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1
00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:03,137
[ Man ]
What's more important--
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00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,739
being a successful rock star
or a successful father?
3
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,810
Dad!
Father.
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,745
I was just about
to say "Father."
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,714
[ Announcer ]
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.
6
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,649
All new, Thursdays at 10:00.
On FX.
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,854
FX presents Married.
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00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,195
LINA (sighs):
Maya...
9
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,996
come on, you really have to
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,065
go to bed.
I'm not going to sleep
11
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,533
until Daddy says good night.
12
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,803
(sighs)
Fine, I'll get him.
13
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,272
RUSS:
Hi, sweetie.
14
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:39,907
I love you.
15
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,675
Remember me?
16
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,411
Kinda.
17
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,856
It's, uh, it's almost 11:00.
18
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,058
Is it?
19
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,962
Yeah. How, uh... how much longer
you-you think it'll be?
20
00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,364
Till when?
21
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,267
Uh, just, you know,
until we all go home?
22
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,569
Mm... let's give it
another hour.
23
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,305
And then we'll
see where we are.
(sighing)
24
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,241
Okay, well, uh...
25
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,410
this design here is
definitely the room favorite.
26
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,612
Yeah, you mentioned that.
27
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,151
Okay.
28
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,453
(scoffs softly)
29
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,159
What'd he say?
Mm, no end in sight.
30
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,627
(groans)
What is wrong with him?
31
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,264
He has no one to go home
to, that's the problem.
32
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:39,133
Yeah, well, at least
I have my cats.
33
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,135
Cats? Really?
As in, plural?
34
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:45,005
Yeah.
I rescued another one.
35
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:48,008
One more cat, and no man will
ever love you. You know that?
36
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,277
Three cats.
37
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,679
Die alone.
Got it.
38
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,482
I'm so lucky
to have you as my mentor.
(chuckles)
39
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,017
You should go home.
No.
40
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,187
You stay, I stay.
41
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,655
That's my job, boss.
42
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,600
There's some chicken in the
fridge if you're hungry.
43
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,703
Oh, uh...
Miranda and I had Greek.
44
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,471
And pizza.
45
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:18,972
Whoa.
46
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,274
You spend
more time with her
47
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,609
than you do
with your family.
48
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,144
Assistants are better
than wives.
49
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,280
They do what
you ask them to.
50
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,582
Well, then I should
get one of those.
Mm-hmm.
51
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,385
(footsteps rapidly approaching)
52
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:32,953
Mom, Dad, oh, my gosh!
53
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,289
Shh.
What are you doing up?
Why are you awake?
54
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,157
Harper's family is going to
Hawaii for spring break,
55
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,227
and they invited me
to come with.
56
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,795
Uh... how much
is that gonna cost?
57
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,163
Oh, they're paying
for everything.
58
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,698
Can I go?
Whoa.
59
00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,534
I got to... your dad and I
have to talk about that.
60
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,969
Okay? Go back to bed.
We're gonna talk about it.
61
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,338
Right?
Yeah.
62
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,706
It's probably fine.
(sighs)
63
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,175
We'll talk about it.
We have to talk about it.
We have to... your father and I
64
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,010
have to talk about that.
We have to talk about it.
65
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,913
Shouldn't the first time that
she goes to Hawaii be with us?
66
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,515
When are we gonna
go to Hawaii?
67
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,717
I wish I knew.
68
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,719
Well, maybe we can take
our own family vacation
69
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,054
over spring break.
70
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,390
I'll never get
those days off.
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00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,824
You could ask.
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00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,394
(sighs) Why don't we
just let her go?
73
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,195
Don't you see what this is?
74
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,665
What?
It's the beginning
of the end.
75
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,933
This is when she starts to care
more about her friends
76
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,602
than spending time
with any of us.
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00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,837
That's normal.
78
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,173
Well, I'm not ready for it.
79
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,209
RUSS:
I don't know what
she wants from me.
80
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,078
You know?
Before, I didn't work enough,
81
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,780
and now I work too much.
82
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,515
It's like... ugh.
83
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,284
You know, most men who
abandon their families
84
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,751
start new ones.
(scoffs)
85
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,753
I wasn't considering that.
Oh.
86
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,390
I fantasize about
abandoning Cindy all the time.
87
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,724
But then what?
88
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,058
Another Cindy.
89
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,394
Abandon that Cindy.
90
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,728
Then what?
91
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,463
Another Cindy.
92
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,100
I have a type.
Yeah, well,
93
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,269
my Cindy wants me
to go away with the family
94
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,772
for spring break.
Oh, so your wife wants you
to go away with your kids.
95
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,207
You're right,
she's a monster.
96
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,476
No, it's Gil.
97
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,945
I don't want to have to ask
that Asperger shithead
98
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,814
for permission to hang out
with my family.
99
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,048
That's humiliating.
100
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,917
He's like talking
to a robot.
101
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,285
Exactly.
102
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,920
Yeah, I'm not asking him.
103
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,723
What are you gonna
say to Lina?
104
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,058
Pretend I forgot.
105
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,227
That's a good strategy.
106
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,996
What happened to Groupon?
107
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,165
It used to be so good
for vacations,
108
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:28,001
and now it's just all tattoo
and laser hair removal.
109
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,503
Yeah.
110
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:32,105
It's crazy.
111
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,974
You're not even listening.
112
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,076
Sorry.
I-I'm texting with AJ.
113
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,079
Ooh, that's still happening?
Mm-hmm.
114
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,114
I never met anybody like him.
115
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,417
Most people haven't.
116
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:44,785
Anyway, sorry.
117
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,687
You were talking about
a cheap vacation.
118
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,523
Yeah.
Do you have any ideas?
119
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,024
Um...
120
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,826
Oh.
121
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,528
You know, um, one of the moms
122
00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:57,698
in Maya's class
has a condo in Carpinteria.
123
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,500
It's, like, a walk
from the beach.
124
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,201
Carpinteria.
125
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,970
Yeah.
126
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,438
I could work that a little.
127
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,374
Yeah, work it.
128
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,841
Hi.
129
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,209
Alice, right?
130
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,711
Hi.
Hi. I'm Lina.
131
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,380
I'm Maya's mom.
Oh, yeah.
132
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,814
Yeah.
You teach here, right?
133
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,049
Substitute. I substitute teach,
134
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,318
so I don't really teach.
135
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,488
But I still need a vacation.
136
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,523
Great.
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.
137
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:23,791
Hi, Jane.
138
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,659
Hi.
Jane, don't be rude.
139
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,128
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's fine.
140
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:32,032
I'm just realizing
that we've never hung out.
141
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,667
That's right.
142
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,069
Should we get the girls
together?
143
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,939
Jane's always asking
for playdates.
144
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,643
(school bell rings)
145
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,712
No, no, no.
That girl has problems.
146
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,047
Everyone has problems.
Hers are worse.
147
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,384
I need you to go
on this playdate.
148
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,885
Do you know how many shitty moms
149
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,388
I've had to hang out with
because of you?
150
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,090
(sighs)
151
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,165
What if I told you that Daddy
and I were planning
152
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,834
a family vacation of our own
over spring break?
153
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,436
Where would we go?
154
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,504
Well, we might go
to Carpinteria.
155
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:14,341
Fancy condo, right on the beach.
156
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,845
It all depends on Maya,
though, doesn't it?
157
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,747
RUSS:
Lina,
158
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,549
why would you say that?
159
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,251
You can't promise them things
that I haven't agreed to.
160
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:27,755
Yeah, but now I'm gonna be
the one that lets them down.
161
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:31,124
I realize we need time together,
but we also need to eat.
162
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,527
Yes, fine,
I will ask him.
163
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,928
Good-bye.
164
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:36,196
Everything okay?
165
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,798
Yeah, it's
just my wife
166
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,934
wants you to ask Gil for
those vacation days I need.
167
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,971
Your wife wants me
to do that?
168
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,039
Come on, please?
169
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,808
Help me out, here.
170
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,409
I-I really don't think
it's that hard.
171
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:52,279
I think you just have to,
like, act like he's a pal.
172
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,714
I think he looks up to you.
Just hang out with him.
173
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,984
Ew. Really?
Call him a...
call him a bro.
174
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,387
He'll like that. He'll be, like,
"Oh... we're friends."
175
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,623
(chuckles)
176
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,593
Hey, buddy.
177
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,960
How you doing?
178
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,328
Um, hey, what
are you, uh,
179
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,063
what are you
doing tonight?
180
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,899
It's a work night.
I'm not sure what you mean.
181
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,433
Oh, I was just
thinking...
182
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,636
I don't know, maybe
we should, uh, go out.
183
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,838
You know? Like, grab
a bite. Have some fun.
184
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:21,341
Grab a bite? Hmm.
185
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,744
Hmm.
186
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,213
Hmm.
187
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,483
So, uh,
188
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,919
do you...
do you come here often, or...
189
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,655
No. Between work
and the gym,
190
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,456
I don't really
have time.
191
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,194
Russ, can I ask you a question?
192
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,030
Caveat: it's personal.
193
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,432
Uh, sure, man.
194
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,835
Are you having sex
with your assistant?
195
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,770
What? Excuse me?
196
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,039
Your assistant. Are you
having sex with her?
197
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,674
No.
198
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:56,343
But you guys are always
laughing and joking around.
199
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,646
Yeah.
Like... two people
whohave sex.
200
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:01,014
Yeah. That's...
'cause we're friends.
201
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,550
That's... that's it.
202
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,186
So you don't
want to have sex with her?
203
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,656
Not really.
204
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:12,459
You're lucky.
You understand women.
205
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,162
The rituals.
The communication.
206
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,330
Uh... I try.
207
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,199
You know?
208
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:22,703
I got a full house of 'em
at home, so...
209
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,304
Which, uh, reminds me--
210
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,239
can I ask you a favor?
I...
211
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,541
Please keep
shooting.
212
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:29,142
It's, uh...
about my family.
213
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,245
Evade! Evade!
214
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,482
AJ:
When I met you and I told you
that I was sober,
215
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,485
that was not a put-on.
That was not a pose.
216
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,721
That was a life choice
I had made
217
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,723
that meant a lot to me.
218
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,093
The chicken piccata
looks so good.
219
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,561
I was definitely gonna get that.
220
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,062
And then,
a week later,
221
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:52,866
I went into a dark place,
and I slipped again.
222
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,735
I can relate.
223
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,104
Um... a couple weeks ago,
224
00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,107
I found out that my ex
got his new girlfriend
225
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,275
a... a boob job.
226
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:06,113
Wow.
So I drank a whole bottle
of wine that night.
227
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,515
Really?
Mm-hmm.
228
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,050
How often does that happen?
229
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,854
Oh, well, I think she just
got the one boob job.
230
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,856
No, I meant the drinking.
231
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,357
Do you want another
glass of wine?
232
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,792
Um...
233
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,193
Do you want one?
234
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,130
Uh, yeah, I kind of do,
if that's okay.
235
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,298
That's a very personal decision.
236
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,574
Mmm.
237
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,944
Hey, I just had a great idea.
What are you doing this weekend?
238
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,478
I don't know.
239
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,948
I do.
240
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,916
Oh... all right.
(chuckles)
241
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,517
It's a surprise.
242
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:49,657
Hey, did you get the dates?
243
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:52,159
I tried.
I really tried.
244
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,727
Did you really?
245
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,964
Yeah, I did, okay?
Don't do that.
246
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,499
I just spent the whole
night playing video games
247
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,069
with that weirdo, and he
still shut me down, okay?
248
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,972
Well, are you gonna tell Ella,
or should I?
249
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,341
(sighs)
250
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,245
Hey, Daddy.
Hey.
251
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,014
How are you?
252
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,316
I can't wait
for our vacation.
253
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,352
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Our vacation.
254
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,656
Yeah, um, I was thinking,
though, wouldn't...
255
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,292
wouldn't you rather go
to Hawaii with Harper?
256
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,294
That sounds so much fun.
It's so beautiful there.
257
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,664
Yeah, but when I told Harper
we were going on vacation,
258
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:33,233
she invited
Lily instead.
259
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,370
(clicks tongue)
260
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,572
Okay.
261
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,743
(chuckles softly)
262
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,649
(birds chirping, dog barking)
263
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,384
Do I have to do this?
264
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:55,655
Honey, here is a photo
of the condo in Carpinteria.
265
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:59,292
It is right on the beach.
266
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,894
Fine.
267
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:04,064
Thank you.
268
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,233
You're really taking one
for the team right now,
269
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,635
and I appreciate it.
270
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,304
You're my hero.
271
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,840
This is fun.
272
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,808
I know, right?
It's very...
273
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,177
We should do this
more often.
Yeah, totally.
274
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,013
I'm kind of surprised
that Gil let us leave early.
275
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,982
Actually, Gil is joining us.
276
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,917
(chuckles)
Wait, really?
277
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:26,519
Yeah.
Why?
278
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,587
Well,
279
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,089
Gil is...
Why?
280
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,391
he's-he's
a really interesting guy.
281
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,862
Is he?
And I may have told him
282
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,964
that you wanted to hang out.
283
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,833
That's...
Why would you tell him that?
284
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,368
This could be good
for us.
285
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,570
Us? Why would that
be good for us?
Yes.
286
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,405
Because... Okay, think about it.
287
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,908
If Gil becomes more comfortable
288
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,709
with women, right,
then maybe he'll become
289
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,044
more of, like, a normal guy
290
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,213
and let us go
on vacations and stuff
291
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,783
like normal
human beings.
292
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,618
He'll treat
his employees...
Okay, so you want me to blow him
293
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,220
or something?
No.
294
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,855
No, I don't.
I just want you to, like,
295
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,590
talk to him, you know,
and-and laugh at his jokes
296
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,858
and make him feel
comfortable.
297
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,226
Okay, I thought
this was about work.
298
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,028
I brought you my portfolio
to look at,
299
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,030
and now I'm just, like...
I feel stupid or something.
300
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,065
No. Now you can just
cut out the middleman, right?
301
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,067
And you can just...
show 'em right to Gil.
302
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,436
You pimped me out to the robot.
303
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,537
Hey, dude.
304
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,638
You guys talking about robots?
305
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,407
No, no, no. We... No.
306
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,775
Oh, it's okay.
307
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,777
I know that's what
everybody calls me.
308
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:26,746
(scoffs)
I don't... No. I don't...
(chuckles) No.
309
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,883
Robots aren't so bad.
(chuckles)
310
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,886
Um... I-I have a Roomba.
311
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,922
RUSS:
Very cool.
312
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,056
That is very cool.
313
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,891
See, you guys have
a lot in common.
314
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,326
(chuckles)
That's awesome.
315
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,594
Um... Oh, no.
316
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,564
Oh, Lina just texted.
There's a family emergency.
317
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,800
You know what, I got
to go. I'm so sorry.
Um...
318
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,068
That's okay.
I will see you at work.
319
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,803
Um...
Uh, uh, is everyone okay?
320
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,472
Yeah. Yeah, no, it's just
Lina's got this thing here.
321
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,308
She has a thing? A thing?
She's got a thing, and I...
322
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,277
Yeah, and I got to help her.
Specifically...?
323
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,779
It's just this thing
that I-I got to... I got to...
324
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,481
I got to take care of.
325
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,850
You know
you're a terrible person, right?
326
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,284
I owe you one.
I trusted you.
327
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,718
You're the best.
(scoffs)
328
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,357
(exhales)
329
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,360
(chuckles)
330
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,366
(gasps)
331
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,969
Wow, this place
is beautiful.
(chuckles)
332
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,303
Where's our room?
333
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,206
We're in
the Sandpiper Conference Room.
334
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,608
Are they out
of regular rooms?
335
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,610
(indistinct chatter)
336
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,312
What is this?
337
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,047
Who are all these people?
338
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:37,450
(chatter stops)
AJ: People who care about you.
People who came
339
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,153
on short notice to help you
talk about your problem.
340
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,754
Is that my gardener?
341
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,125
I dialed the last ten
numbers on your phone,
342
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,559
so that we could
talk to you.
343
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,128
WOMAN:
Excuse me.
344
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,030
You rear-ended me last Thursday.
345
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,299
I got to settle
the insurance claim.
346
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,067
We hurt people
when we're sick.
347
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,635
Is that my neighbor?
348
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,204
I hope so. She was standing
right outside
349
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,139
of your door, so...
I really
don't understand.
350
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,342
Like, who is that lady?
That's your yoga teacher.
351
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:06,179
That's not my
yoga teacher.
I'm-I'm filling in for Heather.
352
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:09,316
(sighs) I know these
aren't your closest
353
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,884
family and friends,
354
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,352
but I did the
best I could
355
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:13,820
on short notice.
356
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,356
Hector, maybe you start.
357
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,661
"Dear Miss Abby,
358
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,096
"I hear you have
359
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,665
"a drinking problem.
Sorry about the mean thoughts
360
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,034
"I had for you.
361
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,436
"And now I understand
why you don't tip.
362
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,038
"It's because you're sick,
363
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,940
sick with addiction."
364
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,349
It feels good to
finally sit down.
365
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,117
Oh, doesn't it?
366
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:47,921
I always say that sitting is
like a vacation from standing.
367
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:49,456
And don't we all need that?
368
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,524
Yeah.
You know?
369
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,126
We do.
Right.
370
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,728
Hi, Peach.
Can we go home?
371
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,697
No, not yet.
372
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,232
She keeps making
me play robber.
373
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,900
LINA:
So?
374
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,769
MAYA:
I always have to be
375
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,205
the robber.
So? That's great.
The villain's the best part.
376
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,840
I don't want the part.
Go.
377
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,712
So, teaching.
378
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,647
Did you study
education?
379
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,449
You know, it's funny. I didn't.
380
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,585
Um, I went to business school.
381
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,720
Kind of stumbled
upon teaching.
382
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,223
I spend, you know,
all day now with kids.
383
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,625
All day... all night,
384
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,595
at home with my kids, so it's
385
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,831
kind of nonstop.
Just kids, kids, kids.
I do that, too.
386
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,766
You're a psychologist, right?
387
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,569
Child psychologist.
Oh, shit.
So you're
388
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,171
in the same boat.
Yeah.
389
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,239
(Maya screams)
390
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,974
Get off of me!
Oh, my God.
391
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:43,476
Jane, what are you doing?! Jane!
Get off of me.
392
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:44,777
Mom, she robbed me!
393
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,779
Maya, Maya, Maya.
Stop it right now.
394
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,248
Nobody steals from me!
395
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,250
Oh, sweetie.
(crying)
396
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,453
I'm so sorry.
Is she okay?
397
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,856
Oh...
(crying):
Mommy.
398
00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:00,627
So, I hear you have a condo
on the beach?
399
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,931
I'm sorry. It's just
400
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,500
when you said you drank a
whole bottle of wine...
401
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,836
I was trying
to connect with you.
402
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:13,140
But then you drank
three glasses at dinner.
403
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,841
Three glasses? You know,
404
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,943
sometimes I drink,
sometimes I don't.
405
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,845
I'm not an addict.
406
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:21,181
I'm starting to figure that out.
I just got excited
407
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,983
because I thought we had
something in common. My bad.
408
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:35,028
If you don't want
to see me again, I get it.
409
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,232
(sighs)
410
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:42,869
No one's ever thrown me
an intervention before.
411
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,072
So you liked it?
412
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,673
No.
413
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,375
I didn't.
414
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,043
(sighs)
415
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,085
But I like you.
416
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:06,126
You do?
417
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,999
Hey.
418
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,202
Hey.
How'd it go?
419
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,104
It was good.
420
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,572
Do you hate me?
No.
421
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,975
Are you sure?
Yeah.
422
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,446
What happened?
Mm,
423
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,848
we just, like, got a few drinks.
424
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,250
And?
425
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,185
(sighs)
So, like, you know,
426
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,887
I get out my portfolio
to show him. And he's like,
Uh-huh.
427
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:38,858
"Should we take
this to my place?"
Oh, no.
428
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,128
So I was like, "Screw it."
I went.
429
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,196
You went?
We were there maybe,
like, 15 minutes,
430
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,466
Uh-huh.
and he...
431
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,102
asks if he could touch himself.
432
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:52,372
Oh, Miranda, I'm so sorry.
433
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,807
So I said, "Sure."
434
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,310
You did?
I don't know. I don't know.
435
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:58,778
It was, like, so direct.
436
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,413
I thought maybe
it would be interesting,
437
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,315
like, in a story or something.
438
00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,717
And, like...
(chuckles)
439
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,620
I'm sitting there. He gets up,
he goes to the bathroom
440
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,789
for, like, lotion, I'm assuming,
and comes back
441
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,825
five minutes
later.
442
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:16,263
And he says he's finished
443
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,665
and now we can
make milk shakes.
444
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,934
Wow. Wow.
Yeah.
445
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,137
Wow. Okay.
(chuckling): Oh, God.
446
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:27,106
Okay. Uh... wow.
447
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,742
All right, uh, we got to...
448
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,811
we can't talk about this
at the office.
449
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,914
(chuckles)
No. We just can't.
This would be bad for me.
450
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,284
Hey. Heard about the
masturbating robot.
451
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,652
Awesome.
(whirring noises)
452
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,087
Eh, eh, beep, boop,
453
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,655
beep, boop,
beep, boop, beep,
Oh...
454
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,457
boop, beep, beep, boop.
(whirring noises)
455
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,259
I might have told
a couple people.
456
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:50,663
(whirring noises)
Beep, boop, beep,
boop, beep, boop.
457
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,335
Isn't it beautiful here?
458
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,770
RUSS:
Yeah, it's pretty sweet.
459
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,640
C-Can someone turn me
a little away from the sun?
460
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,343
Sorry, babe.
Say hi to Daddy.
461
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,512
Hi, Dad!
Hi, Daddy!
Hi, Dad!
462
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,614
Guys, do you mind
just trying to, like,
463
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,782
sort of turn me to the right?
464
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,485
I just want to see, there's a...
girl in a bikini over there.
465
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,188
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
466
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,865
[ Buzzing ]
467
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,501
Who is calling
this late?
468
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,936
Oof.
Lina, your phone.
What?
469
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:06,239
[ Buzzing ]
Oh.
470
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,911
Oh. Sorry.
[ Buzzing Stops ]
471
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,913
[ Dog Barking In Distance ]
472
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,948
That wasn't your phone,
was it?
473
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,050
Don't worry about it.
474
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:19,586
That's my girl.
475
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,556
Married. All new,
Thursdays at 10:30.
476
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,425
Only on FX.
477
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,962
* [ Dramatic ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
478
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,340
[ Slow Clapping ]
479
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:44,143
Hold the applause,
Beast Mode.
480
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,279
So what do you think,
Marshawn?
481
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,548
I'm just here
so I won't get fined.
482
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,050
[ Ruxin ]
Wait. So why are we here?
[ Scoffs ]
483
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,153
The League.
Starts Wednesday, September 9.
484
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,689
Only on FXX.
485
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,160
* [ Up-tempo Dance ]
486
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,063
You're the Worst.
487
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,367
An all-new season premieres
Wednesday, September 9, on FXX.
488
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,970
[***]
489
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:16,108
[SNARLING]
490
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:19,111
NARRATOR:
The Strain.
Sunday, July 12th, on FX.
491
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:26,353
* [ Dramatic ]
492
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,696
* [ Ends ]
493
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,405
[ Dings ]
494
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:56,082
[ Material Flapping ]
34282
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