All language subtitles for On The Buses s07e03 The ticket machine

Hello, love.

Hello, ma 'am. What are you doing up?
It's gone midnight. We're waiting for

Oh, we've got a surprise.

You'll never believe it.

Olive's got a fella.

Oh. Now, come on in. I want to show you.
What, what? Well, in you go.

In you go. There. Of course you do.

Now, what have you done?

Now.

Do you like it? It shows what I've got,
doesn't it?

Yeah, shows you've got your corsets on.

Where'd you get it from?

Well, we've got to have some more money
now Olive's divorced.

I just got her a job at the depot.

I know, but I don't want my little Olive
to be a clippy forever.

So we've started up in business.

Have you?

What sort of business?

Agents for a mail order firm.

Now, all we have to do is show the
people the catalogue. They tell us what

want. They pay us cash.

And we get commission on everything we
sell.

Oh, well, that's not too bad, no. Look
what we've got already.

This lovely tea set, this guitar, and
this dress.

Hey, who's bought this lot from you,
then?

We have.

You have?

I know what you're going to say, love,
but it's not going to cost us a penny.

What do you mean, it's not going to cost
you a penny? It must be 20 quid for the

stuff here.

No, 50.

50? Oh, never mind.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Don't worry, love.

We'll soon make enough in commission to
pay for all this and more.

It'll only take us a couple of weeks.
Yeah, but just a minute. How much

commission do you get?

Oh. Well, I don't know exactly, but it's
all here in the book.

Well, let's have a look at this. See
what it says about it. Yeah, just a

Hang on a minute. Got it? Yes, it
says... What's this here?

Be an easy order agent. Earn yourself
pounds and pounds the easy way.

Frill your friends and wind up rich.
Blimey, that's good.

Get your passport to happiness with easy
order mail order.

I got my passport to happiness.

Oh, I see. Olive Butler is entitled to
two pence in the pound commission.

Two pence?

Yes, and it goes.

And it goes?

Do you know how much to earn a pound
you've got to sell?

No, I'm not very good at arithmetic.

Mum, to earn a pound, you've got to sell
50 quids worth of stuff.

Well, we've sold 50 quids worth of stuff
to ourselves already, so we've earned a

pound.

You ain't got to sell it to yourself.
You've got to sell it to other people.

And to earn 50 quid, you've got to sell,
God, over 2 ,000 quids worth of stuff.

Well, we'd better get cracking.

Would you like to order something from
the catalogue?

I'm not getting through to you, am I?
It's going to take ages to sell all that

amount. I mean, don't you understand?

You've got to buy this now.

No, we haven't. It's on seven days free
approval.

Right, well, I've seen it free enough.

I haven't thought about it properly yet.
Oh, yes, I have thought about it. It's

all going back.

And who wants a blimmy guitar?

None of us can play a note.

That note of rubbish must have cost all
of ten quid. That is not rubbish. It

cost over thirty pounds.

Thirty pounds?

Well, I've got to have a good guitar.
I'm going to start my own pop group.

Yeah,

she looks like a group in that dress.

The cat's caught in a mangle.

It's going back. It's going back. Oh,
Stan, not my lovely tea service. I've

always wanted a bone china tea service.

Look, what's wrong with her own china?

Ah, that's lovely, isn't it? Her own
china's lovely.

But, Stepo, not to be taken away.

Well, I'm sorry. It's all going back and
that's it. Good night. Oh, Stan, please

don't make me send me a dress back. I've
always wanted a dress that really hugs

me, figure.

That doesn't hug you. It throttles you.

I'll tell you what to do. Look, I'll let
you keep the dress, but the rest's got

to go back, eh?

Yes, you're right, love. We must earn
the money before we spend it. Now you're

saying sense.

And no, I don't mind waiting for another
week for my tea service, love. Eh?

Dad? What? Could you help me do me up?

Mum and I couldn't manage by ourselves.

Oh, turn around.

And you get the zipper.

Don't wriggle.

Don't wriggle.

Don't wriggle.

Don't wriggle. Don't wriggle. Don't
wriggle.

Don't wriggle. Don't wriggle.

Don't wriggle.

Don't wriggle.

Don't wriggle.

haven't paid for it yet.

Oh, Sam, what are we going to do?

Well, let's see if we can salvage some
of it. Oh, no, no. Come on. Let's buy

plate for our dear.

Well, there's a couple of plates. Well,
don't stand there. Give it down.

You'll have a try.

We won't be out of paper all this lot in
seven days.

Do you know what it means, don't you?
What?

It'll mean we'll have to go to court.
We'll have the bailiffs in.

This could mean prison.

Oh, I'd come and visit you, Stan.

I've got a great scheme that'll get you
out of trouble. What's that? Now, one of

the fellas has managed to acquire a
surplus ticket machine.

Surplus? Yeah, surplus.

You know, disused. Out of circulation.

Borrowed. You mean stolen?

No, borrowed.

They can have it back when he's finished
with it.

Oh, yeah?

What's he going to do with it? Sell it
for five quid.

Who to? You.

What would I be doing with a stolen
ticket machine?

Getting enough money to pay off all your
debts.

Yeah, you're mine. I'm not doing that.
Come on, come on.

Listen, every ticket I sell on this
machine is recorded here and checked by

Blake at the end of the day, right? Yes,
so, so. Now, look, if I had another

machine, what he don't know about, I
could sell tickets off that and give you

the money.

That's stealing.

No, it's not. It's expropriation.

What's that then? Stealing.

No, no, no. It means taking back what
rightfully belongs to you in the first

place. Look, come here. Can you explain
to me how that money belongs to me?

Well, it's easy, isn't it? Look, we
wanted the government to backdate our

pay rise to a year before, didn't we?
But he refused, didn't he? Yeah, yeah.

Right, well, it's just another way of
taking it then, isn't it?

Yeah, it's stealing.

No, well, I mean, that's the system,
isn't it? I mean, they force it on us,

don't they?

What do you say? No. All right?

You want to see your sister dragged off
to prison?

Won't be a pretty sight.

That would be a pretty ugly sight.

If you have your way, I'll be dragged
off to prison. All right, all right.

wages won't cover it. No. Hey, I've just
thought of something. I tell you what,

though, mate.

No. But my efficiency bonus will, won't
it? Ah, come off it. That's not due for

another month. You know, Blake, he won't
let you have it before it's due. You

know him. You know his heart, Liz.

Ah, well, I... I'll chat him up a bit,
you know, speak nicely to him, you know.

All right, go on then, let's see your
clever stick. All right, I will then,

right? Go on. What's this then?

Ah, Mr Blake, sir.

Could I have a little word with you,
please, sir? Mr Blake.

You're up to something, aren't you,
Butler? No, no.

Yes, I am.

It's about my efficiency bonus.

What about it?

I know I'm not due for it till next
month, but I was wondering if you could

your way clear of letting me have it
this week.

Yeah. Yes, I could, yeah.

You could... Actually, you could, see?

I could let you have your efficiency
bonus this week, if you were getting an

efficiency bonus.

But you're not.

So I can't and I won't.

Why not?

Because an efficiency bonus, butler, is
paid to people who are efficient. You're

not efficient, are you?

Well, all right, Blake, I'm going to
give it to you straight. I'm earnestly,

really need that money desperately. I'm
in trouble for the money. So, look, can

I have it?

No. Look, it's the rules, butler. It's
out of my hands, isn't it? They're tied.

Oh, yeah, but it's up to you, though,
really, isn't it, Blakey? Well, yes.

Then what do you say, then?

No. See?

I'm showing you. But, Blakey, Blakey,
why not?

Look, butler, I've suffered from you. Go
on. I'm

not

going to give it to you.

Not if it goes down on your knees, I
wouldn't.

Oh, yeah.

You're right, Jack. I've had him up to
there. Listen, you go and get that

machine, Gordon. Now you're talking,
boy.

Here's another fine thing, Butler.

Somebody's been and gone and stolen a
ticking machine out the stores.

Ah, here's a fella I want to see.

Here,

I've got it. No, no. Here, you take it.

Don't be long now, Butler.

All we've got to do is find that machine
and check it with a fingerprint.

sat there?

Well, it's me, isn't it?

You're getting fat, aren't you?

You want to do a bit more work, but
that's your trouble, mate. Go on, get

bus out. I will, yeah. Hang about.

You're on a new route today. Here,
there's your route.

I'll give it to Jack.

No, you take it, man. You're driving the
bus.

Stick it in my mouth.

You're taking it to collect newspapers,
aren't you?

somewhere, don't I?

What did you say? He said he'd got to
put it somewhere.

I'm asking him.

What's wrong with your age, then?

Nothing, nothing.

Right, we'll sign this then, can't we?

Right, can you hold your bowl? No, go
on, you hold the blooming bowl, mate.

not your servant.

Oh!

Oh, dear!

Come on.

Oh, well.

Here's your root mat, what's left of it.
Thank you very much.

You find your way around. I should get
the bus out and inject it. Go ahead.

Can you work?

I can talk to you.

Get in the bus, eh? Yes, I'm going to.

What do you think you're doing, old
mate?

Listen, if you can't get in that cab
under your own steam butler, you're not

to drive the bus, mate. Right, I'm going
to get the nurse to have a look at you.

All right, then.

I'll get down at the bottom of this. All
right.

Quick, quick, quick.

Hello,

Mr Constable. Just getting in my bus.

Do you agree?

Hang on, hang on.

Oh, oh!

What's the matter?

Oh, I'm sitting on a little handle.

Oh,

I think I've rolled myself up a floppy
one.

Oh, father, come on, get out of there,
boss. Come on, the nurse is going to

examine you. No, no, I'm all right, no.

Look at you, look, your face is in
agony, man.

No, it's nothing, it'll soon pass.

Yeah, it's passed.

Look, I've told you it'll only take me a
few minutes to fix it, because I don't

trust you to break it.

Look, I managed to get one ticket out of
it.

One ticket? That's no good.

I wish I'd never agreed to it. It's
stealing.

Yeah, well, it's also stealing to stop
your bonus, isn't it?

Well, I'll tell you something, mate. As
soon as I've got enough money, I'm

jacking it all in.

Oh, I've been sitting in a cab all day
long.

Haven't there been nightmares about it?
Oh, yeah. I always thought you drove the

bus fast asleep.

I'll go through all that and you can't
even fix the machine.

Look, it'll only take me five minutes.
All I need is a screwdriver.

All right, come on, I'll get you a
screwdriver.

Hey, listen.

Don't say a word in front of Mum or
Olive.

Especially Olive.

You know, now she's working at the
depot, you know what I mean? A bit

you know.

Hello, Mum. How are you getting on?

I'm just trying to stick all this wrap
and china together, but it's not very

good. Oh, well, that's got you.

No, I couldn't have bothered if I were
you.

Oh, love.

We won't get into trouble, will we? No,
no, Mum. As a matter of fact, Jack, me

and Jack, we've got a scheme.

What it is, is I've got a £50 efficiency
bonus coming to me. So you won't have

to worry.

Oh, my little love. Thank you, sir. I
knew you would need it. No, just don't

worry about me, Jack.

Oh, that lovely.

Oh, I wonder who that is. I'll go.

Mr Blake, come in, please.

Oh, thank you. Could I have a word with
you, please? Oh, yes, certainly.

I'll just get down. No, it's you I
wanted to talk to, actually.

I wondered if you'd be interested in
coming to the busman's ball.

Oh, how lovely of you to ask.

Oh, I'd love to.

The tickets are 50p each, actually.

Don't you fixate yet. All right, I'm
doing my best tonight.

Get a move on.

Yes, I'll see what she wants. Yes.

What are you bawling your head off for?
I was just having a word with you. Oh.

He's come about the ticket.

Oh. Yeah, well, it's nothing to do with
me. I don't know anything about it. No,

don't give me that butler. I spoke to
you this morning about it.

You can't hang that on me.

We haven't sold any.

Well, I know. we haven't sold any.
That's why I've come round this evening

cop you.

Oh, I see. So you know about it, then?
Well, I know all about it, don't I?

I only did it to save Mum and Ollie from
the shame.

Well, then.

I know the busman's ball is not exactly
the Royal Garden Party, but I was bound

to see how I could shame your family.

Oh, the busman's ball!

Yeah, the busman's ball. Now, do you
want any tickets or not? Come on. Those

tickets! I thought you was talking...

No, it wasn't, no.

No, it was... Mum, no, we don't need
tickets because Mum and Olive had quite

bit of expense lately.

Yeah, we spent £50.

£50? You've been splashing it about,
haven't you?

Bought something nice, have you, Mrs
Buck? Yes, we got this lovely broken tea

service.

Lovely, isn't it?

It's hardly 50 quid for those, is it?
Oh, no, we got this lovely torn dress.

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but
I think you was rooked.

Don't be, Charles. They weren't broken
when we bought them, were they?

Oh. Oh, I see.

You bought them just to smash them up.

Now, look, do you want any of these
tickets or not? Oh, I'll take three of

Go on.

Oh, just one thing, Butler. What?

You will pay for them before you tear
them up, won't you?

Oh, very funny.

I'll give you the money when we get to
the depot tomorrow.

Yeah, you mind you do and I'll make it.

Well, I'll be off home now, Mrs Butler.
Can I have a little tea?

Oh, look, I'm just making a cup of tea.
No, he doesn't want any. He's got to go.

I'll fix this, can't I?

Hello, Ricky.

How are you?

So am I. No,

he can't stop.

Just a minute. Won't take a minute.

Not now, I've called you.

Hi.

Harper, when you left the depot this
evening, you forgot to sign your way

I've got it here, can't you sign it now?

Right, you sign it.

I might have a cup of tea after all. No,
no, no.

No, no, no.

What do you mean, no? Well, you'd have a
cup of tea, but don't sit there, it's

very uncomfortable.

Butler, I was sitting here just this
minute. No, no, no.

Don't sit there, it's my chair.

It's my chair. It's my chair.

It's my chair. It's my chair.

I wouldn't sit down if I were you. I
read somewhere that sitting is very bad

you. It spreads your bottom.

Who am I not to tell then?

You're a bit late, love.

No, no, no. No, there's a nasty spring
in it which is sticking up, sir.

Butler, I appreciate your sudden and
unprecedented concern about my comfort,

mate, but there is no spring in this
chair.

There is a spring in the chair.

I told you, didn't I?

Yeah, I'll tell you what, Mrs Butler.

I'm pretty good at upholstery. I'll have
a look on that chair if you like.

I'll take the cushion. No, no.

Oh, I like it. There's a spring there,
isn't there?

Butler, you ain't got the same trouble
you had this morning, have you?

Ain't it about time you were going?

Huh?

Oh, all right. I can take it. But what
about your tea?

Oh, it's all right, Mrs Butler. I know
when I'm not wanted. Oh, no. Please, Mr

Baker, you can stay as long as you like.

Can't he stay?

No, I'll see him out. I'll... No!

Oh!

Don't worry, I'll see him myself out.

Did you use the other machine?

Yeah. It's all right, I've hidden it.

Where did you put it? In your lunchbox.
Did you?

I didn't think there was enough room in
there. There wasn't. I had to eat your

lunch.

It's all right, look. I've clocked up
20p on the company machine of £3 .40 on

ours, and that's only in one trip. God,
this rate will be millionaires in a

fortnight. I don't like it, Jack. No,
John, what... Butler?

Yes, Mr Blake, what can I do for you,
sir, Mr Blake?

The general manager wants to see you,
Butler, in my office right away.

What about?

You'll find out.

Well, I'll go and see him after I've had
my lunch.

You'll see him now, Butler, come on.

Right away.

Well, that's it, Jack.

Hey, no. Do you know, I think what I'd
better do is, when I go in there, I'll

tell them everything and then beg for
their mercy.

I shouldn't tell them everything.

No, perhaps you're right. What shall I
leave out? My name.

No, no. I mean, put it this way.

If I'm outside, I can visit you while
you're inside.

Father.

Inside. See what I mean?

Don't worry, son. I won't mention your
name. Come on.

Come on.

Yes, sir.

Right.

Let's get this over with.

Well, as he said, I'd like you to take
into consideration that I haven't done

anything really wrong in the all 15
years that I've been here. I have taken

into consideration.

Oh, you have?

Well, you know, I've been a good worker,
as Mr Blake here will tell you.

No, he's not going to tell you.

Look,

stop jabbering and sign this.

What's it, a confession, sir?

Confession?

What's he on about?

It's a receipt.

A receipt for what?

For your bonus.

Your £50 efficiency bonus.

But Mr Blake said I wasn't going to get
it. It was the inspector who recommended

it. He persuaded me to give it to you
against my very judgment. Now check it.

will, sir. One, two, three, four, five.

Five Chris Tennors there. Thank you,
sir. Thank you, sir.

That was a turn up for the book, eh?

Fifteen quid bonus.

All my troubles are over, all sold.

Now we can get rid of that rotten
machine.

Oh, no, hang about.

Oh,

Blakey, I can't tell you. I didn't
believe you'd ever do a thing like that.

your money, man. It's your money. You've
earned it.

It's just one thing, Butler.

When I was by your house yesterday, I
found this ticket on the sideboard.

It appears to be rolled off a stolen
machine.

Ah, that machine, yes.

Well, you see, me and Jack, we found the
machine, didn't we? And we rolled one

off just to see if it worked. Hey, we
didn't sell it.

Oh, no, no, I know that, Butler. I
believe you, man. But it is for sale

Oh.

£50.

Cut off the old basket.

That's right.

Come on, Butler, are you going to buy
this ticket or do we go and see the

manager? Well, there's nothing I can do
about it, really. No, there's not, mate.

It's blackmail.

That's right, yeah.

Here's a ticket.

You bought that.

Now,

this money, Butler, I'm going to put
this so it goes for the busman's

own.

That's where I'll have to go while I've
been suffering from you lot, mate.

Now, hang about.

Just one more thing.

I'll have that stolen machine, if you
don't mind.

Right. Picked me out of temptation,
wouldn't it?

Oh. What?

You've rolled up 340 on this machine.
You can have that as well. Yes, I will

have it, mate. Here.

And just to keep the book straight, you
can roll up 340 on the company's

machine, right?

Now then.

In single P tickets.

Let this be a lesson to you, Butler.

Yeah in case you get any more temptation
to do any crooked things mate.