All language subtitles for On The Buses s07e02 The perfect clippie

Morning, Olive.

I said good morning, Olive.

Morning. Oh, blimey.

I see you're your usual cheerful self.

Come on, stop sniffing. Cheer up, will
you? Blow your nose.

Hey, Mum.

What's your time?

Well, I thought it was. Why aren't the
breakfast ready?

It is. Here you are. Right.

Just a minute. What's this?

Prunes. What do you think they are?

Black olives.

Don't talk about black olives. We've got
one here.

Oh, it's murder, isn't it, eh? Mum, I
want these. I want cornflakes.

I can't afford cornflakes.

Well, I can't understand that. If you
can't afford cornflakes, how can you

afford prunes?

I can't. I found them in the back of the
larder.

Oh, they must be Arthur's prunes.

Well, isn't that marvellous, eh? You
were married for ten years, and all he

leaves you is a few crinkled up old
prunes.

I've got to eat them.

Well, they're better than nothing. Go
on, eat them up. Do your good.

Mum, I want you to remember one thing.

With the traffic as it is today, the
last thing you give a bus driver is

prunes.

If you don't like them and you want
bacon and eggs, sausages, it's very

All you've got to do, give me some more
housekeeping money.

I can't give you any more housekeeping
money.

Oh, God, I never thought the day would
come when I wish Arthur was back here.

Perhaps he'll come back to collect them.

Collect what?

His spoons.

Oh. Oh, I do miss him.

Well, how could you talk like that? All
the time you were married, you hated

him. No, I didn't. He was very nice on a
good day.

What day was that? I must have been out.

He ruined Olive's life when he left
home.

I'm the one that's ruined, I tell you
that.

Look, Olive, love, you've got to get
yourself another mug. Husband, I mean.

I just can't afford to keep you anymore.

That's no way to talk to your own flesh
and blood.

Look, if we don't get any more money,
she won't be flesh and blood. None of us

will be. We'll all be skin and bones.

Oh, well, this is ridiculous, sonny.

God, what sort of a breakfast is this
for a working man?

I tell you, sonny, listen, I've never
heard of anybody going to work on a

There you are, love.

does your prune look like a boiled egg?

Because it is a boiled egg.

I know it is. I can see that, Mum.

Why's she got a boiled egg and I
haven't? She needs it.

Her resistance is low.

I need it. I'm the one going to work,
you know.

Give us that egg. No, it's mine.

Give us that egg. It's mine.

If you do it, it'll never come out.

You bastards with your mouthfuls. Give
me a second.

Now, nobody's going to have the eggs.

Look, Olive, I'm going to tell you
something.

If you want to carry on eating boiled
eggs or anything for that matter, you've

got two choices.

Get yourself a husband or get yourself a
job.

Oh, love, now you've got to be sensible
about this.

Yes, you're right, Mum, yeah. Mum's
right.

You've got no choice.

Get yourself a job.

to working here as a clipper.

You must think I'm a party butler.

You advertise it as clippers. I've seen
it in the paper.

Look, I've got enough trouble as it is
with another butler working here. Who's

that? You, you twit.

She's been a clipper before.

Yes, and don't we remember, eh? What a
momentous occasion.

One day she lasted.

Turned out to suffer from travel
sickness.

That was a joke.

Yeah, the cleaners didn't think it was
very funny.

She's all right now, you see.

She's taking pills for that.

All the clippers are taking pills.

I mean for travel sickness.

Well, I don't know what they take them
for, but it stops them being sick in the

morning, doesn't it?

Listen to me, you see.

The point is, since Olive and Arthur
have been divorced, you see, Arthur's

sending any money, she can't get any
maintenance money, and I thought by

her to get a job, you'd be helping me.

Helping you?

Every day, but that's all about the last
one in the world I want to help. Well,

I'll help you, though.

I'll tell you what, I'll come in early.

No. I'll do a lot of overtime.

No. I'll get the bus out on time. No,
no, no, no.

What do you want me to do, grovel? Yes!

All right, I'm groveling. What do you
say? No.

I'll tell you what I'll do, Blakey.
Here, I'll even take the night bus out.

Never mind about the night bus, but do
you want to get the probably day bus

mate? These people are waiting up.
They're passengers.

Well, is that it, then?

That's it, mate.

Er,

Blakey... What do you want now?

Er, er, I just, er, finally... How's
your old mum?

Er... I was just wondering how your old
mum was, you know.

Old mum?

Yeah. Oh, she's all right, but her mum's
very well.

Why? Well, I wish I could say the same
about my mum, that's all.

You see, well, we're skinned a toad, and
she's at a wit's end.

And, well, it's just that I don't want
her taking washing or having to go out

charring. Well, what's wrong with your
sister going out charring?

Would you have her in your house?

Very likely.

Would you want your mum to take in
washing or go out charring?

My mum's too old for that sort of thing,
butler. Well, so's mine.

That's just what I'm trying to say to
you.

And if we don't get any money coming in,
well, I just don't know what's going to

happen to my poor old mum.

Poor old mum.

Oh, shut up, butler.

Oh, God forbid my poor old mum should
suffer like that.

I'll tell you what.

I'll give your sister a chance, yeah.
Oh, thanks, Blakey. It's only for your

mother's sake, though. Exactly, Blakey,
yeah. Right, but I'm only doing it for

your mother. Thanks, Blakey. Well, get
the bus out, then.

Jack,

don't hang about, mate. Quick, get the
bus out. All right, all right, Sterling

Moss. What's the hurry? Well, I told you
we'd do more overtime, and we'd work

harder, and we wouldn't be a nuisance to
him. Blakey, you've gone mad.

I reckon them prunes you had for
breakfast must have gone to your head.

Makes a change, doesn't it?

Yes, sir, yes, sir. I'll get it out
straight away.

I saw this, yes, sir, yes.

Here, have you gone mad or something?
No, well, you see, Blake has just done

a favour. Oh, yeah? What's he done?
Given in his notice? No,

he's promised to help Olive get a job as
a clipper.

Blimey, call that a favour?

No, you see, look, I'm absolutely skint,
mate. She's got to get a job, and if

she don't get a job here, she'll never
get a job anywhere else. Yeah, that's

true. Oh, well, let's face it, about the
only job she could do is to be a bus

conductoress.

What do you mean by that?

Oh, no offence, mate. No offence. No
offence. It's not like being a driver,

it? I mean, you don't have to be too
bright to be a conductor.

Listen, mate, before I joined here, I
had to take an IQ test.

What's that?

I don't know.

All our problems are solved. What?

Yeah. Listen, Olive, tomorrow you go
down to the depot to have an interview

be a clippy.

Me a clippy?

What's wrong with that? I work on the
buses.

Besides, she hasn't had a job for ten
years. It'll do her good.

Maybe you're right, Stan. Perhaps
working on the buses will help broaden

outlook.

If your outlook gets any broader, you
won't get on the bus.

Right, go on, then. Yeah. Right, come
on. I'll get out my capation for you.

right. Now, let's see. I've got to fill
this out.

Name in full.

Olive Winnie Butler.

I named her after Mr Churchill.

She's grown up very like him.

Oh, there was the days, them dark days
of the war.

I'll always remember you, Dad.

Well, I should hope so.

Down in the air raid shelter.

Me and your dad spent a lot of time in
the air raid shelter.

What was you doing down in the air raid
shelter?

The war hadn't even started.

Well, I told you, Dad.

dad was home from the army on passionate
leave.

Oh, he was just a twinkle in his eye.

Them was the day. Them dark, wonderful
days of the war.

Yeah. The way you talk, those dark
nights are not too bad either.

Stop teasing and get on with your phone.

Here we are then. Age?

Over 21.

36.

Height? 5 foot 6.

Weight?

Olive, it says here, I hereby certify
that the above statements are strictly

accurate in every detail.

Right, wait.

Eight stone two.

Twelve stone four.

Sex. Not lately.

I don't like that.

No, but I do.

Next one is, have you any physical
disabilities?

I'm going to scrub around that one
because I've only got three lines.

Here, put your name at the bottom there.

That's it. Now, tomorrow morning you go
there for an interview and have a

medical.

Can you hear this?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Good.

You have excellent hearing.

What? I said you have excellent hearing.

Nice. I'd like you to undress down to
your underwear.

What?

I said I'd like... I heard what you
said.

I don't know if I should.

Well, it's quite all right. I am a
doctor, you know. You can undress behind

screen if you prefer.

But if I undress behind the screen, how
will you examine me?

When you're undressed, I shall come
behind the screen.

Huh? Oh, it's all right now. Come on.

Come on, get behind me.

That's it.

There.

I'm just here in case.

It was quite unnecessary for you to
accompany your daughter. Well, she read

the Sunday papers about the doctor and
the attractive young woman.

Madam, rest assured I have sworn the
Hippocratic oath.

Not that it applies to this case.

Since you're so concerned about your
daughter's safety, perhaps you'd ask her

what's holding her up.

On second thoughts, just ask her what
the delay is.

Holly, hurry up, dear.

Are you all right?

I can't get my corset undone. Oh, well,
try.

Do you want Mum to come and help you?
It's all right.

There's a doctor's room there. He's
examining women in there. Do I know?

I know what you're doing. What?

You were listening out the way they're
sexy, Chris, weren't you?

Actually, I live in there and I've heard
all those.

No, I was just listening to see if he'd
passed her so that she'd got the job,

you see. Oh, she'd get the job. I told
you she would. We don't have to take

anyone these days. Thanks, Blakey, yeah,
because she'll be a model clipper,

she'll work hard, she'll be conscious.
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that,

Butler, because if she puts one foot
wrong, you're for the eye jump, mate.

That's fair, that's fair, yeah. Yes,
your poor old mum will be in the

you know. Yeah, I understand that, yeah.

I'm letting Harper train her. You're
Jack Harper.

Oh, good.

That does mean that she'll be on your
bus.

Uh...

There you are, honey.

Hello, Stan. Where's Jack?

Now, don't you worry about Jack. Now,
have you read the rule book properly?

Oh, yes, Stan. I've been up half an hour
studying it really thoroughly.

Oh, that's good. I want you to study it
carefully, do your work properly, work

hard, because Blake has told me that I'm
for the eye jump if you don't, right?

Yes. So read that carefully.

All right, Stan, I will.

Where's Jack? Don't worry about Jack. He
won't be long. He's just signing me on.

Oh, no.

What do you mean, oh, no?

Rule three.

Drivers must sign on person.

Hello, Olive.

You're late.

Yeah, I know.

We've got to get the bus out on time.

Look, I'm supposed to be training you.
You're not training me.

Yeah, well, she is right, you know,
because I did promise Blake we'd get the

out. Yeah, all right. Well, because of
the favour, you know what I mean, mate.

Come on, then.

Where's your badge?

Eh? Well, rule six.

You must conspicuously display your
badge number.

Where's yours?

Look, I've got it for your idea, but if
it makes you happy, I'll put it round

the phone.

It is in the rule book.

I suppose you'll be bringing that rule
book with you, will you?

Yes. Where's yours?

Rule one.

You should always carry this book with
you when on duty. Oh, shut up and get on

the bus.

Have you checked the emergency door?

What emergency door?

Have you checked it?

Checked it? Blimey, I didn't know we got
one.

You should know.

Oh, do leave off. Get on the bus.

They must not do anything such as read
newspapers, which might distract their

attention from work, or to... Jack?

Yeah? Rule 8.

Conductors must not do anything such as
read newspapers, which might distract

them from their work.

OK.

Go. Jack?

Oh! Oh, Jack, I've just read Rule 9.

Stop reminding... there's a fence on the
road traffic act to smoke in a vehicle

during a journey

Let's have a cup of tea. Oh, great, I'm
fine. You can't. Why not?

Rule 24.

A vehicle must not be left unattended on
the public highway.

Oh, good God.

It's the rule.

All right, look, I'll tell you what.

We'll go and have a cup of tea and you
stay here and attend to the bus. No, I

can't. I'm a trainee.

Oh, and Jack, you forgot to call out all
the names of the stops on the way.

Stan, you forgot to stop at the
compulsory bus stop.

What did you say?

Jack, rule 54.

Conductors must deal politely with all
inquiries from passengers.

What's going on here?

Stan, Stan, look. Any passenger dropping
litter on the floor should be requested

to desist.

Rule 12.

So what?

Well, you told me to obey the rules.

Oh, all right, then.

Get off, get off, Jack.

all bluffy, mate, do you? All right.

Two quid. I'll raise you. Oh, yeah.
You're not gambling, are you, Stan? Shut

shut up, Olly. Shut up, Olly.

Off, uh, lend us a fiver. Stan.

Shut up. Rule 14. Gambling is not
permitted at any time on company

I'm sorry, Stan. You might get into
trouble.

You stupid great nit, you.

I'd have all flushed him.

Yeah, well, that's just too bad, then,
isn't it, mate?

That was my last quid. Will you tell me
to...

to tell you there was a girl outside
asking for you.

Was there?

Was she a little blonde bit with big...
Yes.

Where is she?

I sent her away.

What? Rule 17.

No social course... Olive, I'll kill
you.

So help me. I'll kill you.

What's happening?

Nothing. Oh, I see.

Having trouble with your sister, are we?
No, no, no. I'm sorry, but...

I've got to give her the push, mate. Oh,
no. You said she'd be up to scratch.

And she is, and she is. Oh, Mr Blake, I
was only reminding Stan of rule 14, no

gambling committed on pump any premises.

Really?

You're quite right, my dear. It
sometimes slips their little minds,

eh? Rule 14, no gambling allowed on a
company's premises.

Here. How did you know that rule?

I know every rule in the book.

Do you?

You have been training her well, haven't
you?

Yes, thanks very much, Maggie, yes.

Let's see how well you do know the
rules, then.

Was there anything else you had to
remind them about at all? No, no,

Nothing?

Nothing much.

Oh.

Now, come on, love. If you don't tell
me, I might believe you don't really

the rules at all, mightn't I?

Oh, well, only little things like
stopping at the bus stop... Olive!

the passengers the right... Olive!
Olive! ...not leaving the bus

smoking, um... Added.

What are you... got to say about that
then, eh?

Well, you see, Blake, what it was, you
see, we were testing her. Testing her to

see if she did know the rules properly,
weren't we, Jack?

Oh, yes, we were testing her.

Testing her.

Testing her.

You're testing me, I'll tell you that.

I wouldn't mind, but I'll get you the
job and this is what you do to me.

I did exactly what you told me to. Well,
I think she's doing very well and the

inspector was very pleased.

Wasn't he? Yeah, well, he wasn't very
pleased with us, was he?

Well, that's not my fault. That's not
her fault.

Well, of course it is. No wonder he was
pleased with her. Blimey, she's managed

to get us to do more in one day than the
inspector's managed to do in ten years.

Wonderful!

Wonderful's not wonderful.

She's a traitor.

Yeah, that's the word, traitor.

Look, we're supposed to be training her.
She's on our bus. She's supposed to do

what we tell her to do. I do do what you
tell me to do. You tell me to obey the

rules and do my best. Yes, so you can't
blame her.

And if you'd have done your work
properly, none of this would have

She's a credit to the bus company and a
credit to me. And I'm proud of her.

Well, I'm sick of her. Here, here.

Look, if you can't do the job badly like
the rest of us, how do you notice it?

I can't do that.

Why not?

Well, if I'm not working, I'll be a
burden on you, and I don't want that.

You can't win, Jack.

If she don't work, she's a burden. If
she works, she's a burden.

I did.

You're nothing but a great big bird.

Everybody's against her now.

I tell you what, we'll have to get her
transferred to another depot. I knew it.

I knew there'd be trouble. I said you
should never have her work in here.

Oh, it's all right for you to be wise
after the event.

I was wise before the event.

I knew it would end like this.

We'll have to do something about it.

Hey, Blake, give her work. I can't stop
now, but I'm in hurry. They're going to

lynch your sister.

a transfer to another depot? Not likely,
Butler. She's too valuable here, mate.

Quiet!

I said quiet!

Now then, am I to understand you've got
something against this model, Clippy?

And is it because she's always sticking
to the rules?

Well, that's just too bad because that's
what the rules are for, aren't they?

And that's what some of yous ought to be
doing instead of skiving and dodging

and thieving like us.

I've got a little idea.

Yeah, follow me. Oh, yeah.

Them rules are made to be abided by. And
from now on, we're talking to abide by

them. That's it.

That's what I want to see, Butler.

I've got you on the run now, haven't I?

Now, come on.

Get the buses out. Hang about, Blackie.
Hang about.

I don't reckon we'll be able to get the
bus out for about 40 minutes, don't you

reckon, sir? Oh, yes, but that's if we
are it.

Do you mind? Excuse me a minute.

Lofty, you're going to see your tyre
pressure gauge, will you?

What are you going to do?

Rule 216, every busman should check the
tyres before they take the bus out.

319, rule 319, it says check to see if
the radiator's full.

Yeah, that's what it is.

I've got to get my ticket machine oiled.

Talking about you've never oiled a
ticket machine in your bloody life

That's what I need to oil in now.

Rule 164, a conductor must make sure
that his machine is well oiled. I'll

it to maintenance.

Would you come and oil it yourself?

Ah, no, then. You know, brothers, come
on, get around, get around. He's right.

He's right. It says here, rule 165, no
conductor must temper with his ticket

machine.

This is deliberate, isn't it? Yeah.

Oh, good. I said you must obey the
rules, not work to rule.

Look, you're splitting ears now, aren't
you? Look, if you want a new set of

rules, you go and write them. How can I
run a bus company like this? You can't.

If you're going to have your own way all
the time, you might as well tear the

rule books up, mightn't you?

All right, all right, you win

then. We go back to the old way of
working again.

Oh, come on, Stan, let's have a cup of
tea. Very good idea.

Come on, let's go.

Do I hate you, butler?

I'll tell.

I'll tell.