering, but I can't stay here forever.

- Well, you might consider it.

- Don't. Don't even think about it.

(Logan sighs)

(chirping continues)

Here.

I think I pulled a Logan. Sorry.

Been talking to your mother. She's worried about you.

- Yeah? You're talking to my mother?

I see. What's she worried about?

- I'm not sure yet, but I don't even know her name.

- You psychic or something?

Well, her name's Dixie.

- I thought she said Trixie.

- You're freaking me out. - Good.

- Today it's your turn. - For what?

- [Logan] Tell me things about you, you keep avoiding.

- Don't you have a farm to farm?

- I took the day off.

Or maybe you'd love to learn

how to saddle a horse right about now.

- That's my vote.

(Star grunts)

I don't think I could swing this up and over like you do.

(melancholy music)

- Next the cinch. Not too loose, not too tight.

Before you get on, you want to double check it.

Gilda likes to blow up her belly when you first cinch her.

After she relaxes, it gets double tightened.

(melancholy music continues)

(melancholy music continues)

- Logan, I should have told you before,

but my body's off limits

to men, all men.

My father, 180 from your mother.

Jeffrey Epstein of Dubuque.

- Who's that?

- Bad guy.

- So where do you see yourself in the future?

Single? With a woman?

- Not a woman. I don't travel down that lane.

Makes things a lot simpler, I guess.

I don't have a clue about my future.

- It's not much, but I thought I had all I needed

until you waved me down.

- Funny, I don't remember it that way.

I think I'd like a kid, though, someday. Maybe two.

I hated being an only child.

- I loved it.

You still haven't told me about your future.

- What kind of tree is this?

- Tamarisk.

- It's beautiful. We don't get them in Dubuque.

- Reason enough to consider my almost offer.

(cheerful guitar music)

♪ Leah was a girl I wanted ♪

♪ She was strong while I was kind ♪

♪ We played on the same old team ♪

♪ And we chased the same old dreams ♪

I'm working on Leah's song.

That's what it's called, Leah's Song.

- Did I inspire you?

- You did.

- When you talked about your future,

you didn't mention the word music.

You're not giving up, are you?

- God, no. Even if I have to wait tables forever.

I'll always write and sing.

I just thought you wanted to know-

- Right, right.

I just think with those songs and your voice,

it's just a matter of time.

- You think? - I know.

I won't let you give up.

- You won't let me give up, here, in the middle of nowhere?

Nowhere, closest town, population 101?

Thanks for the compliment,

but the other bedroom's calling me.

- You really talk to my mom?

- I do. In fact, she's expecting me.

- Please just stay.

Please just stay, just a little while longer.

Please.

(chirping continues)

Now would be a good time-

- To what?

- To tell me about Dubuque.

- You don't give up, do you?

I ran away five years ago.

Yes, to get famous,

but mostly to escape

my father raping me

while telling me we were doing God's work.

He was a pastor, like I said.

- Jesus, Star.

Did your mother know?

- I don't know, she left when I was 11.

- Did you hear from her?

- Never.

- Was she a good mom?

- When she was sober.

- How old were you when it began?

- 10.

It gets worse.

He assured me that we were doing God's will,

and I believed him.

He was a pastor, right?

So as awful and as painful as it was,

I was proud, maybe even a little smug,

that at my age, I was fulfilling God's will!

I'll be gone sooner rather than later.

I'd want me gone, too.

- It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- I've never told anyone this before.

(melancholy guitar music)

♪ I've been knocked down my whole life ♪

♪ Windows closed, doors shut tight ♪

♪ But you shone out from the crack, ♪

♪ Now you're calling to come out♪

♪ You're my best friend in disguise ♪

♪ My soulmate from another time ♪

♪ 'Cause I was running away ♪

♪ Now I'm here to stay ♪

♪ You picked me up in your pickup truck ♪

♪ There's nothing for us to say ♪

♪ We were running away ♪

(melancholy music)

♪ As the days go by ♪

♪ The reason why ♪

♪ I fall for you ♪

♪ I see you, I see only you ♪

♪ As I'm walking around the room ♪

♪ So much is clear in my eyes ♪

♪ You're the one that brightens up the night ♪

♪ You bring me to life ♪

♪ I knew you now and then ♪

♪ You keep me warm until the end ♪

♪ Oh, I loved you from the very first moment ♪

♪ You made me laugh ♪

♪ Now and then ♪

♪ I see you, I see only you ♪

♪ As I'm walking around the room ♪

♪ So much is clear in my eyes ♪

♪ You're the one that brightens up the night ♪

♪ You bring me to life ♪

♪ I see you, I see only you ♪

♪ As I'm walking around the room ♪

♪ So much is clear in my eyes ♪

♪ You're the one that brightens up the night ♪

♪ You bring me to life ♪