Original subtitles

>> BERNIE: Oh, Russ?

Check it out.

What do you think?

>> RUSS: Costume party?

>> BERNIE: No, strip club.

The girls tend to work a little

harder when they think you're an

MD.

>> RUSS: I can see that.

>> BERNIE: The material's very

thin, very lap-dance friendly.

>> RUSS: I never, uh, thought of

you as a, uh, strip club guy.

>> BERNIE: Oh, AJ invited me.

You should come.

You should come.

>> RUSS: Oh, no, I can't.

Lina and I have a date night

tonight.

(bell dings)

>> BERNIE: Oh, this kid.

You want me to handle this?

I'm already scrubbed in.

>> RUSS: No. No.

What does this say?

>> BERNIE: You should be wearing

that, right?

>> RUSS: That's not the point.

Okay? It says manager.

How you doing? Can I help you?

>> TWEEN: Yeah.

Just, uh, here to pick up.

>> RUSS: Hey, where'd you get

that bag?

>> TWEEN: This bomb-ass

surf shop in Venice.

>> RUSS: Swick?

>> TWEEN: You know it?

>> RUSS: Yeah.

Yeah, my old, my old partner and

I started that.

I actually designed that logo.

Put it on a longboard.

It's kind of how it all started.

>> TWEEN: Baller.

>> BERNIE: Yeah, he also

designed your middle school book

fair banner, which I think

you'll agree is equally baller.

>> RUSS: Yeah.

I am super baller...

still.

>> LINA: I can't believe you

actually planned a date.

>> RUSS: Yeah, what's the big

deal?

>> LINA: 'Cause you normally

don't plan shit.

>> RUSS (laughing): Well...

>> LINA: It's nice when you make

an effort.

>> RUSS: I thought it would be

fun to, I don't know, see the

old hood, do the old date...

visit the shop.

>> LINA: Are you feeling

nostalgic?

>> RUSS: Maybe. A little.

>> LINA: Ah.

>> MAN: You know who you remind

me of?

That's right-- me.

We both got the same cute little

face.

>> RUSS: Right.

No, we do. Yeah.

We definitely do.

>> LINA: Have a good night.

>> RUSS: Thanks. Thanks.

>> LINA: Ah, I miss Venice.

>> RUSS: Yeah. That was like

looking in a mirror.

>> LINA: Let's go check out

the old shop.

>> BERNIE: I thought we were

going to a strip club.

>> AJ: We are.

>> BERNIE: Why are we at your

ex-wife's house?

>> AJ: Relax, this'll only take

a minute.

(Roxanne gasps)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

>> ROXANNE: Do you really think

that this is a good idea?

Honestly?

>> AJ: I'm not here for you.

I'm here for Jerry.

>> ROXANNE: Sure you are.

Stop it.

>> BERNIE: What are we doing

here?

>> AJ: Oh.

Jerry's mom passed.

>> BERNIE: Oh.

>> AJ: Titty cancer.

>> BERNIE: I, um... sorry.

It must be very hard to lose the

mother of the guy who is boning

your ex-wife.

How are you holding up?

>> AJ: Oh, not good.

I heard Esther was a really cool

lady.

>> BERNIE: Well, it's a very

adult decision to come here and

support Roxanne and Jerry.

Let's continue to be adults and

go see some adult entertainment.

Mm-hmm?

>> AJ: Yeah, you're right.

>> BERNIE: All right.

>> AJ: But first I'm gonna have

an adult beverage.

Oh, God, it's such a tragedy,

huh?

Oh, I am walking for the cure

this year.

(chuckles)

You better believe that, man.

>> LINA: Oh, my God.

It's closed.

>> RUSS: Really?

Wow, that must've just happened.

Man, end of an era.

Sad.

>> LINA: It is sad.

We had a lot of good times in

there.

>> RUSS: I know.

>> LINA: I'm kind of relieved.

>> RUSS: Why? What's that

supposed to mean?

>> LINA: I don't know.

I always felt like it was my

fault that we sold the place.

>> RUSS: We made the decision

together.

>> LINA: I pushed you.

Anyway, you always wondered what

would've happened if we didn't

sell.

Now you know.

>> RUSS: Oh, wait.

They're not closed.

They just moved.

Right off Abbott Kinney.

>> LINA: "Abbott Kinney"?

They must be doing well.

>> RUSS: "Come see our new

larger location."

Unreal. (laughs)

I mean, how much larger?

>> LINA: Should we check it out?

Can you handle it?

>> RUSS: Probably not.

Let's just go eat.

>> LINA: I mean, the beach is

great, but we never have to wait

this long in the Valley.

>> RUSS: Yeah, the Valley's so

much better.

>> LINA: You don't have to pay

for parking in the Valley.

>> RUSS: Thank God.

>> CARLOS: Okay.

>> LINA: Hey, look who it is!

Hi, Carlos.

>> CARLOS: Ah, so good to see

you.

>> RUSS: You don't remember us,

do you?

>> LINA: Honey?

>> CARLOS: Uh, uh... (groans)

I'm not good with names.

>> RUSS: Wow. Yeah.

I just thought you'd recognize

us.

>> CARLOS: I apologize.

I see so many people.

Your waiter will be with you

shortly.

Enjoy.

>> RUSS: We came in here once a

week for five years.

You think the guy would remember

us.

>> LINA: This is gonna be a fun

night.

>> RUSS: What's the deal with

this table by the way?

Like, seriously?

>> LINA: The table is fine.

>> RUSS: It's not fine.

We should move.

>> LINA: They're already gonna

spit in our food.

You want to be upgraded to

semen?

>> RUSS: When we used to come in

here, they used to sit us by the

window and now we're, like, way

in the back like minivans at a

valet.

>> LINA: Is this about the shop?

>> RUSS: No.

>> LINA: You want to get the

clams?

>> RUSS: I just want to know how

much square footage they have.

>> LINA: Come on. Let's go.

>> RUSS: What?

>> LINA: We're gonna go to the

store.

You're not gonna stop thinking

about it, so we might as well

just go.

>> RUSS: I don't care about

seeing it.

>> LINA: Really? You don't care?

>> RUSS: I just, I bet they get

a lot of foot traffic...

>> LINA: You just want to rub my

face in it-- great! Let's go.

>> RUSS: I don't want to rub

your face in anything.

>> LINA: We're going.

>> RUSS: We're not going

anywhere.

>> LINA: We're going!

>> RUSS: I want to sit and eat.

>> LINA: I'm not eating until we

go.

>> CARLOS: Now I remember you.

Russ and Lina.

From the surf store!

Congratulations on the new

location!

>> LINA: Just say it.

>> RUSS: What?

>> LINA: That I ruined your

life.

>> RUSS: It's not your fault.

>> LINA: Yeah, it is.

I made you sell it.

>> RUSS: You were pregnant.

You weren't thinking straight.

Okay? Neither of us were.

>> LINA: Bruce was being such an

asshole.

We both wanted him out of our

lives.

>> RUSS: Yeah.

And now he's a rich asshole.

>> LINA: Schools are better in

the Valley.

We had to do it.

>> RUSS: Kids, schools.

We did the right thing.

>> LINA: Let's go eat.

>> RUSS: I just got to check

one thing.

Holy shit.

This place is enormous.

Look at all this stuff.

Where is my longboard?

>> LINA: Which one?

>> RUSS: The one with my logo

on it.

>> LINA: Oh, why would Bruce

take it down?

>> RUSS: I'll tell you why Bruce

would take it down.

Because he wants to erase me.

>> LINA: Uh, I don't think

that's true.

Your logo's on everything. Look.

>> RUSS: Nice that somebody's

making money off my design.

>> LINA: You know what?

Screw this place.

I need new sunglasses.

How do I look?

>> RUSS: You're still cute.

>> LINA: Hey, why don't we, uh,

get drunk and go fool around on

the beach?

That'll be fun.

Aw...

>> RUSS: All right.

Let's go.

>> LINA (quietly): Hey.

(both chuckle)

>> LINA: I wasn't really gonna

steal the glasses.

It was just a joke.

>> DIRK: A joke?

>> LINA: Yes.

>> RUSS: Look, when we were

younger and broke and we

couldn't afford to go on dates,

we would shoplift together.

>> LINA: It was romantic.

(Dirk scoffs)

>> DIRK: I'm calling the police.

>> LINA: Don't... No, no.

>> RUSS: No!

>> LINA: Don't do that, man.

>> RUSS: Don't do that, okay?

>> LINA: Just, that's not cool.

>> RUSS: We're friends with

Bruce, all right?

>> DIRK: Who's Bruce?

>> RUSS: Our old partner.

We used to own this shop

together with Bruce.

>> LINA: The three of us.

>> DIRK: Okay, I don't know

Bruce.

Uh, this is, this place is owned

by Mertzman Outdoors.

>> RUSS: What? Well, what

happened to Bruce?

>> REPAIR MAN: Bruce got shot,

man.

>> RUSS: I'm sorry-- what?!

>> REPAIR MAN: Bruce got shot.

>> RUSS: Holy shit.

Wow. Bruce is freakin' loaded.

>> LINA: Well, I'm happy he's

okay.

>> RUSS: Bullshit.

>> LINA: Shut up.

>> BRUCE: Hold on.

(bell dings)

>> RUSS: Hey.

>> BRUCE: What's up?

So, you two are still together,

huh?

Didn't think that was gonna

last.

>> RUSS: Oh, yeah. No, it did.

>> LINA: For now.

>> RUSS: Yup. Every day's an

adventure.

>> BRUCE: Yeah, I know something

about that.

>> BERNIE: Excuse me.

Hey, AJ, can we get out of here?

Old people are asking me to look

at their rashes.

>> AJ: So, look.

>> BERNIE: Oh, I've been looking

at them, but it's time to go.

Come on.

Come on.

>> AJ: No, no. Wait.

>> BERNIE: No.

>> AJ: Excuse me, everyone.

May I have your attention?

>> BERNIE: What are you doing?

>> AJ: Time to make the donuts.

Excuse me.

I would just like to say a few

words if I may.

>> ROXANNE: Would you get him

out of here?

>> BERNIE: I kind of want to see

where he's going with this.

>> AJ: I never met Esther.

And I...

guess I never will.

But I do know Jerry.

And I understand something about

loss.

For I, too, recently had someone

very dear taken from me.

(smacks lips)

And the hardest part is the not

knowing.

Is she at peace?

Is she happier without me?

'Cause if she is, that's okay.

That is okay.

>> BRUCE: So, that junkie told

me to empty the register.

I told him to suck my dick.

Yeah, blah, blah, blah.

Nine surgeries later...

here we are. (chuckles)

>> RUSS: Aw, man.

I am so sorry.

>> BRUCE: What are you sorry

for?

You didn't put this bullet

in my spine.

She did.

>> LINA: Excuse me?

>> BRUCE: Relax, I'm just

kidding. Kind of.

>> RUSS: Not cool.

>> LINA: How is it my fault you

got shot?

>> BRUCE: Well, I mean, you made

Russ sell, but...

>> RUSS: She... uh, no.

She didn't make me sell.

>> BRUCE: Oh, a little bit.

>> RUSS: No. I mean...

>> LINA: I-I... I mean...

What? Come on.

>> BRUCE: Well, I just remember

that after the buyout, I had no

money, so I couldn't afford any

help.

And that's why I worked that

night, which I should not have.

So...

But you guys are doing good.

You guys have a family, right?

Which is great for you.

What's that like?

>> ROXANNE: What was that?

>> AJ: I'm sorry about the

speech, but I just saw you in

that dress...

>> ROXANNE: Caitlin was late

again for school on Monday.

>> AJ: I overslept.

>> ROXANNE: Because of the

pills?

>> AJ: I need them to help me

sleep... and wake up.

>> ROXANNE: Of course.

She also said you had yet

another visitor.

>> AJ: Hey, I'm single.

I mingle.

>> ROXANNE: Do you think that

it's okay to have just different

women running in and out

of her life?

>> AJ: You are the one who

wanted to split up.

>> ROXANNE: How long are you

gonna hold that...?

>> JERRY: Is everything all

right in here?

>> AJ: Everything's fine.

How are you?

>> ROXANNE: Baby, everything is

okay.

>> AJ: You know, if you need me

to be helpful in any way...

That's to be expected.

>> BRUCE: Come here.

This is Mai, my girlfriend.

Say hi.

>> MAI: Hi.

>> BRUCE: She's a little shy

sometimes with strangers.

Mai was actually my occupational

therapist.

She got me through some pretty

tough times, didn't she?

Yeah.

She got me to focus on the

positive.

So, that's good right there.

(smacks lips)

You got any pictures of your

kids?

>> RUSS: Uh, sure, yeah.

>> BRUCE: Let's see what you

guys got here.

Oh, my God!

Oh, so lucky.

>> RUSS: This is us all on

the couch.

>> BRUCE: That is nice.

>> MAI: We're thinking of

adopting.

>> BRUCE: Obviously we can't

conceive in the traditional

manner.

>> RUSS: Well... um...

>> BRUCE: Yeah.

But we still have fun though.

We do all kinds of stuff.

Finger each other.

We look at all kinds of

pornography together.

She-she orgasms pretty hardcore.

>> LINA: Oh...

>> RUSS: I'm just gonna run to

the bathroom.

Is there one, um...?

>> BRUCE: Upstairs.

>> ROXANNE: So, Jerry and I

talked it over and we-we want

you to get some help.

>> AJ: You want me to get some

help?

>> ROXANNE: We want you to get

some help.

>> AJ: "We want."

>> ROXANNE: Jerry and I

discussed it.

>> AJ: Oh!

>> ROXANNE: We did and we want

you to get better.

(AJ groans)

>> AJ: What else do you and

Jerry talk about?

>> ROXANNE: Are you listening to

anything that I'm saying?

>> AJ: Let me ask you a

question about Jerry.

Is he as good at eating pussy as

I am?

>> BERNIE: Yeah, Sharon, the

mole is fine, but with your

family history, I'd lay off the

salt.

Now, are you...

>> AJ: We've been asked to

leave.

>> BERNIE: Oh, finally.

Good night.

Oh, have a doctor look at that

mole.

Hey, are you okay?

>> AJ (quietly): Best...

shivah... ever.

(laughing)

>> BERNIE: No, she tried to take

you back to court. I...

>> AJ: No, she wants me to get

help.

She still cares about me.

>> BERNIE: I had a really

different take on what just

happened.

(AJ laughing)

¶ ¶

>> BRUCE: So is Russ still

designing?

>> LINA: Uh, yeah.

He's working for a friend of

ours in the Valley.

He's-he's doing banners and-and

invitations.

>> BRUCE: Oh.

That's good.

>> LINA: Oh, thank you.

>> BRUCE: Is he happy?

>> LINA: I think so.

>> RUSS: Hey, uh, Lina?

>> LINA: Hmm?

>> RUSS: The babysitter's on the

phone.

>> LINA: Is everything okay?

>> RUSS: I don't know.

I think you better take this

upstairs.

>> LINA: Oh.

Excuse me.

What did the babysitter...

>> RUSS: The kids are fine,

okay?

Look.

My very first longboard.

>> LINA: Oh, yeah.

>> RUSS: And I found this.

We are taking this baby home

tonight.

>> RUSS: Okay, I just need you

to cover for me for, like, ten

minutes so I can get all the

bolts out.

>> LINA: I'm not doing it.

>> RUSS: You heard him.

He blames you for ruining his

life.

>> LINA: So do you.

>> RUSS: No, but that's...

different.

We're married.

>> LINA: Oh, my God, just let

him keep the board.

>> RUSS: No.

>> LINA: Yes.

>> RUSS: Doesn't he have enough?

He's got this incredible house

by the beach, he's got a

successful company, he's got an

Asian wife...

>> LINA: Oh, I'm sorry I'm not

Asian enough for you.

>> RUSS: Me, too.

>> LINA: Oh, my God.

>> RUSS: Did you see the size of

his shower?

>> LINA: Yeah.

So it can fit a wheelchair in

it.

>> RUSS: I moved to the Valley.

I got a vasectomy.

I am manager of, like, a flag

and banner shop.

I am paying for braces.

Can you please just do this one

thing for me?

>> LINA: Fine.

What do you want me to do?

>> RUSS: I just want you to

occupy them, okay?

¶ ¶

>> BRUCE: Everything okay?

>> LINA: Yeah.

You know... Ella has a virus...

>> BRUCE: Whoa.

>> LINA: ...and, um, everyone in

her class had it.

>> BRUCE: Well, we should shut

the party down.

Mai, put the cheese away.

>> LINA: No, no, no. No way.

We are not shutting anything

down.

I have a babysitter tonight.

I mean, unless blood is coming

out of her eyeballs...

(new song playing on radio)

Mm!

This is my jam!

(Russ grunting)

My kind of party.

¶ ¶

Come on, girl, shake it.

Let's get down!

>> BRUCE: Go ahead, dance with

her.

You can dance with her, it's

cool.

Yeah!

(music continues in distance)

>> RUSS: Seriously?

(clunking sound)

(clunking sound continues

under music)

>> BRUCE: What was that?

(clunking continues)

>> RUSS: Get off!

(rattling)

(Russ speaks indistinctly)

(clunking continues)

>> BRUCE: Whoa.

(laughs)

All right.

A little room here.

All right, that's enough.

There we go.

There we go.

(Bruce groaning)

>> LINA: Why are we going

upstairs?!

Hey, let's get the party down

here.

(mechanical whirring)

(music continues)

(mechanical whirring continues)

(glass shatters)

>> BRUCE: What up, dawg?

You going somewhere?

>> RUSS: Hey, bud.

(Lina groans)

>> BRUCE: All you had to do was

ask, dawg.

>> LINA: Oh, God.

>> BRUCE: All you had to do was

ask.

>> RUSS: I...

All right.

You hungry?

>> LINA: Yeah.

But can we go back to the

Valley?

>> RUSS: Yeah, absolutely.

¶ ¶

>> BERNIE: I'm, uh... going to

check her for lumps.

>> AJ: Good luck!

I recently lost a loved one.