All language subtitles for On The Buses s04e01 Nowhere to go

Well, you let down a bit, will you,
Charlie?

It's been a terrible night. Is she going
off home yet?

Is all the buses in? Yeah, she's just
gone to check me last way, Bills.

How could them lights burn in at number
11 bus here?

Let's butt their off home without
pushing them off. Can't wait to do

can he?

Told you.

I thought you were going to take me out
tonight.

Yeah, well, I was, wasn't I? But, oh,
it's call eleven.

Where are you going to go this time of
night?

Well, I thought we could go round to
your house. I told you, Mum will be

watching the telly. We're just going to
sit and watch it with her.

Why can't we go to your place?

My house?

Blimey, they'll switch the telly off and
watch us.

Well, what did you think we'd do?

Well, er, why can't we go to the
recreation ground?

I miss weather.

I'm freezing as it is.

You've got me coping.

I don't know what he'd do if his battery
goes down.

What's that there?

What are you doing up against the side
of that bus there?

Oh, I thought you was damaging the
company's property for a minute.

I've hardly touched her.

I'm talking about the bus.

Oh. Now, come on. You signed off half an
hour ago.

Come on. The cleaners will be around.
They'll be sweeping you up with the rest

of the rubbish.

Oh, get that stuff out of me.

Oh, God.

Stupid.

More of them.

What is this? A late -shift shovel
loving, is it?

Stupid thing to do, isn't it?

Well, we have to do that, don't we? Get
rid of undesirable creatures.

Stop some breeding.

There, there, there. I resent that
implication.

It's made all my mascara run.

Susie, give us a hand. Oh, come on.

Now,

what do you two think you're up to, eh?

This is a bus step, though, not a
blooming rabbit hatch, you know.

I'm telling the truth, Blakey. You see,
we dated those two birds, and at this

time of night, we've got nowhere to go.

You can't stay here. Oh, go on, best
sport. Open up the waiting room for us.

waiting room is there for people who are
legitimately waiting.

Well, we've been waiting for the last
hour.

I'll give you exactly one minute to get
out of here.

Fair enough, getting the buses out on
time without getting you mob out as

Oh, Burke.

Oh, I suppose we just had to walk the
birds home then. I suppose so, yeah.

Pity it wasn't tomorrow night though.
Why's that?

Well, Arthur's taking Mum and Olive on
the motorbike, you know, for the

They've got a morning out and they
aren't bored for the weekend.

Oh, yeah. Do you think of it? Blimey, I
got the arse to myself then.

Well, blimey, mate, why didn't you say
so? We could take them round there

tomorrow night.

Yeah.

Do you think they'll be willing?

Well, Mum was willing tonight.

Hey, Sue, Edna, come here a minute,
love.

How about tomorrow night?

Come on, come on. Get the two women out
of here. Will you do us a favour, mate?

What's that?

Lend us this bus to take the girls home.

Morning, mate.

Everything all right for the night,
then? Keep your voice down. Blimey, it

gone yet.

Well, there's nothing wrong, is there?
No, no, but I mean, it's a bit cold. Mum

must have wrapped up warm, you see.

Listen, I'm going to nip around the
garage, make sure the girls haven't

forgotten about the night. Now, you make
sure you get rid of your family.

Oh, right, of course I will.

Oh, it's going to be quite a night, eh?

Yeah, that's why I'm putting on the old
marmalade, mate.

Keep the strength up, Stampsie. Hello,
Jack.

Oh, uh... Can I have a tea, dear? No,
thanks, Miss B. I've got some business

attend to. Oh. All right.

And, uh... Nearly ready, Mum?

No, love, I don't think we'll be going.

Why not?

Well, Arthur's having trouble with his
bike.

I'll help him. I'll help him, yeah.

See if I can get it started.

You are a good boy.

After all, it can't be much fun for you
being left here on your own.

No.

I'll see he gets it started, Mum. You
get away, don't worry, darling.

trading myself anymore. That's it. We're
not going. What do you mean you're not

going? It'll be dark. It's a bit cold,
that's all.

You've never known how to start this
thing up. Come out of it. It's dead

I'll show you how to do it. All right.
All right.

Blimey, you've got too much air.

You've got a rich juice, mate. I'll show
you. Put a point on there like that,

right. And a good kick.

A good kick.

Good morning.

I'll start this thing if it kills me.

Yeah, got it started? Very good.

Now you've all got to wait for the
weekend, see?

Well, I think you're in, mate. You look
as if you'll be spending your weekend in

bed.

Yeah, with a bit of luck, eh?

I'm saying this guy's hit me all good
and all is ready.

All right, see? All right, no need to
punch. I've got it going for you. Oh,

love. You haven't strained yourself,
have you? No, it's nothing.

Oh, that's good.

Because I don't think we ought to go.

Why not?

Well, it's too cold for Olive to travel.

No, there's nothing to it, love.

No, you'll enjoy the ride.

No, I won't. Sitting on a pillion hurts
me chill blades.

Well, blimey, you don't get chill blades
down there, do you?

Of course not. It's the cold wind that
does it.

Well, shove some of the chillblaine
ointment on your face.

It's my fingers. I do not get
chillblaines on my face.

You could have fooled me.

Don't be so rude.

If you're going to be like that all
weekend, I don't want to go.

You've got to go. Well, what I mean is
you don't have to go.

Well, I mean, there's actually haven't
been a wave at heart for quite some

you know, and I thought going down there
might be sort of a second honeymoon,

you know.

That settles it. I'm not going.

LAUGHTER

Don't tease her. You know you don't mean
it.

Don't be stupid, Arthur.

Anyway, you know what it's like at Aunt
Maud's. I'll have to share a little bed

with Mum, and Arthur will have to sleep
downstairs on the camp bed.

Yeah, well, Mum wouldn't mind sleeping
downstairs for once, and then you could

share a bed with Arthur.

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, don't you shut up.

Well, I... I'll get a move on.

Right. Morning, Arthur.

I don't like to look at anything crusty,
mate. Look at what.

There you are.

Put that... Oh, blimey, that's nothing.

I'm ready.

Oh, you've done up, haven't you?

What on earth do you think you look
like?

Do you know how cold it is?

Blimey, you've got enough clobber on,
haven't you? Yeah, I've got two of

everything. That is painfully obvious.

Chilling me stomach, so I had to put a
hot water bottle there. You don't mean

tell me you've got a hot water bottle
stuffed in there?

I don't normally look as fat as this, do
I? Since you ask, yes.

Look.

Make you ridiculous. You look like a
mummy kangaroo when it's young.

Yeah, well, if she ever has any young,
they must probably look like that.

Oh,

don't be... I'm only joking.

You put it back in again there, darling.
Go on.

I can tell you something. I cannot drive
this motorbike without that thing

pressing in my back. Get on and try it,
Owen.

Come on. Get on.

No,

it's no good.

It's no good. It's all flopping about,
all wobbly.

She hasn't put it in yet.

Come on.

Well, that's quite firm.

You should wear one of those
permanently.

I wouldn't mind not to go on this
weekend. Well, I'm not too keen on going

myself. Then we're going and aren't we
going? Yes, you're going. What's all

rubbish? What is it I'm old?

I've cooked her a chicken and I bought
her a plant.

You get it, darling.

And I'll put it on your lap.

It's a bit funny getting in, isn't it?
Wait a minute. Oh, I've got to get me

out. Oh, blimey. Wait a minute. That's
it.

Now, you've got the plan, sweetheart,
haven't you?

Yes, I've got the plan. I'll shut the
door first. Lock the door.

Lock me in. That's it, right.

Oh, say.

What? Is it going to be all right?

Well, you're not going to be able to
shut that lid, are you?

Well, look, Mum, lean it a bit this way.

Like that? Right.

Right, shut the lid.

Give us it here, give us it here.

Well, thank goodness we've still got the
chicken.

Yeah, there you are, Mum. It's the
chicken, yeah.

Oh, Aunt Maud loves my chickens.

She says they always taste different.

Well, that one certainly will.

Right, are we ready to go now?

It's Jackie, yeah? Oh, hello, Jack,
yeah? Here, listen, I've had a word with

birds and it's all all right for the
night. Isn't it, darling?

Hey,

Jack, Jack, is Susie there?

Yeah, hang on, I'll pass you over. Here,
have a word.

Hello, Stan.

I'm looking forward to tonight.

Don't tire yourself out too much driving
that bus, will you?

Don't worry yourself about that, my old
darling.

Here's a kiss to be going on with.

Oh, turn it in, will you?

Tell our love I'll see you tonight.

Bye, love.

I hope you're in the mood tonight.

Well, I'm not in the mood now.

to a bit of pleasure.

I know just how you feel.

Oh, I'll have to take the other vest
off, Mum. It's soaking.

Oh, love, isn't it a shame? Don't be
fixing Hartman out.

Don't look, don't look.

Don't worry about that, love. We've had
enough shocks for one day.

Look, love, you'll have to take this
other vest off. It's damp.

I can't have that round your stomach.
It's not going to do you no good, love.

There you are.

Put that on the table with the others.

Wait, stop it, wait.

Well, bring it out.

Oh, Mum, the water was scalding. It
spurned me.

Arthur, look.

I'd rather not, thank you.

Never mind, love. It'll all go away.

Oh, blimey, all this fuss over nothing.

It is not. If it doesn't go away, I
might never be able to wear a bikini

Well, for that, we must all be truly
thankful.

Well, you're very lucky it hasn't
affected him in any way, aren't you? Oh,

up! That's not very nice, Arthur. Must
have been very painful for her. You know

what a sensitive stomach she's got.

It's round me waist. I got burnt most.

Oh, never mind, love. I'll rub a bit of
margarine on it.

Oh, blimey, don't do that. Her knickers
will keep slipping off.

I'd better go upstairs and change.

So where are we going now?

Don't be tough, love. Hey, Olive, of
course you'll be going.

Listen, I can get that bike fixed in
half an hour. What a lot of rot he does

talk. That bike is ruined.

Look, mate, I've been a bus driver for
years. I know what I'm talking about.

I'll fix it in half an hour. Don't
worry, me old darling, you'll be going.

Look, come and look for yourself. Let's
see what can be done, at least. Come on.

Well, go on.

What a waste of time.

Right, now then.

Now, let's see.

Yeah, well, you see, mate, that's what
you told me was absolutely foolproof.

Well, well, blimey, it's not all that
bad, really, is it?

It's so certain the fork's here. Lift it
up a bit, I'll straighten them out by

hand. Oh,

blimey.

Oh, very clever.

Shall we make a wish?

Very funny.

Ah, don't be daft, dear.

Can't get that welded up. Well, it's
Saturday morning.

Well, the maintenance department, the
depot, it's open all the weekend.

But you're on a late shift, mate. Take
it in Monday. Don't be daft. If I take

in Monday, you won't be able to go away
for the weekend, will you? Well, that's

all I meant.

No, no, I'll take it in Arthur, and I'll
get it welded up, and I'll have it come

back and have it fixed up by 12 o
'clock. I don't understand what's come

you, Stanley.

Giving up your Saturday morning to mend
my bike, anyone who's picked you on an

incentive bonus.

No, no, it's the best incentive of the
lot.

We'll just have to get a new pair of fun
forks, mate. We're going to get them

from now, of course not.

Now, I'll keep telling you, Jackie,
anyway, get old Joe to weld this up for

right? Get it on, get it done by 12 o
'clock. Get them away.

Otherwise, the family will be stuck with
us all night. Trust you to muck

everything up, eh?

Oh, hello, darling.

You're seated, Edna. No, we've got one
more shift yet. Is it all right for

tonight? Yeah, of course.

We've got to go home first, get out of
these things and change into something a

bit more comfy.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, Edna. Bye.

Ta -ra.

See you tonight.

Yeah, OK, love.

Oh, blimey, let's get this welded up.
Come on.

Look, I told you.

I can only do it for you later on. Look,
Joe, we've got to have it now.

Look, mate, I'm busy.

I've got to get that bus out before 30.

If you want it now, do it yourself.

There's the torch.

Well, that's right, isn't it? What do we
know about welding?

How do we know... Put them gloves on. I
know all about welding. I watched a

bloke doing it once. Oh, sure, mate.

Here we are.

Don't hold you.

See the doddle, mate.

Here we are. Put them on.

Well, we can only have a go, mate, can't
we? Of course we can. Right.

Right, now, shove that in the vice.
Shove what in the vice? I can't see it.

Back there.

Oh, yes, yeah, I've got it. Right.

Right.

Now, get them tongs.

Tongs. Wait a minute. Get the tongs.
Yeah.

And hold the other bit there. Wait a
minute. Wait a minute. Get hold of it

the tongs. Right. Put your coat on it.
All right.

That's it now. Hold it steady. Hold it
there. All right. All right.

These glasses, I can't see what I'm
doing in the dark. Well, in fact, like

use, you'll be at the night.

It's not going to be any use for anybody
like that, is it?

Well, perhaps we can plug it into a
water divider.

Stop it, back in the life, I'll snog it
at midnight. Well, anyway, let's put

these glasses on. Right.

Hold it still.

What's that? There's only one thing
wrong. What's that? You've welded the

tongues on.

It's going to look perfect.

Look at that.

Blum. Oh, Blum, it's a great job that
is, Jack.

Marvellous, that.

Straight as a dive, boy.

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah.

Quarter of a pot.

Blum, I can even feel that through those
asbestos gloves.

I tell you what, mate, Joe couldn't have
done a better job than that. I'm proud

of you, son. What do you want me to say?

Oh, uh,

uh, nothing. Oh, doing a bit of private
work, are we? Uh, no, Blakey, it's

nothing, really.

Nothing? They don't have them on buses,
do they? You've been doing a bit of

welding on there, mate. Look, I can see
it's done.

Is it all right? Is it all right?

Well, get me in that fire bucket.

I'll get you in this bucket. You know,
you're not supposed to use a company's

facilities. It's stealing, isn't it?
What are you talking about, stealing?

have we taken?

Yeah, come on, come on. What have we
taken?

Heat.

Heat? Well, blimey, you said half of it
back again, hadn't you?

Just soon to get me in, but... I could
get you a sack for this, you know that,

don't you?

You're not supposed to use a company's
facilities for your own purposes.

Oh, Inspector.

Didn't know you was here.

Come for your bike, have you?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, you may as well take it.

No, no, no.

No.

We done all you asked.

And while we was about it, we repainted
the frame and put a lot of new bits on.

All on the firm.

No, that's very nice. Yeah, yeah.

All them new fits and all repainted,
like, very handy to be able to use the

company's facilities.

Yeah, well, this is different, isn't it?
I have to use this bicycle to get here

early in the morning to get the buses
out on time, don't I? We fixed your

hairdryer. What?

Well, you use that on your moustache.

It's me mother's. Well, she ain't got a
moustache at all.

Oh, come on, Jack.

It's not too bad now, no, this is it.

Let's get this back on the bike. The
quicker we get this back on the bike,

quicker old Harper can get the family
away for the weekend.

Oh, we'll have that lovely empty house
with those gorgeous birds, eh?

Blakey, while you're drawing your
mother's ear, think of us, will you?

I hate you, butler. I hate you.

That's it, all right.

Blimey, Jack, I'm worn out.

Hey, do you know, it's taken us two and
a half hours to get that part together

again. Things we do for a bit of
crumpet.

Might be easier to marry him.

got water bottles burst again.

family's home. Well, what happened?

I don't know. I'll find out.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You and your blasted world in that bite
of mine. All right, all right, later on.

You've got to go down to the cabin and
get some of Ollie's nerve medicine.

having one of her funny turns.

And while you're down there, get me some
aspirin. I think I've got concussion.

Yes, and right before you do that, you'd
better go into the kitchen and make us

some food. We haven't had a bite to eat.
I've been walking miles and miles.

Feet are killing me.

Well, let me shut the front door, will
you?

It's all off, Jack.

Oh. I don't know. I can't help it, mate.
The bike felt a bit in a terrible state

in there. I'll have to look after him
all night long, I suppose.

Oh, blood. This reminds me of the 16
bus. Why? The circular route, you know.

keep going round and round and round.
You never seem to get anywhere.

Oh, well. I like it. You like it.