Original subtitles

Watch me.

What car?

I hold in my hands by next the leap forward in modern refrigeration. No,

Urkelkowitz. Ice cubes and a cake.

Steve.

What drives you to create these useless inventions?

I travel devoid of human contact.

Handy dandy can eliminates the need for ice cubes. Why, one spray will turn a

lukewarm beverage into a frosty cold beverage in mere seconds.

Prepare to be dazzled.

Oh boy,

that was exciting.

Don't worry, she must be clogged.

would like to have seen that you're lucky i have

to leave saturday big guy just make a little extra money moonlighting

dad's got a great gig he's working security for a movie company that's

on location he actually gets to protect movie stars

Why? Because you care about your dear old dad?

Of course.

And you want to meet some starlets? Of course.

Uncle Steve, you got a minute? What's up,

Richmeister?

Well, I'm having my first science fair at school, and I was wondering if you

could help me with my project.

Me?

Out of everyone in this house, you're asking...

since you're so good at science and everything.

Why, why, I'd be honored.

Thanks. You know, Richie, your first science fair is a milestone in your

life. It is? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Why, it fosters creative thinking, trains the mind to solve complex

Like you could cure a deadly disease.

You could harness the power of the time -space continuum.

you could invent a device that could change the course of history.

I thought I'd make a pinwheel.

A pinwheel's good.

Boulevard Bullock, scene 22, take 1, mark.

It's over, Lou.

You're going down.

For a long time. Jazz, wait, man. We can work this out.

Now, everybody knows you're a cop with a taste for the good life. We can split

the diamonds.

Huh?

Tempting.

But not tempting enough.

Oh, brother.

Cut!

Who said, oh, brother?

Who on my set thought it would be a good career move to say, oh, brother?

Sorry.

It's just that that scene is a little unrealistic.

You have notes.

I don't believe this. The security guard has notes.

Can we get moving?

I'm losing my gift over here.

Your gift? Your gift is that we got you out of dinner theater.

Now take five.

Now, what did you mean it's unrealistic?

Well, for starters, uh...

A cop would never scratch his head with a loaded gun.

It's subtext.

It's stupid.

He could blow his brains out. Or the guy could jump him and get away.

You sound like you know what you're talking about.

Well, I've been a Chicago cop for over 20 years.

Huh.

You're one of those guys with a... What do you call it? A real job. That's it.

What is your name?

Carl Winslow.

All right, Carl Winslow.

How do you see the scene?

It's over, Luke.

You have the right to remain silent. If you refuse that right, anything you say

can and will be held against you in a court of law.

Talk to me, C .W. What's wrong?

Well, Jake, it's still a little too unreal.

What he's saying is real, but the way he's saying it isn't.

Could you show him how a real cop would do it?

Well, I don't know. Oh, come on, Kimmy, C .W., huh?

Well,

all right, why not?

It's over, Luke.

or under arrest, you have the right to remain silent.

If you refuse that right, anything you say can and will be held against you in

court of law.

Yes!

Incredible.

I really like working with him.

He gives me something.

I'm no actor. I'm just a cop.

Exactly.

You're a real cop.

That's just what my movie is missing. C .W., I want you in this picture. Who's

your agent?

Agent? Well, well, well, when we bought our house, we had a real estate agent

once. I think her name was Natalie.

Somebody get me Natalie on the phone.

Get Natalie on the phone.

Get me Natalie.

Jake, Jake, you can't do this.

Jake, Jake, I don't feel too good about getting somebody fired.

Look at this guy, strong and sensitive, like me.

Will you get out of here?

So what do you say?

Ready to act?

Oh, Jake.

Oh, come on. You can do this. You have to seize the moment. That's what it's

about, seizing.

C .W., are you ready to seize?

I guess I could seize.

picture of the pinwheel we're gonna build? Uh, yeah, yeah, Richie. I've been

thinking about that.

And a pinwheel's nice, but I'm not so sure it's gonna wow the judges.

Why not?

Well, because everyone does a pinwheel. I mean, it go, and it's over.

I was thinking we'd do something with a little more sizzle.

Like what?

I care about a project utilizing animal...

when you combine hot air with cold air.

Medium air?

No.

Actually, you get Congress.

But seriously, you get rain.

Now, if my calculations are correct, using hot air and cold air, the both of

can unofficially create one of nature's strongest forces in a miniature

controlled environment.

Whoa.

Carl,

that's incredible.

Laura, your dad's in a movie.

Oh, what's he saying?

No, he's acting in a movie.

We want to celebrate. What time are you coming home?

Well, I may be a little late.

Some of the other actors are a little shaky.

Hey, CW, time to twinkle. Gotta go, babe. Ciao.

Ciao.

Here's the next scene, CW. Let's rehearse it. Okay. Nicole!

Do you know who you are?

You're Nicole Moses.

Oh, I do?

Oh, I remember. You're the security guy who ate all the donuts.

Not anymore, though. As a matter of fact, he's your new co -star.

You're kidding.

I never kid, kid.

He walks the walk. He talks the talk. You understand?

Whatever.

Let's rehearse.

the Montez brothers.

No way am I going to tell you when the bust is going down.

Stop it, baby.

Now, when are you going to realize that you're the one that I long for?

I want you so much.

I need you.

I'm warning you.

for this.

I'm not falling for your gorgeous smile, your beautiful eyes, and your soft,

pouty lips.

Cut!

Cut? You can't call cut. Only the director can call cut.

Well, it says I'm supposed to kiss her passionately here. So?

Well, I'm a happily married man. I feel a little uncomfortable kissing another

woman. Why don't you do what I do? Just close your eyes and think about the

money.

You're not cheating on your wife.

You're acting.

It's part of the job.

Well, I don't know, Jake. Look, CW, if you want to be an actor, you

have to forget who you are. You have to become the role.

Become the role.

Become the role. I can do it now. I love this guy.

I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

Whatever.

Okay. This time, C .W., I want you to make the move on her.

Yes. Okay.

From that last speech, guys.

And... Action.

I'm warning you.

I'm not falling for this.

I'm not falling for your gorgeous smile, your beautiful eyes, and your soft,

pouty, pouty lips.

I'm sorry. I can't do this. Cut!

Look, for the last time, you either do this or you're fired.

You can't fire me because I quit.

I refuse to be exploited for my good looks and my body.

Now, we've got warm air coming through here and cold air coming through there.

Now, what do we get when we combine the two?

Wind. Excellent.

All righty, mister.

Let's make a twister.

But first, we must don protective eye there.

Oh, Richie.

Richie. Oh,

Richie. Richie.

Are you okay?

That was fun.

Can we do it again?

No way.

Do you know what will make a great science project?

What? A pinwheel.

Guys better clean this mess up before Mom sees it.

Place look like it was hit by a tornado.

Hey,

movie star.

Oh, hey, honey. I thought you'd be in bed.

Are you kidding?

I want to know what happened on the set. Give me every juicy detail.

Well, first I did a fight scene. Wow.

Then I met Nicole Moses.

Wow. And then I quit.

What?

Harriet, they wanted me to do a love scene with her.

What?

Yeah. Real intense and sexy.

And on crates.

Well, you know, Carl, most men would have found that exciting.

Well, I know. I mean, I would have too, but... Well, when it came time to kiss

her, I... I was embarrassed.

Because there were too many people around?

No.

Because I felt that I'd be cheating on you.

Carl.

Yeah? Those are really good answers.

I don't know, honey. I guess I might cut out to be an actor.

You're not married to a star.

Oh, yes, I am.

When it comes to a husband and father, you're a superstar.

You know, Carl, you may never win an Oscar,

but tonight you won yourself a Harry. Come on.