All language subtitles for On The Buses s05e08 The new nurse

Who's not feeling too well, poor old
soul.

I won't tell you what complaint he's
got.

But anyway, he's got a nice new nurse to
look after him.

Morning date, the 5th of the 10th, 71,
take 1. Here we go, don't forget, nice

laugh.

15, 15.

Hi, darling. Hi, Lockie.

Hey, look, we'd better get Blackie to
sign our titties. We don't want to lose

our overtime.

No, fear, no. We need the extra money.
We're dead skin at the time, you know.

Yeah? Yeah. You know what Mum's done?
She's done the front room up and we're

taking in another lodger. Go on. Yeah.
Have you got anybody yet? No, I told

Blakey about it. I hope he finds
somebody for me. Yeah, all right.

Oh, Blondie's not there. Honey?

Hey, George, seen Blackie, have you?

Yeah. He's gone up the deck room.

Don't tell me he's checking up that new
nurse.

Nah. He's got the guts, ain't he?

Oh, poor old Blackie.

Here, look, we'd better get him to sign
these titties quick before he dies.

Let's get in.

Oh, blimey, I might have locked the
door.

Oh, isn't it marvellous, then? He's
always on at us about us with the

Yeah, we'll have a nice time, won't you?

You two shut up, you morons.

Nurse is examining my stomach.

Oh, there you are, Blackie. Sign these
and we can push off then, mate. Do you

mind waiting until I've finished?

Is there a pin after you've eaten?

Yes, sister, after I've eaten, yes. Is
there anything else in particular that

brings the pin on?

Whenever I clap my eyes on these two, I
bet it makes an acid, sister.

I see. Well, perhaps you ought to suck
something.

He does.

That's why we call him Dracula.

I couldn't quite do without your crude
comment.

I think it's just overacidity due to
stress and worry.

That's what I've got, stress and worry.
That's what it is. It's too much

responsibility here, sister.

If I didn't bother about them buses, I
don't think they'd ever get out of the

depot. Well, that should cut your
worries enough.

Because if they don't go out, they
wouldn't be late coming back in.

I'll get you some stomach mix, so
that'll help you. Come on, Blackie, sign

these, will you?

Savvy Monica down there. Yeah, all
right.

And the other one.

Now, if you just drink this, that'll
clear your stomach.

Yes, it might have cleared his stomach,
but he's clogged up his moustache.

Oh, pardon.

Yeah, well, a couple more of those and
he'll be unclogged.

Here, by the way, Blakey, have you found
anybody to rent our room? No, I

haven't, mate. I've got other things to
do apart from worrying about finding

lodgers for you, mate. Well, I'm looking
for somewhere else to stay. Have you

got a room to live in?

Yeah. Yeah, my mum, she's done the front
room up. It's nice. You'll like it. And

I'll tell you something, we don't charge
much.

Oh, well, perhaps I'll come round later.

See if it's suitable.

Oh, pardon me, sister. Oh, that's all
right. It's good for you. It brings all

the wind from your stomach.

Clears the wax out of his ears and all.

Will you get out? All right.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, they brought my pain on again,
sister.

I'm sure you'll be very happy and
comfortable here, dear.

Oh, yes, thank you. The room is very
nice.

Yeah, well, cut yourself a bit of cake,
love.

Oh, allow me.

Oh, thank you.

Stop the sliver, it's too fattening. Oh,
there we are. Thank you, that's

beautifully cut.

I'll have another bit.

No, no, not yet.

No, well, you see, they've only been
married ten years.

You're a career woman, are you?

No. What do you do with yourself all
day?

You must be wondering what they do with
themselves all night.

I suppose working with busmen, you must
get used to crude remarks like that. I'm

afraid I do, but it's all part of the
job.

Blimey, I was only joking. It's very bad
taste.

I suppose you had to work very hard to
be a nurse.

Yes, I did, but it's very interesting
work.

Oh, I'm sure it's the sort of thing I
would have... Actually, I have always

wanted to take up medicine myself.

All right, love.

Just had a bit of a shock, that's all.

Actually, you'd have made a very good
doctor. You have just the right manner.

It's very important.

Nice of you to say so.

Well, if you'll just excuse me, I think
I'll finish unpacking. Oh, allow me.

Thank you.

Oh, blimey, I know she only had a little
bit of cake, but surely she's got the

strength to turn the knob.

I was merely being polite.

It's a nice change to have someone well
-bred in the house.

You never opened the door for me.

Ah, be fair, love, he did once.

When was that?

When you threatened to leave home.

Don't stand me. It's the truth, Mum. He
couldn't get the door quick enough to

open it for her.

Oh, now, don't be nasty, love. You know
he didn't mean it.

Anyway, I think that young lady's got
very nice manners. Did you notice when

took her bit of cake, she cocked her
little finger up?

That was nice.

You think that's nice? Yeah. Well, just
because she cocks her little finger up,

it doesn't impress me.

I think she's a stuck -up bit. Eh? She
walks around the depot with her nose

crinkled up as though there's a nasty
smell in the air.

With you lot there, there very probably
is.

Personally, I found her conversation
most stimulating.

Stimulating? You made yourself a right
net, didn't you?

Well, of course, I always fancy taking
up her medicine. I have always wanted to

take up medicine.

It would have been nice for my little
Ollie if Arthur had been a doctor.

Yeah, he might have had his operation
done properly.

Him, he's too mean.

If he'd have been a doctor, he'd have
done it himself.

Yeah, could he have done it? Well, of
course he could.

Mind you, he might have had eyes in the
back of his head.

How very funny.

How very funny.

Mind you, I don't suppose that young
lady will stay here more than a day

to put up with you lot. Oh, I bet she
will.

I'm making a very nice dinner tonight,
cos it's your first evening here. Good.

I just hope you won't all bore her with
your rather coarse conversation.

Oh, well, I don't expect she found you
so bloomin' dazzling. Oh, he dazzled her

all right, that.

Every time he turned his bonce, his bald
head kept shining in her eyes.

Oh, shut up!

Come on, Stan, wake up.

Dinner's ready.

Oh, thanks, Ollie. Yeah.

I'm a bit peckish.

Well, come on, love. Tidy yourself up.

What for?

The lodger.

Now, Mum, look, let's get this straight,
shall we? Let's start as we mean to

carry on. I'm not behaving any different
just because we've got a snooty lodger

in the house.

Dinner ready.

Has anyone bothered to call Marion?

Get in.

What are you tarting up like that for?

I thought I may as well change. I just
had a bath.

A bath?

It's only Wednesday.

It is permissible to have a bath more
than once a week.

You've shaved.

Yeah, yeah, does he?

So, yes.

It looks as smooth as a baby's bum.

Get your head off.

You've done it for that woman?

Not at all.

Well, you never shave for me in the
evenings.

Hey, he's even put talcum powder on.

It might be a good idea if you were a
little more particular over your own

personal hygiene.

Oh, well, if you feel that way, mate,
I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll dab a bit of crescent water round
my arm. There is no need to be

ridiculous. Me ridiculous?

Blimey, you're the one that's being
ridiculous. Look at you.

What's that pink thing in your pocket?

Oh, yes, your knickers.

What are you doing with no drawers in
your pocket?

They were hanging up in the bathroom.

I only got them down just in time before
Mary came in for her bath.

Oh, hasn't she ever seen knickers
before?

Doesn't she wear any?

Well, perhaps that's what he's hoping.

I don't want them. You can have them
back.

Oh,

yes, yes, of course.

I'm afraid the cat's a little bit deaf.
Oh, yes, I think I can see what's the

trouble. Hasn't he got a nice, soft,
gentle touch?

Nobody's asking her, love. She can't
remember.

Yeah, come on, loves. Oh, sit down.

It's too fun. It's still up. Come out of
it. Come on. There you go. Sit there.

That's it.

Stay up.

Charlie. You love me.

Come on, darling.

Get stuck in. It's your picture night
tonight. You don't want to be late.

Come on, Arthur, hurry up, otherwise
you'll miss the start of the film.

Oh, yes, yes.

Yeah, and I always go out with the
pictures on a Wednesday night.

Oh, well, I was thinking of going this
evening.

Oh, how lovely.

Perhaps you could join us.

Oh, yes, that would be lovely. I'd hate
to miss the film.

Oh, yeah.

What is it? What's it called?

Oh, it's one of Antonio and his
masterpieces. They say it's a spiritual

experience.

Do they really?

We're going to see Dracula meets the ape
man.

Well, I suppose that's all. All right
for people that want a cheap thrill.

Well, it's the only sort of thrill some
people get.

Yes. Well, personally, of course, I only
go to see those sort of films to please

Olive. I myself would much prefer
something more mentally stimulating.

Carball bits.

Yes. Yes, I think that's a good idea.
We'll all go and see that Antigone film.

I'll go and get my coat.

I'm not going to see that film. If you
want to see it, you see it with her.

Righty -ho, I will.

Arthur. Yes? You can't leave on it.

Oh. I suppose you were looking forward
to seeing that Dracula thing. You know I

was.

Righty -ho, sunshine.

Here's 50 pence.

See you at home after the film.

Oh, Mum, he's not going to go to the
pictures with that woman.

No, he won't go, darling.

It's all talk.

You know him.

I tell you what, I bet you five
shillings he comes back.

Good night, all.

I owe you a dollar.

Thank you for the taxi.

Oh, that's nothing. We always come home
by taxi.

The bus service here is so disgusting,
you can't even tell if they're going to

run.

My goodness, we might have been stuck in
that shelter together for hours.

Well, that might have been nice.

Yes.

I did enjoy your company. Your wife's a
very lucky woman.

Oh, well, I...

I do my best to keep her happy.

About once a year.

I thought the film was marvellous. It
was typical Antonioni, especially that

scene in the park.

Oh, my goodness, yes, yes.

All that stark realism.

The sheer power of primitive passion.

Good, how would he know?

Well... Well... Well, good night, then.

Good night.

Sleep well.

Yes.

Oh, you're still up, are you? Yeah.

All that primitive passion seems to have
got you going, doesn't it?

You want to forget that because Ollie's
waiting for you.

You were spying?

Well, of course, we...

We always take a taxi home. Oh, shut up.

Of course, I've got to admit, mate, you
can do far more things in the back of a

taxi than you can in a bus shelter.

I'm not standing there listening to your
foul remarks.

I'll go to bed.

All right, then.

Well, good night, Arthur.

Best of luck, mate. Yes, sir.

What?

Janned or something?

I'm janned, mate. I'm not janned, no.

She's locked you out.

She what? She's locked you out!

For heaven's sake, don't we be here all
night, mate?

Humourer, humourer.

Olive.

Don't be stupid, girl.

You know you'd be frightened on your own
in the dark there. Blimey, she was more

frightened when you were here.

Shut up.

Open that door.

Come here.

You haven't got a clue, have you? I've
got no idea. Come here.

She's a woman, isn't she?

She's upset.

You've got to speak nicely to her.
She'll soon melt.

You think so?

Well, I know, don't I?

Besides, she's my sister.

I can't take it cool, you know.

Put a bit of real charm on.

Oh.

So... Sunshine!

I am very sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I'll make it up to you, what if?

I promise.

She's coming. I want to tell her it
worked. About time, too.

Here's your pyjamas, you pig.

Well,

that was brilliant.

Well, this face of you wasn't very good
at it, was you?

You haven't had enough practice being
nice to Olive.

I'll give her a nice.

What's going on out there?

Well, Olive's looked him out.

I'm not surprised after the way you
treated her. Most hurtful.

Open that door, Olive. Oh, shut up.
You'll never get anywhere like that.

My little Olive's a woman.

You've got to talk nicely to her, then
she'll melt and open the door.

And I'll get me teeth kicked in.

Open that door, Mayor!

Keep quiet, for God's sake. We've got a
luncheon in the house.

Oh, yes!

Here, there's only one thing for it.
You'll have to sleep with him. Yeah.

Oh, yeah! Open the door! Open the door!

Open the door!

Open the door! Open the door!

Open the door!

Open the door!

be just married.

Oh, shut up. Come on. Holy blab.

It's ma 'am.

Open the door.

Here's a good girl.

Here. And if father done behave himself
and upset you again, you can come and

sleep in my room.

You can come in.

But you've got to sleep right. the edge
of the bed and wait for

me.

That's how I thought they always slept.

Oh, Jack.

You should have been in our house last
night. The right drama there.

Do you know what? I was up with the old
lady for three hours trying to convince

her that Arthur wouldn't leave Olive. Of
course he won't. Well, I'll see to

that. You know how much he eats. God,
blimey.

Cost me a fortune.

Heads up. Here comes old Rumblechum. Oh,
yeah.

Oh. Hello, Blackie. What's that you've
got there, then?

It's my medicines.

That new nurse certainly understands my
stomach, you know.

It's all this aggravation. It causes me
to make acid. What's all that muck

you've got in there, then? It's yoghurt.

Easily digestible, you see.

What are you talking about?

It's natural yoghurt, that is. It comes
from the milk of wild goats. Oh, yeah, I

saw a documentary about that. You know,
it appears that all the blokes in

Bulgaria who eat that every day all live
to be 100.

Do they really?

That means we've got to put up with him
for another five years.

Come on, get in his car. All right, all
right.

Hey, Dom, are you coming with us? I
thought you was off duty.

I am.

It's the newest time to go and eat me
dinner at home, see, so I'm going home

now. I must get home and get me some
peace and quiet when I get it, see?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, God.

I tell you what, Blakey, it might be
better if we took you straight to the

cemetery gate.

See your driver up there.

Come on, Blakey.

Oh, just a minute there.

I'd like to have a word with you. Oh,
I'm sorry, I can't. Dr. Chatterby's late

for lunch. I can't stand the canteen.
It's so rough and scruffy.

Oh, Jack, I can't see the canteen. It's
so rough and scruffy.

I'm stuck up a bit.

If I see Harper sniffing round her
again, I'll do him. Yeah, come on, mate.

see you.

for meeting that bird.

Help! Help!

Wait, open the door.

Wait, back up in the depot.

I don't know anybody, have I?

Nah, it's nothing to worry about. It's
only Blankie.

Blankie, all right, mate? Cool. A bit of
a mess, isn't it?

Oh, dear.

I'll get you for this, butler.

You did that deliberately, didn't you?
No, I didn't. You're all right, Blake.

All right? You're trying to kill me.

What are you talking about? I didn't
even know he was on the bus, did I,

No, that's true, no.

Well, what did you slam the brakes on
for like that then?

Yeah, well, I was testing them. You
always say, make sure your brakes are

right. Well, I can tell you this,
they're marvellous.

Oh, no, that's a lie, you bloomin'
moron.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Got any pain again, have you?

Must be something you've eaten. No, I've
made me... That's what I've done.

That's all I need.

Oh, oh, oh.

What's the matter now?

I've squashed me pills.

Look at that. I'm supposed to take one
of them every time I'm upset.

I'm going to go all over the place.

Here you are. Here you are, Blakey.

Here's one of your pills here with that
white medicine on it. You can take the

both at once.

That's not a pill, that's a flubbing fly
button.

Oh, I wonder why it had four little
holes in it.

Get up, blaggy, let's see if you're all
right. Come on in.

I'll have to have this bus taken out of
commission. That'll all be hosed down,

it will, look. Yeah, well, you'd better
stop here with it, then. Why?

So they can hose you down as well,
because you're setting the yoghurt,

Oh, oh, oh, oh, this is doing me... no
good at all. It's all this aggravation

that makes me make acid, you know. Yeah,
well, don't worry, Blake. All that

yoghurt will make your bottom nice and
smooth.

Oh, oh, oh, good.

What's the matter now?

All the yoghurt's soaking through now.

What happened to the inspector?

Why is he standing like that?

Well, he's had a little accident.

Come on, Blakey, mate. We'll get you
cleaned up.

It's all right. It's all right. He just
messed his suit up a bit. It's all

right. Look, he's setting the yoghurt,
see?

Come on, then, Blake. He will get you
scummed out, mate. There's something I

do. No, no, just a minute. Molly, Mary,
I want to have a word with you, love.

Look, I saw you with Arthur just now. I
thought you were going out with him.

Now, come on, love. What's going on?

Nothing's going on. I asked Arthur to
come over here.

You did?

Well, I've been thinking about it, and
I've decided I don't want to get

with a married man.

Ah, now, that's wise.

So I'll be leaving, and I'll be
collecting my things this evening.

Will you?

Yeah, well, I suppose it's all for the
best, yeah. Oh, Blake, it's all right

now. Bone's broken. Just a bit of shock,
that's all. Oh, I'd better go and have

a look, see if he needs any treatment.

Yeah, well, don't look for too long, or
you'll be wanting treatment.

Yeah, I thought you told me that you saw
her going off with Arthur. Yeah, I did.

He made a right twit of himself, mate.
He turned up in his best suit with a big

box of chocolates for her.

And she gave him the brush off. Oh, poor
old Arthur.

Poor old Arthur. He'll be walking round
the town in hell of a state now.

What, trying to forget her?

No, trying to flog the chocolates.

Oh, love, how are you? Oh, fine. Here,
I'll get you a nice cup of tea. That's

your idea, darling. Thank you.

Hello, Stan.

You look pleased with yourself.

Oh, Stan.

Look what Arthur went and got me.

A lovely big box of chocolates.

Did he really?

He went all the way down to the posh
shop to get them specially, and they was

all done up with a lover's knot. Look.
Oh, fancy that.

Yeah. Often knows how to get round the
girls.

Mind you, it doesn't always work.

Does it, mate?

I must have another one. I'll have a
raspberry cream. They're my favourite.

Do you want one, Stan?

Let's have a look at them.

Oh, no, no. I'll wait till I've had my
tea.

I'll have one, sunshine.

You great guts.

He had a five minute and already the top
layer's gone.

Well, don't be cross, Arthur.

I have forgiven you, haven't I, darling?

It's all right, all right, all right.

I clunted it and they come here in
raspberry cream.

Here's your tea, love. Thanks, darling,
thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry, Arthur. Have one from the
bottom layer. Right.

How disgusting!

They've all been bitten!

I need to find out which was the soft
centre's.

It's always the same with you, isn't it?
Whenever you get anything to eat, you

behave like a great...

Arthur and Olive's marriage is all
right.

I'm a bit worried about them.

I spent nearly two quid on these pots
and chocolates.

Of course he's all right.

Listen to him.

They're back to normal, aren't they? Oh,
yes.

I think we're