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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,649 --> 00:00:07,910 Tonight's episode of Family Matters is a little scary. 2 00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:11,590 So you might want to watch it with somebody brave. 3 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:13,650 Don't worry, Uncle Steve. 4 00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:15,169 Yeah, man. 5 00:00:15,170 --> 00:00:16,170 We're here for you. 6 00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:19,270 Guys, can we turn on the light? 7 00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:36,980 there, Steve? 8 00:00:37,060 --> 00:00:39,060 Feast your eyes on this. 9 00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:47,160 A dummy 10 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,960 that looks exactly like Steve. 11 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,080 How disturbing. 12 00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:01,100 Okay, now, the key to being a good ventriloquist is to give the dummy a 13 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,200 funny voice. 14 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,310 wooden friend, does your mom know where you are? 15 00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:12,990 My mom doesn't know anything. 16 00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:18,690 My mom is a telephone pole in Kansas City. 17 00:01:24,870 --> 00:01:27,350 Telephone pole. Get it, get it, get it. Telephone pole. 18 00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:30,130 Well, what do you think? 19 00:01:31,110 --> 00:01:32,990 Oh, your lips are supposed to flap like that. 20 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,160 Looks like there's a storm coming in. 21 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,980 Thank you, Al Roker. 22 00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,240 What's wrong with you? 23 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:02,560 Oh, nothing. 24 00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:05,200 I'm only the world's worst ventriloquist, right? 25 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:07,780 Yeah. You blow chunks. 26 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,180 Thanks, Al. Please, don't hold back. Just tell me how you feel. 27 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,120 Well, Steve, I mean, no one's good at everything. 28 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,960 Although I do come awfully close. 29 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,500 I just wish I could make this... 30 00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:29,170 Well, frankly, I can't relate. 31 00:02:29,810 --> 00:02:32,970 I mean, the only doll I want sitting on my lap can talk on her own. 32 00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:34,350 Know what I'm saying? 33 00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:12,170 Nothing with a plywood brain is alive. 34 00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:15,890 Carl, I'm telling you, it moved and it said hi. 35 00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:17,970 I'll prove it to you. 36 00:04:28,730 --> 00:04:33,130 Steve, if this is your new act, it's actually an improvement. 37 00:04:33,930 --> 00:04:34,930 I don't get it. 38 00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,730 Steve, has anyone in your family ever checked into the Rubber Ramada? 39 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:47,710 Well, my Aunt Eve thought she was a man conditioner. 40 00:04:48,190 --> 00:04:49,490 Oh, did they take her away? 41 00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:51,230 Heck no. She kept us cool in the summer. 42 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,090 I don't have time for this. 43 00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:58,670 Me neither. Steve, if you keep having these delusions, you're going to have a 44 00:04:58,670 --> 00:04:59,670 flat eye. 45 00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:04,210 Honey, please, get some rest. 46 00:05:18,990 --> 00:05:21,190 Maybe I have lost my mind. 47 00:05:23,270 --> 00:05:25,570 No, you're fine, Steve. 48 00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:31,970 Oh, Harry is right. 49 00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:34,730 I need to lie down. 50 00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:39,050 My name is Stephen Q. Urkel. My IQ is 196. 51 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,080 jar. 52 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,320 Relax. 53 00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:30,340 Sit down. 54 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,340 Take a load off. 55 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,400 But you're made of wood. 56 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,960 You can't walk. 57 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,360 You can't talk. 58 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,140 Oh, yeah. And I suppose I can't dance either. 59 00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:02,090 You just got what you wished for, pal. 60 00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:04,390 What I wished for? 61 00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:09,870 Yeah, you wanted me to talk. Well, you got it, bucko. 62 00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:14,150 But why didn't you talk in front of the Winslows? 63 00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,830 I don't like the Winslows. 64 00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:20,590 But they're the finest family in the whole wide world. 65 00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:22,050 I know. 66 00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:25,150 They make me sick. 67 00:07:29,260 --> 00:07:31,860 The Winslows are in the way, so I'll have to get rid of them. 68 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,600 What a little puppet. 69 00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:40,480 You may look like me, but you're not like me at all. 70 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,100 You're evil. 71 00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:45,560 Hey, I like that. 72 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,360 Evil, huh? 73 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:53,120 From now on, you can just call me Steve -o. 74 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,500 Come on, you guys better hurry. 75 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,340 And look, tell Charlie's dad that if it starts to rain, bring you guys straight 76 00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:16,420 home. Got it. 77 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:22,620 And remember, do not eat your candy until I look at it. 78 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:27,600 Okay, but you remember, don't eat our candy while you look at it. 79 00:08:34,299 --> 00:08:35,960 Well, we can relax. 80 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:39,919 upstairs in the trunk. 81 00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:42,440 Who? Stable, my dummy. 82 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,340 He has a name now? 83 00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:47,720 Yep. Named himself. 84 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,700 I'm telling you, Carl, he's Satan's sock puppet. 85 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:53,840 Listen to me, big guy. 86 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,700 That dummy ain't no dummy. 87 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,060 Not only does he talk, but what he says, oh, it ain't good. 88 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:01,520 He's evil. 89 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:02,960 Evil, Carl. 90 00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,640 Steve, I'm seriously afraid. 91 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,700 that you're losing your mind. 92 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,660 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, I know, I know. Okay, okay, okay. Urkel's crazy, 93 00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:14,780 Urkel's crazy, Urkel's crazy. 94 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:19,720 But trust me, the important thing is that Stiebel is locked away. 95 00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:16,210 said that? 96 00:10:16,670 --> 00:10:18,350 Help. Help me. 97 00:10:18,690 --> 00:10:20,370 I'm trapped in the chimney. 98 00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:22,430 Santa? 99 00:11:19,820 --> 00:11:21,900 a very busy dummy. 100 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,760 What are you talking about? 101 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:28,040 Check out what's behind Murphy bed number one. 102 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,380 from low shelf esteem. 103 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,160 You little monster. 104 00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:13,320 Steve, shut the cupboards. I don't want anyone to see me like this. All right. 105 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:17,940 Where is it? 106 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,600 Special delivery. 107 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:53,560 out his head. 108 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:01,650 She's a little cranky. 109 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,010 Well, Steve, okay. 110 00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,090 Maybe your dummy did come to life. 111 00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:13,530 Maybe he is trying to do away with the whole family. 112 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:15,710 But listen, let's be honest. 113 00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:17,310 Is that so bad? 114 00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:20,930 What? 115 00:15:21,430 --> 00:15:22,790 What are you saying? 116 00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,570 Steve, I'm saying lighten up. 117 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:27,330 Lighten up and... 118 00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:37,630 He's under my control. My new personal puppet. 119 00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,170 Watch. 120 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,630 I took my wife to the islands. 121 00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:44,130 Jamaica? 122 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,630 No. She wanted to go. 123 00:15:49,850 --> 00:15:52,410 How? With a lot of fried pickles. 124 00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:54,090 Why are you doing this? 125 00:15:54,690 --> 00:15:58,850 Well, I took care of the Winslow's so we could go on the road together. 126 00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:02,830 I knew you'd never come unless they were out of the way. 127 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,160 Sure. We'll do a ventriloquist act. 128 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:12,760 Only I'll do the talking and you'll be the dummy. 129 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,100 It's personal. 130 00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:03,860 You were dreaming. 131 00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,100 I was? 132 00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:17,100 Why would I have a dream like that? 133 00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:19,200 Well, that's no mystery. 134 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,980 You have an obsessive -compulsive personality which manifests itself in 135 00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:24,160 extreme need to achieve perfection. 136 00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:28,620 You think I need therapy? 137 00:19:32,650 --> 00:19:34,950 surgical procedure will alleviate the problem. 138 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:38,550 Okay. 139 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:43,390 What kind of... What are you doing? 140 00:19:43,670 --> 00:19:44,890 Put that down! 141 00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:49,870 Now lie back and close your eyes, because this is really going to hurt. 142 00:20:13,230 --> 00:20:15,890 spring you dreamed that the easter bunny jumped you in the alley and slapped you 143 00:20:15,890 --> 00:20:22,110 pink that was scary at thanksgiving you dreamed that a turkey stuffed you 144 00:20:22,110 --> 00:20:24,070 that one still gives me the willies 145 00:21:18,890 --> 00:21:22,130 Get me a baseball bat. I'm going to knock this dummy up out of his head. 146 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,520 Does everybody love that? 147 00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:47,940 Awesome. 9862