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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,737
The League.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,406
Only on FXX.
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,878
FX presents Married.
4
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(dishes and silverware clinking)
5
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,718
(humming)
6
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,520
RUSS:
Hey.
7
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How was your day?
(growls)
8
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,625
What's her problem?
9
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:25,893
Friend drama.
10
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,061
Again?
11
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,097
Come on. Cheer up.
12
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,898
You and Harper
will work things out.
13
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:33,067
I don't want to work things out.
14
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,202
Well, that's okay, too.
15
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,636
You know?
Friends come and go.
16
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,405
Yeah, you'll have lots
of friends in your life.
17
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,407
You'll have school friends
and sports friends.
18
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,509
Mm-hmm. College friends.
19
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,910
And imaginary friends.
20
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,845
LINA:
Then you'll grow up,
21
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,448
get married, have kids
and have no friends.
22
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,583
Well, you'll have one friend.
23
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,652
Who?
24
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:55,756
Mommy's right.
25
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,458
No friends.
26
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,300
So what are we
celebrating?
27
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:07,368
Ooh, something really big.
28
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,603
Go ahead, tell them.
29
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,239
You guys aren't
getting...?
30
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,274
Oh, no, it's not that big.
31
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,243
I'm writing a children's book.
32
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:16,610
About...
33
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:17,778
Addiction.
34
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,114
Uh, write what you know,
I guess. Right?
35
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,449
AJ:
Exactly.
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00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,152
It's called Farmer Todd
Has a Problem:
37
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:27,888
Helping Children Understand
the Disease of Addiction.
38
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,390
Oh.
39
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,859
So you're writing a book
to justify your implosion?
40
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:35,563
I wouldn't put it that way,
but... yes.
41
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,465
Well, congratulations.
42
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,833
AJ:
Hey, yeah.
Cheers.
43
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,472
So how's it going
with you guys?
44
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,274
Oh, AJ and I are just
hanging out.
45
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,209
I can't get into
anything serious right now.
46
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,478
Because of your ex?
47
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:51,879
Oh...
48
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:54,315
Ugh, he really did a
number on you, huh?
49
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:57,385
Well, you know,
at least we're good exes.
50
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,687
Good exes pay
child support.
51
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,591
Sorry.
52
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,293
Did I overstep?
It's fine.
53
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,494
He's actually
squaring up.
54
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,529
He just closed a big deal.
55
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,731
Really?
56
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,500
Yeah, so, uh,
no more apartments.
57
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,034
I'm looking at houses.
58
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,504
There's actually one in Van Nuys
that I'm crazy about.
59
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,673
Do you want me to come
look at it with you?
60
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,809
So you can tell me what to do?
61
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,677
Do I do that?
62
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,915
I guess I do that.
63
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,183
Mmm.
64
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:31,118
AJ: Hey, uh, would
you ever consider
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00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,820
coming to my weekly meeting?
66
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,188
Um... A.A.?
67
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,423
I always tell stories
68
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,458
about what a great friend
you've been,
69
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:41,161
and everyone's always like,
"Oh, I wish I had a Russ."
70
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,030
Oh...
71
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,465
Thanks, man. That's awesome.
72
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,367
You're awesome.
73
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,135
Yeah. I mean, I would...
74
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,838
I would totally, you know,
love to check it out.
75
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,707
It's just, uh, I'm so busy
with work, you know?
76
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,377
Yeah, well, if you don't
have time, you don't have time.
77
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:59,179
But if you do...
78
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,183
...it would be really great
to, you know...
79
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,289
AJ:
Well, here we are.
80
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,057
This is it.
Huh?
81
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,992
I'll see you
in a sec.
Okay.
82
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,262
I'm so happy
you're here.
83
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,563
Hey.
Oh, hey.
84
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,232
Hey, is this
your first meeting?
85
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,700
Yeah.
Huh.
86
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:20,668
You?
87
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,303
Oh, I've been...
18, 19 times.
88
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,737
Really?
89
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,573
Yeah, I started coming out
to support AJ,
90
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,375
but, uh, now I'm hooked
on the stories.
91
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,110
Cindy loves to get
all the juicy details.
92
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:33,747
Our new fetish? Rock bottom.
93
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,586
MAN:
That was real nice, Kyle.
94
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,488
Anybody else
want to share?
95
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:46,126
(sighs)
96
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,797
Hi. I'm AJ,
and I'm an alcoholic.
97
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,198
OTHERS:
Hi, AJ.
98
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,701
AJ: A couple years
ago, my marriage
99
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,437
started to fall apart.
100
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,806
I hurt a lot of people.
101
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,942
Friends, family...
my daughter.
102
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,412
How many of you
know what it's like
103
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,480
to break a
child's heart?
104
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,816
I know, I know.
105
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,852
And how many of you wish
there was a children's book
106
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:15,589
that could help all that pain
just go away?
107
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,360
Well, uh...
108
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,761
What was your name, sir?
109
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,363
Uh, Myron.
110
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,365
Well, Myron,
111
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,634
help is on the way.
112
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,536
Farmer Todd, his
farm is thriving,
113
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,070
but he's out
of control.
114
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,540
He's drinking too much milk,
he's smoking hay,
115
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,074
he's snorting cornmeal...
116
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Rock bottom?
117
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Until, one day,
the pigs, the cows, the geese,
118
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they surprise Farmer Todd
in his barn, and they force him
119
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,651
to face his truth.
120
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:44,752
That shit is real.
121
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,986
But it's also cute.
Ah.
122
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,821
Real... cute.
That's our brand.
123
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:50,658
My nephews could've used
a book like that when I got back
124
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,159
from the Philippines.
125
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,861
Lincoln was a merchant marine.
126
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,696
You're always a merchant marine.
127
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,531
AJ:
More importantly than that,
128
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,867
he is six years sober
and he has helped me a lot.
129
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,370
Hope you guys
are proud of your friend.
130
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,773
Oh, they are. That's why they're
helping me with the book.
131
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,840
Huh?
132
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,576
LINCOLN:
God has got a big smile
133
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,544
on his face right now.
Good luck, fellas.
134
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:12,079
Thanks, Lincoln.
135
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,280
Thank you, sir.
136
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,515
(sighs)
137
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,716
Wait.
138
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,184
We're helping you with the book?
139
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,586
AJ:
Yeah.
140
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,521
I'm writing it,
Bernie's printing it,
141
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:21,855
you're my illustrator.
142
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,692
Uh, it's just...
this is not a good time
143
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,894
for me to be taking on... more.
144
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,796
I thought that you believed
in the idea.
145
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,830
I-I do.
146
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,499
Were you just blowing smoke
up my ass?
147
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,800
No. I... I do.
148
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:36,203
I... Yeah, I really
like the idea.
149
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,438
How cool is this?
150
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,707
That we're doing
a book together, huh?
151
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,209
I'm gonna get some more cookies.
152
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,711
Super cool.
153
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,380
Oh, why the hell
did I agree to this?
154
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,648
Hey, do chickens fly?
155
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,383
I think they fly.
LINA: I don't know.
156
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,918
Ask one of your
daughters.
157
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,886
(phone chimes)
158
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,254
AJ again?
159
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:58,325
Yeah. He's texted, like,
20 times in the last 15 minutes.
160
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,460
About the book?
161
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,028
He's obsessed.
162
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,329
For now.
163
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,732
And then,
in three weeks,
164
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,734
he will be obsessed
with something else.
165
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,569
You should tell him that...
166
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,270
that...
167
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,739
Never mind.
168
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,240
RUSS:
What just happened?
169
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:14,542
Nothing.
170
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,444
You were about
to tell me what to do,
171
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,278
and then you just stopped.
Yeah.
172
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,414
I'm working on that.
173
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,582
Why?
174
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,050
I hear that
some people
175
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,384
might not like it.
176
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,886
What?
177
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,055
But you're
so good at it.
178
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,690
I know.
179
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,432
GIL:
I sent you some links
180
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:39,633
for inspiration last night.
181
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,769
Did you get the links?
Yeah, I did.
182
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,270
I-I guess I
just thought...
183
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,438
Did he look at the links?
184
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,405
Uh...
185
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:46,607
I looked
at the links.
186
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,608
Did you look
at the links
187
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,710
that I sent you?
Yes.
188
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,045
I looked at the links.
I just...
189
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,449
Um... excuse me
one second.
190
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,818
Sorry.
Excuse me.
191
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,589
Hey, guys.
Hey.
192
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,123
You remember Lincoln.
193
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,658
Yeah.
194
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,660
We were just, uh,
checking to see
195
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,996
how things were coming
with Farmer Todd.
196
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:12,666
I haven't really had a chance,
'cause I've been working.
197
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:15,302
Here. At my office.
198
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,837
Dude, we got to get
moving on this
199
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,972
before somebody else comes out
with a competing project.
200
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,708
LINCOLN:
It's only a matter of time.
201
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,510
It's in the ether.
202
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,178
Yeah...
Can we get
back to it?
203
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,480
Yes. Absolutely.
204
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:28,015
Um, guys, we're kind of
205
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,350
in the middle
of something.
Well, this won't take long.
206
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,655
AJ, this is Gil, my boss.
207
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:35,956
Who really needs
208
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,525
to talk to me
right now.
209
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,826
He's your boss?
210
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:39,860
Yes.
211
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,194
He is.
212
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,567
Are you sure?
213
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,835
Positive.
214
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,003
Whiz kid. I like it.
215
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,272
When you're done socializing.
216
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,809
Goddamn millennial.
217
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,016
(dog barking)
218
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,352
I think you guys are
going to love this place.
219
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,520
"Guys"?
220
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,855
Oh, yeah, my ex
is gonna come
221
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,590
check it out,
just give it the once-over.
222
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,024
Oh.
223
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,793
What?
224
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,195
Did you look at his place
before he moved in?
225
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,363
Lina...
226
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,565
I'll shut up.
227
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,732
(lock beeps)
228
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:19,800
Hey, sweetie.
229
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,368
Hi.
How are you?
230
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,736
I'm good.
You smell so good.
231
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,204
Oh. (giggles)
Thanks.
232
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,073
You must be the beautiful
and brilliant Lina.
233
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,074
Wow.
234
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,742
Hi. Jacob.
235
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,778
Well, I came all the way
over the hill
236
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,546
at rush hour, so...
237
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,081
Here it is.
238
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,448
All right.
239
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,622
AJ:
Page seven,
240
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,323
tractor's turned over.
241
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,425
Farmer Todd's
passed out.
242
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:48,095
Empty milk cartons
everywhere.
243
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,798
The little lamb sobs.
Yeah, this is
all good.
244
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,399
But if we're going
to work on this together,
245
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,567
it's gotta be on my schedule.
246
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:54,768
I know you're
in the shit.
247
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,303
That's why I brought Lincoln.
248
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,038
I don't... What?
249
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,807
AJ:
You said you
were looking
250
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,308
for an intern.
Yeah.
251
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,744
Looking for an intern
with a design background.
252
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,145
Which Lincoln has.
253
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,847
I thought you said
he was a merchant marine.
254
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,950
When there are no women around,
you draw them.
255
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,920
Okay. You need to go.
256
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,254
What about Farmer Todd?
257
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,723
I don't know.
258
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,257
I can't deal with this
right now. I'm working.
259
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,593
True or false?
You are always talking
260
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:21,561
about how unsatisfying
your job is.
261
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,030
Can you not yell that?
262
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,564
(whispering):
True or false?
263
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,834
You are ready
to reinvent yourself
264
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,736
as a children's book
illustrator.
265
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,771
I don't know. Maybe.
266
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:31,939
In theory, I guess.
267
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,340
Farmer Todd is not a theory.
268
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,642
He is as real as you or me.
269
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:35,876
Is he?
270
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,611
What does that mean?
You've just...
271
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,312
you've started
a lot of projects lately.
272
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,754
I knew it.
273
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,622
It's fine.
274
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:51,158
Well, my ex-wife
stopped believing in me.
275
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,126
My ex-partner stopped
believing in me.
Oh, my God.
276
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,462
I'm used to it.
You know, Lincoln says
277
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,830
that I should let go of all
278
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,165
the negative influences
in my life.
279
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,633
Maybe he was talking about you.
280
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,835
Maybe he was.
281
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,637
I wasn't.
AJ:
Yeah, you were.
282
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,805
You just didn't
know it yet.
283
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,139
You need to get out of here.
284
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,508
Oh, I can
take a hint.
Not a hint.
285
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,010
LINCOLN:
About that internship...
286
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,879
I'm proficient in WordPerfect.
287
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:15,916
Um... sorry I can't
288
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,818
fix your toaster.
289
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,352
Broken.
290
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,927
The toaster was never broken!
291
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,896
ABBY: There's a little nook
off the living room.
292
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,431
Think I'm gonna bring
my loom out of storage.
293
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,166
That a girl.
Mm-hmm.
294
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,235
And, um...
295
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,670
it's the kitchen.
296
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,672
It's a little small, but...
It's so cute.
297
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:39,840
I know.
298
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,108
Yeah, this is beautiful.
299
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,743
I think you've outdone
yourself, Abby.
300
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,712
Thank you.
301
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,513
Uh-oh. Bars on the window.
302
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,515
Probably need that in this hood.
303
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,851
The "hood"?
304
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,152
Look at this, right?
305
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,354
JACOB:
Ooh, no bueno.
306
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,123
Oh, yeah, the, uh,
landlord has a mold guy
307
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,725
coming by next week
to check that out.
308
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:01,028
Landlord's always got
a mold guy, right, Lina?
309
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,263
That's disappointing.
310
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,365
This looks like
it could be lead paint.
311
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,267
Do you know a lot
about lead paint?
312
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,070
Do you?
313
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,707
ABBY:
Mmm.
314
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:17,377
Do you guys want
to check out the garage?
315
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,879
Gross.
316
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,714
You see those
weird hooks?
317
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,049
What about them?
318
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,751
(inhales sharply)
319
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,352
Sex hammock?
320
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,920
Excuse me?
321
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,889
Was there
a sex hammock up there?
322
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,858
Those are bicycle hooks.
323
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,094
Oh, maybe you're right.
324
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,896
But can we afford to be wrong?
325
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:36,997
We're not wrong.
326
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,598
That's...
It's a garage.
327
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,934
And those are
clearly bicycle hooks.
328
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,669
Yeah, what-what exactly
329
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,737
are you talking about?
330
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,572
What if this is some kind of,
331
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,574
you know, weird pleasure zone
332
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:48,675
or something?
333
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,243
Oh, like a dungeon.
Yeah.
334
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,979
That's right, Abby.
Like one of those...
335
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,881
like a...
Abby's got a good point.
336
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,448
Do want dungeon folk
coming by here
337
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,451
at all hours looking
to get their rocks off?
338
00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,920
They're bicycle hooks!
339
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,589
That's, like, a Dateline thing
we're talking about, right?
340
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,891
Abby!
341
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,258
Before you sign anything,
342
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,227
why don't you and I
go get some coffee
343
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,396
and we'll talk about
the pros and the cons?
344
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,698
What cons?
345
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,401
MIRANDA: I think that this one
really works.
346
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,736
I think we should scale down
the logo just a little bit,
347
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,405
make it a little bit
more easy to read.
348
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,973
I think it's really hard
to read at this point...
349
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,775
I can't believe
I just got AJ'd again.
350
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,244
How did that happen,
you know?
351
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,013
He ambushes me at my office,
352
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,515
and I'm the one that's
feeling guilty about it.
353
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,617
You guys are like an
old married couple.
354
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,020
Well, I wouldn't... Oh.
355
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,123
Great. Perfect.
356
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,225
Look, Lincoln... we're not
taking any more interns.
357
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,960
I-I don't know
what else to tell you.
358
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,162
Well, it's cool, man.
359
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,331
AJ asked me to drop this off.
360
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,939
Okay.
361
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,874
MIRANDA:
What is this?
362
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,010
I don't know.
It's all legalese.
363
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:59,046
Oh, he's suing you.
364
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,081
What?
(scoffs)
365
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,650
Wait, there's something about me
366
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:07,654
relinquishing all my rights
to Farmer Todd. (laughs)
367
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,456
What a drama queen.
368
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,159
He has way too much time
on his hands.
369
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,095
Oh, and a clause
that is the official
370
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,364
dissolution of our friendship.
371
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,599
Oh, my God.
372
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,501
He's divorcing you.
373
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:36,850
Got the papers.
374
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,018
And?
375
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,786
Ready to sign.
Great.
376
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,354
Should we find a notary?
377
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,591
I am a notary-- you'd know that
if you were a real friend.
378
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,936
ABBY: So, Chase's, uh,
belt test for Lions
379
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,537
is this Sunday at 4:00.
380
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,872
I'll be there.
381
00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,874
All right,
enough with the karate.
382
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,876
Are we gonna
sign this lease or what?
383
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:06,213
Uh, this is kind of
a family matter.
384
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:09,316
Yeah, but you guys
aren't really...
385
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,951
family.
386
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,552
Actually, we are.
387
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,055
Mother of my child.
388
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,890
Lina, can you give us
a minute?
389
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,892
But, Abby, you were...
Please?
390
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,127
Okay.
391
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,362
I'll be right outside
if you need me.
392
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,367
(clears throat)
393
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,871
This right here removes me
as your emergency contact.
394
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,041
What?
395
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,243
Doctor's office,
yoga, scuba.
396
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,980
Okay, you were never
my emergency contact.
397
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,049
Well, you were mine.
398
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,084
(scoffs) The fact that you can
make yourself
399
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,086
the victim here is so pathetic.
400
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:48,588
I'm not making
myself the victim.
401
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:51,925
I'm just saying that we both
disappointed each other.
402
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,261
Okay, how?
How did I disappoint you?
403
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,263
You never thanked me
for your birthday present.
404
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,697
What birthday present?
405
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,300
The night at Malibu Inn
that I got for you and Lina.
406
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,969
I never thanked you
407
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,271
because you never
actually gave it to us.
408
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,106
I-I never actually
got it because...
409
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,408
when I brought it up to you,
410
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,909
you didn't seem
all that interested.
411
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,278
You don't thank someone
for a gift
412
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,512
that they haven't received.
413
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,814
Whatever, I don't
know all your rules.
414
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,319
Man, you were supposed
to be my red hen.
415
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,521
I don't know
what you're talking about.
416
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,990
From Farmer Todd.
417
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,292
The red hen
who gets everybody together
418
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,694
and helps Todd save the farm.
419
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,662
Well, hens are female.
420
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,664
So...
421
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,100
It doesn't matter.
422
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,168
Now I have to write
a whole different ending,
423
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:37,971
because that bitch hen
424
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,307
went to a different farm
425
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:44,144
and abandoned Farmer Todd
just like everyone else!
426
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,645
Can you blame her?!
427
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:46,646
Or, I mean him!
428
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,181
Whatever it is!
Oh.
429
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,316
Congratulations!
430
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,318
You killed Farmer Todd!
Good.
431
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,919
I'm glad he's dead.
432
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,654
He was an asshole!
433
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,357
Good-bye forever.
434
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,061
Who's got the Geo?
435
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,662
I'm blocked in.
436
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,198
Lincoln, buddy,
we need your keys.
437
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,767
Oh, no.
438
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,737
Oh, God. Lincoln.
439
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,739
Lincoln?
440
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,509
Aw, Lincoln.
441
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,711
I thought you said
he was six years sober.
442
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,181
He really wanted
that internship.
443
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,050
You got to be
kidding.
444
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,484
So this is now my fault?
445
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,952
Maybe.
446
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,088
I'll just move his car myself.
447
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,157
(Lincoln groaning)
448
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,025
Oh, my God.
Lincoln, no! Stop it!
449
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,260
Get off of him.
450
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,861
Lincoln, get
off of him!
Aah! Stop it!
451
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,229
Get off!
Lincoln, Lincoln, stop it.
452
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:37,297
Stop it, Lincoln!
453
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,399
(yelling over each other)
454
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,202
(gasping for air)
455
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,204
(Russ shouting, grunts)
456
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,705
What the hell, Lincoln?!
457
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,674
Lincoln, are you okay?
458
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,576
Is Lincoln okay?!
459
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,212
JACOB:
Well, thanks for the coffee.
460
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,614
Of course. You'll
get me next time.
461
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,317
(chuckles)
462
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:00,553
Nice to finally meet you.
463
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,226
So, he didn't want to say
this in front of you,
464
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,228
but, um, his deal
fell through,
465
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,064
and so he's just really
hurting right now.
466
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,900
He's hurting?
Mm-hmm.
467
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,069
It's okay, you know.
468
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,004
Chase and I can stay
in the apartment.
469
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,906
Abby...
(sighs)
470
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,142
he's playing you.
471
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,910
I know.
472
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:27,013
Look, if you don't want
to be friends with me,
473
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,048
I totally get it.
474
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,250
What?
475
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,018
I just know it's
hard to be friends
476
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,786
with someone you
can't respect.
477
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,923
Well, it's also hard to be
friends with someone
478
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,958
who can't keep
their mouth shut.
479
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,093
(quiet laugh)
480
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,961
Little bit.
481
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,062
(chuckles)
482
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,264
(engine starts)
483
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,565
I mean, that is
a really nice car
484
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,167
for someone who's hurting.
485
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,269
Yeah, he says he's keeping it
for business.
486
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,171
You know, to keep
up appearances.
487
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,140
And his girlfriend's
new boobs--
488
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,108
are those for business, too?
489
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,943
I don't know.
Maybe Jacob and I
490
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,278
need to have another talk.
491
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,080
Maybe the time
for talk is over.
492
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,449
You think so?
493
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,784
LINA: I do.
ABBY: Okay.
494
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,420
(tires screech)
LINA: Oh, my God!
495
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,357
Are you insane?!
496
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,591
LINA:
Abby, what the hell?
497
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:12,892
JACOB:
You crazy bitch!
498
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,961
You said the time for
talk is over, right?
499
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,197
I meant that you should
take him back to court!
Now what am I gonna do?!
500
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,899
Lina, did you make her do this?
Oh, it's real funny, isn't it?
501
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,669
I could do that,
too, I think.
I'm not gonna pay for this!
502
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:30,109
All right, man.
503
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,478
What happened, huh?
504
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,213
Your friend there
tried to...
505
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,348
have his way with me.
RUSS: Come on, man.
506
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:36,883
I was looking
for your keys.
507
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,387
I think you were looking
for something else.
508
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,355
He went deep.
509
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,724
Uh, actually,
510
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:48,695
Lincoln, I think that he was
looking for your keys.
511
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,897
He wanted to move your car
so he could leave.
512
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,800
We've been fighting lately,
and truth be told, we've been...
513
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,001
(chuckles)
514
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,904
...talking about having
our friendship annulled.
515
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,207
The disease turns us all
into little boys.
516
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,409
The disease, man, huh?
Oh, my God.
517
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,743
Would you stop
blaming the disease
518
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,045
and just admit
that you're an asshole?
519
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,847
(chuckles)
520
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,516
Okay.
521
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,518
I admit it--
maybe, maybe I am.
522
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:14,020
But ever since
you got this
523
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:17,023
fancy new job, you've been
pretty shitty yourself.
524
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,025
'Cause the job sucks, okay?
525
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,860
What do you want me to do?
526
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,161
I need to make money.
527
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,030
I need to spend time
with my family.
528
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,865
That's okay.
529
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:27,867
Uh, work, family.
530
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,469
As long as I'm third.
531
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,070
Well, there's the dog.
532
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,172
Okay, fourth.
533
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,173
And my grill.
534
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:35,575
That's a nice grill.
535
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,911
All right, top 12,
and that's my final offer.
536
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,048
Deal.
537
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,883
Hey.
538
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,118
What kind of grill?
539
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,122
What?
540
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,893
It was...
541
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:56,563
We're just sort of
busting each other's balls.
542
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,665
We weren't really
talking about...
Yeah, there's no...
543
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,867
Grill's not more important
than me.
You guys.
544
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,570
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
545
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,746
You have to pick up Maya.
546
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,215
I have Frankie and Ella
at soccer until 3:00.
You know what?
547
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,984
I think you need
to make some time
to take care of us.
548
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,820
I don't have time.
549
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,789
All I have is 15 minutes
between Ella getting her
braces off and Maya's gym.
550
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,825
That's fine.
That's why we have
the minivan.
551
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:02,295
Ugh!
Captain's chairs.
552
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:03,963
Don't.
553
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,799
Married. All new,
Thursdays at 10:30.
554
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:07,834
Only on FX.
555
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:08,901
Ugh!
556
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:13,540
[ Crowd Cheering ]
You know,
I grew up in a town,
557
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,875
a town where a little boy
could have big dreams.
558
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,777
Not a town
where the Jets go for two...
559
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,547
when my kicker needs
one freakin' point,
560
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:24,851
so, for once in my life,
I'm not left festering
in misery, please!
561
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,687
The League.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
562
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,856
Only on FXX.
563
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,766
You're the Worst.
All new, Wednesday at 10:30.
564
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,000
On FXX.
565
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:46,072
[ Man ]
The battle has begun.
566
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:47,874
An evil is spreading.
567
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,509
[ Sirens Wailing ]
568
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,712
We must fight-- all of us.
569
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,314
Fight to save
our civilization.
570
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,517
Fight or die.
[ Growling ]
571
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,085
[ Announcer ]
The Strain.
572
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,588
All-new.
Sundays at 10:00 on FX.
573
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,401
The Bastard Executioner.
574
00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:17,704
All new,
Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
575
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:22,809
[ Dings ]
576
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:33,586
* [ Funk Intro ]
577
00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:38,758
[ Man ]
* I been in the right place
578
00:22:38,791 --> 00:22:41,260
* But it must have been
the wrong time *
579
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:43,262
* And I'd have said
the right thing *
580
00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:45,131
* But I must have used
the wrong line *
38994
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