All language subtitles for On The Buses s03e08 Radio control

We want to get home, mate. If you'll all
keep quiet for a moment, I'll explain.

Well, it's not... Hold up there.

Silence. The Fiora wants to speak.

Let's have a bit of respect, shall we?
Well, Hitler won't mind. He's dead.

Tweet.

The company have decided to remove the
basic causes of delays on the buses.

Marvellous. We're not going to carry any
more passengers.

No, I tell you what, they're going to
get rid of him.

Tweet.

The company, in their infinite wisdom,
have decided that each bus will have two

-way radio installed in its cab. Well,
what's that got to do with us

then? Well, if anything happens to the
driver, the conductor will still be

to get through to the base, won't he?

Right. And the first bus to have one
installed will be your number 11, the

to the cemetery gates.

Well, why pick on us, then?

Because a time and motion survey has
shown it to be the slowest and most

unpunctual in the whole town, that's
why.

You should see the traffic from the high
street to the cemetery gates. It's

packed, mate. It's got nothing to do
with it. The survey shows that the

are getting there before you.

Blimey, mate, they don't have to stop to
pick up passengers.

Well, only one, and he couldn't care
less where he's going.

Listen to this, will you?

Each bus will be fitted with a two -way
radio receiver like this. Thank you,

Miss Woodall.

Now then, there will be a central
control in my office there.

Manned by Miss Woodall, who will serve
directly under me.

Now, this is the basic two -way
receiver.

You have to learn the controls. That is
the on position, that is the off. That's

known as the on -off button, right? I'm
glad you told us that, otherwise we

wouldn't have known.

Now then, when you hear me call... You
will

acknowledge... By lifting up the
microphone here and pressing the button

left there like that.

So, right? Now, before you can use this
apparatus, you have to learn a code to

identify yourself. Well, what code's
that then? Just a moment, Miss Woodall,

thank you.

Now then, this code here is used to
avoid any confusion whatsoever over the

A for Abel, B for Bertie, C for Charlie.

What's that, Mr. Ernst? C only stands
for one thing. What's that?

Crumpet.

Oh, that's you two.

Ah, shut your mouth.

J for Juliet.

J for Juliet.

K for Katie.

Oh, stop.

You have to go on repeating those words
over and over again.

Mind you, I find it a lot more
stimulating than his usual conversation.

Well, I don't know why you have to learn
them all. I've told you before, Mum,

we're having radio control in the cabs
and I've got to learn this code.

Oh, for instance, you don't understand
it, do you? No. If I was referring to

Olive, I'd call her Oscar.

Well, I don't think that's very nice.

Calling Olive Oscar?

I don't know. I think it suits her
rather well.

Look, you haven't got it at all, have
you? No. Look, her name's Olive, and

spelled O -L -I -V -E, right?

Right. So, in the code, I'd say, Oscar,
love, idol, Victor, easy.

Eh? Sounds most appropriate.

Oh, sure.

What would Arthur be?

Do you really want me to tell you? No.

No, let me see then. A -R -T -H. Now, he
would be, uh, Abel, Romeo.

Yeah, well, it's rather difficult being
a Romeo when you happen to be married to

a woman who happens to be an Oscar.

Come on, Stan, love, eat up, your stew's
getting all cold.

Anyway, I think the old thing is rather
childish.

Busman's code?

I mean, why don't you just learn to
speak the message properly?

Because it can easily be misunderstood.

I mean, if I report a bad fog...

You do talk... I didn't catch a single
word of that.

Oh, well, shut up.

Let me get on with it. Here we are. Now
then. I for Romeo, S for sugar, T for,

uh... I can't see that here.

T for tomato.

Tomato. Can't remember tomato, innit?
Tomato ketchup, mate. You also got a bit

of G for gravy and S for stew.

What does all that mean, then?

He's a messy eater.

Oh, shut your face up.

Oh, is it?

It's Teva Tango. That's it. I'll do it
once more.

Teva Tango.

Now, I'm going to practice on you now,
Mum. I don't like it. Now, I'm going to

ask you what. Mum, would you mind
passing me the Romeo Oscar Love Loves?

You ain't got it, see?

No. Have you? No.

Romeo Oscar Love Loves. That's the rose.

Oh, well, I don't think that's decent.

I'm not going into Baker's asking for
that. Anyway, I don't see what this is

going to make to the bus service.

Well, they couldn't be much worse than
they are now.

I mean, you stand there for an hour in a
queue, then you get a dozen buses all

following one behind the other. Yeah,
well, there's a reason for that, mate,

it's very technical.

Oh, what's that?

Well, the bloke in front's the only one
who knows the way.

You may laugh, mate. You may laugh.

I mean, you're the driver. You always
get a seat, don't you? Yeah.

I mean, you're crammed in there in a
rush, are you?

stacked together like cattle. Oh, yes,
he's right, love. Packed like sardines,

it's not decent.

Well, only the other day a man tried to
pinch me.

What?

You shouldn't have gone for him, Mark.
Oh, I did.

You said he was fumbling for his change.

Wasn't his change he was fumbling for?

That's quite right.

There was a man on the number nine bus.

He kept touching me. He was after me,
all right.

I had witnesses.

You should have reported him. He could
have got three months.

Well, for being after her, he'd have
been found guilty but insane.

You should have complained to the
conductor.

He was a real nasty type. He put his
hand down on the seat just as I was

to sit down and I sat down on it. It was
a terrible shock.

I bet it was.

Must have broken his wrist.

Pick on someone your own size.

Oh, shut up, a lot of you. Let me learn
this, will you? Right.

F for Freddy, G for Georgie, H, H for
hospital.

I mean, mate, look, I don't know why you
bother.

I mean, why don't you learn yourself to
speak properly?

My stance speaks lovely.

Oh, don't talk wet.

Your voice types you, mate.

In this country, you can tell what a man
is immediately he opens his mouth. Oh,

can you, can you? Here, well, just a
minute now. What about that lovely poem

recited at school?

Yeah. Yeah.

The record of Hesperus.

Hesperus. My dear man, that word is
Hesperus.

I mean, how are you going to be
understood over the radio if you

drop your H's?

You're a snob. That's what you are.

I can speak proper if I want to. All
right, all right.

Repeat after me.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever
hearkened to handsome Harold's hunting

It's a piece of cake, mate.

Go on then, go on.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever
hearkened to handsome Harold's hunting

about that then? There you are, there
you are.

Look, you dropped an H on hardly.

But he picked it up on heather.

Hunting hounds have hardly ever
hearkened to Handsome Harold's hunting

Hunting hounds have hardly ever
hearkened to Handsome Harold's hunting

Handsome Harold's hunting horn.

Oi. Who the hell's Handsome Harold?

Er, no, I was just brushing up on the
code, mate. You know, we've got to get

right for our first radio trip, don't
we?

Ah, it's a bloody new set, sir. Ah, it's
not, you know.

We've got company.

Have we? Who?

Yeah, Joyce and Edna. They're coming
with us. Sort of training.

They're thinking of issuing them with
new equipment.

Well, I don't see why. Their old
equipment looks good enough to me.

Here's to them.

When we turn around at the Seventy
Gates, we'll have them to ourselves for

minutes.

Hello, darling.

Welcome aboard and never mind us.

Jack, Jack, Jack. Get a board. I'll tell
them we're leaving. Here,

mate. Get your hand off that radio. The
way you're acting, you'll probably blow

a fuse.

Hello? Hello?

Control here.

Calling Sugar Bertie 11.

Are you receiving me? This is the final
check before leaving.

Over. Hey, who's Sugar Bertie?

That's me.

I'm Sugar Bertie.

Sugar Bertie. S -B stands for Stan
Butler. Sugar Bertie. That's me. Sugar

Bertie?

All right, that's so, your dear, goes to
the dimples.

Sugar Bertie, Sugar Bertie, are you
receiving me? Over.

Sugar Bertie to control.

I'm ready to leave the depot. Over.

Sugar Bertie 11, why aren't you
acknowledging me? Over.

Well, why aren't I receiving you then?
Over.

Because you had the door shut. Over.

Stop. Go back inside and I'll start
again.

No, there's no time now. Sugar Bun 11,
you're clear. Over.

Okay, control.

Here, just a minute. Don't go yet.

I just found out why it wasn't working.

What's that then?

I didn't have the switch pressed down.

Here you are, darling. Oh, thank you.

Do you want one of my maroons?

No, thank you. I've not just now. All
right.

Right, I'll just get back to control and
tell Blake we've arrived at the

cemetery gates. Right.

Here, Stan.

Here. What? Tell him we won't be here
for another ten minutes.

What are you talking about? We're here.
Here, give us more time to chat up the

birds, see?

You've got your head screwed on, Blake.
Right, yeah. Oh.

Ah.

Uh, sugar bird to 11.

Sugar bird to 11.

Hello? Control here.

Come in, Sugar Bertie. Where are you?
What is your position?

We're stuck in the traffic jam at Hacker
Street and we won't be at the cemetery

gate for another 20 minutes.

Over.

Message received, Sugar Bertie. Over.

See?

The system works.

I know exactly where they are.

Please keep me in order.

Message received, 11 .42, Miss Woodall.
Right.

Hello, Sugar Bertie.

Proceed to the cemetery gates.

Wait there for seven minutes.

When you are ready to leave, call me
back.

Over.

Yeah, look, I've been chatting up Joyce,
so it is all yours, you lucky beast.

She fancies you. Yeah, yeah, you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You take her off somewhere and I'll get
in the bus with my bit.

Hang on.

Blimey, you've got all the bus.

This is a cemetery, you know.

What am I supposed to do, snog her up
against one of the tombstones?

Listen, mate, inside of the bus is my
pitch. You've got the cab.

Well, use your imagination.

Yeah,

well, we've just been up to Blakey.
There's no headache.

Isn't there, love? Yeah. We've got
another ten minutes, isn't there? I

I'd like you to come in. I'll show you
how to work the radio in the cab, if you

like. Yeah, all right. Then come and
join.

You're joking.

I think I'll stay here. I'll go inside
with Jack.

Go on.

Yeah, well, I'll take off my ticket
machine, then.

You'll have to get inside, love, you
see, because I can't show you outside.

Oh, all right, then. Give us the hand
up. Right, I'll up.

Excuse fingers.

I'll have to get inside, darling,
because it's a bit... You're squeezing

look at that, the door's shut behind me.

I've never been in a driving suit
before.

I've never had a passenger before, to
tell you the truth.

Here, hold on, Stan. You're squashing
me. Yeah, well, I can't help it,

because it's only... Oh, look, I tell
you what.

Look, put your arm round there.

See what I mean? More room for it then,
you see.

What's that hissing noise?

Well, that's the radio. It's got to be
kept on all the time, you see.

Do you mean he can hear everything we
say?

No, no, no. No, he can get through to us
any time he likes, but you see, he

can't hear me until I press the switch
on the microphone.

Oh, yeah.

I think it's about time I checked to see
whether that number 11 got the cemetery

gate yet.

Thank you.

Marvellous system, you know, Miss
Woodall.

I can check on them any time I like.

I thought of this, you know.

Hello?

Control here calling Sugar Boat 11.

Are you... Receiving me.

Where are you? What is your position?

Are you receiving me?

Lovely.

Sugar Bertie 11.

Are you there yet? Over.

Not yet. I don't work that fast.

Oh, Stan.

Sugar Bertie. Sugar Bertie.

Are you sure he can't hear us? Of course
he can't, darling. Not until I put the

switch down on the microphone. I've got
to show you how it works anyway. Here we

go, look.

Now, I've got it like this, you see.

Right, that's it. Press the button down
like this. Watch. Now, then.

Sugar Bertie 11 to Control.

Over. Sugar Bertie 11, Control here.
Listen, button, you keep in closer

you understand? Over. Yeah, the closer
the better.

We've arrived at the cemetery gates.

Don't, no, don't, don't.

Honey, none of the other busmen have had
any of that. You're not having my luck.

Over and out.

Oh, oh. Here, are you positive he can't
hear?

Oh, how many more times I've got to tell
you, darling? Of course he can't, not

until you put the switch down.

Now, look, sweetheart, we've only got
another seven minutes.

Oh, come on.

Oh, I'm all for this radio control, you
know.

Now, this is what I call radio control.

Hello?

Hello? That was Butler's voice. Hello?
Are you receiving me?

Are you receiving me?

Over. You know, you see, you get lonely
in a cab, you know.

And do you know something?

I fancied you.

The first time I saw you in a depot, I
fancied you.

And off the eyes.

You look really in there. Because you're
different, you see.

Yeah. I bet you've got a lot of
boyfriends, ain't you?

Goes there.

It's the passengers who want to get on.
Oh, isn't it marvellous, eh?

If it wasn't for the passengers, this
would be a decent sort of a job. Come

love. Here's the thing. Can you get any
music on that radio of yours? No, of

course you can't. Oh, yes, you can. A
bloke at the depot showed me how to do

You got a nail folder?

We can do it. It's quite easy. All you
do is shove it in the back there. Hey!

Listen, mate, I'm responsible for that,
you know. That's all right. Show me how

to do it. Well, don't mess about.

Delta Tango 14, are you receiving me?
Delta Tango 14, are you receiving me

That must be one of our blokes on the 14
route.

Tango 14, are you receiving me, number
14?

He's got his lardy dog voice, hasn't he?

Let's see if we can chat with him.

Sugar Birdie 11 here, are you receiving
me, number 14? Over.

Delta Tango 14, we are going to Chicago
via London, New York and Boston. Over.

Take my advice, mate. You go to the
gasworks by the ice cream.

Otherwise, they'll get me off you.

Delta Tango 14, will you get off my
wavelength, please? Otherwise, I report

to central control.

Ever.

Cheeky devil.

Go on, give him a mouthful. Yeah, yeah,
yeah.

Sugar Tango here. You can go and get
Sugar Tango, Uncle Freddy Freddy, Easy

Delta.

Delta Tango 14, what code are you using?
Ever.

A busman's code, of course. How much?

Delta Tango 14.

Delta Tango 14.

Where are you? What is your height? What
is your height? You'd better keep

clear. What is your height? Ever?

Five foot two in me shop. What's yours?

Delta Tango 14.

Will you get off my wavelength? I'm
coming in for my final approach.

Final approach? Blimey, that's not a
bus. That's a plane.

It'll be dark. I can't get aeroplanes on
here. Look, he's up there. Look, mate.

Oh, blimey, he used to.

Oh, look at him.

Hey, look, that's what they felt. The
tango is, you see. DT on his wing, see.

Quick, quick, get this back to normal.
Or I'll get shot.

Sugar Bertie 11, are you receiving me?
Please acknowledge.

Over. That's it, that's it, that's it.
Yeah, I'll twiddle it and get her better

than that. Oh, no, you won't, mate.

Blimey, first you get her in France, and
next you'll have the police, the

ambulance, and the lifeboat from
Beachhead. Get going.

Come on, then.

Hang about.

Hang about. I've got to have a word with
your driver.

Butler. What? What do you mean by
sending out them filthy messages over

radio? It's not a tie, you know. What
are you talking about?

Oh, yeah.

Blimey, I was only joking.

Joking?

You said I had nice eyes.

Well, if I said that, mate, I must have
been joking.

You also said you fancied me.

I'm reporting you for that, Butler.

No busman's ever said anything like that
to me before.

You must be using the wrong sort of
soap.

Sugar Bertie 11.

Sugar Bertie 11.

Sugar Bertie 11.

Over. There's a burst of water main in
Market Street, and he's diverted to

hold -up.

Now, did you hear that, Blakey?

You've got any passengers on board? No,
I've slung them off at the last stop.

Right, so left into Adley Street and get
a move on. Hang on, hang on. I don't

know that district very well.

I'm not getting a move on. I'm taking it
easy.

Never mind about taking it easy or
running late as it is. You get a move

getting on the back. That's what you do.

All right, then. That's the way you want
it, mate.

All right, then. That's it, then.

I was thrown to the ground.

Oh, blimey, at least you fell on stomach
soft. Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, let's argue in a tush like
this.

Where's Blakey? Oh, he's all right. He's
upstairs.

Upstairs?

Have you seen the... Blakey, Blakey, are
you all right?

Oh, blimey, Blakey, I've got to be
honest, that's the first time I've been

to see you.

You did it on purpose, didn't you?

You're trying to kill me. No, it's not
me, mate. It was your idea to go around

that way.

I mean, this ain't a single deck of bus,
you know.

It is now.

I'll get you for this, butler.

I'll never forget that as long as I
live. I saw that horse coming at me.

I just tucked down in the nick of time.

Well, thank God we got a radio on board
anyway.

Get in that cab.

Get back to base. Tell them we're
marooned out here stuck under a bridge.

It's a good idea, but there's only one
thing wrong with that.

What? Radios don't work under a bridge.

What did the manager say?

Oh, what could he say?

I mean, it was Blakey's idea. I went
round that way.

So I told him it was an act of God.

Well, I see.

I see they're taking the radios out of
the buses, then. Yeah, yeah. Mind you,

the damage. God, blimey. It cost a bit.
It cost about 10 ,000 quid.

Don't be daft, mate. I mean, a whole new
bus only costs 3 ,000. Oh, I see. You

haven't got the message, have you?

Well, you see, our bus was stuck under
that bridge harder than I thought.

Oh, yeah? What do you mean?

Well, when they took the bus away, the
bridge fell down.