All language subtitles for Family Matters s09e13 Crazy for You 1

have you been oh i took a long walk
where to pittsburgh over

28 bucks in tolls who knew they charged
pedestrians steve you went on a 400

mile walk what is that power walking for
the chronically loopy

that's been gnawing at my belly, and I
think we need to talk about it. Oh,

whatever, Steve.

Well, ever since you professed your
romantic feelings for me, I feel like

caught in this weird, wacky love
triangle.

Steve, I have feelings for you and
Stefan.

Well, maybe it would help if I knew what
kind of triangle I was in. See, if it's

an isosceles triangle, I got a lot of
catching up to do.

If it's equilateral, well, then I'm
doing better than I thought.

If it's scaling, oh, just give it to me
straight. I can take it.

Steve, believe me, it's as hard on me as
it is on you.

Oh, I don't stand a chance.

You and I have never even been out on a
real date.

What am I going to do?

Well, here's a fresh thought. Why don't
you ask me out?

You're right.

I've been so shocked and amazed that
you're no longer repulsed by me that

completely neglected to ask you out.

Well, in that case, Laura Lee?

Yes, Steve?

Would you go out with me this Friday
night?

Sorry, I'm busy.

Well, I'd just walk right into that one.

But I'm free Saturday night.

Saturday night, yeah, we'll have a
romantic meal at Amore's.

Amore's? That's our restaurant.

I heard there's salmon is to die for.

I hope you choke on a bone, you hag.

And, Laura, I promise you, Saturday
night will be the most wonderful night

your entire life.

Oh!

You hear?

I got a date with Laura.

That date will never happen or my name
isn't Myra Boutros Boutros Monkhouse.

But the dumbest bank robber of all has
to be Leonard Mulford. Leonard couldn't

afford a real gun or even a toy gun.

So he painted his thumb and index finger
gunmetal gray.

That's a stupid man.

Dad?

Hey, son.

Guess who scored the highest at the
police academy firing range today?

Let me think.

Clint Eastwood?

No!

Check out this grouping.

I'm the best in my class.

Hey, I guess that investment in Super
Nintendo finally paid off, huh?

Dad. No, I'm just kidding, son. This is
some really fine shooting.

Thanks. I want you to remember, it takes
more to be in a cop than putting six

neat little holes in a target.

Oh, I know that, Dad.

A shotgun makes one big hole.

Edward. I know cops.

who've been on the force for 30 years
and have never fired their gun on the

Well, maybe they ought to buy some
bullets.

Well,

you know, you sound a little too trigger
-happy.

You know, I think that you should... Oh,
Dad.

Hey, what's for dinner? You know, all
this gunplay can make a brother hungry.

Yeah, but if you... I'm a hungry man.
I'm a hungry man.

We fail at trashing.

No. Rent it. It's about you.

Have a seat, Steph.

Yeah. I'll get right to the point.

You and I are a lot alike.

We're both gorgeous.

And we're in love with fabulous people.

So?

So... Those two fabulous people are
going out this Saturday night with each

other. Steve?

You got it, baby.

And my Laura.

She won't be your Laura this Saturday
night.

Uh -uh. No way. Way.

Steve will take Laura home. Oh, no. I
don't want to hear any more.

Steve and Laura will sit on the sofa,
and you know what Laura's like when she

sits on comfortable furniture.

got to do something.

Here's the thought.

You and I can prevent this tragedy.

How?

You're taking Laura out the night
before, right?

Right. All you have to do is make sure
Laura arrives home at exactly

1045.

Well, what's going to happen at 1045?

Don't you worry your pretty little head
about that.

is that the natural order of the
universe will be restored.

And Laura will be mine?

Forever.

Do we have a deal?

I don't know, Myra.

I feel like I'm making a deal with the
devil.

Okay, I'm in.

Look, when we graduate, I hope I get
assigned to a precinct with a lot of

action. You know, I want to hit the mean
streets.

I'm talking shootouts, robberies, car
chases, the whole nine.

You know what I'm saying?

I just want a squad car with air
conditioning.

Just allow people.

Settle down.

Shut your pie holes.

Cadets, today... we have a surprise
guest instructor, Captain Carl Winslow

the 8th Precinct.

Captain Winslow and I were cadets
together 22 years ago.

Yeah, back when they taught this class
with crossbows.

Well,

moving right along.

Class, up until now, all you've been
doing is plain old target practice.

But now we're going to add a new
element, the judgment factor.

Sometimes you only have a split second
to determine if your target is a good

or a bad guy.

Who'd like to go first?

Why not?

All right.

Vent Winslow to the firing line.

Yes, sir.

Careful, that's a loaded gun.

That's the only kind there is, sir.

All right.

Now, five targets will pop up at random.

You have to use your judgment to
determine which ones to shoot.

All right.

Now you're on the night shift.

You get a call to go down to the docks.
Are you ready?

Yes, sir. All right.

Stand by the fire.

Good.

Very good.

Look at here, look at here.

I shot all the criminals.

And you also shot an innocent bystander
and a hostage.

You know, the whole point of this
exercise is to use good judgment, which

failed to do, Cadet Winslow.

Yeah, but that's just cardboard.

That was on a roll.

Zip it, Cadet.

Give me your weapon.

Watch the rest of the class. Perhaps
you'll learn something.

Hi, Mom.

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

Just that I can't ever show my face
again at the police academy, thanks to

Did he show everyone your baby pictures?

Works.

All right, Mom.

We're at the firing range, and I make
one little mistake. Dad freaks out and

overreacts like he usually does and
takes away my weapon in front of

like I'm a little kid or something.

Well, what mistake did you make?

Eh.

I shot some civilians.

How many?

Well, all of them.

Eddie, you really shouldn't be shooting
innocent people.

Ma, they're pictures made of cardboard.

Yes, honey, but they represent people
made out of flesh.

I'm sorry, but I have to side with your
father on this one.

Oh, come on.

If there was a top ten list of things
not to do as a cop, I bet you shooting

civilians would be in there somewhere.

Well, you know, everything was fine
until Captain Winslow came down there

strutting his stuff, trying to show
everybody what to do, grabbing weapons

stuff. I was minding my own business.

History. Milli Vanilli's staying a
better chance of getting back together.

Oh?

Well, maybe you'll change your mind
after you see.

Polka music.

I just love this song, don't you?

Well, not really.

Doesn't do diddly for me.

wasn't watching?

I will not let it loose.

You, you wicked, wicked temptress.

Have you no shame?

Nope.

Dancing gives my tummy the grumbles.

Care to join me in...

Dad?

Hey, son.

Sergeant Kerisley said that you wanted
to see me.

Yeah, I thought that we'd take another
crack at this target shoot.

But it's Saturday.

I mean, wouldn't it be more fun to wait
and embarrass me in front of the whole

class? Edward, believe it or not, the
last thing I want to do is embarrass

I'm simply trying to say that it's
important to use good judgment when

your firearm. And I'm simply trying to
say, what's the big deal?

Can we give this a try?

Yeah.

All right, you ready?

Mm -hmm.

He just kills your sister.

Oh, my God.

You know, son, that's why it's important
to use good judgment.

When you're out on the street, those
will be real people in your line of

not cardboard cut -ups.

And all those people have families and
friends.

Dad, I want to be a good cop.

I know you do, son.

And if I didn't think that you had the
potential to be a great one, I wouldn't

be so hard on you.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

I understand.

Come on, let's eat some pizza.

Hey, Dad.

If it's cool with you, I'd rather stay
and practice.

You would?

Yeah.

Sounds good to me. Cool. Let's do it.
All right.

Oh.

Hi.

Oh, hey, Steve.

Hmm. Things seem mighty frosty in that
kitchen.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, come on, Laura, tell him. I don't
ever want to see your two -timing face

again. Sure, Steve.

Tramp.

Hey, look at that uvula.

Laura, I always thought I was a strong
person, but when Myra showed up in that

sexy leader horse and then...

Polka music and string cheese. Well, I
just lost all

control.

I went totally hormonal.

Well, Steve, I could understand why you
would want to be with Myra. I mean,

let's face it, she's a very pretty girl.

The word is gorgeous, honey.

And I realized something was right, too.
Here it comes.

When I saw you kissing Myra, I felt...

And it made me realize that I wanted to
give our relationship a chance.

No, no, no!

So you're saying you'll still go out
with me?

You bet. Next Saturday night.

Yes! Oh!

Saturday night it is.

I'll be ready.

And Steve?

Yeah? Here's a sneak preview.

This isn't over yet.

Next time on Family Matters. I'm just a
little giddy. Tonight's my big date with

Laura.

Laura's been spying on me. That doesn't
matter.

For the last time, it's over.

You are not to write me, call me, fax
me, anything to me.