Original subtitles

Oh, come on, cheer up, mate. You must be able to get some bird to come out with

you. Well, I don't know.

I've gone to see it before once.

You haven't had a bird for six weeks, have you?

Six weeks? Don't be daft.

Is it?

Seven weeks and three days, to be exact.

You ain't been clicking that night lately, Butler.

The old fatal charm wearing off, is it? Look, mate, just because you wear a

moustache, you're no blooming Omar Sharif. No, but it's a dead spitting

his camel, isn't he?

Here, Stan, have you tried Molly?

Molly? No, I ain't. Oh, mate, she's a little raver. You'll be laughing there.

Look, you chat her up. Yeah, yeah. Here, Molly, darling. Just a minute. Stan

wants a word with you. Hey, Mo, what are you doing tonight, love? Why?

Well, Jack's going out with his bird down the booze. I thought you'd like to

join us.

Oh, Fred, I can't, Stan.

Pity. If only you'd asked me earlier.

Late again, butler.

Now you know the feeling the passengers on your bus get, mate.

What feeling?

The feeling you're never going to get there.

Shut up.

Anyway, so you've got another date then, love? Yeah.

I promised to take my old granny to the bingo.

Oh, you're a wise girl there, I tell you.

You'll get more excitement going to the bingo with your old granny than going

out with him.

Sorry, love. Another time.

All right, then, love. Yep. Ah, old love. No clickety -click for you

mate.

Hang about, I've got an idea.

Here, Molly. Molly, darling. Just a minute.

Listen, what about making a foursome? You and Stan are your granny and the

inspector. Right?

My gran's 86.

Well, that's all right. Just suit you, Blakey.

Good granny.

Bit of a difference in our age, isn't it?

What's wrong with going out with a bird four years younger than you?

Tweet.

Sorry, love. Another time?

All right, darling.

All right.

Hello, love.

Oh, hello, Joyce. Hello. Look, you go with your son, you know. Don't bother

about it. Well, I've just signed off. You can go. I'm ready when you are. Oh,

no. Here, Stan, why don't you come with us where you're making a threesome,

can't we, darling, eh?

You must be joking, mate. What do you think I'm going to do while you're

nibbling her ear?

I'll tell you what, Butler.

I'll bow your bag of crisps, eh?

No, you go. You two go.

I'll go. I'll go over there.

Here. You want to watch it, you know, Butler.

Human body's like a bus engine, mate.

If it's not kept in regular use when you try to start it, nothing happens.

I'll tell you what, I'll bet yours has not been run in.

How's it going out tonight, love?

No, not tonight, ma 'am.

It's been not tonight for the last six weeks.

Would appear the permissive age is passing you by, mate.

Shut up.

Well, I don't like to see you sitting there every night not doing anything.

You ought to have an obby. He's got an obby already, he's just not very good at

it at all.

He's like an unsuccessful fisherman holding his rod out and catching

Look, mate, I can catch a bird any time I like. Oh, do me a favour.

The bait's not as fresh as it was, is it, mate?

You're going off, mate.

At least I'm not malting, am I? Look.

My dear man, before I married Olive, I never lacked female company.

Oh, and to think you gave them all up to marry me.

Yes, well, it's very difficult to find a nice girl like Olive these days.

You know, Mrs Bishop said to me that where she works, all the girls there,

they're popping and out of bed with any man.

Oh, disgusting.

I shall make a note of the address, if I will.

Don't be funny.

Mum's right, actually.

Bit difficult trying to find a nice girl.

Bro, you've got to be careful.

Oh, yes, Stan.

I mean, after you're married, you might discover all sorts of things about a

girl you never imagined.

Mightn't he, Arthur?

Oh, right you are.

Yes, well, that's what marriage is all about.

Two people discovering one another.

Blimey, their honeymoon must have been a right mystery to her.

There's no need to be offensive, mate, just because you're on edge, so to

I'm not on edge! And don't shout!

Why don't you go to the pictures?

I don't want to go to the pictures.

Well, it might take your mind off things.

Here, Arthur's got the paper. See what's on.

I go.

There's a thing here at the Regent.

Hot summer's lust.

Is it a comedy?

I've been thinking of Stan sitting there watching it.

At the plaza, there's one called Love's Swedish Style.

Well, that's not for him either, is it?

You can talk. You haven't got round to doing it English style.

I wonder what it's all about.

Well, may you ask?

Well, if you don't want to go to the pictures, I know.

Why not have a nice early night?

You've got early shift tomorrow, love.

I don't feel sleepy.

Oh, you can have one of my sleeping pills. They make me go to sleep the

my head touches the pillow.

They're wonderful, aren't they, Arthur?

They've been a great boon.

And I'll bet you bought them for her.

Mate, what have you been doing? I've been waiting out there for you. We're

out in a few minutes. I thought you said you were just coming in for a quick cup

of tea.

Yeah, I didn't. I was enjoying it, I know.

Well, canteen tea? Blimey, what's the attraction? It's never even up.

This ain't.

But that is.

Here,

who is she?

That's the new canteen girl.

You are? Yeah.

Oh, look at the way she's bending over that table, picking up those dirty cups.

Yeah, well, mate, she's got to do that. I mean, with her shape, she'd never see

the table otherwise.

Ah, that is the pay. I'm glad I came up.

Might as well see what we've been working for.

Come on, let's have it.

Better check it to see if the overtime's right.

Lousy wages, aren't they?

I don't know why you took this job.

A girl like you must be able to do things much better for yourself.

I'm going to, don't worry.

It's because I'm broke.

As soon as I can lend me hands with some cash for some new clothes, I'll get a

job in the office then.

Oh, can you type then?

No, but I'll find something they want me to do.

float over there. Not the one with the long hair and big teeth, the other one.

Keeps staring at me with his tongue hanging out.

That's Stan.

Is he married?

Married? Not our Stan, no.

I think I'll clear his table.

It's 27, 28, 29.

You finished with that cup?

No, not yet, darling. I'll just...

See the way she looked at me, Jack, eh? Did you see it? All right, easy, boy.

You'll burst a blood vessel.

I've been looking all over for you two. You know you're due out in two minutes,

don't you? Yeah, I know. Anyway, there's been an emergency diversion. You'd

better take this down. You've got a bit of black there, have you?

One minute. Just a minute. Right, right.

Number 11 bus. Oh, here we are.

Diversion before the high street.

You turn off before Askew Road, then when you reach Mount Road, you turn

You got that?

Got it?

Yeah, what come after number 11 bus?

You're not changing at all, are you?

Have a look at that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I see.

What do you mean you see? You've got it upside down.

You turn down there and you dive out along there, right?

Yeah, yeah.

What's the matter with you?

Stand, stand.

I see.

Here we go again.

Your hormones are playing you up, aren't they?

Come on, you've got to admit it's a cracker.

Who's she then? I don't think I've seen that face before.

Well, you're not looking at her face, are you?

Can I take your cap now?

Here. What's your name, darling?

Stella. Yeah, well, my name's Dan. This is my mate Jack. And you recognise this?

This is Frankenstein.

Pleased to meet you.

Yeah, well, I thought you were new, like...

Me and him, we usually have a drink and we're, you know, playing. I thought

you'd like to join us down at Boozer.

You're a fast worker.

Still, why not? What time?

Well, we finish here at seven, time we've been home and changed.

No, don't bother about changing. No, we'll see you here at seven.

All right.

I'd better go and clear that table.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Don't apologise, love.

want to go out with you for? She must be raving mad.

What you got?

That's it, Blakey. I must have something she wants, don't I?

And I'm going to tell you something, mate. I'm going to make sure that she

it.

It's not bad, is it?

Are you going to have another double, darling?

Thanks. Same again, Ted.

Oh, I've run out of fags.

That's all right, darling. I'll get you some. Hey, Ted, what have you got?

Only king -size, Stan.

Oh, he's only got king -size.

That's all right. I'll 40 then.

Right. Eh?

All right, then. Yeah, I'll get a man on in a minute.

Er, er, and, er, 40.

40 king size, mate.

Why is that?

Well, that's in your money about a bit, ain't it? Look, mate, you know as well

as I do, when you take a bird out for the first time, you've got to spend a

of dough on her.

And let's face it, she did buy the first round of drinks. Yeah, with your pound

note. And she's never given you no change.

She'll give it to me later on. That's what you're hoping.

I'll tell you what, mate. I'll drink to that.

Yeah, well, the drinks is up, mate. Have you got enough cash left?

Of course I have, mate. Don't worry about it.

Oh. Oh.

Blimey, that turned me over, Jack. I've got nothing in there. I just remembered

I got paid, didn't I?

Here, Ted.

Mate, take it out.

Thanks,

mate. Cheers.

Enjoy.

Great to change, mate.

There you are, son. Ciao, mate. Cheers. There you are. Thank you.

Yeah, darling, can you take the... I'll tell you what, you just take the fags.

I'll take the fags. Take the fags. Yeah, that's it.

That's it, Stella.

Ciao. Ciao.

OK, that's right. Listen, how about coming back to my place tonight for a

nightcap? Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, you clever boy, you managed to talk her into it.

I've got to admit, you've got smashing period legs.

Ow!

What's the matter? Look what you've done. You made a gaping great hole in my

tights. Where?

There. Isn't it bad?

That looks very good to me.

Easy, boy, easy.

They're the only decent pair of tights I've got. They cost me 12 and 6.

I'll have to go home and mingle.

No, no, no, don't go home. No, here, I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what, buy yourself another pair in the morning.

Have you got a change of a pound?

Oh, I'll give a change tomorrow.

Right then, yeah.

About to take them off.

No, no, no, no. Why don't you get to my place and then take them off?

We must,

don't we, our devil? You never stop when I ask.

That's why I'm a bus driver.

Hard to bloat like you.

Is it?

Oh, yes.

No, no, we must stop. No, not now, not now, not now.

I've got to go.

What do you mean, you've got to go? Just now you couldn't resist me.

Don't you fancy me?

Of course I do.

It's just I've got to be back at my digs before 12 o 'clock to pack my bag.

Pack your bags? Where are you going?

See, I can't afford to pay my rent, so I've got to sneak the things out to my

girlfriends, or the landlord will grab them in the morning, so you see, I've

to go. No, no, no, don't go.

How much is the rent?

Five quid a week.

Oh, I'd love to stay, Stan.

Still, maybe it's for the best.

I know if I stayed, I'd do things I shouldn't.

I'll lend you the five pounds.

I owe four weeks rent.

That's 20 quid.

So you see, I've got to go.

What a pity.

I'll lend you... I'll lend you the money.

Yeah, you can.

Yeah, I've got paid today, look. I've got £15 in. That's five you've got

That's the twenty.

I couldn't possibly take it. I mean, I don't know you well enough.

Well, I shouldn't put a stop to that, I mean.

Stan. What, what, what?

I've got to go to the bathroom.

Oh, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what, it's on the first landing,

on the right, OK? Yeah.

Hey, hey, Stella, Stella, listen.

Don't make a noise, will you? Because we don't want to wake the family up, do

we? No, we don't, do we? No.

Sam! Yeah?

Cool.

Oh, Stella, Stella.

Oh, yes, that's all over.

Smelty music.

Oh, get the one. Get the job.

Oh, Stella.

Oh, Stella.

Good

night,

Mum.

Oh, she'll go a bundle on this.

Oh, Stella, I love you, darling.

Is that you, Stella,

darling?

No, it's me, Arthur, darling.

What are you doing here? You thought I was that bird, didn't you?

Well, no, no, I didn't. That bird I've just seen going out the front door,

No, she can't. No, she can't. No, she can't.

I ain't stuck in what's a note in her handbag.

You've been taken for a ride, haven't you, mate?

Of course I have.

Collecting for charity, was she?

I think you'd better have a couple of those, mate.

What are these?

Ollie's sleeping tablets.

I can recognise that disappointed look.

Good night, mate.

Blimey, I've been thinking about you all morning. Well, how's it going last

night? How was the bird then?

Yeah,

all right, yeah.

All right?

Blimey, you look half dead, you lucky fella.

She looked a right raver. I bet she taught you a few tricks, eh?

You're right there, she did.

Well, where is she then?

I don't know, she hadn't come out to work today.

Oh, you devil, you.

Haven't got the strength to crawl. in, I suppose, yeah.

It's been a long time, hasn't it, mate?

Yeah, hell of a long time.

You know that young woman who you took out on a date yesterday, didn't you?

Came in here before lunch, wangled an interview with a general manager and got

herself a job as a receptionist.

What?

Didn't she tell you anything about it, eh?

No. Hey,

look, here she is now.

I mean, she's got some right gear on. I bet that'd cost a packet.

Yeah. Amazing where they get the money from, isn't it?

It is amazing, isn't it? Well, go on, then. Say hello to your lady, love.

Yeah, I won't have a word with her.

Hang on a minute.

Oh, uh, Stella?

Oh, hello.

Afraid I'm in a hurry.

Uh, yeah, listen, about last night... I can't stop to chat. I've got to take

this to the general manager. Oh, I see. Hey, listen, how about then come to the

pub tonight and have a drink? So... sorry. The general manager's asked me to

work late.

I see. Well, how about tomorrow night, then?

No, not now I'm in the offices. I don't think the general manager would like me

to be seen out with a bus driver.

That was a bit of a brush -off, wasn't it?

You must have made a great impression last night.

Great lover.

Made my day, he says.

Here, come on. You'd better get cracking, mate.

You've got a date with the number 11 bus to the cemetery gates.

That'll be Dan.

Will you tell him straight?

I will.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, nice salad, eh?

We do, we do. I'm a bit hungry, too.

Why didn't you give your housekeeping money before you left this morning?

Well, you see, Mum, that... I told you.

He gave it to that woman who stuffed it in her handbag, I told you.

I bet you did.

He didn't have to tell me. I knew there was something wrong this morning when

you waited till I was in the loo before you dashed out.

Well, I did, Mum, didn't I mean? You see, I mean, the girl was in trouble,

I... Stop!

It can hardly be. Well, I don't know.

Everyone's in such a blooming hurry these days.

It is perfectly obvious what happened. He handed her the money because she got

him worked up and excited.

Oh, I could never do that to a man.

That's true.

If Arthur hadn't given me the extra, I wouldn't have been able to get the

in for the weekend.

And there's all them bills to pay, you know. It's the monthly instalment on a

television set which I paid. It was your turn.

Well, Arthur, top of that, you wanted to watch the football on the telly.

Oh, lost. I probably missed a pickle.

Hey! Hey!

It's a repeat of England and Brazil, yeah.

Oh, I didn't see that. It could be good, yeah.

Yeah,

I must see this.

Oh, it's a lovely fire.

Come over here, buddy.

Come over here.

Get a hold of that, will you?

Get a hold of that.

Over there.

Over there.

Over there.

You didn't pay the rent, mate. You're not watching.

Well, how childish can you get, mate?

What the hell do you think you're doing? I tell you what, mate. You may have

paid the installer and the set, but I bought the aerial.

What are you talking about? I just think you'll make me pay for half of that

aerial. Get off!

You great idiot.

Well, you said you'd pay for half it, now you've got half of it. I'm a good

to wrap that round your throat, mate. Wrap it round my throat.

There's somebody in the door. I'll have a go and see who it is.

Here, he'll pay his share, won't you, Stan?

Ha! He's got nothing left.

No? Right.

I'll tell you what I'll do. What?

I'll tell you what I'll do, mate.

You can have all I've got here. Oh, no, no, love. I don't know. No, no, don't go

mum -mum. No, I don't. I can't take your last three quid. Don't have to worry.

No, no. I've got plenty to last me the rest of the week. Oh, good.

Yeah, two in front of us. No,

I can't take your last three quid, love. Sorry. What are you talking about?

You put that in your bag.

Eh?

Dad, it's Jack for you.

Here you are, Missy B.

Hello, Dad.

Anything wrong?

No, no, no.

What's half the doing? Taking up knitting?

Yes, Sam, Joyce has fixed a bird for you. One of her mates. That's why we

round to collect you. Now, the girls want to go to the Saturday night do at

Tito's Club.

Yeah, well, I don't know, Jack. Well, it's only 25 bob head, mate. I mean,

you'll come out for less than three quid.

Well, um...

Don't you dare.

No, no, no, Mac.

Count me out.

Come here.

There

you

are. See?

Right little raver. Three quid and you'd be laughing.

No, no. No, I don't know, Mac. No.

No, I think I'd better stay in. All right. If that's how you feel about it,

go round and see Harry. He won't turn up a good thing.

I'm sorry I bothered.

Oh, Jack.

Don't take it like that, mate. Just want to... Well,

I suppose, in the circumstance, I don't wish to be too hard on you.

Maybe I should find you something.

Oh, what? Hey, mate, you're a treasure boy.

Right, come on, what is it, mate?

Another couple of Ollie's sleeping tablets, mate.

Oh, never mind, love.

There's always another night.

All right.

There's always another night with me.

Never tonight.