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1
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,880
Babe! Where are you?
2
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,000
-You just walked off!
-STACEY: I know.
3
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,320
But there was this woman
next to me in a veil,
fiddling with her shoe
4
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,920
and I thought,
"Oh, my God, terrorist!"
5
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,320
Oh, right. So you were
just gonna leave me here
to get bombed.
6
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,840
I know. And I do feel bad.
But I was gonna text you.
7
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,800
Oh, well,
that's all right then.
Look, where are you?
8
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,040
By Nothing To Declare.
Have we got
anything to declare?
9
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,400
I don't think so...
Are you sure you don't want
to get Nessa any fags?
10
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,280
No. She's given up.
11
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,560
What? Since when?
12
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,160
Oh, I don't know.
13
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,640
Anyway, I got her
a Greek flag
for her collection,
14
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,080
that's what she wanted.
15
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,080
Come on, I'm excited!
16
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,520
Why?
17
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,440
I just love walking through
and all the people looking.
18
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,440
-I pretend like
I'm really famous.
-(LAUGHS)
19
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,120
(CHUCKLES)
20
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,880
(INHALES DEEPLY)
21
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,520
-What you doing?
-Oh, come on, join in!
22
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,520
(CHUCKLES)
23
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,280
(SIGHS) Lift it up!
They won't see it!
24
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,360
Why can't you just hold it?
I feel like a right pillock.
25
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,080
Oh, that's lovely, that is.
26
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,480
Your son and his wife
have been away
for over three weeks.
27
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,360
Twenty-two days.
28
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,240
I am not going
over this again, Michael.
29
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,880
Mick! Mick! Michael!
Will you look at me?
30
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,840
Everybody's staring at us.
31
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,240
Yeah! And you know why?
32
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,280
Because they're thinkin',
"Look at that lanky mardy-arse
33
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:49,200
"who can't even be bothered
to hold up a banner,
a beautiful banner,
34
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,600
"that his wife
spent three hours
preparing last night!"
35
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,320
It only took three hours
'cause you couldn't
spell Stacey!
36
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,200
I know how to spell it.
I just got confused.
37
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,320
What?
38
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,280
Because of the big pen.
39
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,160
Oh, here they are! (CHUCKLES)
40
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,600
Gavin! Gav!
41
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,400
-(STACEY CHUCKLES)
-Gav.
42
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,840
-Oh, come here,
my little prince!
-All right, Mum?
43
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,560
-Hiya, Stacey.
-Hiya!
44
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,440
-Welcome home!
-(CHUCKLES)
45
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,000
All right, Dad? Nice banner.
46
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,880
Oh, do me a flavour.
47
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,560
So, good time?
48
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,120
-Oh, the best!
-GAVIN: Yeah, fantastic.
49
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,520
Oh, how was the hotel?
Was the hotel nice?
50
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,320
-It was lush. Stunning!
-Oh, it was
really, really nice.
51
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,960
And was the pool nice?
Was the pool nice?
52
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,560
-There were four!
-One of them had a bar in it!
53
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,360
-And the food?
Was it nice?
-What about the food?
54
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,920
-It was okay.
-Oh, it was really nice.
55
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,400
BOTH: But a lot of fish.
56
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,280
Really? 'Cause we had
mackerel last night,
didn't we?
57
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,560
Yeah, we did. And I had
a tuna sandwich for lunch.
58
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,240
BOTH: Weird!
59
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,080
And what about the staff?
Were the staff nice?
60
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,360
-Yeah, the staff make a hotel.
-Yeah, they were okay.
61
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:50,040
I tell you what, Stacey,
when we were in Corfu,
oh, those little shits...
62
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,120
Have I told you this already?
63
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,600
-No, go on.
-Yeah.
64
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,920
Well, we asked them
to change the bedding
every day,
65
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,200
which personally
I don't think is a big ask.
66
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,520
I mean we're talking
four-star hotel.
67
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,400
It was five AA diamonds.
68
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,280
Yeah. Well, one night
me and Mick got into bed
and I said to Mick,
69
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,160
"There is no way
these sheets are fresh,"
70
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,920
and I've rung down
to reception.
71
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:14,160
I just didn't believe him,
so I've decided to lay traps.
72
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,160
So I've put two wine gums
inside the pillow case,
Mick's side,
73
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,960
and we've come back
this one afternoon...
74
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,920
Mick's been snorkelling,
I've had a hot stone massage
75
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,800
and I've looked at the bed
and I knew straight away,
76
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,040
'cause you know when you know,
don't you?
77
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,400
BOTH: Yeah.
78
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,480
Yeah. So, Mick's reached in,
and he's pulled out
79
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:34,480
the very same wine gums
that I had placed there
not three hours earlier.
80
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,240
-Well, I hit the roof,
didn't I, Mick?
-I'll say.
81
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,800
So, I've got him
by the throat,
this Stelios Cycliades,
82
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,080
and I'm saying,
"Look me in the eye
83
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,560
"and tell me
that those sheets..."
84
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,880
-(MOBILE RINGS)
-Hang on a minute, it's Bryn.
85
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,200
Hello?
86
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:49,840
BRYN: Come in, London.
Can you hear me?
87
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,440
-Hiya! We're back!
-(CHUCKLES) Hello.
88
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,560
Whereabouts are you?
89
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,840
We've just got onto the M25.
90
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,040
And according to the nav,
we're an hour
and ten minutes away.
91
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,480
Hello, Mrs Shipman!
92
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,600
Hiya, Gwen!
93
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,080
Oh, no, Pam, I meant Stacey.
94
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,440
I'm sorry!
I thought you meant me!
95
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,320
-So did I! Hiya, Mum!
-(LAUGHS)
96
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,160
Hiya, Stace! Hiya, Gav!
97
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,560
Hiya, Gwen. All right, Bryn?
98
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,840
Welcome home, young man!
99
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,360
Do you have a tan,
are you bronzed?
100
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,800
A little bit, yeah.
101
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,240
Oh, I can't wait to see it!
102
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,960
Hiya, Ness!
103
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,080
Oh, Nessa's not here, love!
104
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,440
Where is she?
Have you spoken to her?
Is she okay?
105
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,440
Oh, she's fine, but we didn't
have enough room for all
of your stuff in the car.
106
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,880
In the Picasso,
so she's following on.
I'll try her on the radio.
107
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,160
(STATIC CRACKLES)
108
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,000
Nessa? Come in, Nessa,
do you read me?
109
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,160
(STATIC CRACKLES)
110
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,160
One, nine, Rubber Duck.
111
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,080
Ho, Bryn...
I'm not gonna
tell you again,
112
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,440
you can't call me "Nessa"
on the airwaves.
113
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,920
You got to use my handle.
114
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,000
What is that?
115
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,160
My code name.
Robert Mugabe.
116
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,880
I'm sorry, Robert.
I keep forgetting,
what's my name?
117
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,280
-Bryn.
-No, no, my handle.
118
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,360
I know we're in the car,
but we did say...
119
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,840
Dame Judi Dench.
120
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,800
That's it! That's it.
Dame Judi Dench.
121
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,320
Now, I'm on the line
to our London contingent
122
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,400
and I've given them an ETA
of ten past five.
123
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,640
Is that doable for you?
124
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,200
Well,
I got my foot down, Jude.
I can do no more. 10-4.
125
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,320
Well, here we are!
Home sweet home!
126
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,240
Ah, let's have a look at you
in the daylight.
127
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,200
(GASPS) Oh, you have
gone a nice colour.
Haven't they, Mick?
128
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,040
Yeah, it suits you.
129
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,880
I am jealous.
When are you takin' me away?
Sardinia, I fancy.
130
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,360
Oh, give us a chance.
I'm still paying off
the wedding!
131
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,920
It was a lovely day,
wasn't it, Gav?
132
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,080
-Yeah.
-It was lush.
133
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,280
But you know
your Auntie Christine
134
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,400
still hasn't spoken
to your cousin John
135
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,360
after all that business
with the dessert?
136
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,960
-Really?
-It was just a joke.
137
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,000
Yeah, well, there's a joke,
and then there's smearing
somebody's face in cake
138
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,160
till they nearly choke
to death.
139
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,160
She didn't choke!
140
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,120
The woman's diabetic, Gav,
she was terrified.
141
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,040
Yeah, he did look a bit
vicious when he was doin' it.
142
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,280
He gets like that, John.
143
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,200
But nothin' else happened
with Smithy or...
144
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,440
Oh, he was absolutely...
Wasn't he, Mick?
145
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,320
Poleaxed. Blotto.
146
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,400
Him, Dirtbox,
and Chinese Alan,
all fell asleep in the lift.
147
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,440
Up and down
they was going for an hour.
148
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,520
Yeah. And they all had rooms.
What a waste of money!
149
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,800
Right.
I'm putting the kettle on.
Who's for a cup of tea?
150
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,080
-I'll have a coffee.
-Yes, please.
151
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,800
But he's all right though,
Smithy, is he?
152
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,560
Yeah, well,
you know what he's like.
Always a drama.
153
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,200
-Why, what's happened?
-Oh, you know,
nothing serious.
154
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,400
-He's been pining for him!
-What?
155
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,280
But nothing, you know, big?
156
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,840
-No, I don't think so.
-(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
157
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,400
Oi! Where do you think
you're going?
158
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,800
-What?
-Come here.
159
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,120
(SQUEALS)
160
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,560
(GAVIN CHUCKLES)
161
00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,120
I mean, it is weird...
Gettin' used to being
Stacey Shipman.
162
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,800
Yeah.
163
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,480
I remember
being very disappointed
the day I lost my maiden name.
164
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,800
-What was it?
-Griggell-Eschefska.
165
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,200
Pamela Andrea
Griggell-Eschefska.
166
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,280
Which, you know, always felt
quite glamorous.
167
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,800
And then
in the space of one day,
to go from that to Shipman...
168
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,240
You know, Ship Man.
169
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,920
I felt quite flat
if I'm honest with you,
the day after we got married.
170
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,800
Felt like I'd lost
my identity.
171
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,200
You know, like Anne Frank.
After they found her.
172
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,400
-I've put your cases
in your room.
-Cheers, Dad.
173
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,120
Ooh! While I remember,
will you sort
your washing out, ASAP?
174
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,320
I've got a white wash
ready to go on tonight
175
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,080
'cause your dad's
run out of pants.
176
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,280
You've had to go
commando today,
right, Mick?
177
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,160
-What?
-You've no drawers on.
178
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,920
-Mum!
-Yeah. She's right.
179
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,560
I'm flappin' around
like an elephant's trunk
down here.
180
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,800
-Dad!
-(LAUGHS) Elephant's trunk?
I should be so lucky!
181
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,800
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-(CAR HONKS)
182
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,320
-Oh, here they are.
-Ooh.
183
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,440
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
184
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,120
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
185
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,800
MICK: Hiya.
186
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,800
BRYN: Ah!
187
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,400
-Hello, Gwen!
-Kalimera.
188
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,280
Ooh. Ooh, continental!
189
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,160
-Hello, Bryn!
-Kalimera!
190
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,760
-Oh, yes.
-That's Greek
for good morning.
191
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:09,800
I learnt it!
192
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,320
(SCATTING)
193
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,320
-Hiya!
-Oh, Gavin!
194
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,760
Oh, Galimera!
195
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,960
And look what I've had done!
196
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040
(READING)
197
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,120
(CHUCKLES)
198
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,480
But she didn't get it for you.
199
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,120
Yeah, we got you
a bottle of Cinzano.
200
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,320
I know!
I got it printed for a joke!
(LAUGHS)
201
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,440
Where did you get it done?
202
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,160
Online!
I did it five weeks ago.
203
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,760
For a joke! (LAUGHS)
204
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,200
-What, before the wedding?
-Before they got married?
205
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,040
Yes! For a joke!
206
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,400
-(TRUCK HONKS)
-That'll be Nessa.
207
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,320
(BRAKES HISS)
208
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,200
MICK: Hiya, Ness!
209
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,320
(ALL GREETING INDISTINCTLY)
210
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,520
-All right?
-You made good time then?
211
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,600
Yeah.
The road's been kind to me,
I won't lie to you.
212
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,400
She can be
a cruel mistress, the M25,
but today I've been lucky.
213
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,040
All right, Bryn? Pam? Gav?
Mick?
214
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,360
Gwen? Stace?
215
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,160
Don't you need some sort
of special licence
to drive one of them?
216
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,520
No. Not for the seven
and a half ton, you don't.
217
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,520
But I've driven them
bigger than that, Mick.
218
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,400
I used to drive
the sets for The Who
on their world tours.
219
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,400
Great days.
220
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,360
Till I found out some things
about Pete Townshend
that I didn't like.
221
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,000
And all I'll say is...
And I said it to his face,
222
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,400
"Where is the book?"
223
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,440
Right, cup of tea.
224
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,360
ALL: Yeah! Cup of tea!
225
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,920
How did the T-shirt go down,
Bryn?
226
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,360
Mixed reviews.
227
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,800
Yeah, it was March '89 I quit.
228
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,320
That's when I went Stobarts.
229
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,520
-Eh?
-Eddie Stobarts.
230
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,120
-Really?
-Yeah.
231
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,560
I was with Eddie and the boys
for 18 months, all told.
232
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,120
You had a little soft spot
for him, didn't you, Ness?
233
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,160
I did, Bryn,
I'm not gonna lie to you.
234
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,400
But I wasn't his type,
apparently.
235
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,600
I mean, since when
has a great rack
236
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,840
and an open mind
not been a man's type?
237
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,560
Is he still alive,
Eddie Stobart?
238
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,280
I think so.
He's a deeply religious man.
Very generous.
239
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,280
Gave you two trucks,
didn't he, Ness?
240
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,960
He did. And I regret
selling them now, Bryn,
to be honest with you
241
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,160
but they were a bugger
to park around Barry.
242
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,920
Everyone all right
with Chinese tonight?
243
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,520
We thought we'd just
get a takeaway.
244
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,040
-BRYN: Yes.
-You don't want to be cooking.
245
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,120
Well, it's just easier, innit?
246
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,840
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-We could always
go out to eat.
247
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,320
Yeah!
Can we go to that Italian?
248
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,640
-Capriccio's?
-Yeah, let's go
to Capriccio's!
249
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,320
Hey! Smithster!
250
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,480
-Smith?
-(DOOR CLOSES)
251
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,560
-PAM: Hello, Smithy, darling.
-Hello, everyone.
252
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,960
(CHUCKLES) Hello, Smithy.
253
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,880
-All right, Bryn?
-(BRYN EXHALES)
254
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,600
What's going on?
255
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,960
(SCOFFS)
256
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,320
(SNIFFLES)
257
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,120
"What's going on?"
258
00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:01,560
(SNIFFLES) "What's going on?"
259
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,040
I've been asking myself
the same question over
and over again in my head.
260
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,000
First thing in the morning,
last thing at night.
What is going on, Gavin?
261
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,760
What?
262
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,320
I've been ringing you
every day for three weeks.
Your phone's been off!
263
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,600
-Oh!
-Is that all?
264
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,440
You haven't told him,
have you?
265
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,960
I was on my honeymoon!
266
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:23,520
Right. Can we all stop
calling it a honeymoon, right?
It's just a holiday!
267
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,000
Yeah,
but it wasn't just a holiday.
268
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,920
It was the best time
of my life.
269
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,960
When I went to Malaga
with Lucy and her nanna,
270
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,360
right, I called you every day,
sometimes twice.
271
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,440
-Sometimes thrice!
-Back off, Mick.
272
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,400
You were only ringing
for the West Ham scores!
273
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,160
That was an excuse, you fool!
274
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:43,000
I was getting the updates
on my mobile.
I was ringing you 'cause...
275
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,600
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I was ringing you
'cause I missed you.
276
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,440
Smithy!
277
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,480
I missed you these last
three weeks and all.
It's been horrible.
278
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,480
I ain't been myself,
I've been off my food.
279
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,440
He's been round here
every day.
280
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,880
No-one's been going out.
They're all shacked up
with their birds.
281
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,240
What about Lucy?
282
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,360
-She's been grounded
for two weeks.
-Why?
283
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,320
Her dad found
10 B&H in her bag.
284
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,160
Went ape-shit.
Look, I'm gonna go.
285
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,560
-I just wanted to check
you're all right.
-Smithy, come on.
286
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,320
-MICK: Smithy!
-He did miss you, Smithy!
287
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,400
He did.
288
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,160
He talked about you every day.
289
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,120
Give him the present.
290
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,840
What, now?
291
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,200
-Yes.
-STACEY: Yes.
292
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:36,960
It's the one we read about.
293
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,280
In Nuts magazine.
294
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,440
Yeah.
295
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,120
(EXHALES)
296
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,320
Ah... (EXCLAIMS)
297
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,880
Well, thank God for that.
298
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,880
Now, look,
we're going out to dinner.
You coming?
299
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,520
-Capriccio's?
-ALL: Yeah!
300
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,920
'Course I'm coming!
301
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,040
-(NESSA CHEERING)
-(PAM CHUCKLES)
302
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,240
It's lovely to see you, Bepe.
303
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,360
BEPE: Oh,
it's always a pleasure
to have you here.
304
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,520
And congratulations
to the new couple, eh?
305
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,040
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
306
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,840
Dawn? Mum, it's Dawn!
307
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,120
Oh!
308
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,280
-Hi, Dawny!
-Hello, you two!
309
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,240
Fancy seein' you here!
310
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,000
Hi.
311
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,200
Hello!
312
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,920
You remember Bryn, don't you?
313
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,560
Stacey's uncle
from the wedding?
314
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,920
-Oh, yes.
-Yes.
315
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,240
-Lovely! Look, they're back!
-(CHUCKLES)
316
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,920
Came back this afternoon,
didn't you?
317
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,040
Did you have a nice time?
318
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,080
Oh, it was fantastic.
319
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,320
Yeah, and thanks
for those vouchers.
Really kind.
320
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,560
Not a problem.
321
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,080
(DOOR OPENS)
322
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,480
This is Seth.
323
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,280
-Hello.
-(EXCLAIMS)
324
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,480
-He works at the butchers.
-He's a colleague
of mine from work.
325
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,520
I never knew
you were a butcher, Pete.
326
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,240
Yes. Yes, I am.
327
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,880
Don't let us hold you up.
328
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:48,520
Right! Well, enjoy your meal.
We'd better...
329
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:50,640
Yeah.
330
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,800
(MOUTHING) Are you okay?
331
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,280
(MOUTHS) Yeah.
332
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,040
And no olives. Thanks, Bepe.
333
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,520
Ooh.
334
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,920
Now. This is a tough one.
335
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,040
Uh,
I'm in a bit of a pickle here.
336
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,840
You might have to come
back to me.
337
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,080
No, no! No, no. I've got it!
I've got it.
338
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,000
It's a toss up
between the gnocchi,
339
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,600
the carbonara,
340
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,920
the pollo tagliatelle,
341
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,240
or the risotto.
342
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,200
I'll come back to you.
343
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,160
-(GASPS)
-I'm having the gnocchi.
344
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,360
-There it is, Pam.
It's the gnocchi.
-(LAUGHS)
345
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,040
Apologies for the wait,
these things take time.
346
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,040
Hey, Gwen!
I've gone with the gnocci!
347
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,320
Mick,
I'm having a wonderful time.
348
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,520
-And for you?
-Si. Buona sera.
349
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,480
-Buona sera.
-Voglio ordinare
bruschetta per tutti.
350
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,600
E qualcosa da bere?
351
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,000
Eh...
due bottiglie di vino rosso,
352
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,960
due di vino bianco
e acqua minerale per me.
353
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,400
E per pranzo?
354
00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:00,480
Prendo... l'ossobuco alla
milanese con verdure e patate.
355
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,600
Certo.
356
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:02,880
Tidy.
357
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,520
Signor Smithy?
358
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,320
Um, just a Caesar salad,
thanks.
359
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,320
No dressing.
360
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,400
(LAUGHS) I'm joking.
I'm having a steak!
361
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,120
(PAM LAUGHS)
362
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,560
Medium. (LAUGHS)
363
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,200
Look at his face.
364
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,800
So in the second week,
Gavin organised
this boat trip.
365
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,920
Yeah.
This company pick you up,
and they give you a hamper
366
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000
and they take you
to this island,
this deserted island.
367
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,080
Yeah, there's nobody there.
Just us.
368
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,560
It's like being on Lost.
369
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,280
We both went
skinny dipping completely
in the nuddy, didn't we, Gav?
370
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,560
Hmm. Yeah.
371
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,880
And, then, in the last week
we went paragliding.
372
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,360
-I'm going to the toilet.
-I've always wanted
to do that!
373
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,600
MICK: We did it, didn't we?
In Santorini.
374
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,200
Oh, yeah.
Gwen, it is horrible.
375
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,200
What is it? I want to know!
Para what?
376
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,320
I'll be back in a minute.
377
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,200
Paragliding, you're, like,
sat in the sea,
378
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,440
and then this boat,
a speed boat,
which you're attached to,
379
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,520
slowly moves off
and gathers speed
and you move up with it.
380
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,560
Good God! Into the sky?
381
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,160
All right, Stace?
382
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,240
-What's occurring?
-What you on about?
383
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,400
You know what I'm on about.
Smithy.
384
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,560
You haven't told him,
have you?
385
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,200
-No.
-Why?
386
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,120
-I thought about it
and I decided not to.
-(HAND DRYER WHIRS)
387
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,160
Look, I barely knows the kid.
388
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,080
And what I do know,
I don't like.
389
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,240
But you said you were
going to tell him that night,
at the wedding.
390
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,800
Oh, I nearly did.
391
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,400
But I took one look
at his disgusting face...
392
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,960
He's not disgusting,
he's cute in his own way!
393
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,880
He's vile. And he's English.
394
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,400
Well, now you're just
bein' racist.
395
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,560
It's not racism, Stace,
it's xenophobia.
396
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,840
Oh, stop being so childish.
These aren't reasons,
they're excuses.
397
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,840
Look, I don't want to tell him
398
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,560
'cause then I'd have to admit
it was really happening,
and I can't do that.
399
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,320
But it is happening.
400
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,840
And whether
you like it or not,
401
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,440
Smithy's sat out there
eating bruschetta,
402
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,880
totally unaware
that you're pregnant
with his child.
403
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,000
What?
404
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,040
So.
Now, let me get this straight.
405
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,400
I'm attached to a boat,
406
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,320
but I'm in the air,
407
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,960
flying,
408
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,800
holding on to a parachute.
409
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,040
-Yeah, that's it.
-It's quite safe!
410
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,480
Well, stone me, Mick.
I've heard it all now!
411
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,280
That's nothing, right.
First time we all went away,
to Magaluf,
412
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,800
Budgie... You remember Budgie?
He was at the wedding?
413
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,120
-The ears? Yeah?
-Mmm-hmm.
414
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,320
He ain't been
out of Essex before, right.
415
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,640
He's barely been
out of Billericay.
416
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,560
We get there,
and there's this cliff
hanging over the sea.
417
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,840
What was it, it was, like,
500 feet up, wasn't it?
418
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,160
It was about 80 feet.
419
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,040
We've just got off the coach,
and fully clothed,
420
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,480
Budgie just
runs off the cliff,
and jumps into the sea.
421
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,800
-Comes up to the surface.
-Spittin' water everywhere.
422
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,080
He looks up and he shouts...
423
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,120
ALL: "Someone's spilt
some salt in here!"
424
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,520
He'd never been
in the sea before!
425
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:57,840
(ALL LAUGHING)
426
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:01,240
-Gnocci?
-Gnocci? Who's for the gnocci?
427
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,240
-ALL: You are!
-Of course!
Sorry, yes! Of course.
428
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:08,000
I thought I'd gone risotto!
I am the gnocci!
429
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:08,920
Lasagne?
430
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,080
Oh, that's Gwen's.
I'll go and get them.
431
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,720
That looks good, Bryn.
432
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,800
Oh, Ness...
I know it doesn't
feel like it now,
433
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,760
but this might be
the making of you.
434
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,240
Cheers, Gwen. Genuine.
435
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,840
Come on, you lot,
your food's getting...
436
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,000
Everything okay?
437
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,520
You better come in.
438
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,880
What's happened?
439
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,240
-Shall I tell her?
-Tell me what?
440
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,200
(DAWN SOBS)
441
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,080
Dawn!
What's the matter, Dawny?
442
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,080
Dawn!
443
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,240
{\an8}-(DAWN SQUEALS)
-Oh, stop it!
444
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,760
Dawn! Dawn, stop it!
445
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:43,560
(GASPS)
446
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,040
Seth's gone.
447
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,440
ALL: Who's Seth?
448
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,240
The fella.
449
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,360
We met on the internet.
450
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:58,240
Our counsellor said that we
could inject some passion
into our relationship
451
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,400
if we introduced a third party
to the bedroom.
452
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,240
-Fair play.
-So, we've been emailing
each other for weeks.
453
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,840
All leading up to tonight.
454
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,840
And it was going so well, Pam.
455
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,080
But then as soon as we
start discussing
456
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,320
all the whys
and the wherefores,
you know...
457
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,400
-Boundaries.
-Codewords.
458
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:21,000
Yeah. As soon as we start
talking about that, he says...
459
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:23,640
Oh, God!
460
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,480
He says he's very sorry
461
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,560
but our photo
is not representative
462
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,000
of the two of us as a couple.
463
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,520
He feels he's been misled.
He can't go through with it.
464
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,480
(SOFTLY)
I mean, the shame of it, Pam!
465
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,040
Yes, it was an old photo.
466
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,520
But have I changed that much
in 15 years?
467
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:52,640
No, Dawny! You're beautiful.
468
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,960
-Thank you, Pam.
-PAM: Aw.
469
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,960
What you lot doing
in here anyway?
470
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,880
Nessa's pregnant.
471
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,440
BOTH: What?
472
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,080
And Smithy's the father.
473
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,480
Oh, my Christ!
474
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,840
Right, I'm gonna start.
This is ridiculous.
Bryn, pass the pepper.
475
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,480
Cor, that's a big one.
476
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:17,680
I can barely get
my hand around it.
477
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,880
Should have seen this one
in Greece, in this restaurant.
478
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,920
-Oh, will you please
give it a rest?
-What?
479
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,920
Is that gonna be it now?
"In Greece" this,
"in Greece" that?
480
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,400
-I only got back today.
-MICK: Oh, not this again.
481
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,200
I'm sorry, Mick,
but it's like I don't even
know him any more.
482
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,320
Eh?
483
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,440
You're paragliding,
eating hampers,
484
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,880
you're not even having a beer,
you're drinking wine
for some reason.
485
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,600
Yeah, well,
beer is quite fattening.
486
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,320
Says who? Your wife?
487
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,440
Oh, come on, mate.
I'm back now.
488
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,960
I mean,
did you think of me once
when you were away?
489
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,560
-Course I did.
-When?
490
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,840
-What did you mean?
-When did you think of me?
491
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,240
Tennis.
492
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,000
We were gonna play tennis,
but Stacey's rubbish,
so we didn't.
493
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,280
But I thought,
"If Smithy was here now,
we'd have a great game."
494
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,360
We would, and all.
495
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,800
Did you want to play tomorrow?
496
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,120
I can't. I'm picking up
the wedding photos.
497
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,000
For God's sake!
498
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,080
Right, I'm gonna find out
where they've got to.
This is ridiculous.
499
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,080
You all right, Pete?
500
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,480
Michael Shipman!
501
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,840
Mick Shipman!
502
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,360
What's it like to be you?
503
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:29,720
Where's Dawny?
504
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,040
I mean, you got the looks,
you got the wife,
you got the girth.
505
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,000
What?
506
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,560
Would you say I was
a good-looking bloke?
507
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,200
I mean,
do you think I'm attractive?
508
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,360
Well, right now
you've got black teeth.
509
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,600
Have I really?
510
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,480
(LAUGHING)
511
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,160
Mick! Mick!
512
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,120
Pete is absolutely battered!
513
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,400
-Never mind that!
Just get in here.
-What?
514
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,960
What's going on?
We're all sat out there...
515
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,120
(SOBBING)
516
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,320
Dawn? You all right?
517
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,000
-Seth's gone.
-Who's Seth?
518
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,320
-The big black boy.
-The big black fella.
519
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,840
They met him on the internet.
520
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,320
They were gonna
have a threesome
521
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,320
but he's come
and took one look at them
and bolted.
522
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,480
-MICK: Blimey.
-And Nessa's pregnant.
523
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,560
What?
524
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,400
WOMEN:
And Smithy's the father.
525
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,000
Shit a brick!
526
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,920
-Does he know?
-No.
527
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,840
(CRIES) Where's Pete?
528
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,520
Mick, is he all right?
Have you seen him?
529
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,200
Well, yeah,
I saw him just now.
530
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,440
He's sat there, drinking.
And laughing.
531
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,040
Oh.
532
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:40,200
(SNIFFLES)
533
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,960
Will you go and get him
for me, please...
I need my Pete.
534
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,840
-Go on.
-All right.
535
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,000
You're very lucky, you two.
536
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:52,200
I've never had what you'd call
a best friend.
537
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:56,120
I had acquaintances, many.
But never anyone,
you know, best.
538
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,280
And I suppose
that's because
I always had Trevor,
539
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,920
God rest his soul.
But, of course,
he was my brother.
540
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,200
So that didn't really count.
541
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,120
And, I've always been close
with Nessa...
542
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,120
I know she's got my back
but that's as far as it goes.
543
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,240
I'll be back in a minute.
544
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,080
(PETE LAUGHS)
545
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,320
-You all right, Dad?
-Yeah, yeah. Come,
give us a hand, will ya?
546
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,280
I said we should've got
a new photo done,
547
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,400
and been honest,
warts and all.
548
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,320
But what do I know?
549
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,000
-Where we going?
-Ladies' toilets.
550
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,280
What?
551
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:31,440
So, are you gonna keep it?
552
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,360
-Yeah.
-STACEY: Are you?
553
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,520
Yeah. I am, as it goes.
554
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,240
I thought about it
long and hard,
no word of a lie,
555
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,080
but then I watched Vera Drake,
556
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,120
twice, and I thought,
"No, I can't be
doing with all that."
557
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,040
Well, in that case,
you have got to tell him.
558
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,120
She's right, Ness.
559
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,360
But I don't want him involved.
560
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,320
That's not up to you, my love.
There's two of you in this.
561
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,240
Oh, my Pete!
Are you all right?
562
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,440
-Seth's gone.
-I know.
563
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,280
-Who's Seth?
-The black fella.
564
00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,240
They met on the internet,
565
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,400
they were gonna
have a three-way
but he didn't want to.
566
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,800
He changed his mind.
567
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,440
-And Nessa's pregnant.
-What?
568
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,040
ALL: And Smithy's the father.
569
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,880
I'll be your best mate.
570
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,200
Will you?
571
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,080
Well, I sure as shit
ain't got one any more have.
572
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:19,960
Come on, Smithy...
573
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,160
You're a young man.
You've got your whole life
ahead of you.
574
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,400
You don't want to be tied down
to an old fogey like me.
575
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,520
-You're not old, Bryn.
-(CHUCKLES)
576
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,960
Are you? How old are you?
577
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,000
That, young man,
is a gentleman's prerogative.
578
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:41,320
And anyway,
it's not how old you are,
it's how you are old.
579
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,520
(BOTH LAUGH)
580
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,600
You are so funny, Bryn.
You know that?
581
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,080
You crack me up every time!
582
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,400
Not like him,
the useless sack of shit.
583
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,840
Hey now, come on.
You're crossing
the line there, son.
584
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,280
He's in love.
585
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:03,320
And there's nothing
you can do about it.
586
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,880
I love you Bryn-la, I do.
587
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,440
Let's meet up.
588
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,200
Every weekend. In Swindon.
Just me and you.
589
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,000
-Really?
-Yes!
590
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,560
All right, you're on!
591
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,040
(CHUCKLES)
592
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,280
Do you want some
of Gwen's lasagne?
593
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:20,960
-Bring it on!
-All right, let's do it!
Come on!
594
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,040
(LAUGHS)
595
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,400
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
596
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,880
You've got
to tell him tonight.
You've got to tell him now.
597
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,440
-I know.
-I can't believe it.
598
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,440
-How long have you
known about this?
-About three weeks.
599
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,160
You've known for three weeks
and you didn't even
think to tell me?
600
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,560
-I tried!
-Not that hard.
601
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,280
Don't argue, my loves,
it's not worth it.
602
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:42,480
I love you, Dawny.
603
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,520
Yeah, you know when we
were away, and I said
I had something to tell you?
604
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,960
-Yeah.
-And I told you about Nessa
605
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,480
being in the original
line up of All Saints,
606
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,880
but she had to leave
'cause she didn't
get on with Shaznay?
607
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,200
I was trying to tell you then.
608
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,280
What, so you made all that up?
609
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:54,920
-No.
-No. That was true.
610
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,320
It was a power struggle.
611
00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:00,520
Look, none of this matters,
who told you when,
and what have you.
612
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,880
What matters is,
the only person
who hasn't been told
613
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,800
is the only person
who should've been,
614
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,160
and he's sat out there.
615
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,480
Who, Bryn?
616
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:08,760
ALL: No.
617
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,840
Smithy.
618
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,200
I'll come to Wales,
you can come up here.
619
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,200
I'll go to church with you.
620
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,760
We'll just hang out.
You know, like best mates do.
621
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,280
Do you think Mick
will mind if I finish
his last slice of pizza?
622
00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:25,000
So what if he does?
I'll back you up.
623
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,080
'Cause that's what
best mates do.
624
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:28,760
Oh, Smithy.
625
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,480
-I got something to tell you.
-What?
626
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,280
I'm pregnant.
627
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,280
And you're the father.
46761
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