All language subtitles for On The Buses s06e04 Stans Worst Day

Thank you.

to get your stropolis, is there?

Oh, yes.

Oh, God, here we go again.

As a matter of fact, I have merely been
out with a few of the fellows.

We were talking business.

Yes, I can imagine what sort of
business. I can smell you from here.

I suppose you didn't remember today was
our wedding anniversary.

Why do you think I went out and got
drunk?

Yes,

you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Oh, stop rabbiting.

Give us me pyjamas.

You can have... and you're not sleeping
with me, you drunken... Blah!

Oh, blimey. She's murdering him, I hope.

Don't you... Don't you worry, mate. I
shall be sleeping with you.

I'm having these for a start.

Thank you to mind your own business.

You've got to get out of here. And you
can get out. No, you're not sleeping

me. Don't worry.

Don't you worry.

I shall be coming back here.

God! Be childish, will you, Arthur?

Get back in and get some sleep, will
you? Every night I have this, I haven't

a week of sleep.

Don't tell me, mate. Tell that precious
sister of yours.

Look, be reasonable.

No, it's not another one.

Yesterday's carried on.

Hey, Norman, how much longer are you
going to be?

I'm doing my best, mate. You keep your
eye out for Blakey, for God's sake. I

don't worry about Blakey. He's not due
until the next shift. He won't be here

for ages yet.

That's what you think, mate.

Yeah, but Butler, eh? He's late again,
isn't he?

I caught him, didn't I?

Oh, yeah, Blakey, you're too clever for
us, then. We can't fool you, mate.

Oh, I'm glad you realise it at last, you
know.

Now, when he comes in, you can get that
bus out as soon as you like, the pair of

you, right?

Right. And mind where you're dripping
that paint. It's a new uniform I've got

here.

Thanks.

Now, what's going on here, eh? It's just
a scratch.

Scratch? Yeah.

Oh, good. Oh, no, don't tell me.

How did it happen? Well, it was last
night, actually. This mini -skirted bird

ran across the road in front of the bus
and stan at the follower up the kerb and

hit the town hall. It wasn't our fault,
though. Oh, no, no, no. I suppose your

bus was parked there and the town hall
took off and ran into you, did it? Yeah,

exactly. Quick.

Hang on a minute.

There's a row of bollards in front of
the tunnel.

Uh, yeah, there was.

You run over one of them bollards, mate,
and rip the sump out of the bus.

Sump's a complete riot, I'm afraid,
Jack.

I'll fit in another one.

Right, love.

Oh, oh, good. Oh, I'll have him for
this.

Oh.

Jerry, if you come and report straight
to me as soon as he comes in, will you?

And keep that oily thing away from me,
will you? And mind where you're dripping

that paint.

Watch where you're putting that thing.
Something gave a nasty action, didn't

Listen.

I'll have it for this. He'll help

me up.

What's he doing with all that paint on
him? Get up.

I'll have it for this.

You've not only smashed up a bus, you've
ruined a brand new uniform.

You must be about the clumsiest driver
that's ever been in this stepboat, you

know that?

Oh, come off it, Blaggy. Blimey, you
weren't so up when you were a driver

yourself. When I was a driver? What are
you talking about? That was about 10 or

11 years ago.

I had a good record when I was a driver,
mate, I'll tell you that.

You never known of me bashing a bus up?

You never bashed a bus up? Oh, yes, you
did, mate.

Eh? When?

I'll tell you when. It was Jack's first
day at the demo. You remember, Jack?

That's right, yeah. Listen, I was your
conductor at the time.

Oh, what an idiot left that thing there.

Hey,

Cyril, mate!

Look at this step you've done here, boy.

Are you going to tell the manager about
it? Not me, mate, no.

I won't be a driver next week.

I'll leave it. I'll be an inspector
then. Yeah, yeah.

Here, hang about a minute.

I'll be the driver next week. I'm taking
over your bus. Yeah, well, you report

it then, mate.

No, blimey, that's not fair.

No, it ain't, mate. I'll tell you the
best bit about it. What?

You know you'll have to report it too,
don't you? Who?

Me. I'll be laughing then, won't I? Oh,
yeah.

Yeah. I'll make you pay for it.

You'll be lucky, mate. You'll be lucky,
I tell you.

Hey, you know we've got one of them new
trainee conductors on with us this

afternoon, don't you? Oh, not another
one. Look, I'm a conductor, mate, not a

bloomin' nurse, mate. Hello, sir and
mate. All ready for take -off, are we?

blimey, that's a small bus, isn't it?

Yeah.

Stand back there, Jack Harbour.

How do, mate?

What's the situation round here? Plenty
of willing birds, are there? Well,

there's plenty of birds, but none of
them are willing. Oh, we'll soon find

Just as soon as I change my digs.

They're chucking you out, are they? Oh,
no, still all, mate. You see, my

landlady won't let me take birds up my
room, so I might as well leave. I'm

there.

Here, I tell you what. I've got a room
round our house. Yeah?

Haven't you got rid of that yet?

He's tried everyone in the depot with
that room. What's wrong with it?

Nothing's wrong with it at all. It just
suits you. It's a nice room. Eat with

the family. It's only me, my mum and my
sister Olive, you know.

Five quid a week, all in. Here, give us
a push on the arm. No, it's my turn.

Tell him how to push it.

No,

you ain't got the right idea. You've got
to get a good run. A good run like

this, you see.

There we go.

I'll come round and see that room then,
mate.

I'll show you the room after I finish.
Yeah, right. Well, give us a push.

To me, to me. Yeah, all right, here we
go.

Blake,

what the hell do you think you're doing?

Is this all the behaviour we can expect
when you're an inspector?

Sorry, sir.

It was their fault, really, they did it.
You're supposed to set an example for

the men, Blake, not behave like an
overgrown baby.

Here, do you want your nappy changing?

Butler? Come off the butler bit, Cyril.
Never mind about the Cyril. You could

have cost me my promotion then, you know
that?

Yeah. You wait till I'm made up. I'll
make your life a blooming misery, I

Oh, will you? Yeah. Oh, will you?

Well, if you do that, mate, I'll tell
the manager who backed that bus up.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Jack. Yeah?

You know why he's so keen to get you
round into his house, don't you? Now

They're trying to marry his sister off.

She goes with the room. Yeah, not me,
mate. I just love them and leave them.

Take no notice of him, mate. He's just
trying to put you off. I won't have to,

mate. I can safely leave that to your
sister, can't I?

Oh, God, I'm going for a cup of tea.

Do you know what? He's got the makings
of a first -class creep.

And I didn't know how right I was.

Never mind about that. Come and help me
get some of these off before it dies

hard. Will I? Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh. What's up?

Oh, it's soaking through me trousers
now.

Oh, that's all right, mate. Now you'll
have cream underpants to go with your

cream uniform.

Twink, come on, do something. I can't
walk about the bloomin' depot like this,

can I? Well, we can't clean it up with
the clothes on. Take them off, come on.

Oh, right.

Here.

Keep that finish away from me. You know,
it upsets my stomach.

Oh, I'm making acid now. Oh, you and
your bloomin' stomach. I don't know why

don't take it to the doctors. Don't talk
to me about doctors. They're bloomin'

useless, mate.

Hey, Jack.

Do you remember when old Arthur tried to
kid us that he was a doctor?

Oh, yeah.

And he was only hospital partner all the
time.

Hey, that was the same day, wasn't it? I
mean, you came round our house to look

at the room. Do you remember?

This way?

Well, here we are, Jack, mate. This is
our front room. You'll have to take us

you find us, I'm afraid.

That's all right, mate. I'm pretty
scruffy myself.

I can see you're a bloke after me own
heart.

Oh, go on, love, sit down.

You're not married, are you?

Oh, no, Ma, I'm just naturally round
-shouldered.

Here, you can have the room, love.

Oh, thanks, Ma.

Oh, blimey, I want to do that, please.

Here, you've got an ashtray, mate.
There's one on the shelf there.

What's that funny burning smell?

That must be Olive cooking the dinner.

I can't help that, madam. I told you
this morning that I'd be back later.

decided I'll have the room.

Eh? Who's this?

He came this morning. He saw the card in
the shop window. Just one moment.

These people are busmen, aren't they?

That's all right, mate. We're busmen.

What's wrong with busmen?

Nothing in their right place, I suppose.

But the card did state that the room was
for business and professional people.

And as I happen to be in the medical
profession, I, of course, will be taking

the room.

Your son here said I could have the
room.

Am I to understand this person here is
your son?

Oh, yes, that's my son, Stanley.

Oh. Oh,

well, as they say, the room will serve
the needs of the day.

So if you'll let me know when the
evening meal is ready, and perhaps

my bag up.

What on earth is that?

That happens to be your evening meal,
mate, so you'd better get stuck in.

learn how to cook. Oh, don't despair,
love.

It is a bit better than last time.

Yeah, last time she burnt the kitchen
and all.

Oh, mum, there's men in the room. Oh,
Sam!

Oh, you damn it!

Oh, God!

These are nice men.

They won't eat you.

They won't eat a grub either.

Now, Jack, you come and sit here.

Thank you so much. Now then, this is my
little Ollie.

They're both single men, dear. Oh.

This is Mr. Arthur Rudge.

He's going to be a doctor.

Oh. How do you do? I'm ever so
interested in medicine myself.

You ought to be. You're drunk enough of
it.

And this is Jack.

He's going to work with Stanley. How do
you do?

I do like your uniform.

Are you on the buses as well?

No, love, actually. I'm in the Royal Air
Force.

Him. No, no, no. I do insist. After all,
you were the first to be asked. Ah,

yeah, but you got here first. No, no,
but I... Let me show you to the room,

love. I must be polite. I mustn't give
you the wrong impression.

Oh. Oh, well.

It won't be for very long. I have to go
into hospital shortly and have an

operation.

What sort of an operation?

A surgical.

That's St Mary's. You don't need that
sort of where.

Do you mean where about on you are you
having it?

I don't really think I want to discuss
that. It's rather personal.

Yeah, well, in that case, I'll just slip
away. Is it big or small?

Is it... As a matter of fact, it's quite
small.

Oh, Mum, he's not got a man's complaint,
has he? Oh, of course not, dear. Now,

take the gentleman upstairs and help him
to unpack.

Oh, yes, all right. Come on. Thank you.

Sleep well.

My case.

Well,

I don't like him for a start.

Well, I'm not too keen on him myself.

But if he's what Olive wants... He's
what she's going to get.

What are you talking about?

Well, it's obvious.

He's mad about her.

Oh, I could see that, the way he was
fighting over her.

Stan, anyway, he'll have a good living
on his own when he's a doctor.

Not with on if he won't. He'd be too
busy doctoring her up.

Well, I got quite a bit off his jacket.
How's his trousers doing, Stan?

Yeah, I've finished these. Look at that.
These have come up like brand new. Oh,

yeah. Hey, come on. You can come out
now, Blakey. You've done them.

She's got me like a brass monkey then,
hasn't she?

Yeah.

This ain't the first time you've ruined
a brand new uniform of mine either, is

it?

Oh, that's a coincidence, isn't it?
Yeah.

That was the first time you had that one
on and all, isn't it?

Yeah, it was about a week after Arthur
moved in. Do you remember?

I'll put the trifle down there, love. I
don't think it's quite set, Mum.

Oh, well, we'll have to pour it out
then, won't we?

Well, now then, when they come, Stan and
I will go in the kitchen and have ours

and leave you and Arthur in here all by
yourselves.

But I've only known him a week. How do I
know he's Mr Right?

Of course he's Mr Right. I mean, you're
made for each other.

Anyway, it'll be nice having a doctor in
the house.

We won't have to queue up in the waiting
room.

But I don't know what to say to him.

Let him do the talking and then steer
the conversation round to wedding,

marriages and such like.

Oh, oh, here, go on, quick.

Take your glasses off.

Good

evening,

my beauties.

Oh, hello, Arthur, dear.

And, Arthur, love, would you like to
talk about weddings?

Why, is someone getting married?

I'd love to. Oh, sister, don't rush him,
dear.

Dear,

what are they doing here?

Yeah, well, I tell you, Mum, we're
wetting Cyril's head, see, because he's

to be an inspector.

He's going to be a suspect.

He's a bit better than the old driving
uniform, eh?

Yeah, yeah.

Just like the tailor's dummy, yeah. Mind
you, he shouldn't be wearing it till

tomorrow, you know.

Yeah, yeah. What are you doing?

The candle won't light.

Put your glasses on, darling. You're
trying to light the bottle.

Oh! Hey, hey, hey.

Stay back, mate. Don't allow me.

Where are they?

There we are.

What's that? Oh, Mum, what am I going to
do? I can't sleep without my glasses.

Oh, of course, dear. You don't really
need to wear glasses, do you?

No, she needs binoculars.

Take your friends

into the kitchen and let Arthur and
Olive have their supper alone.

Yeah, we'll do that when we've had our
answer.

I'm hungry and all, you know. You're
drinking all that beer that does it.

go and get us something to eat. Make it
nice big outfits.

But this was specially for Arthur and
Ollie.

Yeah, I made it myself.

Yeah, well, it's funny.

I don't feel hungry now.

No, I had a pie in the pub.

I can feel my indigestion coming on.

Oh, and I've got news for you. He can't
see you either.

So you're both in luck.

I wouldn't mind a drop of this soup.

That's my trifle. I made it myself.

Oh, well, that accounts for it, doesn't
it?

Let's have a look. Let's have a look at
it. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, it's a bit

runny, isn't it? I'm scared.

Here, look, look. Watch it, watch it.
Hey, hey, watch it. Don't get it on me

uniform. Oh, God. One of those sluts all
over ruining my uniform. Oh, no.

You said you wanted a bit of trifle, now
you've got the lot.

Do you know something, partner? What?

I think I'm beginning to hate you.

What's your game?

This is my bed, you know.

No, it's not. It's mine.

This is my bed. Get out of it. Get on
your own.

I'm sorry?

I thought there was something funny
about you.

I can't wait to see the back of you lot.
Oh, no, you don't. If you think you can

pop in and out of bed with my daughter,
you've got another thing coming.

Mum, Mum, don't say anything you might
regret later on.

Now, no one was happy.

That'll do you.

Oh, thanks very much, Norman.

Oh, well, anyway, Stan, your mum got
your sister married.

Yeah, but far from losing a daughter,
she gained a son -in -law, didn't she?

Yeah, but not for much longer, mate.

Last night was the limit, and when I got
up this morning, I told them straight.

I said, look here, I said, you've got to
go.

Stan, Nick.

Stan, Nick. Oh, yeah? What do you want,
then?

We have both been thinking over what you
said this morning.

And we have come to the conclusion that
you were quite right.

Eh?

Oh, well, I hope I didn't upset you too
much. I mean, after all, we have had our

happy times as well, haven't we, mate?
Yes. Well, nonetheless, we have both

decided that you ought to go.

Yeah, well, we've all... I mean, every
family has... Eh?

Fond of you, as we are, Stanley.

We have decided that you have been the
cause of most of our little tiffs.

Eh?

Have a long sunshine.

We're going to buy ourselves an
anniversary present.

I need a new cap.

It's made my day, that is. Hey, he can't
chuck me out my own house. He looks

like he's done it, doesn't he, eh?

And I can chuck you out this step over
what you've done here today with my

uniform and that bus.

Now, get it out. Come on, you're late.

I don't know which was the worst day of
my life, the day I met Arthur or the day

I met you.

Get the bus!