All language subtitles for On The Buses s04e02 The canteen girl

Jack, you cut Blakey's face.

What's he smiling about?

Smiling, is he?

Blimey, we'd better go to the management
and report the accident.

You're right, you know, he is.

Oh, you've got a little bit of soot
stuck on your moustache.

Yeah, I'll just clean it off.

They're a bit friendly, aren't they?

I haven't heard.

He's been tagging her out.

Yeah,

must be having his last fling.

His last fling?

No, he's having anything. It's his
first.

I like your moustache.

Especially when it tickles, eh?

Whatever it is, he's having it.

What's going to up your lumps then,
Cyril, love?

I don't think you ought to call me
Cyril.

I'm sorry.

What would you fancy then, Mr. Flink,
darling?

What can I tempt you with, then? Some of
this?

Oh, I know. I've got something special
hidden for you under the counter.

I bet she has.

Nice state and kidney.

I kept you all the best fits.

My favourite.

Oh, good.

I'll see you later on in the morning.

What's this, favouritism then?

You've got more on your ration now,
mate.

It's steak and kidney pudding.

I've got no more on my plate than you've
got on yours. I know.

You've got all the steak and kidney.

Blimey, look at this, mate. We've got
all the pudding.

LAUGHTER

No, no, fair, fair, Stan. I mean, some
people have got to keep up their

strength, haven't they?

Now, what do you mean by that remote?

Oh, blimey, don't tell me you're taking
her out just to get an extra bit of

kidney. Now, you mind your own business.

That young lady happens to be a very
nice girl. Oh, come on, Blackie, you

be serious.

Well, why can't he be serious?

Oh, you wouldn't understand, you see.

You know, I can't understand these young
birds going out with these old blokes.

Well, it's all the rage these days,
isn't it? Is it? Well, Jacqueline

and Anastas all over again.

Wait, all them insinuations just because
I've got a bit of extra kidney.

No, no, she knows what she's doing.

That's not kidney, that's monkey gland.

You ought to be brave, you two.

Just got your little extra kidney, love,
I say, for you.

Is that all right?

God, blimey, there won't be a monkey
left in the zoo.

Yeah, you've got to keep your strength
up.

All right, all right, all right.

I'll be ready about half past two. Yeah,
yeah. Film don't start till three.

Yeah, all right, yeah. All right? I'll
see you later on, yeah. Yeah. Hey,

Blackie, why are you attacking Molly at
the pictures in the afternoon, then?

Well, blimey, look at him. He'll get him
for half price as an old aged

pensioner.

Yeah, but Molly won't. Well, she'll get
him half price as his daughter.

I've just about had enough of yous two.

What I do with my afternoons off is my
business.

Go on, Sam, mate.

Hey, Blackie, what pictures are you
going to see, then? Well, he's got to be

taking it at a regal, hasn't he? To see
Dracula and the vampires.

Why's that?

Well, nice little girl that she is.
Naturally, he wanted to meet his family,

so... Oh, yeah!

Nearly half past there. All right, put
him face up. You know the regulations.

As I do.

I shan't be long.

I'm just going to go and powder me nose,
all right?

She has got a nice pair, hasn't she?

Never notice, never notice.

Go on then, mate. Your pulse is racing.

Blakey! You're too old for her, mate.

You'll strain yourself.

Women don't affect me like that at all.
What are you talking about? Of course

they do. We can tell by your moustache.
What?

What are you talking about? Oh, it's a
well -known fact, isn't it? It's to do

with the hormones.

I mean, when a bloke's thinking about
sex, it makes his hair grow faster.

That's rubbish, honestly.

That's not rubbish at all, mate. When
she walked past here, you stuck half an

inch on your moustache.

I'm just going to go and get my coat,
all right?

You want to put your heart, Blakey,
mate. I tell you that. It's bouncing so

hard, mate, it's making your pencil
shake.

Get that bus out of the way.

Poor old Blakey, eh? Good Lord, he's got
it bad, hasn't he? Come on, Jack, let's

get it done.

He's forgotten to do me a way, Bill. I'd
better get it done.

Here,

Stan, come here. Here.

Have a look.

Oh, he's got it bad, hasn't he? Look.

He's touching himself up.

What's he doing now?

Oh, he's taking one of them little pills
that fortifies the over -forties.

Just taking two?

Yeah, well, perhaps he's one of the over
-eighties.

Oh, where's he going?

Oh, he's in his office, love. Oh, fine,
thanks.

Hey, Molly. Yeah? Why are you going out
with him, then?

Well, he's asked me to do something none
of you other chaps in this depot ever

have. Oh, I told you. Those tall black
things in wax are kinky.

He's asked me to marry him.

Marry him? Yeah.

Oh, Dad, you're joking. Honest. He says
we're going to go and live in the

country. He's going to give up his job.

Blaggy, give up his job? Live in the
country?

Yeah, he says we're going to raise
chickens.

Blimey, that's about all he will raise.

He's told me he's a nature lover.

I can't believe that. See what nature's
done to him.

Oh, no, Molly, I mean, that's
ridiculous, isn't it? A couple of months

he'll be straining a bit, bored stiff.

Well, what if I do get a bit bored?

Hello with them country lads.

I mean, they're healthy, them farm lads,
aren't they?

Oh, she's a brazen bit, isn't she?

Oh, hello.

All ready?

Yeah.

Come on, then. You should have got that
bus out. Come on. Sign me away, Bill.

Come on, hurry along, yeah? All right.

You're 30 seconds late.

Yeah. Come on,

come on, get it out.

All right, all right.

The sooner he goes, the better. Can you
see him on the chicken farm?

Yeah. Running around.

his little stopwatch. Time and ordered
little chickens for not getting their

eggs out on time.

Mr Blakey. I don't believe it, mate. And
a girl.

And a man.

I tell you, she told us that Blakey's
going to marry her. Of course, I know

he's after.

She's the right little girl, that one.

I think it's terrible.

Well, if you ask me, there's far too
much sex about these days.

Can't say I've noticed.

I can't understand it, really.

Blimey, he's not in 60.

Oh, well, some men in their 60s are like
men of 30.

Yeah, and some men in their 30s are like
men of 60.

What are you insinuating by that?

You should have seen Blakey this morning
when he came to the depot.

And that Molly walked by him with her
little miniskirt on. It was like a

Clipboard was shaking like that. And a
big fella like him and all. You won't

believe this, but when my mother was a
girl, grown men were known to faint at

the sight of a girl's knees. I can
believe that.

Fellas faint at the sight of her knees
and all.

Don't be so rude.

I've got lovely knees.

Haven't I, Arthur?

Yeah, very nice. Pity they go down to
your ankles.

LAUGHTER

Actually, they go down to your toes.

I've got to get back to my other shift
now.

Well, old Flaky will be after me if I
don't, you know. One thing we've got to

thank Molly for, you know. What's that?
We won't have Flaky after us much

longer. You don't know when you're well
off, mate, do you?

What are you talking about?

I don't know. He lets you get away with
it, turning up to work looking like a

scruff. Oh, come off it, mate. He's
after us every minute of the day.

It's Molly, I think, if I don't envy her
marrying him, I tell you. Oh, I'm sure

he'll be very nice to her.

Could you imagine their wedding night?
She'll have to stick to regulations, eh?

Yeah, and if I'm no flaky, he'll have
her turning up for two and a half hours

earlier, he'll give her a thorough
inspection, and then he'll see if her

engine's well warmed up.

I used to.

What? Butter and half -back.

As you know, I'm planning to leave you
shortly, and... Great!

Mr Stewart here, who is chief inspector
at number two depot, is coming to take

over from me. And I shall be handing
over to him in the next couple of days.

Yes.

Number 11 to the cemetery gates.

You're due out in five minutes, aren't
you?

Yes, I am.

Have you men come on duty dressed like
that?

Yeah, what was wrong?

Do you know the regulations?

All bus crews should be smart and neat.

And wear a collar and tie.

Do you let them get away with this sort
of thing?

Have I your permission to report these
men?

You certainly have, Mr Stewart. Would
you care to do it with my pencil?

I'll just check the bus.

Here's a cup of cocoa, Cyril.

Oh, my, you look happy.

Yes, I'm having a lovely day today.

We can't stand for this new bloke. We'll
just have to hang on to Blakey.

We can't do that. Look at him. Blimey's
besotted.

Listen, if he knew what sort of bird she
really was, he'd drop her like hot

brick. We'll just have to tip him off.

No, we can't do that. I mean, we'd have
to be a right couple of baskets to do a

thing like that, wouldn't we?

Hey, you two!

Look what I have found in the driving
cab.

cigarette ends, and a cheese roll in the
first aid box.

I'm suspending you two forthwith, and
you'll both lose a shift.

In all my years as Inspector, I have
never met such a shower as you two.

One more instance like this, and you're
both dismissed.

Let's be a right couple of baskets.

Can't say this other fella, I'm telling
you that.

I washed my neck.

I tell you, mate, I washed behind my
ears this morning.

I bet that was a bit of a shock, wasn't
it? No, it's nasty. I found a couple of

doggins.

Heads up.

Here, Blake, are you taking Molly to the
social, then? Yes, I think we might

look in.

Yes, it might be the last chance.

Here, why don't you come and have a
couple of doggins with us, dear love?

Oh, no, no, Molly doesn't drink or
smoke, do you, love? Oh, no, love.

No, er, should be leaving early anyway.
Likes to get to bed early, don't you?

Yeah, well, I know that.

Oh, it's my phone there. Look, er, I'll
be a bit late at the depot. Yeah? Er,

I'll be in the canteen about half past
eight, all right? Oh, all right then.

Ciao.

Er, what's all this like about you not
drinking and that?

Well, you know him. He doesn't like
girls who smoke and drink and play

I didn't know there was any other kind.

Mind you, I don't know how I am going to
last out all evening without a drink.

Yeah, well, I tell you what, why don't
you come and have a few with us before

you start, then? Oh, no, I wouldn't
dream of it. Oh, come on. Yeah, come on,

come on.

Oh, well, you've talked me into it.

That's it. Well, you live down our way.
Say we meet up at the Rose and Crown,

then, at the bottom of our road. Oh,
lovely.

Oh, well, I'll see you there, then.

Hey, don't let him know about it, will
you? No.

The wedding's off.

Oh, it's a right level!

Here, have you heard the one about the
topless waitress and the archbishop?

I haven't, no. I've heard it. Go on.

Stand up and I'll tell you then.

What?

Come here, come here.

He got a tape measure, see? Yeah. And he
put it up again.

Oh, no, no, I can't believe that. Hang
on, hang on.

Here, you want to tell that one to
Blankie. Oh, I will.

Here, one more vodka. She won't care
what she's doing.

I'll get her two.

Darling, two vodkas and tomato juice,
please. If she turns up at the social

that, Blankie will run a mile. Now, get
her there quick before she sobers up.

Oh, blimey, look at the time. I promised
to pick up Betty. I'll see you two

there, then. Bye.

Oh, that's very nice of you, darling.

That's it. Thank you, sweet. Lovely.

Oh. Oh, my.

What a big one.

Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, drink up, love, because we don't
want to keep your fiancé waiting.

Oh, too well with him.

Hey. What? Hey, did I ever tell you
about the... What?

About the soldier in the football boots?
No, no. I don't know.

Go on.

Well, come on. I don't know him. I don't
know him.

We've got to pass our house on the way
to the depot. I'll change my trousers.

Now, drink up and come home.

I'm sorry.

Well, come in, love, will you?

Anybody home?

Oh, look at those. They're all out,
love.

Oh, are they?

Yeah. Make yourself at home, darling.
And I'll just zip up and change my

trousers. Yeah, all right.

Thank you.

You'll find them on the table by the
side of the bed.

Oh, the bed!

I'll get them, I'll get them.

Hey.

Hey, is that you?

Yeah.

It's me when I'm at the Boy Scout, you
know. Yeah?

When I used to do me good deed for the
day.

Oh.

Oh, don't you think you ought to do one
today?

Well, I think we should.

What are you taking your earrings all
for? Well, they almost fall off.

Now, look, I think we should... Stanley,
don't you think I've got lovely long

legs?

Yeah, yeah. They go right up to your
belt.

But we shouldn't be going to the social,
you see, love, because... Stanley, I

think you should do your good deed
first.

Well, it's not... Do you know something?

What's that?

You are the only busman in this depot
who's never actually taken me out.

Is that a fact? Yeah.

Yeah. Do you not fancy me?

Well, yeah, of course, but... Tell me!

Wait a minute. What?

It would seem he has brought some female
home with him.

I suspect they're in the front room.

He's got her upstairs in his bedroom.

Oh, we wouldn't do a thing like that,
love.

I can hear voices.

Perhaps he's got Jack up there with him.

Jack does not say, give me another kiss,
Stan.

It's perfectly obvious what's happened.

He's waited to wheel her out and he's
brought some tart home. Oh, Arthur,

all wrong. He wouldn't do that.

Stop!

Didn't expect to see you home so early.

That is painfully obvious.

Who's that upstairs?

Molly.

The inspector's fiancée. You know, I
told you about her. Molly?

Yeah. What's she doing here?

Oh, didn't I tell you, Mum?

Well, we were going to the socials, you
know, and we met her, Jack annoyed us,

met her at the Rose and Crown, the
bottom of the rose, you know, we nipped

for a couple of drinks, you know, and
she wanted to go to the loo, and as we

passed her on the way to the depot, she
just popped in. Oh, that's all right,

then. Hello. Hello, my dear.

Did you get everything you wanted
upstairs?

Did Stan show you where everything was?

Yes, yes, I did, yes, yes. Well, I know
what you're like, love. You know, the

last time you took a girl upstairs, she
had to find everything for herself.

I don't think this is funny, the things
you say.

You know, it's great.

Oh, my.

I can't, I've forgotten. Me earrings, I
think I must have left them up on your

bed, Stanley. I'll just go and get them.

Does she always take off her earrings
before going to the loo?

There's a certain type of woman who
always removes her earrings, but...

I don't.

Yours were rusted up long ago.

I find it rather offensive you have a
woman up there in your bedroom. Don't be

daft, Arthur. There's nothing to it. I
mean, if she went to the loo, wanted to

powder her face, naturally, went into my
bedroom, would look in the mirror and

left one of her earrings there on the
bed. Yeah, there you are, Arthur. There

you are.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Oh, and
something else.

You never guess.

What? A bit of...

It's only a little bit.

Well, that's been... Because we have to
go to the social, otherwise we'd be

late. Yeah.

Good night, Arthur. Bye.

It's been a pleasure.

I'm sure it has.

It's nearly nine o 'clock, isn't it?
Molly's not here yet. You haven't seen

at all, have you? No, I haven't, no.

Where's Butler, do you know? I don't
know, no.

I think I'd better go and have a look
and see if I can see she's coming along.

It's a bit dark out in the depot for a
young girl, you know.

Look after my... Look,

I've been all cuddly.

Where was we when your mum came in? I
don't care where we was when mum came

It's all off, it's finished. You're
going to the social.

Oh, I feel all cuddly, Stanley, don't
you?

Look, look, let's go to the social. All
the fellas are in here. You enjoy

yourself. Yeah, and Cheryl will be there
and all, and he won't approve.

I mean, I mustn't misbehave myself in
front of me fiancé, must I?

Oh, he won't mind. Not that. Just having
a few beers with the boys. I mean, he's

not that type. Come on. What?

Come on. Get off that bus. Take her for
a ride. Get off the bus. No.

Get off that.

Come on. Stop it. This is something.
Come on. Get off. Come on.

Yes, but the distance, mate, it's not
what you think it is. You shut up, you.

You're drunk, aren't you?

He's got you drunk.

Oh, no, he isn't. But I soon will be in
half hour's time.

Molly, how could you do this to me? Oh,
shut up.

Honest, if you're going to carry on like
this every time you find me on the

floor with a fella...

Blakey, she's not for you, this bird,
I'm telling you. She's a wrong one, I'll

tell you this, mate. I'll kill you, but
if I don't... No, don't, no, don't.

Don't do her in the wall if you're
betting for it.

What's happening?

He caught me with Molly.

I'll never forgive you for this, I
won't. Blakey, I tell you, she's not for

mate. You made a fool of me, didn't you?
Listen, Blakey, forget going away with

her. Stay here with your pals.

Yeah.

Yes, I will.

You're right, I will stay here. Yeah,
good. I will.

You'll be a lot happier. I will, I will,
I will be happy. You're right, I will

be happy, yeah.

I'll stay here and I'll devote the rest
of my days to making your life

an utter misery.

An utter misery.

Oh, darling.

I'm for it now, Jack.

We shouldn't have done that, you know.

Look, don't be daft, Stan. I'll bet
Molly's up the canteen now under the

with one of the lads. She's anybody's.
She's not.

Oh, blimey, isn't it marvellous, eh?

I get all the blame, and I'm the only
one that hasn't had the pleasure.

Come on.

Thank you.