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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,404
[ Man ]
What's more important--
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,939
being a successful rock star
or a successful father?
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,010
Dad!
Father.
4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,979
I was just about
to say "Father."
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,914
[ Announcer ]
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.
6
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,983
All new, Thursdays at 10:00.
On FX.
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,854
FX presents Married.
8
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,426
ELLA:
When is the food going to come?
9
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,694
LINA:
We just ordered.
10
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,728
I'm bored.
11
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:28,996
Me, too.
12
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,231
You never see your father.
13
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,632
Have a conversation with him.
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,535
Hello, Father.
15
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,338
Oh, hello, daughter.
16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,872
Now what?
17
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,708
RUSS:
All right, I have an idea.
18
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,410
Let's all do impressions
of people in our family.
19
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,711
Ooh, yes!
20
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:44,945
Please let me be Mommy.
21
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,046
Okay, you be Mommy,
22
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,415
and I will be Ella.
23
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:48,716
This is stupid.
24
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,451
This is stupid.
25
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,719
You're the worst, Mommy.
26
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:52,953
You never let me
do anything.
27
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,222
Shut up, asshole.
28
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,889
(gasps)
Hey!
29
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,125
(laughing)
30
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,227
No offense, Mom,
you do curse a lot.
31
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,928
Like, all the time.
32
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,196
Constantly.
33
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,631
Shut up, asshole.
34
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,772
Hey, hey.
35
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,141
Look how in
control I am.
36
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,608
Thank you.
37
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,444
I can keep liquor in my house
just for my friends
38
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,079
and I don't touch it
and I don't want to touch it.
39
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,314
It's impressive.
40
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:22,483
Thank you.
41
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:23,717
Look at that.
42
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,619
Look at our kids
playing together, huh?
43
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,887
Isn't it great?
44
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,122
It's nice.
Yeah.
45
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,390
God.
46
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,058
Ella is so big.
47
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,726
And mean.
48
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,628
Oh...
At least to me.
49
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,498
Oh, teenage girls
and their mothers.
Mm-hmm.
50
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,634
Man, I cannot wait until
Caitlin hates Roxanne.
51
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,170
(laughs)
RUSS:
Hey, look who's here.
52
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,437
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
53
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,139
Hi.
Where's the wife?
54
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,741
She's, uh, picking up
a couple of things for her trip.
55
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,410
What?
Where's she going?
56
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,811
She's taking Harrison
back east to see her mom.
57
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,346
Solo Mother's Day?
58
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,614
She said that
I didn't have to go,
59
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,016
so... so I'm a free man.
60
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,451
AJ:
Well, I don't
have any plans.
61
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,753
You want to... do something?
Hang out?
62
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,490
I'm not that free.
63
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,992
You know, I love it when
you play hard to get.
64
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,794
Yeah, I'm not playing.
65
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,098
Uh, I thought you usually
spend Mother's Day
66
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,466
with Roxanne's family.
67
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,701
New shrink.
68
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,968
Doesn't think it's healthy.
69
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,537
Oh. I like
this new shrink.
70
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,672
What's that supposed to mean?
71
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,442
Well, I mean, you just spend
a lot of time with your ex.
72
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,943
I get lonely.
73
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,178
There's a reason
74
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,979
suicides spike
around the holidays.
75
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,215
(laughs)
Come on.
76
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,516
Mother's Day?
77
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,819
Mother's Day, Halloween...
78
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,454
Secretary's Day.
79
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,823
(laughs)
80
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,057
I'm not joking.
81
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,626
That's one of the hardest ones.
82
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,629
Well, you're welcome to join us.
83
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,996
(sighs)
84
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,199
I don't want to intrude.
85
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:48,236
Okay.
86
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,137
Okay, I'll come.
87
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,740
Great.
88
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,975
*
89
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,544
LINA: I don't care
if you want to go to the mall.
90
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,512
You're not going to the mall
without a parent.
91
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,914
ELLA:
Harper's mom lets Harper
go to the mall by herself.
92
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,850
LINA:
I am not Harper's mother.
I am your mother.
93
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,252
Because I can see
your ass cheeks,
94
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,886
and some guy is gonna
take you in the bathroom
95
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,421
and shave your head
and throw you in a van,
96
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:08,989
and you're never coming home!
97
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,258
(urinating)
ELLA:
Stop yelling at me!
98
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,892
LINA:
Stop acting
like a baby!
99
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,527
You're ruining
Mother's Day!
Jesus.
100
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,862
ELLA:
You're ruining
my life!
101
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,096
(footsteps)
102
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,198
(door opens, closes)
103
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,567
(toilet flushes)
104
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,035
(car engine starts,
car drives away)
105
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,541
Where's Mommy?
106
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:28,942
She left.
107
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,210
What did you do?
108
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,380
Of course.
109
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,882
It's all my fault.
110
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,183
I didn't say that.
111
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,252
You kind of did.
112
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,427
Excuse me,
how much are these?
113
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,961
You know what?
Don't even tell me.
114
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,797
No prices today.
115
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,766
(phone ringing)
116
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,868
(groans)
117
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,404
LINA: Yes?
You're alive.
118
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,805
It's too late, Russ.
119
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,106
I'm already in Mexico.
120
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,642
Okay, look.
Ella is really sorry.
121
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,411
Is she?
122
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,046
Well, she probably will be.
123
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,881
You know, at some point.
124
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,383
When she has kids of her own.
125
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,784
I knew it.
126
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,586
Come on.
I want my wife back.
127
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,622
Well, that little shit
won't go to Sweet Jam.
128
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,223
It's Mother's Day,
and I'm not even allowed
129
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,058
to pick where we eat?
What the hell?
130
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,160
What is going on with you guys?
131
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,261
She hates me.
132
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,896
She doesn't hate you.
133
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,833
She just doesn't love you
as much as she used to.
134
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,501
Anything else?
135
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,403
What time is the reservation?
136
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:30,938
Not until 2:00.
137
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,640
All right. I will get her there.
138
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:33,841
How?
139
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,242
I don't know,
140
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,277
but I'll think of something.
141
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,756
All right, guys, we're here.
142
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,324
Uh, this
isn't Harvey's.
143
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,659
No, it's a new place.
144
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:52,926
Better than Harvey's.
145
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,695
Oh, my God.
146
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,029
This is
Mommy's place!
147
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,297
This is bullshit.
148
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,099
You tricked me.
Hey, watch it, okay?
149
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,534
I had to get you in the car.
150
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:02,636
We always go to Harvey's.
Yeah, well,
151
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,372
Mommy wanted to go
to a new place this year.
152
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,639
It's Mother's Day.
153
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,641
Hey, Bowmans,
what's going on?
154
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,176
Where is the
big lady?
155
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,444
Uh...
156
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,813
she and Ella had
a tough morning,
157
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,482
so she'll be here soon.
158
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:15,716
Oh. (laughs)
Hopefully.
159
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,318
Okay, well, our
table is ready.
160
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,053
I'm not going in.
(chuckles)
161
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,390
I love it when you guys get
all dysfunctional around me.
162
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,359
It makes me feel like I'm a part
of the family, you know?
163
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,961
Come on. Let's go in.
Let's go sit down at our table.
164
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,797
AJ:
All right, yeah.
Let's fight inside, guys.
165
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,365
Come on.
166
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,978
Hey, man.
167
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,747
Hey.
Hi.
168
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,316
Oh, somebody's done
some Mother's Day shopping.
169
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,751
Yeah.
170
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,820
I'm gonna go home
and pretend
171
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,254
my family bought
this stuff for me.
172
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,989
Well, good for you.
173
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,658
What's your story?
174
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,027
Just airing
out the kid.
175
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,396
I thought Jess was taking
Harrison back east.
176
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:03,831
Yeah, well,
she was going to,
177
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,833
but then she remembered
how difficult it is
178
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,401
to travel with a toddler.
179
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,670
I don't miss that.
180
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,038
Yeah.
Where's your clan?
181
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,506
We broke up.
182
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,542
Good call.
(laughs)
183
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,343
Well, you're welcome
to hang out with us.
WOMAN: Excuse me.
184
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:20,280
Excuse me, your son
is stealing my wishes.
185
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:21,715
What?
(splashing)
186
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,351
Oh, sweetie, n-n-no,
don't take the money.
187
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,353
I'm so sorry.
Those are wishes.
188
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,921
How many wishes
were there?
189
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,457
Just one.
190
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,126
It was a good one.
191
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,195
Yeah.
192
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,430
Just...
193
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,439
LINA (over phone): Is she
actually inside the restaurant?
194
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,475
She's basically inside.
195
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,809
So she's not inside.
196
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,578
Can you just get over here?
197
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,714
Why? So she can make some
big show about not going in?
198
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,948
No. Forget it.
199
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,717
I am tired of being the bad guy.
200
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,752
Today you can be the bad guy.
201
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,322
Everything okay?
202
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:05,225
Ella's refusing to go
to my Mother's Day brunch.
203
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,027
The one that you're not at?
204
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,131
She was the cutest baby.
205
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,933
Well, listen...
206
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,135
They don't stay cute forever.
207
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,337
You know? Hey, it's just
a matter of time
208
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,406
before little Harrison
is whacking off
209
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,408
in every corner
of the house.
210
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:25,245
Ella has been taking
long baths lately.
211
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,748
Probably flicking it
to One Direction.
212
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,349
Liam or Harry?
213
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,651
Nice.
214
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:31,952
Listen.
215
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,286
It's just hormones,
you know?
216
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,688
Whatever she's going through,
217
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,657
she will grow out of it.
218
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,527
Okay, but what about
the other two?
219
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,261
They're so cute right now,
220
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,663
but when I see
what's around the corner...
221
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,931
Three girls.
222
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,533
Shit.
223
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,167
See, boys are just
not that complicated.
224
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,436
Thank you.
Mmm.
225
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,471
Thank you for admitting
my life is worse.
226
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,106
Oh, sure.
227
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,709
How old is
Harrison now? Three?
228
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,344
Four. Next month.
229
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,979
Are you doing a party?
230
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,380
I don't know.
231
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,882
I should.
232
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,183
He's a child.
233
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,785
They like that.
234
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,186
They do.
235
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,989
Our birthday packages
are all-inclusive.
236
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,124
Food, cake, gift bags.
237
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,826
All you have to do
is show up.
238
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,628
Terrific.
And what's your June look like?
239
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,296
Uh, it should be
pretty open.
240
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,065
Hey, buddy.
We...
241
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,467
Is this your son?
Yep.
242
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,870
Harrison's turning
the big oh-four.
243
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,504
Harrison.
244
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:25,739
That's right.
245
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,041
Oh, shoot.
246
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,510
Actually, I just realized...
247
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:31,745
You said June?
248
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,146
Right.
Yeah.
249
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,115
Boy, we are pretty booked up.
250
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,019
Ah.
251
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,689
(Russ sighs)
252
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,191
Relax. She'll come in
eventually.
253
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,859
Are you sure?
Totally.
254
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,729
Besides, abductions in
this neighborhood are way down.
255
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,263
Now, if we were in
Boyle Heights,
256
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,899
girls there, they just...
257
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,767
(makes poofing sound)
258
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,535
Hi.
That's so
helpful.
259
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,770
You don't like
the truth?
260
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,371
Happy Mother's Day, everyone.
261
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,741
Can I start anyone
with a drink?
262
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,210
Uh, I think just
water, please.
263
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,377
Yeah.
WAITER:
Okay, I'll be back
264
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,713
to take your order
in a minute.
265
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,447
Great. Thanks.
266
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:08,882
And can I just say,
267
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,584
you two have such
a beautiful family.
268
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,586
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
RUSS: No.
269
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,788
(laughs)
We're... we're not...
270
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:17,524
All here yet. Our eldest
is having a bit of a moment.
271
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,892
She'll be here soon.
272
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,094
WAITER: Three girls.
That's adorable.
273
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,130
(chuckles) We got
our hands full, man.
274
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,198
(Russ groans)
Did you hear that?
275
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,601
He thinks I brought you here
for Mother's Day.
276
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,037
Uh, so I am the mother?
277
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,039
You're very nurturing.
278
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,274
No, I am not the mom.
279
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,245
Face it: I am the top,
you are the bottom.
280
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,280
What's a "bottom"?
281
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,982
When two people
love each other,
282
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,885
somebody has to be the top, and
somebody has to be the bottom.
283
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,721
AJ.
Which one's better?
284
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,222
There's no better or worse.
AJ: Yeah.
285
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,891
You are what you are.
That's right.
286
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,560
There's no shame in being
a bottom, right, AJ?
287
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,562
I wouldn't know. Eh.
288
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,298
If your dad and I
were in a relationship,
289
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,268
I would dominate him.
290
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,907
...try that one.
291
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,442
This one does come
with pizza also, so...
292
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,278
That's weird, right?
Hmm?
293
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,280
I mean, one minute, they're
hungry for the business,
294
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,682
the next minute,
they're booked?
295
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,117
Eh, what are you
gonna do?
296
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,119
Something's up with her.
297
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,520
Let it go.
298
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,489
I can't.
299
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,159
So we have a couple
different packages...
300
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,995
Hi.
Hi.
301
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,330
Could you give me just a second?
Thank you.
302
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,433
I just wanted to double-check
about the party.
303
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,436
Yes. Ugh, I forgot
June was booked.
304
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,504
Sorry.
305
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,339
What about July?
306
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,341
Ooh, pretty busy.
307
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,810
August?
308
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,813
I can put you
on a wait list.
309
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:46,880
I'm confused.
310
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,716
My friend is a good guy.
311
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,317
Like, a really good guy.
312
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,788
Look... I know his wife.
313
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,356
Okay.
314
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:59,126
She's been in here before
with her friends.
315
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,529
I just don't feel comfortable
hosting a party for her.
316
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,097
I don't understand.
317
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,136
She and a few other moms went
in the bathroom here,
318
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:14,007
and when they came out,
they had the... the sniffles.
319
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,142
(sniffs)
320
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,344
Oh.
321
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,314
So you're gonna
punish a child?
322
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:25,318
No, I don't want
to punish anybody.
323
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,889
Except people who do cocaine
in a children's play space.
324
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,525
Strict.
325
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,864
I would dominate
the hell out of you.
326
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,665
Excuse me, is that
your daughter out there?
327
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,500
You know, actually it's
his daughter. (laughs)
328
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,902
That's what I always
like to say
329
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,837
whenever she gets
temperamental like this.
330
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,038
Like mother,
like daughter.
331
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,907
I think they're
on the same cycle.
332
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,541
Well, my manager's saying
333
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,677
she just can't stand alone
outside like that,
334
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,180
so if you could go talk
to her, maybe...?
335
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,182
Or we can make
your order to go?
336
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,416
Oh, we'll take care of it.
337
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,818
Thank you.
338
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,722
How are we supposed
to get her in here?
339
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,124
A top wouldn't ask
that question.
340
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,893
(chair squeaks)
Excuse me.
341
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,463
Hey.
342
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,232
You know, if you
come in now,
343
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,967
we'll let you order
off the adult menu.
344
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,969
I'm not hungry.
345
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,905
Not even for
lobster, huh?
346
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,307
How about caviar?
347
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,642
Isn't that, like,
fish eggs?
348
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,044
Yeah.
349
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,314
Look, I don't know
what is going on,
350
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,382
but, you know,
you got to realize
351
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,351
that you're keeping
your family apart today.
352
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:38,125
I was really looking
forward to this brunch.
353
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:41,561
I don't get to be with
my kid on Mother's Day.
354
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,563
She gets to be
with her mother
355
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:47,000
because of this stupid
sexist holiday.
356
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,739
Anyway, I was hoping
being with you guys
357
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,274
would make me
feel better,
358
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,742
but you're actually
making me feel worse.
359
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,110
You're almost
making me feel
360
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,946
like maybe I should
have a drink.
361
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,949
An alcoholic drink.
362
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,451
You know I'm an
alcoholic, right?
363
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,220
Uh, yeah, it's, like,
all you ever talk about.
364
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,465
We're raising a sociopath.
365
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,867
Yeah, we're raising a teenager.
366
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,869
I'm raising a teenager.
367
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,236
Jesus.
368
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,680
So what's the scoop?
369
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:36,850
It's being closed for six
weeks for a reality show.
370
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,685
Really?
Yeah.
371
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,287
What show is that?
372
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,689
Um, I don't remember.
373
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:47,527
Uh, Later, Bitches or, um,
I Thought I Could Sing.
374
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,529
(chuckles)
375
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,665
I appreciate the lying, but...
376
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:56,069
I think I know
what happened there.
377
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:58,538
We were just "Jess-balled."
378
00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,839
What?
379
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,541
Like blackballed.
380
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,576
When Jess does something,
and then we're not allowed back.
381
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,078
We were Jess-balled.
382
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:08,048
Believe me,
I'm used to it already.
383
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,050
Sorry.
384
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,885
Nobody's perfect.
385
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,154
Oh, no, no.
386
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,023
Your cigar...
387
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,925
Is it bad?
No.
388
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,360
Reminds me of my dad.
389
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,996
Smell hung around
longer than he did.
390
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,498
Here.
391
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,500
Happy Mother's Day to you.
392
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,536
Who told you?
393
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,506
How old were you when your...
when your dad checked out?
394
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,908
Ella's age.
395
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,944
I was 11.
396
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:40,113
I was such a
bitch to my mom.
397
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:41,548
Well, yeah.
398
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,216
You punish the parent
that's around more.
399
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,617
That's how it works.
400
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,653
Yep.
401
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,057
Really?
Oh, yeah.
402
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,158
I'm impressed.
403
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,861
I remember thinking,
404
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,031
"I would never screw up
a family like that."
405
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:02,435
And I swore to myself
I'd never get married.
406
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,871
Almost made it.
407
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,906
(coughing)
408
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,213
I should have gone
with the chocolates.
409
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,215
(coughs)
410
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,017
(laughs)
411
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,157
Whatever. Maybe we should just
give up, get the orders to go.
412
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,259
Give up? No.
413
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,261
Not a chance. No way.
414
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:29,796
I'm not giving up.
415
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,265
I'm not letting her win.
416
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,101
Okay, I like your attitude.
417
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,103
Yeah, I'm not gonna
back down; she's a kid.
418
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,570
I mean, come on,
give me a break.
419
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,340
Whoa, who's this guy?
420
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,175
Maybe you are a top.
421
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,111
Are you okay with that?
422
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,581
Look...
423
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,984
there's only one guy
I'd bottom up for.
424
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,186
Don't make me cry.
425
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,421
(chuckles)
426
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,456
Bring her home, Mommy.
(sighs)
427
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,458
I mean "Daddy."
I'm sorry.
428
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,793
Got it.
429
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,964
Hey.
430
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,366
Hey.
431
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,401
All right, what's
it gonna take?
432
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,173
Hello.
Uh, give it back!
433
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,675
I promised Mommy I would
get you inside. Come on.
434
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,812
Mommy hates me.
435
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,814
That's crazy.
436
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,383
She loves you more
than anything.
437
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,219
You don't see
the way she treats me.
438
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,155
You're not there.
439
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:33,660
Yes, you're right,
I'm not there, and...
440
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:37,164
maybe that's part of
the problem, you know?
441
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,233
It's hard for Mommy
when I'm not there.
442
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,669
But you need to help out
more; you're the oldest.
443
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,538
But I don't want
to be the oldest.
444
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:49,008
Hey, I... don't always
want to be the dad.
445
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,345
Some of the time.
446
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,883
Really?
She's still out here?
447
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,490
I just wanted to
go to Harvey's.
448
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,625
Like when I was little.
449
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:10,497
Oh, baby.
450
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,765
You're not little anymore.
451
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,337
And Harvey's
is gross.
452
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,707
I saw a homeless man
die there once.
453
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,510
Yeah. I couldn't tell you
'cause you were too little,
454
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,446
but you're old enough
to hear the weird stuff now.
455
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,651
Come on,
Mommy needs a mimosa.
456
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,422
Thank you.
457
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,756
AJ:
So how'd you do it?
458
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,591
I just told her
to cut the shit.
459
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:41,128
Really?
460
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,064
Lina did it.
461
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,066
Oh, shit.
462
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,635
You know what
this means, right?
463
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,070
Yeah, we're both bottoms.
464
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:54,073
Hey, we're not just
any old bottoms.
465
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,776
We're power bottoms.
466
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,045
Power bottoms?
Yeah.
467
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,415
It's where the bottom
tells the top what to do.
468
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,952
I can live with that.
469
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,321
Little domination
from down under.
470
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,157
Power bottoms rule.
471
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,824
AJ:
Hmm, totally.
472
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,665
RUSS: I'm sorry
I didn't do more today.
473
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,500
You were there.
474
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,435
I was totally here.
That's something.
475
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,771
You want to fool around?
476
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,173
Um...
477
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:29,176
What if my Mother's Day
present...
478
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:33,346
is that I don't have
to have sex with you?
479
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:36,349
Okay.
480
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:39,752
But that is what I gave
you for your birthday.
481
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,255
Get the lube.
Yes!
482
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,524
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
483
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,932
[ Springs Squeaking ]
484
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,979
Married. All new,
Thursdays at 10:30.
485
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,415
Only on FX.
486
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,319
What kind of fatherly
advice...
487
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,155
do you get from
a legendary rock star
like Johnny Rock?
488
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,757
Hmm.
489
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,860
Don't wear anything
flammable.
490
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,129
And I thought
she didn't listen.
491
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,533
[ Announcer ]
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.
492
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,470
All new, Thursdays at 10:00.
On FX.
493
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,072
[ Crowd Cheering ]
494
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:08,074
I've achieved more
than I ever thought possible--
495
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:10,510
checking account,
unlimited texting.
496
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,913
I've made and lost millions
of brain cells.
497
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,182
How I made them,
I don't know.
498
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,085
The secret probably lies
in the lost brain cells.
499
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:21,788
The League.
Starts Wednesday, September 9.
500
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,791
Only on FXX.
501
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:29,095
* [ Up-tempo Dance ]
502
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,964
You're the Worst.
503
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:35,302
An all-new season premieres
Wednesday, September 9, on FXX.
504
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,276
[ Growling ]
505
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,978
The Strain. All new.
Sundays at 10:00 on FX.
506
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,685
[ Metal Ringing ]
507
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,690
The Bastard Executioner.
Tuesdays at 10:00.
Starts September 15.
508
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:04,464
[ Dings ]
509
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,508
[ Gunfire ]
510
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,113
[ Wind Whistling ]
511
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:25,552
[ Woodpecker Tapping ]
[ Gunfire ]
34077
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