Original subtitles

Thief.

Thief.

What is that?

Fresh weed.

Hey,

where are you going?

I think I'm going to skip lunch.

For a week.

Dum -dum -dee -dum. Dum -dum -dee -dum. Dum -dum -dee -dum. Dum -dee -dum. Dum

-dee -dum.

Holy cow!

Do you like my dress? I can still wear white.

Darn it.

And that's only 1 ,950 days away.

My rat, don't you think you're rushing things just a smidge?

Rushing? In what way?

Well, you're taking too much control.

You're making a lot of assumptions. And quite frankly, I feel a little useless.

Don't you worry.

There'll be plenty for you to do on our wedding night.

tell me you need more space.

Yes.

I will not

again. That dog belongs on a leash.

You belong on a leash.

He hung up on me.

I'll show that blowhard.

Carl, wait.

What? You want a piece of him too?

No.

Carl, please.

Come on. Sit down and cool off.

You know, this feud between you and Nick is getting out of hand.

Well, Harriet, it's not my fault.

Now, you see, that's the attitude that keeps the battle going.

When's it going to stop?

When I bulldoze his house.

Don't even joke like that. You know, you're setting a terrible example.

Yesterday, I saw Richie and 3J playing Nick and Carl.

Nick and Carl?

Yes. They were yelling at each other and bumping bellies.

Gee, I never meant to set a bad example for the kids.

Gee,

Harriet, it's just that he makes me so angry.

I mean, I'm not going to let him get the best of me.

Carl, he hasn't been getting the best of you.

He's been getting the worst of you.

Sigma Theta has its own beauty parlor.

Well, it costs a pretty penny, but on the plus side, it keeps the penny

That's why Allison's president. She's a real wordsmith.

Thank you, Monica.

You're welcome, Allison.

Why don't you show Laura our computer room? Computer room? It overlooks the

pool.

So, Laura, why do you want to join Sigma Theta?

Well, everybody says it's the coolest sorority on campus. Good answer.

And you're here because... Oh, to pick up Laura Winslow.

Oh. Well, hang up your coat. She'll be back in a minute.

Sure, thank you.

While we're waiting for Laura, why don't you and I chat?

Oh, chat?

About what?

About you.

What's your major?

Biological engineering.

And right now...

How's about that?

met but there's something about you that makes me tingle well maybe you're about

to sleep i don't think that's it you've got charisma

date again.

I'll be here tonight.

Great. Uh, Allison, can I see you for a sec?

Oh, boy.

Don't.

I didn't just find any old geek. I found the king geek.

You wanted to see me, Wingslow?

Uh, yeah, Nick.

I, uh... I... Didn't I throw that Swiss shirt in the trash last week?

Yeah.

You're going through my trash?

Hey, in here it's yours.

When it's in a can on the curb, it's first come, first served.

Now, what's up?

Uh, look, Nick, um, you know, ever since you moved in next door, you and I have

had a little trouble getting along.

Well, you're a jerk.

You know, ordinarily a remark like that... would cause me to reach down

throat and pull out your spleen.

Yep, but not today. And you know why?

You doubled up on your wuss pills.

Okay.

No, no, no. You see, tomorrow night is the big fight on pay -per -view.

It's for the heavyweight title.

So I'd like you to watch it with me.

Do I have to pay half?

No, Nick. It's my treat.

What's the catch?

There's no catch.

Just two guys hanging out, trying to get to know each other.

Wait a minute.

You really want to spend time with me?

Sure.

I want to find out if there's any chance that you and I can be friends.

You paying for the grub, too?

Yep.

Whoa. Okay.

I'll be here.

You have a brain tumor or something?

No, Nick. I'm just being neighborly.

Thanks, neighbor.

Would that be the 18th century British humor magazine or the popular sugar

-based party beverage?

The latter.

Make up your mind. Do you want punch or a ladder?

My God, your date is a total...

talk to Kimberly for a second.

Better you than me.

Well, want some popcorn, Nick?

Cost you 40 bucks.

Thanks, Carl.

Oh, what are you going to do?

I like this cheese flavor.

Yeah, me too.

But, you know what?

Lady friend dropping by later.

Oh.

What's her name?

Cindy.

Cindy?

Is she pretty?

Is she pretty?

Picture a combination of Michelle Pfeiffer and Heather Locklear.

is my ex -wife, Helen.

You know, it's weird.

It's been five years since the divorce.

I still miss her.

It's too bad, Nick.

Ah, what are you gonna do?

It just didn't work out, that's all.

Money problems.

Didn't make enough, huh?

No, she didn't.

See, I wanted us to be a two -income family.

Helen wanted us to stay home and have kids.

So we split up.

Yeah. See you. It's rough, Nick.

But now, when I see you and your beautiful family,

I realize I made a mistake.

A terrible mistake.

That's too bad, Nick. Want to watch a movie?

I begged her not to leave me.

I fell to my knees in the snow.

She was holding two suitcases. A taxi was waiting.

It was Christmas Eve.

I pleaded with her, Helen, no.

For God's sake, don't leave me.

Nick, Nick, look, it's Columbo. Want to watch Columbo?

I left my book bag here the other day.

Laura, you came at the perfect time. We're just about to announce the winner.

Winner? What winner? We're having our annual geek party.

Geek party?

We each bring the nerdiest guy we can find.

And the worst one gets crowned king geek.

Don't these guys mind the way you're making fun of them?

That's the best part. They have no idea. They actually think we like them.

Coolest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

Yeah. Cool, isn't it?

No, it's not cool.

These guys are people and they have feelings.

Oh, please.

Look at them.

They're geeks.

Yeah.

Well, one of those geeks happens to be a friend of mine.

In that case, you better find some new friends.

Or maybe you need to find another sorority.

Oh, you're not a sorority.

You're a pack of vicious, self -centered, stuck -up barracudas with

and push -up bras.

Hi, Marley.

Steve, I think we should go.

Are you kidding? Like, this party is popping.

And look at my date, Fox Obama.

And I think she's wearing a push -up.

This is a geek party.

Well, of course it's a Greek party.

It's a sorority for crying out loud.

It's got, look, sigma theta based on the ancient Greek alphabet.

No, no, no, no.

Not Greek.

Geek.

As in nerd.

Doofus. Dweeb.

Is this true?

Um, well, yeah.

That's, that's really mean.

Oh, come on, it's just harmless fun.

Hey, when you're hurting other people, that ain't harmless, sister.

Look, I might not be the trendiest guy on campus.

back together.

Wait one minute.

You think you could just toss me aside like an old gym