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>> LINA (brushing teeth): You're
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going, and that's it.
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>> RUSS: Oh, my God.
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I got your stupid vasectomy.
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Isn't that enough?
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>> LINA: No.
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You've blown off three follow-up
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appointments.
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>> RUSS: I don't need a
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follow-up visit.
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I know that it worked.
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>> LINA: How could you possibly
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know that?
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>> RUSS: Because I... eyeballed
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it.
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>> LINA: What?
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>> RUSS: My stuff.
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It's practically clear.
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Seriously, you could store
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contact lenses in it.
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>> LINA: I am moving on.
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I'm getting rid of all the baby
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stuff from the garage.
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Do you think that's easy for me?
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>> RUSS: Even that bassinet?
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>> LINA: Even the bassinet.
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You need to move on, too.
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>> RUSS: I just don't want to be
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told that I have meaningless
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semen.
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>> LINA: If you want to get
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anywhere near any of this...
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you're gonna have to take care
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of that.
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>> RUSS: I thought you took
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lessons.
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>> FRANKIE: I'm still scared.
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(Frankie whimpers)
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>> RUSS: I want a refund, then.
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Get this on.
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>> GIRL: What are you doing?
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Everybody can see you.
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>> GIRL 2: What's the big deal?
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Nobody's here.
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(indistinct chatter, laughter)
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>> RUSS: Can I ask you
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something?
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Am I invisible?
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>> SHEPARD: I don't know what
that means.
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>> LINA: He's been upset because
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some girls changed in front of
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him.
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>> SHEPARD: Say what?
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>> AJ: Boobs or beaver?
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>> RUSS: That's not the point.
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>> SHEPARD: N-No, I-I'm gonna
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allow that.
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>> RUSS: They didn't care what I
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saw.
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>> SHEPARD: Oh.
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Well, God bless you.
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>> AJ: No, no, no.
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I see... I see your point, here.
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I mean, for all she knows,
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you're-you're a rapist.
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You're a...
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>> RUSS: Yeah.
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>> AJ: ...sick, sexual maniac
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who follows her home, studies
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her patterns.
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Maybe you borrow a uniform from
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an old cop buddy who owes you a
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favor.
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"Is there a problem, Officer?"
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Rag.
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Ether.
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Nightmare.
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>> RUSS: Yeah, I... I think I-I
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was just trying to say, like,
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I-I want women to feel
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uncomfortable changing around
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me.
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Is that so much to ask?
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>> LINA: I'm uncomfortable
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changing in front of you.
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(phone ringing)
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>> SHEPARD: Tammy. Mind if I...?
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>> JESS: Get it?
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No, please, get it. Yeah.
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>> SHEPARD: Hey, Tammy, what's
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up?
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Okay.
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>> LINA: Who's Tammy?
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>> JESS: Tammy is a musician
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that Shep has been working with.
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>> LINA: So he's getting back
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into the music business.
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>> JESS: I don't know.
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Maybe.
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It's just nice to see him, uh,
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excited.
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It's a nice change from his
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super-intense depression.
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And I just feel like it's so
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great to see him get off the
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couch and go to work and...
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put on pants.
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>> LINA: Right.
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>> AJ: Pants are for losers.
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>> RUSS: You're wearing pants
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right now, dude.
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>> LINA: Yeah.
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>> AJ: Not up here.
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>> SHEPARD: Right.
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No, it's on Ventura.
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But come around the back.
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Right.
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And they can, they can set up
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whenever they get there.
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Yeah, we'll all be there.
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All right.
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Great.
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All right, buddy.
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See you tomorrow.
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Hey, just got some great
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musicians for Tammy's session
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tomorrow.
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It's gonna sound really, really
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good.
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>> JESS: Do you know that when
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you work, it makes me so hot?
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>> SHEPARD: Really?
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How hot?
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>> JESS: Well, let's say
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probably about doggy-style hot.
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>> SHEPARD: I-I don't want to
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put on the knee brace.
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>> JESS: Uh-huh.
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>> SHEPARD: 'Cause it pulls.
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You know, it's not...
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All right, doggy it is.
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¶ ¶
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>> DIDI: Bowman?
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>> RUSS: Hey.
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>> DIDI: You have a co-pay of
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$550.
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>> RUSS: Sounds right.
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>> DIDI: You need to pay it.
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>> RUSS: Totally.
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>> DIDI: Today.
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>> RUSS: Oh.
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I don't... I don't have that
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kind of cash on me.
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>> DIDI: Oh, we take
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credit cards.
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>> RUSS: Well, I have the cards,
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but... not the credit.
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>> DIDI: You're going
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to have to pay the balance of
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this procedure.
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>> RUSS: Yeah, I'll pay it.
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Just not today.
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>> DIDI: Let's reschedule, then.
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We'll get something on the books
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after the payment is all squared
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away.
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>> RUSS: Okay.
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Have a great day.
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¶ ¶
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>> CHILD: My name is Albert
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Einstein and I was born in
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Germany in 1879.
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I developed the theory of
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relativity.
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>> RUSS (whispering): Look, it's
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not my fault, okay?
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We tried. It's over.
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>> LINA: Seriously?
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What is wrong with you?
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>> RUSS: I'm invisible?
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>> LINA: Here's what you're
going to do.
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You're gonna go back in that
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office, and write down that
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woman's name and scare the shit
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out of her.
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>> RUSS: How?
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>> LINA: Tell her that your wife
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already sent the check, and if
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they don't see you right away,
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that you're gonna stop payment
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on it and let it go to
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collections.
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Tell her that.
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>> RUSS: You're getting pretty
good at this.
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>> LINA: No, being broke makes
you crafty.
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>> RUSS: So then why don't you
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come with me and then you can do
the talking.
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>> LINA: I can't.
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I have to take the baby stuff
today.
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>> RUSS: Come on. I...
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Don't make me go back
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to that cock-butcher.
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>> FATHER: You guys want to take
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this outside?
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>> RUSS: I'm sorry.
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We're so sorry.
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>> LINA (whispers): Sorry.
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>> RUSS: Your son looks great.
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>> LINA: It's his daughter.
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>> RUSS: It's your daughter.
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Look-- she looks great.
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>> LINA: You're going back to
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the cock-butcher.
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¶ ¶
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>> RUSS: Hey, I never got your
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name.
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>> DIDI: Didi.
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>> RUSS: Oh, great name.
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So, Didi, there was a mix-up
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before.
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Uh, it turns out my wife already
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sent the check.
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>> DIDI: Really?
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>> RUSS: But if I don't see the
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doctor right now, we're gonna
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cancel the payment.
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And then it will go to
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collections, Didi.
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And they will call us and I will
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be forced to mention your name.
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Didi.
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So you'd better polish your
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résumé.
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Because you'll get fired.
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>> DIDI: Why would I get fired?
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>> RUSS: Because they'll call.
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And they'll know.
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I don't know.
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I... it made sense when my
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wife said it.
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I just need to see the doctor
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right now, okay?
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Hello?
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Didi... please?
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Oh, what am I, invisible now?
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>> DOCTOR: Who says you're
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invisible?
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I see you standing right there,
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Mr. Bowman.
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>> RUSS: Thank you, Doctor.
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(Didi sighs)
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>> LINA: Bye-bye, baby shit.
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(grunts)
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Hi.
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Whew.
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Lot of memories here.
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>> EMPLOYEE: Okay, you just have
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to estimate how much this stuff
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cost you.
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>> LINA: Um... my youth.
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Every time I cough, I pee a
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little.
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>> EMPLOYEE: I'll write down
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"$50."
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>> LINA: Can I ask you a
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question?
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Who gets this stuff?
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>> EMPLOYEE: Regular people.
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People who need it.
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>> LINA: Do you think that I
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could meet the person who gets
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my stuff?
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I'd love to put a face with a,
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you know...
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>> EMPLOYEE: Doesn't really work
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like that.
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(gasps)
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>> LINA: I think I'm gonna need
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a minute.
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>> SHEPARD: She'll be here soon.
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>> JESS: Well, how long do you
282
00:07:21,701 --> 00:07:22,700
have the studio?
283
00:07:22,702 --> 00:07:23,667
>> SHEPARD: I'm... By the hour.
284
00:07:23,669 --> 00:07:24,668
>> JESS (chuckling): Okay.
285
00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:25,669
>> SHEPARD: So whenever she gets
286
00:07:25,671 --> 00:07:26,704
here, we'll... That's when
287
00:07:26,706 --> 00:07:27,705
we'll go.
288
00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:28,506
(phone rings)
289
00:07:28,508 --> 00:07:29,673
Oh, hey, could be her.
290
00:07:29,675 --> 00:07:30,841
And it is.
291
00:07:30,843 --> 00:07:31,942
Hey.
292
00:07:31,944 --> 00:07:33,010
What's up?
293
00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:35,112
>> JESS: Sorry. (chuckles)
294
00:07:35,114 --> 00:07:37,715
Trust me, this is worth it.
295
00:07:37,717 --> 00:07:38,783
She's really hot.
296
00:07:38,785 --> 00:07:41,585
She has the talent of a much
297
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:42,620
uglier girl.
298
00:07:42,622 --> 00:07:44,555
>> SHEPARD: That's...
299
00:07:44,557 --> 00:07:45,723
Well, listen, that's your call.
300
00:07:45,725 --> 00:07:46,957
You-You do what you guys need.
301
00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:48,726
Uh-huh.
302
00:07:48,728 --> 00:07:51,529
"Oh, that's all right.
303
00:07:51,531 --> 00:07:52,530
So, you feel better?"
304
00:07:52,532 --> 00:07:53,464
She says, "No, 'cause I've been
throwing up.
305
00:07:53,466 --> 00:07:55,065
I've been throwing up for the
306
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:56,033
last couple of days."
307
00:07:56,035 --> 00:07:56,967
>> JESS: Uh-huh.
308
00:07:56,969 --> 00:07:58,068
>> SHEPARD: So I said, "Hey,
309
00:07:58,070 --> 00:07:59,103
what are you, pregnant?"
310
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:00,070
Guess what.
311
00:08:00,072 --> 00:08:01,105
>> JESS: No.
312
00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:02,139
She's pregnant?
313
00:08:02,141 --> 00:08:03,407
>> SHEPARD: She's pregnant.
314
00:08:03,409 --> 00:08:04,909
She and her boyfriend are gonna
315
00:08:04,911 --> 00:08:05,910
take the kid.
316
00:08:05,912 --> 00:08:06,877
They're gonna raise the kid
317
00:08:06,879 --> 00:08:07,912
in Iowa.
318
00:08:07,914 --> 00:08:08,979
So they're going to Iowa.
319
00:08:08,981 --> 00:08:10,047
>> JESS: That's gonna ruin her
320
00:08:10,049 --> 00:08:11,048
career.
321
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,383
>> SHEPARD: What do you want me
322
00:08:12,385 --> 00:08:13,117
to do? What do you... what?
323
00:08:13,119 --> 00:08:13,984
>> JESS: Oh, my God, you know
324
00:08:13,986 --> 00:08:14,785
what you need to do.
325
00:08:14,787 --> 00:08:15,653
>> SHEPARD: No, I don't.
326
00:08:15,655 --> 00:08:16,620
I don't know what I need to do.
327
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:17,621
>> JESS: Tell her to get rid of
328
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:18,722
it.
329
00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:19,890
>> SHEPARD: The baby.
330
00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:20,758
Get rid of the...
331
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:21,792
That's what I should tell her?
332
00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:22,927
>> JESS: Yeah, look at how happy
333
00:08:22,929 --> 00:08:23,661
you are.
334
00:08:23,663 --> 00:08:24,895
You love working with this girl.
335
00:08:24,897 --> 00:08:26,096
>> SHEPARD: I didn't love it.
336
00:08:26,098 --> 00:08:27,398
>> JESS: Yes, you did, and you
337
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:27,998
haven't... you...
338
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:28,833
>> SHEPARD: It was fun,
339
00:08:28,835 --> 00:08:29,633
it was fun.
340
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,135
>> JESS: Oh, my God, you haven't been
this happy since you left the label.
341
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:33,504
>> SHEPARD: All right, she's a
good singer; I was trying to
342
00:08:33,506 --> 00:08:34,004
help her out, but it's over.
343
00:08:34,006 --> 00:08:34,738
>> JESS: No.
344
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:35,573
>> SHEPARD: So that's okay.
345
00:08:35,575 --> 00:08:36,573
It's over.
346
00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:36,841
>> JESS: Don't just do that.
347
00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:37,775
>> SHEPARD: Now it's over.
348
00:08:37,777 --> 00:08:38,609
>> JESS: Tell her about
349
00:08:38,611 --> 00:08:39,844
Liz Phair's abortion.
350
00:08:39,846 --> 00:08:40,811
>> SHEPARD: I don't know what
351
00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:41,812
you're saying now.
352
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:42,847
>> JESS: Tell her that right
353
00:08:42,849 --> 00:08:43,848
before Liz Phair was, like,
354
00:08:43,850 --> 00:08:44,982
about to break out, she got
355
00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:46,183
pregnant, but then you talked
356
00:08:46,185 --> 00:08:48,452
about it, and you arranged for
357
00:08:48,454 --> 00:08:49,687
her to get an abortion, and then
358
00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:51,689
nine months later...
359
00:08:51,691 --> 00:08:52,823
(blows raspberry)
360
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:55,125
...you know, she's a hit instead
361
00:08:55,127 --> 00:08:56,760
of a mother. (chuckles)
362
00:08:56,762 --> 00:08:58,696
>> SHEPARD: That never happened.
363
00:08:58,698 --> 00:08:59,763
>> JESS: That-that... Just, PJ
364
00:08:59,765 --> 00:09:00,865
Harvey then, if that makes more
365
00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:01,765
sense to you.
366
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:02,633
>> SHEPARD: I never met PJ
367
00:09:02,635 --> 00:09:03,367
Harvey, none of...
368
00:09:03,369 --> 00:09:04,101
>> JESS: She probably doesn't
369
00:09:04,103 --> 00:09:05,035
even know who that is, either.
370
00:09:05,037 --> 00:09:05,803
She'll be embarrassed to ask.
371
00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:06,370
>> SHEPARD: Okay, what is wrong
with you?
372
00:09:06,372 --> 00:09:07,170
These-- this is crazy.
373
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,205
>> JESS: Nothing is wrong
with me.
374
00:09:08,207 --> 00:09:09,507
>> SHEPARD: There's nothing to
375
00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:10,441
say to her; she wants...
376
00:09:10,443 --> 00:09:11,375
It's her life.
377
00:09:11,377 --> 00:09:12,142
>> JESS: No, there is something
to say!
378
00:09:12,144 --> 00:09:13,544
>> SHEPARD: It's her life,
379
00:09:13,546 --> 00:09:14,244
so she...
380
00:09:14,246 --> 00:09:14,945
>> JESS: Tell her that having
381
00:09:14,947 --> 00:09:15,846
kids is gonna ruin her life.
382
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:16,814
>> SHEPARD: So our little baby
383
00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:17,514
boy is ruining your life?
384
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,650
>> JESS: No, he's not ruining
385
00:09:19,652 --> 00:09:20,784
my... You're ruining my life.
386
00:09:20,786 --> 00:09:21,852
>> SHEPARD: Okay.
387
00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:22,820
>> JESS: Don't do this.
388
00:09:22,822 --> 00:09:23,821
I know what you're thinking, and
389
00:09:23,823 --> 00:09:24,555
that's, you know...
390
00:09:24,557 --> 00:09:25,155
>> SHEPARD: Really?
391
00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:25,856
What am I thinking?
392
00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:26,857
>> JESS: You need to do it, do
393
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:27,558
your thing, fine.
394
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:28,492
>> SHEPARD: Can I just say, a
395
00:09:28,494 --> 00:09:29,727
lot of the shit that comes out
396
00:09:29,729 --> 00:09:30,995
of your mouth cannot go back in.
397
00:09:30,997 --> 00:09:32,062
>> JESS: You could just get on
398
00:09:32,064 --> 00:09:33,197
the phone and just, like, talk
399
00:09:33,199 --> 00:09:34,565
to her is all I'm saying.
400
00:09:34,567 --> 00:09:36,033
>> SHEPARD: You know what?
401
00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,067
>> JESS: You could just put in
402
00:09:37,069 --> 00:09:38,068
the effort and do that.
403
00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,036
>> SHEPARD: I'm gonna talk to
404
00:09:39,038 --> 00:09:40,037
her, okay.
405
00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:42,206
Try-try to not talk now.
406
00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:44,241
Do me that favor.
407
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,714
>> DOCTOR: Okay, let's see.
408
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,983
Mm-hmm.
409
00:09:52,985 --> 00:09:54,084
Well, the good news is, the
410
00:09:54,086 --> 00:09:55,219
incision healed nicely.
411
00:09:55,221 --> 00:09:56,253
Everything looks perfectly
412
00:09:56,255 --> 00:09:57,521
boring.
413
00:09:57,523 --> 00:09:58,522
>> RUSS: Boring?
414
00:09:58,524 --> 00:09:59,723
>> DOCTOR: Boring is good.
415
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:00,891
Boring is what you want.
416
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,960
Just one thing left to do.
417
00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:06,564
>> RUSS: Shots?
418
00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:07,831
>> DOCTOR: Semen.
419
00:10:07,833 --> 00:10:09,567
(groans)
420
00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:11,635
(indistinct conversations)
421
00:10:14,539 --> 00:10:16,006
>> RUSS: Hey, where do I go?
422
00:10:16,008 --> 00:10:19,043
I got to give this...
423
00:10:19,045 --> 00:10:20,077
>> FATHER: One-sixth of 12.
424
00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:21,111
>> DAUGHTER: Two.
425
00:10:21,113 --> 00:10:22,179
>> FATHER: Let's do two-fifths
426
00:10:22,181 --> 00:10:23,113
of 100.
427
00:10:23,115 --> 00:10:24,181
>> DAUGHTER: Uh...
428
00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:25,249
>> RUSS: Really? Right here?
429
00:10:25,251 --> 00:10:26,283
>> DIDI: Be sure to lock
430
00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:27,351
the door.
431
00:10:27,353 --> 00:10:28,285
>> FATHER: Are you asking me or
432
00:10:28,287 --> 00:10:29,053
are you telling me?
433
00:10:29,055 --> 00:10:29,853
>> DAUGHTER: 21.
434
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:30,621
>> FATHER: 21.
435
00:10:30,623 --> 00:10:31,689
Okay, one-sixth of 12.
436
00:10:31,691 --> 00:10:33,190
>> FATHER: Three-quarters of
437
00:10:33,192 --> 00:10:34,024
100.
438
00:10:34,026 --> 00:10:35,726
>> DAUGHTER: 75.
439
00:10:35,728 --> 00:10:36,927
(sighs)
440
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:38,963
(muffled conversations)
441
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,640
>> DAUGHTER: I divide the
442
00:10:49,642 --> 00:10:50,941
circumference by pi, right?
443
00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:51,942
>> FATHER: That's right.
444
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:53,043
>> DAUGHTER: But then how do I
445
00:10:53,045 --> 00:10:53,978
get the area?
446
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,079
>> FATHER: Okay, for the area,
447
00:10:55,081 --> 00:10:56,313
it's pi times 2R.
448
00:10:56,315 --> 00:10:57,648
See, we just multiply the
449
00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:58,649
diameter by pi.
450
00:10:58,651 --> 00:11:00,050
>> RUSS: That's wrong.
451
00:11:00,052 --> 00:11:01,652
>> FATHER: What about this here?
452
00:11:01,654 --> 00:11:02,820
A third of 15.
453
00:11:02,822 --> 00:11:03,554
>> DAUGHTER: Five.
454
00:11:03,556 --> 00:11:04,288
>> FATHER: Two-thirds of 30.
455
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:05,990
>> RUSS: Oh, the hell with this.
456
00:11:05,992 --> 00:11:07,291
It isn't gonna work.
457
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:08,559
>> FATHER: One-half of 20?
458
00:11:08,561 --> 00:11:10,060
>> DAUGHTER: Uh, ten.
459
00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:11,061
>> DIDI: You all set?
460
00:11:11,063 --> 00:11:12,296
>> RUSS: No, I haven't even
461
00:11:12,298 --> 00:11:13,297
started.
462
00:11:13,299 --> 00:11:14,732
I'm having a little trouble with
463
00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:15,733
the, well, the materials.
464
00:11:15,735 --> 00:11:18,002
>> DIDI: What kind of trouble?
465
00:11:18,004 --> 00:11:19,570
>> RUSS: It's just the
466
00:11:19,572 --> 00:11:20,671
magazines.
467
00:11:20,673 --> 00:11:23,941
They're soft-core.
468
00:11:23,943 --> 00:11:26,377
I just, I...
469
00:11:30,115 --> 00:11:31,849
It's my second favorite core.
470
00:11:31,851 --> 00:11:32,850
>> DIDI: Don't they have a DVD?
471
00:11:32,852 --> 00:11:35,686
>> RUSS: Yeah, it's lesbians.
472
00:11:35,688 --> 00:11:37,688
Lesbian porn just makes me feel
473
00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:38,956
like a third wheel, you know?
474
00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:40,024
It's like, what do they need me
475
00:11:40,026 --> 00:11:41,158
for?
476
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,359
I'm just gonna get in the way.
477
00:11:42,361 --> 00:11:44,261
If you have anything, you
478
00:11:44,263 --> 00:11:45,996
know, like, under the desk or in
479
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:47,631
a box or something, with dudes
480
00:11:47,633 --> 00:11:48,866
and chicks, that'd be awesome,
481
00:11:48,868 --> 00:11:50,334
but no gang bangs, okay?
482
00:11:50,336 --> 00:11:51,635
No threesomes.
483
00:11:51,637 --> 00:11:53,103
Nothing in a moving vehicle,
484
00:11:53,105 --> 00:11:54,104
okay?
485
00:11:54,106 --> 00:11:55,305
Because I get carsick.
486
00:11:55,307 --> 00:11:56,674
>> DIDI: Do you want to come
487
00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:57,875
back at another time and bring
488
00:11:57,877 --> 00:11:59,043
your own materials?
489
00:11:59,045 --> 00:12:00,844
>> RUSS: Oh.
490
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,780
All right, I got this.
491
00:12:02,782 --> 00:12:04,815
Excuse me, do you mind keeping
492
00:12:04,817 --> 00:12:05,849
it down, okay?
493
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:06,984
I just, I have a...
494
00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:08,352
I have a meeting in there, so...
495
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:09,687
>> FATHER: She has a test
496
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:10,688
tomorrow.
497
00:12:10,690 --> 00:12:11,188
>> RUSS: This is an
498
00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:11,989
important meeting.
499
00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:12,890
>> FATHER: Well, this is an
important test.
500
00:12:12,892 --> 00:12:14,324
>> RUSS: Maybe a little help,
501
00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:15,125
Didi?
502
00:12:15,127 --> 00:12:15,893
>> FATHER: Third of 15.
503
00:12:15,895 --> 00:12:17,695
>> DAUGHTER: Five.
504
00:12:17,697 --> 00:12:18,662
>> FATHER: One-half of ten.
505
00:12:18,664 --> 00:12:20,731
>> DAUGHTER: Five.
506
00:12:24,235 --> 00:12:25,302
(horn honking)
507
00:12:25,304 --> 00:12:27,304
(phone ringing)
508
00:12:32,077 --> 00:12:33,410
>> LINA: What's up?
509
00:12:33,412 --> 00:12:34,678
>> RUSS: Hey, I need your help.
510
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,013
>> LINA: They still wouldn't see
511
00:12:36,015 --> 00:12:37,047
you?
512
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:38,248
>> RUSS: No, I got in.
513
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,050
I just... I need you to take me
514
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,018
home.
515
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,019
>> LINA: What?
516
00:12:42,021 --> 00:12:43,153
>> RUSS: What are you wearing?
517
00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:44,254
>> LINA: Russ, no.
518
00:12:44,256 --> 00:12:45,355
I'm not having phone sex with
519
00:12:45,357 --> 00:12:46,356
you.
520
00:12:46,358 --> 00:12:47,758
I'm in a thrift store.
521
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,492
>> RUSS: Lina, seriously,
522
00:12:48,494 --> 00:12:49,326
come on.
523
00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:50,394
The porn here sucks, okay?
524
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:51,895
And there's some asshole in the
525
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:53,230
lobby doing homework with his
526
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:54,231
daughter.
527
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:55,733
>> LINA: This is so unfair.
528
00:12:55,735 --> 00:12:56,734
>> RUSS: I don't care.
529
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:58,035
I just... I need you to do
530
00:12:58,037 --> 00:12:59,036
something, okay?
531
00:12:59,038 --> 00:13:00,037
I did your script,
532
00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:01,038
now you do mine.
533
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,005
>> LINA: No, this is not
534
00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:02,840
a good time.
535
00:13:02,842 --> 00:13:04,007
I just handed over the bassinet.
536
00:13:04,009 --> 00:13:05,242
It's official.
537
00:13:05,244 --> 00:13:06,376
No more babies.
538
00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,078
Now I have to figure out
539
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,113
my life.
540
00:13:09,115 --> 00:13:10,180
I'm just, I can't.
541
00:13:10,182 --> 00:13:11,181
>> RUSS: Well, can we figure it
542
00:13:11,183 --> 00:13:12,282
out after I come?
543
00:13:12,284 --> 00:13:14,118
(sighs)
544
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,019
>> LINA: What do you want me
545
00:13:16,021 --> 00:13:16,954
to say?
546
00:13:16,956 --> 00:13:18,222
>> RUSS: Well, first change your
547
00:13:18,224 --> 00:13:19,389
attitude.
548
00:13:19,391 --> 00:13:21,125
>> LINA (softly): What do you
549
00:13:21,127 --> 00:13:22,192
want me to say?
550
00:13:22,194 --> 00:13:23,360
>> RUSS: There you go.
551
00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:25,562
I got my shorts off.
552
00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:27,131
You're naked.
553
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:29,032
I want you to tell me how I'm
554
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:30,234
gonna enter you.
555
00:13:30,236 --> 00:13:31,235
>> LINA: Regular.
556
00:13:31,237 --> 00:13:32,469
>> RUSS: No, wrong, okay?
557
00:13:32,471 --> 00:13:33,737
Today we do my positions.
558
00:13:33,739 --> 00:13:35,205
>> LINA: Oh, we're gonna be here
559
00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:36,306
all day.
560
00:13:36,308 --> 00:13:37,775
>> RUSS: Just... Start cowgirl,
561
00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:38,942
okay, and then reverse it.
562
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,110
>> LINA (weakly): Yee-haw.
563
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:41,779
>> RUSS: Lina, please, I'm in a
564
00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:42,913
room right off of a... lobby
565
00:13:42,915 --> 00:13:45,382
with people right on the other
566
00:13:45,384 --> 00:13:47,384
side.
567
00:13:47,386 --> 00:13:49,386
>> LINA: Okay, okay, fine.
568
00:13:49,388 --> 00:13:51,989
So, I push you down on the bed.
569
00:13:51,991 --> 00:13:53,056
>> RUSS: Okay, good.
570
00:13:53,058 --> 00:13:54,124
>> LINA: And then I climb up on
571
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:54,825
top of you...
572
00:13:54,827 --> 00:13:55,826
>> RUSS: Okay.
573
00:13:55,828 --> 00:13:57,060
>> LINA: ...and put you inside
574
00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:58,061
me.
575
00:13:58,063 --> 00:13:58,996
>> RUSS: Yeah, and my hands are
576
00:13:58,998 --> 00:13:59,797
all over your...
577
00:13:59,799 --> 00:14:00,430
>> LINA: Oh, yeah, you're
578
00:14:00,432 --> 00:14:01,165
grabbing my ass.
579
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:02,399
>> RUSS: ...tits, yeah.
580
00:14:02,401 --> 00:14:04,067
>> LINA: I mean my tits, yeah,
581
00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:05,068
that's right.
582
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:05,969
>> RUSS: Yeah, that's good.
583
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,271
>> LINA: Now I'm sitting on top
584
00:14:07,273 --> 00:14:08,238
of you and...
585
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,006
>> RUSS: That's good.
586
00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:10,073
>> LINA: Oh, you're so deep.
587
00:14:10,075 --> 00:14:11,141
>> RUSS: Yeah, put it inside.
588
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:11,909
>> LINA: Oh, my God.
589
00:14:11,911 --> 00:14:14,011
>> MAN: How much is this jacket?
590
00:14:14,013 --> 00:14:15,012
There's no sticker.
591
00:14:15,014 --> 00:14:15,846
>> LINA: Yeah, I don't work
592
00:14:15,848 --> 00:14:17,181
here, sorry, dude.
593
00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:19,116
>> RUSS: Who was that?
594
00:14:19,118 --> 00:14:20,317
>> LINA: You don't know him.
595
00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:21,518
Okay, where were we?
596
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,121
>> RUSS: Uh, you were riding me.
597
00:14:24,123 --> 00:14:25,856
>> LINA: Okay, right, so I'm
598
00:14:25,858 --> 00:14:27,291
riding you.
599
00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:29,193
I'm riding you so hard.
600
00:14:29,195 --> 00:14:30,160
>> RUSS: That's good, yeah.
601
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,161
>> LINA: It feels so good...
602
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:32,162
>> RUSS: Yeah, yeah, okay, good.
603
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:33,163
>> LINA: ...digging my
604
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:34,298
fingernails into your shoulders.
605
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:35,265
>> RUSS: Yeah, it feels good.
606
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:36,033
>> LINA: Yeah, it does?
607
00:14:36,035 --> 00:14:36,633
>> RUSS: Yeah.
608
00:14:36,635 --> 00:14:37,467
>> LINA: Yeah, you like that?
609
00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:38,468
>> RUSS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
610
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:39,970
>> LINA: Okay, so now you're,
611
00:14:39,972 --> 00:14:41,338
you're sliding in and out of me,
612
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:42,873
and-- oh, I'm so wet.
613
00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:43,974
>> RUSS: Yeah, it's kinda...
614
00:14:43,976 --> 00:14:44,875
And you put your finger
615
00:14:44,877 --> 00:14:45,843
in my butt.
616
00:14:45,845 --> 00:14:46,844
>> LINA: Okay, yeah, I'm gonna
617
00:14:46,846 --> 00:14:48,045
do that, too.
618
00:14:48,047 --> 00:14:49,179
Oh, yeah. Yeah, come, baby.
619
00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:50,013
Come on, that's right.
620
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:50,948
>> RUSS: I want to come
inside you.
621
00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:52,449
>> LINA: Okay, yeah.
622
00:14:52,451 --> 00:14:53,450
>> RUSS: Yeah, I'm gonna put
623
00:14:53,452 --> 00:14:54,451
another baby in you...
624
00:14:54,453 --> 00:14:55,485
>> LINA: No, you're not.
625
00:14:55,487 --> 00:14:56,486
Russ, no!
626
00:14:56,488 --> 00:14:57,521
>> RUSS: Yeah, I'm gonna make a
627
00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:58,488
baby.
628
00:14:58,490 --> 00:14:59,523
>> LINA: Russ, knock it off!
629
00:14:59,525 --> 00:15:00,490
>> RUSS: That's it!
630
00:15:00,492 --> 00:15:01,491
Aw, you're gonna be so pregnant!
631
00:15:01,493 --> 00:15:03,160
>> LINA: You're being weird.
632
00:15:03,162 --> 00:15:04,862
>> RUSS: Aw! Lina, come on!
633
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:05,863
>> LINA: You come on!
634
00:15:05,865 --> 00:15:06,864
We're not doing that anymore.
635
00:15:06,866 --> 00:15:07,865
It's weird.
636
00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:08,832
>> RUSS: Why can't I just
637
00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:09,867
pretend?
638
00:15:09,869 --> 00:15:11,001
>> LINA: I don't want to.
639
00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:12,236
>> RUSS: I just need to feel
640
00:15:12,238 --> 00:15:14,838
like I'm still...
641
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,874
dangerous.
642
00:15:16,876 --> 00:15:18,942
Or something.
643
00:15:21,846 --> 00:15:24,414
(Russ sighs)
644
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:27,384
>> LINA: I get it.
645
00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:29,319
Okay.
646
00:15:29,321 --> 00:15:31,855
Okay, so, so I'm riding you.
647
00:15:31,857 --> 00:15:33,357
>> RUSS: Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna
648
00:15:33,359 --> 00:15:34,358
put a baby in you. Yeah.
649
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,359
>> LINA: Yeah, you are, yes.
650
00:15:35,361 --> 00:15:36,326
Baby, I want you to come
651
00:15:36,328 --> 00:15:37,261
inside me.
652
00:15:37,263 --> 00:15:38,228
I want you to, I want you to
653
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,196
shoot it up inside me.
654
00:15:39,198 --> 00:15:40,330
>> RUSS: Uh-huh, I'm gonna shoot
655
00:15:40,332 --> 00:15:41,164
it so deep.
656
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:42,366
>> LINA: You're gonna make me so
657
00:15:42,368 --> 00:15:43,200
pregnant-- oh, my God!
658
00:15:43,202 --> 00:15:44,100
It's starting to hurt!
659
00:15:44,102 --> 00:15:45,102
>> RUSS: I'm gonna make you so
pregnant! That's it.
660
00:15:45,104 --> 00:15:45,769
>> LINA: I want you to make me
661
00:15:45,771 --> 00:15:46,436
so pregnant.
662
00:15:46,438 --> 00:15:47,371
Can you do that for me?
663
00:15:47,373 --> 00:15:48,372
Can you? Can you?
664
00:15:48,374 --> 00:15:49,339
Can you put a baby in me?
665
00:15:49,341 --> 00:15:50,340
>> RUSS: Yeah, I'm gonna put a
666
00:15:50,342 --> 00:15:51,108
baby in you.
667
00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:52,075
>> LINA: Do it! Come inside me.
668
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:53,110
I want you to make a baby.
669
00:15:53,112 --> 00:15:54,111
That's right, yeah.
670
00:15:54,113 --> 00:15:55,078
Get me pregnant, come on.
671
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,179
Come on, get me so pregnant.
672
00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:57,347
Oh, God, yeah!
673
00:15:57,349 --> 00:15:58,382
>> RUSS: Yeah, keep going.
674
00:15:58,384 --> 00:15:59,082
Don't stop.
675
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,083
>> LINA: Shoot all over my eggs,
676
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,084
come on!
677
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,052
>> RUSS: Yeah, I'm gonna shoot
678
00:16:02,054 --> 00:16:03,020
on your eggs.
679
00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:04,021
Oh, my cum's going on your eggs!
680
00:16:04,023 --> 00:16:05,088
>> LINA: Okay? You make me
681
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,089
pregnant? Will you knock me up?
682
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,090
>> RUSS: I'm gonna make you
683
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,058
pregnant!
684
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:09,393
I'm gonna make you pregnant! Oh!
685
00:16:09,395 --> 00:16:10,861
>> LINA: Make a baby, yeah!
686
00:16:10,863 --> 00:16:12,429
>> RUSS: Oh!
687
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:14,298
Okay.
688
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:16,366
(Russ moaning)
689
00:16:16,368 --> 00:16:17,968
Oh, wow.
690
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:18,936
>> LINA: Please tell me you got
691
00:16:18,938 --> 00:16:19,970
it in the cup.
692
00:16:19,972 --> 00:16:21,071
>> RUSS: I think I did.
693
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,407
I think most of it.
694
00:16:23,409 --> 00:16:24,408
Oh, my God.
695
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:25,409
>> FATHER: The area is pi times
696
00:16:25,411 --> 00:16:26,310
2R.
697
00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:28,478
>> RUSS: Okay.
698
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,981
All right, I'll see you at home.
699
00:16:30,983 --> 00:16:32,282
>> LINA: We need waffles.
700
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,351
>> RUSS: Okay.
701
00:16:35,987 --> 00:16:36,987
>> DAUGHTER: Diameter...
702
00:16:36,989 --> 00:16:38,055
>> FATHER: Mm-hmm.
703
00:16:38,057 --> 00:16:39,323
>> DAUGHTER: ...is pi, right?
704
00:16:39,325 --> 00:16:40,590
>> FATHER: Yeah, that's right.
705
00:16:40,592 --> 00:16:41,925
>> DAUGHTER: Could you remind me
706
00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:43,593
how to get the area?
707
00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:45,095
>> RUSS: Might be a little
708
00:16:45,097 --> 00:16:46,129
spicy.
709
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,998
I had chorizo for lunch.
710
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,666
Oh, and by the way, the area of
711
00:16:49,668 --> 00:16:52,169
a circle is pi-R-squared.
712
00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:54,738
Duh.
713
00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:57,674
>> FATHER: The R, that's the R.
714
00:16:57,676 --> 00:16:59,810
>> DAUGHTER: Oh.
715
00:17:08,953 --> 00:17:11,288
>> LINA: You bought my bassinet.
716
00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:13,290
>> WOMAN: Who?
717
00:17:13,292 --> 00:17:15,158
>> LINA: That's my bassinet.
718
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,660
Well, I just donated it,
719
00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:19,329
literally I just donated it.
720
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:20,364
I hope your baby's as happy in
721
00:17:20,366 --> 00:17:22,332
there as-as my girls were.
722
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:23,333
>> WOMAN: Oh, yeah, I would
723
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:24,334
never put a baby in this piece
724
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,369
of shit.
725
00:17:25,371 --> 00:17:26,370
It's for my ferret.
726
00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:27,371
Actually can you mind holding
727
00:17:27,373 --> 00:17:29,172
him while I light my cigarette?
728
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,507
It's really more of a coffin to
729
00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:31,775
bury him in.
730
00:17:31,777 --> 00:17:34,378
'Cause he has cancer.
731
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,013
So, you say it's called a-a
732
00:17:36,015 --> 00:17:38,048
bassinet?
733
00:17:45,656 --> 00:17:47,057
(water splashing)
734
00:17:47,059 --> 00:17:48,058
(Harrison cooing)
735
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:49,059
>> JESS: Ooh, make little
736
00:17:49,061 --> 00:17:50,027
splashes?
737
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:51,061
(dinging nearby)
738
00:17:51,063 --> 00:17:52,029
There's too much splashing in
739
00:17:52,031 --> 00:17:52,996
the bath.
740
00:17:52,998 --> 00:17:54,631
And too many bubbles for one
741
00:17:54,633 --> 00:17:57,300
little baby.
742
00:17:57,302 --> 00:17:58,468
>> SHEPARD: Hey.
743
00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:00,070
>> JESS: Hi.
744
00:18:00,072 --> 00:18:01,171
How'd it go with Tammy?
745
00:18:01,173 --> 00:18:02,072
>> SHEPARD: She's on her way to
746
00:18:02,074 --> 00:18:03,140
Davenport.
747
00:18:03,142 --> 00:18:04,174
>> JESS: Is that the name of a
748
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,242
clinic?
749
00:18:05,244 --> 00:18:06,309
>> SHEPARD: No.
750
00:18:06,311 --> 00:18:08,345
It's a place in Iowa.
751
00:18:08,347 --> 00:18:09,379
>> JESS: Aw. Your daddy's a good
752
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:11,148
man.
753
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,315
But he didn't want our meal
754
00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:14,551
ticket to get an abortion.
755
00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:16,053
Isn't that right, Daddy?
756
00:18:16,055 --> 00:18:17,187
>> SHEPARD: Stop.
757
00:18:17,189 --> 00:18:18,355
>> JESS: What?
758
00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:20,190
That's what happened.
759
00:18:20,192 --> 00:18:22,559
>> SHEPARD: What, are you mad?
760
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:24,161
>> JESS: You can't make people
761
00:18:24,163 --> 00:18:25,195
do things that they don't want
762
00:18:25,197 --> 00:18:26,596
to do, right?
763
00:18:26,598 --> 00:18:28,098
>> SHEPARD: And I really don't
764
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,200
want to be managing some kid.
765
00:18:30,202 --> 00:18:32,269
I don't.
766
00:18:32,271 --> 00:18:35,005
Hi.
767
00:18:35,007 --> 00:18:36,273
Hi!
768
00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:38,175
Hey.
769
00:18:38,177 --> 00:18:40,010
Want to watch a movie tonight?
770
00:18:40,012 --> 00:18:41,611
>> JESS: Uh, you know, I can't.
771
00:18:41,613 --> 00:18:43,080
I'm gonna go to the office.
772
00:18:43,082 --> 00:18:45,715
But, um, take a rain check.
773
00:18:45,717 --> 00:18:47,951
>> HARRISON: Okay...
774
00:18:47,953 --> 00:18:49,619
(Harrison giggles)
775
00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:51,621
(Harrison coos)
776
00:18:51,623 --> 00:18:55,258
(Shepard sighs)
777
00:18:59,797 --> 00:19:01,631
>> RUSS: Hey.
778
00:19:01,633 --> 00:19:02,632
>> LINA: Hmm?
779
00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:03,700
>> RUSS: Do you want to have
780
00:19:03,702 --> 00:19:05,035
a date?
781
00:19:05,037 --> 00:19:06,436
>> LINA: Mm...
782
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:09,306
I'm not taking my shirt off.
783
00:19:09,308 --> 00:19:10,373
>> RUSS: That's okay.
784
00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:11,374
But can we talk about the
785
00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:12,409
pregnant stuff again?
786
00:19:12,411 --> 00:19:13,543
>> LINA: No chance.
787
00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:14,711
>> RUSS: Come on.
788
00:19:14,713 --> 00:19:16,379
>> LINA: No.
789
00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:17,380
>> RUSS: Well, then, can we
790
00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:18,648
pretend that I'm a cashier at
791
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,550
Ralphs and you're, um,
792
00:19:20,552 --> 00:19:22,419
returning some old lettuce?
793
00:19:22,421 --> 00:19:24,154
(Lina laughs)
794
00:19:24,156 --> 00:19:26,656
>> LINA: Oh, look at this
795
00:19:26,658 --> 00:19:28,492
lettuce.
796
00:19:28,494 --> 00:19:30,127
>> RUSS: Ah...
797
00:19:30,129 --> 00:19:31,561
>> LINA: It's so wilted.
798
00:19:31,563 --> 00:19:33,230
>> RUSS: Yes, yes! It is.
799
00:19:33,232 --> 00:19:34,231
>> LINA (laughing): You're so
800
00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:36,299
weird!
801
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,871
¶ ¶
802
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,521
>> MAN: Hey.
803
00:19:57,523 --> 00:20:00,357
>> JESS: Hey.
804
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,526
>> MAN: Can I sit with you?
805
00:20:02,528 --> 00:20:04,427
(Jess laughs)
806
00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:06,496
>> JESS: Sure.
807
00:20:11,469 --> 00:20:13,470
>> MAN: Are you alone?
808
00:20:13,472 --> 00:20:16,306
>> JESS: Uh...
49860
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