All language subtitles for On The Buses s04e07 The kids outing

Hey, Blakey. Blakey. Who are you putting
on to drive these little villains?

Can't you guess?

He's making my day just thinking about
it.

He's not only going to drive it, he's
got to help to organise it as well.

This is enough sandwiches now, isn't it,
Mum?

Why do you want to get yourself lumbered
with this lot of fire? Well, it's our

turn this year. We've got to do
something nice for the little kiddies. I

don't even know why you're taking the
little darling.

Well, I tell you what, if they're eating
any of Olive's cakes, it'll be straight

to the hospital.

Shut up. No, she'll have to eat it now
you've touched it.

No, that's not the way to start a lovely
day.

Oh, a lovely day.

I've got to be out, you know, by...

Here, look at the time. I'm due out at
11.

Come on, let's pack up and let's get
going. No, we can't yet because we

blown the balloons up. Come on, blow
some balloons up, dear. Oh, that's the

thing.

I can't blow it up.

I shouldn't think you can. You've bummed
the hole up with cake, haven't you?

It's not that.

It's one of those thick ones. If you're
so clever, you tried.

I am not putting that in my mouth after
you've been sucking it.

Oh, come off it, Arthur. You've been
married for nine years.

I mean, what she's got, you've got by
now.

It is unhygienic and needs disinfecting.
Oh, dub it a dub.

What about when you kiss, Olive?

He makes a gargle with carbolic first.

Here's a new one. Try that.

All right, all right. Pretty simple.

The trick is to get started.

Well, that's not your strong point.

But be careful. You don't want to strain
yourself.

No, you might need another operation.

Will you shut up about my operation?

Let someone else do it.

I don't know what's wrong with you lot.
Look, just because they're new balloons,

you don't know how to do it. You've got
to stretch them like that first, because

they're new.

Then you warm them in your hand like
that. I've seen them on telly do it. And

then they go up as easy as anything.

Right, now watch this then.

gone up a bit, hasn't it? It has not.

Where's all the air going?

I hate to tell you, mate, but you'll
grow in a lump.

That'll be funny. Shut your face. I'll
do it again. I nearly got it. When then?

Where have I got it started?

Lovely. Oh, blimey, I've gone giddy.

And by the way, what you have to do,
look, you press it down into the

bit at the bottom there and all the way
down the balloon.

No. Down the bottom, like that.

And then you... Yeah, I'll squeeze and
you blow.

That's a good idea.

You stupid dick! You squeezed it just as
I

was going to suck!

Swallowed all the air!

Never mind, mate.

Oh, Stan, that's just like when you was
little, bringing up Wendy's. It was not

funny, Mum.

No, you know, I've heard.

I know, it happened to me once at a
birthday party. I put a balloon in my

and I got all filled up with air.

Most of it's still there.

All this fuss about blowing up a few
balloons.

Well, it's these squiggly ones here,
Difficult. With the ordinary ones, it's

better. Look, I'll show you.

Now, you tie a knot in the end of that
one and

I'll blow up another one. Blow up
another one, that's right.

Easy, easy.

It's easy, look. You pull the neck out
like that, right, round two fingers,

it out like that, and then you put the
little nipples... I'll give it a

perfectly simple look. Look.

Oh, Arthur, you did give me a surprise.

I bet you don't do that very often.

What do you mean by that?

Oh, I feel fine, Sue.

Well, sit down and have a rest, then.
Oh.

Arthur, don't stand there smoking
yourself to death. I'm late as it is.

blow some of these balloons up.

Where's Buckley?

Isn't it marvellous? He's never here on
time, is he? He'll be here in a minute.

He's just helping his mum with the grub
and stuff.

Oh, here he comes now, look.

My God.

It's Mary Poppins.

Don't you start.

across the roof, have you?

You don't work, mate. You're later than
ever.

Now, listen.

We don't want any trouble on this
outing. The last kids outing, they did

worth of damage.

Well, that's what I've got the balloons
for.

Keep them occupied.

Well, now you are. You can let them on
the bus. I made them form a queue

there.

Oh, look at that. One of the little
pelicans has jumped the queue.

He's digging my bell and all.

Liberty taker. He looks a right shifty
-eyed little lout.

That used to be my little nephew.

Yeah, mind you, he's got a nice,
intelligent little face.

Well, I let him on the bus because he
happens to be a sensitive little chap.

takes after me, actually.

Yes, I want you to keep an eye on him,
if you will. Let him on the bus, then.

Come on. Oh, Charlie, out of the cake!
Right, come on! You've got to breathe!

chaps, aren't they?

I thought you two could manage them all,
right?

What did you do, sonny Jack?

Me? I did me best, didn't I? I'll give
one of them a right tip round the ear

hole. You burped? That was me.

Well,

not on you, on the bus, look.

Oh, charming. Oh, my God, look,
somebody's put the boot in right where

and all. And somebody put the boot in me
where it don't show.

Oh, listen to them kids rampaging around
the depot. Come on, get them on the bus

out of it. Now, shut up, you kids, shut
up. Be quiet.

Come on, here.

Butler, why didn't you give my little
nephew a balloon? You did it on purpose,

didn't you? Because it's my nephew.

I didn't give him. They took him.

Well, you should have saved him one.
Well, all right. I'll see he gets a

then. Yeah, well, mind you do. Get one
off him. Go on.

All right, sonny. I'll try and find you
a nice balloon.

I don't want a balloon.

That's kids' stuff.

I bought it on St. Louis.

Here. You chopped it?

Here, Sam.

What? Look.

Have a look at this, mate.

Gorgeous girlies.

No wonder he wasn't interested in our
balloons.

He's more interested in hers.

You want to see this, mate?

He's put a moustache on the pet of the
month.

Well, that's probably because he didn't
like the look of her face.

He hasn't put it on her face, he's put
it on her chest.

Oh, kids today, mate.

Imagine that, hiding this thing behind
his comic.

You know something? I never did anything
like that when I was a kid, did you?

No, no.

I used to hide mine behind the in -book.

Well, Rebecca used to be dead chuffed to
see me praying.

Mind you, he didn't know what I was
praying for.

Oh, you'd better give it in back then.
Yeah. Where is he? Come on. Oi, Harold,

come here. Harold, here.

Here, I've got a present for you.

Listen. Here, take it.

Don't let your uncle see you with it,
otherwise he'll do his nuts.

What are you giving that boy?

Show me that here.

Now, wait a minute.

Oh,

you filthy beast, you. Beast?

Give it to him. He brought it with him.

I heard you telling him just now to hide
it from me. You're teaching him to be

deceitful and all.

Oh, no, no, it's easy. He did bring it
with him. Oh, what a despicable thing to

say. Fancy blaming it on a poor,
innocent child like that. He wouldn't

thing like it, would you, Harold?

Oh, no, I can't. Yes, well, run along
then, lovey. Oh, you two necrous

layabouts. You're not fit to be in
charge of children.

Yes, I'll tell you. He's a lying little
basket.

I've known that boy since he was a baby.
He's very truthful.

Now, listen, are you going to believe
him or me? Him.

That boy wouldn't do anything I wouldn't
do.

I found that out.

There's nothing wrong with that boy.
Nothing wrong with him. There must be if

he's your nephew.

Yeah. Now, look, come on. I'm not having
these kids walking in and about the

place. Where are the adults in charge of
these children? Hurry up. Here they

come. Mum, come on. Thank God for that.

Hurry up. These kids are getting a bit
restless, you know.

We had to wait. We had to wait for
Ollie.

Do you know what she's like when she's
on a bath?

She had to take her travel sick pill.

I feel sick.

What are you talking about? You haven't
got on the bus yet.

Ain't the sick pills doing you anything?

Yeah, they're making her feel sick.

Because I took them on an empty stomach.

Your stomach is never empty.

Now, you understand this is a new bus.

We don't want any trouble. We had a lot
of damage done in the past.

Don't worry, Inspector. I'll look after
the little kiddies. Listen, Blake, if we

can handle a football mob, we can handle
a load of blinking kids.

Besides, what can they do to a bus?

Give me that funnel.

You got the sugar?

Yeah.

What's it going to do? Is it going to
make it blow up? Well, it might if we're

lucky.

They want to do?

What?

Take you back to the depot.

Look at that. The kids are going raving
mad.

So they go raving mad.

Get back there and tell them it's gone
wrong and we're going back to the depot.

All right, shut up. Quiet.

Now we're going back to the depot.

Don't tell them it's us.

I told them, didn't I? I just don't
understand you, Jack. I'm telling you,

Adults treat them as grown -ups.

Step out of it. I'll show you how to do
it. Now, boys and girls, what do you

want to say to us?

Now, shut up a minute.

Will you be quiet?

That's it.

Now, stop drinking that milk up there
while I'm talking to you.

Right, now then.

The engine's gone up the spout, and
we've got to go back to the tap mode,

Now, get back inside. Come on, quick.
Come on, move, move.

That's it.

There's a good boy. Where are you, girl?
Oh, right here.

Did you see that?

Look, did you see that?

There's nothing to it, mate. It's dead
easy.

Oh, that's how you do it, is it?

Of course it's not. I'm having you for
this battle. Don't worry about that,

mate. Now, don't get yourself excited.
Look, I'll show you.

What's that then?

That's not it, is it? No, actually, it's
a French horn.

Jack, give him a tune.

What do I do? Sack or blow?

Will you two stop clowning and get off
there?

Now, how did this happen? I'll have to
make out a full report about this.

You might know your biology, son. You
certainly don't know what it is.

Oh, well, it was all them fumes coming
up through the floorboards.

I mean, that can be very dangerous to a
human being.

Well, in that case, you will be all
right, love.

Oh, Mummy shouldn't have thought me when
I'm not right.

Well, if I don't do it when you're not
right, I'll never do it. Well, it's no

right to be nasty. Come on, love. Get
you a nice bit of fresh air.

Come on. Well, what are you waiting for?

Come on, Butler. Get some maintenance on
that bus. Just a minute. Just a minute.

Just a minute.

What are you going to do about the kids?

Tell them to go and wait in the canteen
out of it. I don't think they're going

to like that.

Why don't you tell them?

Well, just go and explain it to them.

Treat them like little adults.

Use a modicum of intelligence.

It always works, you know.

Oh, our little, you know, children.

Let's go.

Giddies, we've got a special little
treat for you.

You're going to be taken into a real
bus. Usman's canteen!

You take them in the canteen.

You should keep them quiet.

What are you talking about? What am I
supposed to do?

Do something. Entertain them. Anything.

I'm not employed to entertain kids.

My uncle too can entertain.

Come on, give us some of your
impressions.

Impressions? Hell, come on. The kids
want you to entertain them. No, no. I've

got my work to do.

Please, Uncle Phil. I've told all the
boys in the gang about your bird

impressions.

Bird impressions?

Oh, this we've got. Here, this, Blake.
Oh, yeah, Blake, you can't... the kids

down here. Kids, do you want to hear
Uncle Cyril do his bird impression?

I'm sure they don't want to hear me.
Yes, of course.

Oh, very well.

Just one then, all right.

The canary.

That's sensational, isn't it?

That is so lifelike.

You really think so? Yeah.

Do you know what? If we didn't know, we
thought you'd got a bird in your

moustache.

You're trying to be funny, are you? No,
no, honestly, Blake, honestly. It's

absolutely marvellous. Got any more?

Actually,

the mating call of the black -headed
gull. Oh, it's my favourite. Very good,

very good.

Hey!

Listen, we'll have an encore of that
one.

You like that one? Yeah, yeah. Go on, do
it again. It's my favourite.

Yeah.

You must be joking.

Blimey, do you hear that? These kids
today.

Fancy asking Eileen to strip.

Don't stand a chance. I'll be trying for
weeks.

I'll tell you what I'll do. What?

I'll do that number that I did at the
Christmas boozer. Oh, blimey, not that

load of old rubbish.

What are you talking about? He paralysed
them. Listen, mate, they was paralysed

before we came on.

Well, I've got to do something.

Well, look, it'll take five minutes to
get ready, eh? You're going to keep them

quiet in the meantime.

I'll give them some ice cream or
something.

Look, they've had three lots already,
plus sausages, chips, baked beans, more

chips. If we give them anything else,
they'll be sick.

Sick? Well, if they're sick, they're not
shouting, are they?

Yeah.

Eileen, darling, listen there.

I want you to do me a favour, will you?

I've, er, can you come with me for a
minute?

Hey,

Dad! What?

Come on, what are we doing now? When are
we going on the bus?

The bus will be ready in a minute.

Now, listen, in the meantime, one of our
clippers is going to entertain you.

Now, I want you all to give a big hand
to Claire!

Twiggy.

Here, stay there.

Are you going to do your little song? Of
course I am, Jackie, darling.

I'll give you a hand up.

I'll give you a hand up. Here you go.

Oh,

Jackie's mum and a girl. Is it?

Winnie, darling, will you play for me,
darling? You know, the one I did at the

booze -up at Christmas time?

They're on a clippy number, sweetheart.

Just a minute, have a check, love. I
must have gotten that lipstick on.

And he's marvellous. He's just like a
real girl.

real girl looks as awful as that?

Some of them do.

I'm ready, darling. I'm ready now,
darling.

I'm Clara the Clippy. I have to be nippy
because, you see, I'm so full up on

top.

The drivers all love me. They say I'm so
cuntly and I never, never ask them to

stop.

A dirty old chap tried some tickle and
slap and I asked for some straight...

information.

He said, can a silly day, can I go all
the way? I said, get off, I'm not your

destination.

Now, please, I'll tell you something, a
little story that happened to me, very,

very funny it was, you see. Now, this
little boy, he's got on to the bus.

I got on top of the bus like this, you
see.

Walking up behind me, up the stairs to
this bus.

When I got on top of the bus, you see,
What happened when I got on top of the

bus? This little boy was following me up
the stairs.

What? Have they gone?

Oh, have they?

They've gone.

Oh. Oh, well, I'll get off then. Come
on. You'd better get out of that

mate. They haven't agreed to women
drivers yet.

Take off her hat, darling.

Your shoes are killing me, dear.

Go on, then.

Who's that, then? I've never seen that
clip of you before. Er, no. No, she's

new. Oh, I see. Well, that accounts for
why she's just walked in.

Miss, I missed.

Hey, come out of there.

Well, I didn't know. You see, I was
walking and I didn't know.

Stop it.

Miss Butler.

What do you call a raving maid? Well,

I always knew he was a bit peculiar, but
I mean, he's gone kinky as well now.

It's mixing with all these clippies,
isn't it? Oh, don't be daft. You do it

a bit of fun. A bit of fun?

I should try telling that to the
magistrate, if I were you. Listen, he

it to entertain the kids, didn't he?

Entertain the kids? What do you think
you are, the busman's Danny LaRue or

something? Come on, get up.

Look at it. I've got to get it off,
haven't I?

Where did you get that skirt from,
anyway?

I got it off of Eileen.

Eh?

What's she walking about in there?

Her knickers. What do you think?

She was going off duty, so she changed,
and I borrowed it, that's all. I'll just

take it off now.

Blimey, the zip's stuck. Here, Jack,
give us a hand with this.

I'll have to shut the eyes, though. I'm
only used to doing it in the dark.

Get rid of your... Get rid of these.

What are you doing that for?

Well, I didn't know it was full of air,
did I?

What are you expecting to be full of,
then?

That bus is waiting out there. Get out
there and get it out. Come on. I'll get

rid of this one, then. Get rid of it.

What's the matter with you? You both
need pencil now. I'll give it a good

I've got a slow puncture, Jack.

Will you get that bus out and get them
kids out?

We was entertaining the kids, mate.
That's all we was doing. It's your

I'm going to get changed.

You're not going to drive like that, are
you?

Like what?

Take a look in the mirror.

Oh, blimey.

Still got the eyelashes on, don't I?

Do they suit me? Look.

Take them off.

You're infringing the highway code.
You're cutting down your visibility.

All right, hang on.

Oh!

Oh, blimey. Do not make your eyes water.

Oh! Oh.

Here you are, Blake. Here's a present
for you.

What am I supposed to do with these
then?

Well, I must admit, that's a very
ticklish question.