Original subtitles

Install next day. You'll save 50 % with no payments till 2009.

Empire's half -price home interior sale.

Call now and get more floor for less.

800 -588 -2300.

Empire. Today.

Thanks. I've been working on it for weeks. Oh, and it paid off.

Why, you even got the throbbing vein right in his neck.

Oh, this is definitely an A.

Can you keep an eye on it while I go wash my hands? Make sure nobody touches

It's still very wet. Oh, you got it. Why, I'll watch it like a hog, baby.

It's an egg.

in football?

We were, until I kicked the field goal into the neighbor's backyard.

Yeah, Mr. Niedermeyer wasn't very happy about it.

Well, did you ask for the ball back?

Yeah. Well, all he would say was... Well,

he's being more mature than usual.

But don't worry, 3J.

I'm your foster dad now.

I'll get your football back.

You come to bring the football back?

Get real.

I came to borrow some tools.

This gold fiend just got a new satellite dish?

I'm tapping into it.

Shit.

You're stealing from his dish?

Yeah. You can't do that.

So, take your dollar back.

Oh, come on. Loosen up.

We'll get Disney for free and show... in no time.

But what about our football, Mr. Niedermeyer? Your football?

You mean my football, Pee -wee.

Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

You're gonna keep the boys' footballs and come over here and borrow my tools?

Yeah. Which part of that don't you understand?

Uh, excuse me, uh, kids, uh, Mr. Niedermeyer and I would like to have a

chat, so if you don't mind.

You gonna whoop him?

No, it's not gonna come to that, 3J.

Niedermeyer, I'm sick and tired of you pushing people around.

Now, I want that football back, and I want it back now.

Hey, I didn't start this. I finished it. If you had been any kind of a parent...

hoodlums wouldn't be making trouble in the first place.

You know, Nita Maya, the airport would be a better neighbor than you.

Does that mean I'm not getting the tools?

Oh, I'm not sleepy, sweetheart.

I'm working on something really important.

What is it?

Taxes? Oh, no.

It's a list of ways of getting back at Nick Niedermeyer.

Number one, move away and give the house to Steve Urkel.

first dates when you took me to the amusement park.

Well, I remember that we got thrown out of the tunnel of love for getting a

little too frisky.

When we were leaving, you had $10 in tickets left.

I don't remember that.

Well, I do.

Because on the way out, you handed those tickets to a couple of kids who were

coming in.

You made their night.

Well, you know how I feel about kids.

Well, I said to myself right then, Harriet, you're going out with a mighty

man.

Big man, huh?

That man would never lose his temper over petty problems.

That man would never stoop to revenge.

That's great, Carl.

That's my man.

Nick could have never done that.

Well, of course not.

Because he's not a big man.

Let's go upstairs, big man.

Just a second, sweetheart.

Who are you calling at this hour?

Barney's Pizza Place.

I'm going to let them know that Nick won't be needing those 50 pizzas.

Now, listen, Vlad.

Today we are going to begin studying the glorious human form.

It will be one of our most difficult challenges.

And to help us in our endeavors...

We will be working with a live model.

Well, that'll be a welcome change from bowls of fruit.

Hey, Gwen.

How you doing?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

That's Betty's gal pal.

Yeah, she's making some extra money modeling.

Oh, well, you know, money comes in handy when you want to buy...

struck with hysterical blindness for the rest of class. Okay, one, two, three,

four, five.

I don't believe this.

Greta was naked in front of strangers?

Well, they ain't strangers anymore.

Now, let's just keep this between you and me, okay?

Yeah, yeah, right, Steve. Just between us. Right, okay.

I got you, I got you.

I told you. You bet he did.

I'm gonna go upstairs now.

Have you lost your mind?

I don't want you shaking your booty for anyone.

I didn't shake it. I posed in an artistic fashion.

Yeah, well, can't you be artistic in some sweatpants and a parka?

How would you like it if I got naked in a room full of people? You do.

Every day with the basketball team.

I don't do that for money.

I'm naked for free.

Listen, Eddie.

It's my body, okay?

You got nothing to do with it, so drop it.

Oh, you bet it's dropped. Because you are never, ever, ever, ever going to

nude again.

Excuse me?

You do not have me under lock and key.

I do whatever I want.

Not while you're going out with Eddie Winslow, you won't.

Okay.

Then I'm not going out with Eddie Winslow.

you what's going on. Police brutality.

I'm sorry to trouble you at home, Lieutenant, but this man was caught

in a window next door. I keep telling you, the wind blew my door shut while I

was nude sunbathing.

Nude sunbathing?

Yeah. So you don't get a tan line.

Chicks dig guys without a tan line.

This guy claims he lived next door.

Tell him, Winslow.

Munchkin land, I'm your neighbor.

Well, uh... Anytime today, Winslow, I'm missing my peak tanning

hours.

Garber, I've never seen this man before in my life.

Thank you, sir. That's all I needed to know. Let's go, nature boy.

Carl! Carl, buddy!

Pal! You gotta help me out here. I wasn't really gonna keep those kids

I love those little rugrats.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's going on?

Nothing, ma 'am. We just got a pervert next door.

He won't tell him who I am.

Carl, be the bigger man.

I'm sorry, Gobber. He is my neighbor.

I'm sorry he's your neighbor, too, sir.

Boy, I really appreciate that, Winslow.

Yes, Nick.

My Carl's a big man.

Nah.

Your Carl's a big sap.

Winslow, you had me in your sights and you choked.

Ooh, Nick, is that a sexy girl going in your house? Ooh, she's a... There!

Where?

Hey! Hey!

Hey,

Ed.

What's up, Laura?

I heard what happened.

You broke up with Greta over the modeling thing?

Well, you were there. You saw what she did.

Listen, Eddie, artists have been using nude models for centuries. I mean, look

at Michelangelo's David.

Yeah, Laura, but we're not talking about that.

We're talking about Eddie Winslow's Greta.

Look, all I'm saying is, maybe you should try and see her side.

Hey, everybody's seeing her side.

It's the top and the bottom I don't want them to see.

You don't know the whole story.

What? Greta's a part -time stripper, too?

You are being so insensitive about this. You know what? You need a wake -up

call. What are you talking about?

Greta told me something in confidence, and I wasn't gonna say anything.

But you leave me no choice.

Well, what is it?

Greta's father gave her an ultimatum a few weeks ago. Either she had to stop

dating you, or he'd cut her off financially.

And for some twisted, strange reason, she chose you.

Lord knows why.

Wait a minute.

He cut her off completely?

Yes. No money for textbooks, no money for tuition, makeup, clothes.

She's got less money than you, Eddie.

Dang.

That's seriously broke.

So she took two part -time jobs, including modeling, to make ends meet.

Laura, I don't understand why she didn't just come and tell me all of this

herself.

She didn't want to make you feel guilty.

That's how much she loves you.

Oh, that's very impressive, Miss Winslow.

It reminds me of Rodan.

Oh, no, it's supposed to be Greta, not a Japanese monster.

Just keep sculpting, dear.

Hercule.

Hercule! Oh, yes, Mr. Raymond?

What do we have here?

Oh, okay, okay. This is a three -story Victorian house from 1894.

But I'm not done with the roof yet.

Oh, that's all very interesting, Hercule. But we're all sculpting this

Where is she?

She's in the house.

I don't see her.

She's in the shower.

I don't hear her.

It's a reduced flow nozzle.

Hercule, by any chance, would your major happen to be art?

Oh, no! It's biological engineering.

There is a God.

Oh, my God. Get this place now.

Bye, Greta. See you.

Bye, Greta.

Sorry it was so cold in here today.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I felt like we needed to talk.

Oh, you've already done your talking, and I don't need to hear it again.

Look, Greta, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk.

But I didn't know you were modeling just so you could keep seeing me.

Laura told me about what your father did.

That was supposed to be a secret.

Yeah, I know.

But I guess she felt that I reached a certain knucklehead level, and she

to wake me up.

And did she?

Yeah.

Big time.

Hey, I think it's great that you stood up to your father just for me. It wasn't

just for you, Eddie. It was for me, too.

I'm tired of my father pushing me around.

I know.

And I don't want to be pushed around by you, either.

I know.

Look, I don't care about your modeling anymore.

I just care about us staying together.

Would you please forgive me, baby?

Come here.

Wow,

that movie was great.

Isn't Halle Berry pretty?

Who can notice pretty when you're sitting next to ravishing?

Come here.

I want to taste those lion lips.

Steve. I made some late night snacks.

Care for a weasel pup?

Steve, I thought you had a date with Myra tonight.

Those plants went to Bluey. My little hummingbird was doing yoga and got her

legs stuck behind her head.

She sneezed violently and washed herself in a fireplace.

Oh, that's terrible.

Good night.

Good night?

Well, the fun's just beginning.

It's like they say, two's company.

Three by part -time.

Okay. Pick a card. Any card.

Now, archaeologists believe that the pterodactyl had this mating card.