All language subtitles for Gavin.and.Stacey.S02E06.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-CF_track3_[eng]

Look, are you taking me
in the morning

or are you going down
with them lot
in the afternoon?

-Don't be like that.
-It's all right, Gav.

-It's just the way it is now.
-What is?

Us.

This is Dave.
Do you know Dave?

I don't, no. Hello, mate.
Smithy. All right?

All right, who's this Dave?
What's going
on with him and her.

Smithy, are you jealous?

(CHUCKLES)
No! Feel for the bloke.

Hello, Jason.

Well,
you could have warned me!

He's my brother,
he should be here.

I can hear them whispering.

Four times I've heard
the words "fishing trip".

I feel like I'm all on my own.

-What?
-I'm really lonely.

I don't want
to live there any more.

I'm moving back home.

Hiya. All right?

Yeah, how are you?

Fine. I'm good.

-You?
-Yeah, thanks.

-So, what...
-So, when do you...

-Sorry.
-No, go on.

I just wondered
what you're doing.

Well, I'm at work, aren't I?

Oh, right. Yeah.

Thanks for sending
those clothes.

No worries.

I was just about
to run out of pants.

-So I'll call you later, then.
-Yeah.

-Promise?
-Yeah.

-I love you.
-I love you.

For goodness' sake,
nobody is even gonna see that,

there's a bloody
great big bush out there.

Do you care that
they are putting a phone mast

just 68 feet from
your back garden?

Do you even care
about the fact
that we're all gonna die?

Well, we are all
gonna die eventually.

Yeah, not of brain cancer
and tumour brains,

brain tumours,
'cause that's
what will happen.

I never had you down
as an activist.

Someone's
got to do something, Mick.

Big Fat Sue's
on the case already,

'cause her conservatory
overlooks the field.

So as soon
as she sees anyone arrive,

we're all gonna rush over
and sit on the site
in a silent protest.

And how's
she gonna let you all know?

She is gonna text everyone.

But some people
haven't got a good signal

and they've got to go round
the back of the house
to use their mobiles.

Yeah, shame that.
A lot of bad signal
round here.

We are the lucky ones

because Roy and Catherine
can only get reception
in the bathroom!

Ridiculous.

What's with
all them signs
in the window?

Oh, come here
my little prince.

-It's your mother
and her campaign.
-Are you all right?

Are you back for lunch?

No, I'm meeting
Smithy at the pub.

-I forgot my wallet.
-Oh, that's nice.

-Have you spoken
to Stacey today?
-Yeah.

-How is she, all right?
-Yeah. Right.
See you later.

-Bye!
-See ya.

-I don't like
seeing him like that.
-I know.

Mick, ring Gwen.

-Pam...
-Just to check
she's all right.

Just to check
she hasn't gone 'cause
we've pushed her out.

No, it's not.

I want to know
what's going on.

He doesn't tell us anything!

It's nice having
you both around.

I wish we were
all under the same roof.

Stacey's at Bryn's,
you're on an airbed.

And there's us thinking
when Dad died

you'd be clattering
around on your own.

(CHUCKLES) No chance!

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

See? It doesn't stop.

-Hello?
-Hi, it's Mick.
Is your mum there?

(WHISPERS)
Oh, my God, it's Stacey!
Hang up! Just hang up!

Hang on!

Hello, Jason, sorry,
yeah, look,
how are you?

Thanks. Yeah.

Hello, Gwen,
yeah, it's Mick.

Oh, hiya, Mick. How's things?

Well, we're all right,
you know?

We're just
a bit worried about
the kids.

Oh, I know. How's Gavin?

He's gone into his shell.
I've never seen him like
it before.

-(WHISPERS)
Has she lost any weight?
-What?

Has she lost any weight?

-Has she lost weight, Stacey?
-Well, no.

If anything,
she's eating too much,

-but I think
that's the boredom.
-What did she say?

-What?
-(WHISPERS)
She's stuffing her face.

Hello? Mick?

(WHISPERS)
Has she mentioned us?

-Yeah, yeah.
-Is Gavin coming down?

-What?
-I didn't say anything, Gwen.

Hang on.

-Look, why don't
you talk to her?
-No! I'm not here!

How's Pam bearing up?
Is she all right?

Well, you know,
she's obviously
very worried.

I mean,
it's all she can think about,
to tell you the truth.

-(MOBILE PHONE BEEPS)
-(VIBRATING)

Yeah, yeah.

Mick, get off the phone!
They're here!

It's Sue.
The bastards are here!

-Hey?
-All right,
where's my fleece?

-Grab that banner.
-Gwen, I'm gonna have to go,

send our love to Stacey.

Mick! Will you get
off the phone?

Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye.

-(MOBILE BEEPS)
-For goodness' sake,
that was really rude, Pam.

Oh, false alarm. False alarm.

It's just someone
come to read the meter.

(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

-All right?
-19 quid
I've put in here.

I've only been
in the feature twice.

Yeah, well,
maybe it's time to walk away.

Then I've really lost
the money, haven't I?

Come on, I've only got an hour
and I've got to eat something.

Hang on. I've got four nudges.

Absolute joke.

Brian, is this machine
taking a piss?

-Shut up, Smithy, you tosser.
-(CHUCKLING)

I love that guy!

-Just no pretence with him.
-Yeah, he's lovely.

Right.

That's gone off.

This is Gavlar time.

-Lay it on me.
-Well, there's
nothing really to say.

She's down there,
I'm up here.

-It's not over, just...
-Not a marriage any more.

-She's still my wife!
-On paper.

Thanks, Smithy.
This is really cheering me up!

Hey, I'm no Jeremy Kyle,
but I've known heartache,

I know what it's like
to lose the one you love.

-I haven't lost her.
-And what did I do?

I got by with a little help
from my friends. All right?

You need a night out.
The boys are all in.

-No, I just don't fancy it.
-Two words.

-Foam. Party. Why?
-No. Where?

-Ritzy's. What!
-Definitely not.

But you used to love the foam!

We even drove to Visage once,
which is over an hour away,

just 'cause you loved
the foam so much!

That was eight years ago!
I don't understand
why you still like it?

-You know why.
-What, so you
can touch up girls

-and they
don't know who it is?
-Exactly.

-Yes, please.
-Can I just get
the fish and chips?

Uh, and I'll have
a tuna baguette,

but with onion rings
instead of fries.

-Okay.
-Hang on a minute,
wait, whoa.

Um...

Yours comes
with onion rings anyway,

-so give his chips to me.
-What?

Put his chips on my plate,
and just leave him
with the onion rings.

So you want fish and chips,
and chips?

Yeah. But two actual portions.

Don't just put a couple
of chips on the top
'cause I'll know.

I want two full portions.

-Right.
-Look, it's simple, right?

Basically, plate it up

as you would, with a baguette,

the onion rings,
the chips, right?

And then just
before you come out,

put his chips
on my plate, got it?

-Yeah.
-Great.

-What?
-Sometimes I think
if we met now,

-we would never be friends.
-(CHUCKLES)

(TELEVISION PLAYING)

-(DOOR BANGING)
-Ah. Good morning!

Or should
I say good afternoon?

-Hiya!
-I didn't want
to wake you this morning.

You looked very peaceful.

-Did you sleep all right?
-Yeah, it was fine.

It's just every
night since
you've been staying,

I go up to my bed
wracked with guilt

that you're down here on that!

It's fine. Honest.

I got the telly,
it's quite comfy really.

Well, you know
where the bed is
if you want to swap.

Now I'm not being funny,

and it is no odds to me,

but are you
at any point today
planning to get dressed?

Oh, you're just as bad as Pam,
you are.

Hey, hey, hey!
I'm only asking!

I mean,
as far as I'm concerned,

you can stay
there as long as you like.

I just think
it might do you good

to have a little wash,
that's all.

Clean body, clean mind,
as my drama teacher
used to say.

I'm sorry.

I will get up now.

(TELEVISION PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

How are you doing really?
On the inside.

-I'm fine.
-Deep down.

-I'm fine.
-In here.

I'm okay. Really, I am.

Are you missing him?

'Cause I know that I am.

Every single day.

I don't want to talk
about it, to be honest.

Right, you need
something to occupy
your mind.

Now, have you
been online yet today?

'Cause there's
a cracking new website.

It's called the YouTube.

And you can watch
all manner of thing
on there,

some of it quite cheeky.

The other night,
for example,

I watched three episodes
of Desperate Housewives,

season one, back-to-back!

I mean,
I've got the box set,
of course I have,

but I dunno,
I think there's
something magical

about watching it live.

Now, have you seen
your mother today?

Yes, she called by with Jase.

They're going
to see Nessa in work.

Oh, is that the arcade?

No, in town.
She's performing today.

Tidy.

Hiya, Ness.

All right, Gwen? Jase?
How's it going?

-Good, thanks.
-How long have you been here?

-What time is it?
-Uh, 1:20.

Three hours and 20 minutes.

Oh, well,
are you stopping for lunch?

Oh, Gwen, I'm not being funny,

but stick
some money in the hat

and I can talk
to you proper then, like.

Yes! Of course.

Shake it.

Cracking.
So, what's occurring?

Oh! I'm on a break,
all right?

Don't take the piss!

(SIGHS) Jase,
when you back on the road?

Couple of days.
It's been great being
home, though.

I didn't realise how much
I missed the place.

I know, it does that to you,
Barry does.

Gets under your skin.

No matter how far away you go,
it'll always pull you back.

Look at Stace.

How's she doing?

(SIGHS)
She's not too good.

The thing is she
don't want to talk about it,

but she won't talk
about nothing else either.

I'm taking her
to the bingo tonight.
Do you fancy coming?

-Can I bring Dave?
-Yeah.

Oh, you two
are quite an item now,
aren't you?

I know, we're enjoying
each other's company,

Gwen,
I'm not gonna lie to you.

He's a genuine bloke.
Simple as.

And while I remember...

Happy belated birthday.

Just a little something
from the both of us.

-Oh, thanks, Ness!
-No worries.

I owed it you anyway
for that Chinese,

so it's not really a present.

But times are hard
and I got a baby on the way.

-Well, it's the thought
that counts.
-I know.

Okay, well,
we'll see you later.

Unless you fancy
joining us for lunch?

-Yeah, we thinking
of going to Munchies.
-My treat.

No. I gotta get back to work.

Right, well,
we'll see you later, then.

-Great. See you then.
-Bye!

♪ Imagine there's no heaven

♪ It's easy if you try

♪ No hell below us

♪ Above us only sky ♪

Gavin! Gav! Over here!

-What's going on?
-Did you get my note?

-Yeah,
is everything all right?
-Yeah! Do you fancy a burger?

-The onions will
be a couple of minutes.
-Mum, I was worried!

-Why?
-Hey, look, it's Pete's fault!

'Cause the note says,
"Gavin, come to the hill
immediately.

"I'm with your father.
It's urgent.

"Come here urgently."

They are on their way.

The mast.

Yeah,
but I thought something had...

-Smithy,
what are you doing here?
-Gavlar!

Pete, this burger is a dream.

See?
He's not missing the onions.

-Yeah, yeah.
-I had a text off Big Fat Sue.

Shh! Don't call her that!

Her name's Sus-an.

But you always
call her Big Fat Sue!

Not to her face.

Everything all right?

Yes, thank you, Susan.

-See?
-Hi, Gav!

Can I get you
a drink or anything?

We're going out.
What time
are we meeting them?

Have one, go back to yours,
get changed, go out. Yeah?

-Okay, I'll have a beer,
thanks.
-Yeah?

Sue? Big Fat Sue?

Can we get Gavin a beer?

Dawn! Don't call her that!

Why? Everyone else does.
She loves it.

I always call her Susan.

Yeah, but it's like
we call Japanese Margaret
"Japanese Margaret".

That's because
there's two Margarets,

we do it to differentiate.

-You all right, son?
-Yeah.

Dad, what's going on?
I thought this was meant
to be a silent protest.

Yeah, I know,
I've been through it all
with your mother,

but if you can't beat 'em...

Every single one
of them sausages has gone.
Did you try one, Gav?

-No, I didn't. No.
-Will you stop going on
about those bloody sausages?

Yes, they're organic.

Yes, the butcher made
them with his own hands.

And yes, you can really
taste the tarragon,

but could you
be any more boring?

Why do you always
get like this after
a couple of drinks?

-Dawn, they were a triumph!
-You're an embarrassment!

Oh, I'm an embarrassment?
I'm an embarrassment.

Take a look in the mirror,
you pre-op!

PAM: Oh, Dawn,
there's no need for that!

Come on, you too.

Mum, aren't these the guys?

-Right. Positions, everyone!
-Shh! Come on! Shh!

-What you wearing tonight?
-Shhh!

-That it?
-It's just a sign, Mum.

All this for a sign?

Right! Bloody hell, Pam!

(CHEERING)

-Well, that showed them, Pam!
-Up the revolution!

(LAUGHING)

Mmm.

I never get
tired of these omelettes,
Gwen.

That's good,
'cause sometimes
I feel like

it's the only thing
I ever cook!

Mum? Have you seen my...
Phone?

Uncle Bryn.

Jason.

By the telly, love.

-Oh, that's a nice shirt.
-Oh, thanks.

Is it Rocha. John Rocha?

Yes.

Are you sure
you don't want
anything to eat?

No, I'm fine,
I'll get something down there.

Right, well,
I'd better get changed.

-Girls?
-Yeah?

-Dave will
be here in a minute!
-Oh, whoa!

Dave? Dave?

No one mentioned
Dave was coming.

Yeah. He's giving us a lift.

(SIGHS)

-Ohh.
-What's the matter?

You're letting him in, Gwen.

He is getting his
feet under the table,
that one.

Oh, Bryn.

Do you know,
sometimes
I cannot work you out!

Jason, I need to talk to you.

-What's wrong?
-Oh, God.

-Uncle Bryn?
-It's about Dave.

-Nessa's Dave? Dave Coaches?
-Yes.

-What?
-He knows.

-What? How?
-He knows everything.

-I told him.
-Bryn!

-I'm sorry.
-Why?

I was on the island.

Alone.

I was playing crazy golf.
It was raining.

I only stayed out
there 'cause
the rain covered my tears.

When was this?

Six months after...

I'd just finished the last
hole, the one with the bridge
and the little windmill.

I was heading back
to the kiosk.

Dave worked there
in those days,
he could see I was upset.

All he did was ask me
what was wrong
and I told him!

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, boy, did I tell him,
every damn thing.

-What? Even about...
-Yes! Everything!

And now
he's back in our lives,

sitting in our house,
eating our food,

drinking our squash,

taking us to bingo
in his bus,

and I am freaking out!
I can't take it any more!

I feel sick!

Bryn!
Pull yourself together, man!

-(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-Now, listen.

-Do you think he's told Ness?
-No.

-Anyone?
-No.

-Are you sure?
-Yes.

He was sickened
by the whole thing.

Right. Right.

Well, I tell you
what we're gonna do.

We're gonna do nothing.

'Cause what happened out there

-was perfectly legal
in this country.
-Yes.

So we're just gonna
have to hope and pray

that Dave is as good
as his word

-and keeps it to himself.
-(CAR HONKING)

Right.

Come on.

It'll be fine.

Jason?

Do you ever think about it?

-Hey, gorgeous.
-Dave.

-Ah!
-Did you miss me?

-Always.
-Good boy.

-All right, Gwen?
-Hiya, Dave.

Stace, you're looking nice.
How's it going?

-Oh, you know.
-Hi, Jason, all right?

Yeah, good, thanks.

Bryn! What a treat!

I didn't expect to see you,
well, both of you, like,

together,
on the same trip, like.

Everything
patched up then, is it?

Yeah, yeah, everything's fine.

Right,
welcome to Dave's Coaches.

Dave's the name,
bingo's the game,

so sit back, everybody,
and enjoy the ride.

Eh, Ness?

What's Gavin up to tonight?

-I dunno. I think he's going
out with Smithy and the boys.
-(ENGINE STARTS)

Oh, there we are, then.

(SCREAMING LOUDLY)

ALL: Whey-hey!
(LAUGHING)

But wait! Wait! Wait!

(SMITHY LAUGHING)

Wait, wait, what's it say?

-"Back from the dead"?
-ALL: Yeah.

-Was this your idea?
-Yes!

-Well, it's not very funny.
-It's just a joke.

What, so my marriage
is a joke now, is it?

Oh, don't...
It's just a bit of fun!

Well, it's not funny.

Deano,
you weren't even at the stag!

-I know.
-Where'd you get the T-shirt?

I got it made.

Right, well,
take them off, all of them.

-What?
-Seriously, it's not funny.
Take them off.

Told you, Smithy.

Dickhead.

Sorry, Gav.

Someone order a Chinese?

Not now, Alan.

Take the T-shirt off.

-But I haven't got anything
else to wear.
-Take it off!

Do you know,
I've not been here
for years.

I love a bit of bingo, me.

Do they play bingo in Spain?

Yeah, I think so.
They've got a version of it,
I don't know what it's called.

Bingo.

Yeah, but what
I'm saying is...

No. It's called "Bingo".

The Spanish
as a nation really enjoy it.

I mean their game differs,

in that the numbers are pushed
through the card

rather than crossed
off with a pen.

Other than that,
it's exactly the same.

Isn't that right, Stace?

-Yeah, we cross them.
-They push them
through!

All right here then, are we?

Yeah, it's as good a place
as any to set up camp.

I mean, base.
I wasn't, you know...

All right, Bryn?

All right there, Dai?

Out with
the family tonight, is it?

Well, and Dave.
Do you know David?

Oh, he's part
of the family now,
Bryn, come on!

Actually, he's not, Gwen.

All right, Dai?
How's it going?

Dave. Dave Coaches, Dave!

I don't know you,
but you know my wife, Maria.
From the clinic.

I'd send her your love,
but we all know
where that gets you.

Right,
let's get this show
on the road.

I mean, technically,
Nessa's not family either.

But I'm happy
to let that one go.

What is the matter
with you tonight, Bryn?

It's yours and mine, 69.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

So the ball comes in,

shook him off,
brought it down,

and twat,
right in the stanchion.

-I wish I'd been there.
-Yeah, where was ya?

I was on the phone
to Stacey for about
three hours, wasn't I?

Oh, mate. What's the latest?

Hey!
You told him about your goal?

-Sounds incredible.
-Unbelievable, Gav.

He's chested it down,
shook him off, rifled it,
and bang!

Right in the stanchion.

-Have you seen Chinese?
-What?

He didn't have another shirt.

Or a coat.
So he's wearing a bin bag.

It's the funniest thing
I've ever seen in my life!

-Really?
-Yeah.

The bouncer's
saying it's not
proper clothing,

and he's saying it is,
and he's standing out there
wearing a bin bag!

People are walking past,

just looking at him
wearing a bin bag!

Someone said, "Chinese,
you're wearing a bin bag!"

Funniest thing I've
ever seen in my life!

Have you told him
about your goal?

DJ: Only half an hour to go
before we unleash the foam!

(ALL CHEERING)

BINGO ANNOUNCER:
Danny La Rue, 62.

Red raw, 64.

Down on your knees, 43.

Two and five, 25.

Cheers.

Oh, Stace,
I'm not being funny

but that's the fifth
time in the last 20 minutes.

-What?
-Checking your phone.

If you wanna talk to him,
talk to him,
if you don't, don't.

-But cut the dicking around,
you're married.
-I'm not dicking around, Ness.

I just don't know
if I can ring him!

Like, am I allowed?

Does he want to talk to me?

I just feel so separate.

That's what happens
when you separate.

It's like
I got this lovely man,

we live in a lovely house,
with a lovely family.

And if that doesn't
make me happy, what will?

-You haven't got your own car.
-Mmm.

This reminds me very
much of my time with John.

Prescott.

I had the lot.

Flat in Westminster,
full use of one of the Jags,

didn't even have to cook,
had a little Filipino
do it for us.

And a crackin' social life.

Many a night we'd have
Dave Blunkett and
his bitch round for dinner.

But I remember
so clearly thinking
this was not the life for me.

And I turned
to them and I said,

"I don't see the point."

Dave said neither did he.
He could be very dry.

I left that night
and I never looked back,

'cause I knew
I'd only ever
be happy in Barry.

How did John take it?

(SIGHS) He took it bad.

He went mad, he did,
shouting and fighting.

Next day
he punched a civilian.

When I saw it on the telly
I knew that punch
was meant for me.

(SIGHS)
I just miss him so much.

I just miss her so much.

Is there no way you
could just go
and live down there?

Dunno. I mean,
what would I do for work?

-Mining?
-I'd never move to Wales.

-Why?
-I don't like the accent.

Budgie,
I was just saying to Smithy,

-and he said the same back,
I can't wait for the foam.
-Yeah?

Come on,
you bunch of pricks!

The foam's coming,
the foam's coming!

-Smithy, I can't wait!
-Nor can I!

DJ: It's the final countdown!

ALL: Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five, four,

three, two, one...

(CHEERING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(INAUDIBLE)

(MOBILE RINGING)

-Gav?
-Stace? Hello?

Gav? Gav, I can't hear you!

-Stacey?
-Wait there!

-Stace?
-Can you hear me?

Stace,
I miss you so much!

Oh, me, too!

This is ridiculous!

I know, I've gotta see you.

-I hate this!
-When can I see you?

I dunno. Whenever you like!

I love you, Stacey.

I love you, baby.

We're gonna be all right,
aren't we?

Of course we are!

Of course we are!