Original subtitles

What's that?

Tell your wife to stop worrying.

to chew your ice like that. It's like sitting next to a camel.

I'm sorry,

man.

I'm still feeling down about Greta breaking up with me.

That's the third time this month. You should be used to it by now.

Hey, this time it wasn't my fault. She should have never asked me if those

made her look fat.

Not for me.

I don't think I'll ever get over Greta.

I'm lost, I tell you.

Ooh.

Steve, did you see her?

Oh, I saw her, I saw her, I saw her. She's a looker, all right.

Good. Hey, Eddie, did you just now get over Greta?

I think I'm on the road to recovery.

Steve, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Woman, not girl, Eddie. She's much older than you.

I happen to be very mature for my age. Thank you. Oh, please.

You still get up every Saturday morning to watch the Bugs and Tweety Show.

Why, please, please. That's a classic.

You know what, guys?

I think this calls for my love stare.

Woo!

Great finger touch.

Not the love stare.

That's right.

What's the love stare?

It'll look a pure bewitchlement and seductionation.

He says it leaves women all Twitter -painted.

Does it work?

Not usually.

Check this out.

I don't believe this.

Hi, I'm Kimberly.

Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Eddie Winslow.

Well, Eddie Winslow, what can I do for you?

You know, that's funny. I was just about to ask you the same thing.

Hey, what's a person out there, Kimbo?

Um, I'm a talent coordinator for Venture Star Records, and we're having a talent

contest here Saturday night.

Whoa, $1 ,000 prize?

Yeah, you ought to come by and cheer the contestants on.

Hey, hey, hey, can I sign up? Hi, I'm Mia Courtney.

Right now, focus, too. Wait till you hear when it's cabbage -picking time in

Brimahawk.

We're looking for something a little more contemplative.

Oh, well, then you won my butt out here.

Why, he's got a silky, sexy, make -you -wanna -cow -by -the -fire voice.

Oh, does he?

Oh, does he say it? Oh, just a little bit.

You know, some people say that I'm a cross between Luther Vandross and Mr.

Marvin Gaye.

Not a lot of people.

Well, I tell you what. Before you leave, stop by and sign up. I'd love to hear

you sing. Oh, and I'd love to watch you listen to me sing.

Say, uh, you know, if I win that thousand dollars, I'm gonna use some of

money to take you to dinner.

In that case, I hope you win.

Yo, yo.

You know I'm the mayor, right? I'm the mayor!

Chaos and destruction, destruction and chaos.

That's all I ever see.

Well, I guess they don't call out the insurance guy when everything is okay,

huh?

Why would they?

Did you get an estimate?

Oh, yeah, I sure did. Right over here.

Hey, it's only $2 ,000.

That's a lot less than usual.

Mr. Winslow, according to our files, you have had a huge number of accidents in

your home this year. Yeah, well, I... Twelve times the national average.

Yeah.

How do you account for all these disasters?

I'm sorry, I didn't know we had visitors. How are you doing? Yes, well,

That young man is a twinago in saddle shoes. Yeah, I know.

Hold it!

Are you responsible for this mess?

Oh, yeah.

If it's broke, and in this house, it's me.

Mr. Winslow, this young man is such a high -risk factor in your household.

We're going to have to charge you higher rates.

Oh.

How much?

The same rate we charge people who live next door to dynamite factories.

$10 ,000.

What?

Mr. Tobin, I can't afford that.

Well, we can't afford you.

And frankly, neither of us can afford...

I can't do that, Steve.

There's a poster of you in every insurance company in the country.

His was the only one that didn't know who you are.

Your new premium will be due in ten days.

Here's our new calendar.

I don't know what to say, Steve.

Say goodbye.

I'm gonna have to move out.

pretty good. They might give Eddie a run for his money.

Beat my Eddie?

I don't think so.

Compared to Eddie, they sound like cats on a trash can.

Just remember, it's the audience applause that determines the winner.

Sure, listen. If it'll help him win the money that he won't have to borrow from

me, I will clap my hands and bang my head on the table.

All right, Cafe Java.

Put your hands together for our last act of the evening, Mr. Eddie Winslow.

Listen to me.

I've been trying for quite some time

to hold back my feelings.

Girl, they think you've got me hypnotized.

And that's for real. And now your body's gone.

What a terrific night.

I mean, I won the contest, and you're going to help me with my recording

I mean, you're really terrific, Kimberly.

You do all this for me, and you hardly even know me.

Well, you know, Eddie, I'd like to work on that, too.

Mother? I mean, Harriet.

Oh, Mom, this is Kimberly.

She's the one that ran the contest.

Kimberly, this is my mother, Harriet.

Hello.

Nice to meet you, Harriet.

You have a really talented son.

Thank you.

I should be going.

Yeah.

You were really great tonight. Oh.

Thanks, Kim.

All right.

I'll be in your car.

All right.

Isn't she great, Mom?

Uh -huh.

I'd say about ten years greater than you.

Mom, she's only nine years older than me.

Older than nine, huh?

Don't you still think that's a big age difference?

Well, maybe in dog years.

Listen, Eddie.

You know, if you were 70 and she was 79, I really wouldn't be worried about

this. Mainly because I'd be dead.

But when a young man is 20 and a lady's 29, that's a big difference.

Mom, it depends on the people. I mean, we just spent three hours together, and

we're really in sync.

I like her a lot.

I know you do, honey.

And I don't doubt that your feelings are genuine.

But I'm worried about hers.

Well, what about them?

Eddie, a lot of women like to go out with younger guys.

They like to have a good time.

But then the guy usually winds up getting hurt.

Well, so far, she's gotten me into a contest.

I've won $1 ,000, and she's working on getting me a recording contract.

And if that's hurting me, Bring it on.

Honey, all I'm asking is that you just keep your eyes open.

Well, Mom, all I'm asking is that you start thinking of me as a man and not as

your little boy.

Eddie, all I'm saying is... All you're saying is that you want to run my life

and tell me who I can and can't go out with.

I just wish you'd just stop treating me like a baby, Mom.

What are you doing here?

What?

I need to talk to you about Carl Winslow, policy number 659 -1173

-000Z. I'm a very busy man, Mr. Urkel.

Listen, Vernon, you can't charge Carl $10 ,000.

He'll break it.

That's not my problem.

My job is to sell insurance, not help people.

Besides, he keeps us all ready if you move out.

Destitute! Ripped from the womb of the family I've come to know and love as my

very own!

This is what you've done!

I can't no longer take that home and fix it!

you come here?

To convince this man that I am not a hazard.

Well, looks like you're doing a good job.

Well, don't worry about it, Steve, because I found you a place to live.

You did?

Mm -hmm.

A nice little apartment on Argyle Street.

Argyle? Did you say Argyle?

I live on Argyle.

Really?

4259 North or South?

Well, what do you know, Steve?

You're gonna be living next door to Mr.

Talbert!

We're gonna be neighbors!

Bugs! Maybe you'll let me store some of my radioactive materials in your

freezer.

Well, come on, Steve.

You got a lot of packing to do.

Oh, yeah. Oh, boy.

Wait!

Yes?

I won't change your rent.

Not just sell insurance.

I'll give the kid another chance.

Really?

Provided that you keep him away from my neighborhood. Oh, oh, oh, miles away.

Miles away. Right, Steve?

Positively. Won't go anywhere near him. You'll never lay eyes on me again.

Thank you.

Great plan, big guy.

Worked like a charm.

I got your message. What's up?

Um, well, well, I just wanted to talk.

Talk now, cuddle later?

No, just talk.

You sound serious.

Well, Kimberly, I got to talking to somebody about us the other day, and,

it started me thinking.

What about?

Well, you know, we've been seeing a whole lot of each other these past few

and... Well, I just want to make sure that we're on the same page in this

relationship.

Well, you know, if you lose your place, I have a bookmark for you.

Well,

no, I'm serious.

I think you're really special, and I can't stop thinking about you.

Whoa.

I like you too, Eddie, but let's not go crazy.

Well, why not?

Eddie, my life's complicated.

I... Travel a lot?

I see other people.

You do?

Eddie, we're having a lot of fun, but a good time is really all I'm about.

Well, yeah, but I thought that we were more than that.

I didn't mean to lead you on, but let's face it, Eddie, you're only 20.

Whoa, what?

What?

So you're saying what?

You can't take me serious because I'm younger than you?

Well, yeah.

Well, what about who I am?

I care about you for who you are. I mean, your age doesn't mean snap to me.

Hey, lighten up. I mean, can't we just hang out? Uh -uh. No.

Look, I care about you. And I want a meaningful relationship.

That's what I'm about.

Will it be?

Give me a latte.

And make it a double.