Original subtitles

Oh, this is so bad, honey mustard. Only two days until the prom.

I know, pickle relish. It's gonna be the greatest... The

greatest... The greatest...

Prom ever.

Look, did I tell you that I rented us a limo for prom night?

To impress me? No, so I could keep my arm around you instead of that stand

where... Good plan.

Wow, nice job, people.

Great.

You mean the banner, the flowers, or the gazebo?

None of the above. It's great that I didn't have to do any of the work.

Uh, Urkel, a word, please.

The VP wants to speak with me.

Why?

What can I do for you, sir?

Uh, Urkel, remember the school dance where you set up the sprinkler system

soaked everybody?

Yeah. What's your point?

It might be a good idea if you skip the prom.

Me?

Oh, miss my prom?

The same guy who's never missed one day of school in four years?

Don't remind me.

The same guy who came up with the slogan for detention, don't do bad things?

I offered you a hundred dollars.

A hundred? No, sir.

No way will I miss my senior prime.

Besides, that was the sea burgle of yesteryear.

Will $20 set him up?

Yeah.

Okay.

Here's $10. Let him home.

Gee, thanks, Dan.

Nick used to be my boss.

And then I let him in my poker game, and he was so obnoxious that I had to shove

a pie in his face and throw him out on his butt.

Look there. If there's going to be another fight, I'm out of here. I'm in

good clothes.

Nice kid.

What, does he work in a circus?

Nick, I thought that I told you I never wanted to see you again. Believe me, the

feeling is mutual.

But something happened that's going to make that impossible.

Oh, really? What?

I bought the house next door.

What?

Put it in, neighbor.

Too slow.

Oh, that's very funny, Nick. Yeah, we're going to have a lot of laughs, Carl.

Yeah. But I want to be a good neighbor. I'm glad to hear that.

That's why I'm giving you ample warning about your fence.

My fence?

Yeah. It's on my property.

What are you talking about?

I had a surveyor come out.

Seems your fence is exactly 18 and a half inches over the property line.

No way.

Way.

You expect me to move a fence that's been up for 15 years because it's 18 and

one -half inches on your property? That is asinine.

Well, hey, I'm a reasonable man. You don't have to do it right away. Wait

tomorrow.

I'm not moving my fence.

So you want to play hardball, huh?

That's right.

Look, Ace.

I've got plans to build a... and your fence is in the way.

Chicks, big guys who barbecue.

Especially when they barbecue wearing only an apron.

I didn't need to hear that part, Nick.

Yeah, well, listen to this part.

Move your fence or I'll move it for you.

year the day of the prom.

Hey, did you see him working on Dora Finswick?

Girl, she didn't need a hairstylist. She needed a fairy godmother.

All right.

Curtis.

Hi, Laura.

What's wrong?

Um, I don't know how to tell you this, so I guess I should just say it straight

out.

I'm not going to be able to take you to the prom.

Curtis. I've been waiting for this night my whole life. I got my hair done, my

nails. I bought a new dress, and now you say you can't take me?

That's right. Oh, well, I want to know the reason why. Let me tell you

something. There better be a dead relative in your excuse.

My grandmother died.

Oh, Curtis, I'm sorry.

That's okay.

I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. That's okay.

No, it's not okay. I'm a cold, thoughtless person.

My whole family's flying out to Washington for the funeral.

Oh, can't you wait a day?

Oh, of course you can.

I'm sorry.

I'm a cold, thoughtless person.

No, you're not.

Look, you're disappointed, and I don't blame you. I'm sorry.

I'll call you next week.

Poor Curtis.

Yeah, and poor you. You're going to miss your prom.

Maybe not.

There's got to be some guy who's going to have a date.

to say she's got walking pneumonia.

Will she be okay?

This means you guys are going to have to go together.

All

right,

this is our prom.

Our one and only single prom.

I mean, think about it. Why shouldn't we go together?

I'll go with you.

Under two conditions. Don't name them, baby.

First, I go with you when you pick up your tux.

Dang, one more of those.

I want your solemn promise that you won't bump, break, or destroy anything

the prom.

I ain't promise.

I'll try.

Come on, let's go pick up that tux.

Yeah, but you're down. We don't move without you. Throw your hands in the

is Steve Urkel.

And get this, Urkel's tuxedo fits.

Steve, everyone gasped. Of course.

You're so beautiful, you take their breath away.

Is this my imagination or is your voice lower?

I think it's because these pants are so loose.

Oh, Lord, you look beautiful.

Thanks. So do you, Max.

Oh, guess what? Steve rented us a limo for the night.

I rented us a limo station wagon.

All I had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard.

think i'm just gonna stand here and let you do that well that's what you're

doing excuse me i'll be right

back take your time pajama boy

Trim my tree.

It's not your tree. It's my tree. Not the part that hangs in my yard.

You wouldn't. You watch me.

All right, pal.

Let's settle this right now.

You want a piece of me? Yeah.

Come on.

Come on. Come on. Oh, yeah.

I got to warn you.

I'm a cop and I got a black belt. In what?

Eating donuts?

children well he started it i'm

ashamed of you nick you never even tried to be a good neighbor on the first

day you stormed over here making demands i waited an hour the next time you have

something on your mind try discussing it like a gentleman instead of like a jerk

Escalated it.

Now, like it or not, Nick is our neighbor now.

And you two had better learn to get along.

Well, she's right, Nick.

We should try to get along.

I'll tell you what. I'll not only move my fence, I'll help you build your

barbecue.

Winslow, that's real decent of you.

Well, I want to try to be a good neighbor.

Of course you do.

After your wifey made you.

What?

My God.

Who's the boss in this family anyway?

You see these, Winslow?

These are pants.

Try wearing them sometime.

Yes, dear.

Right, dear. Whatever you say, dear.

What a load of manure.

No, Nick.

Not a load of manure.

That's a load of manure.

you some fresh air.

Outside would probably be the best place for that.

I ordered it special

just for you.

There's no doubt about it.

You're the most beautiful girl.

Thanks,

Steve.

And you're the most improved guy at the prom.

Steve, can I tell you something?

My fly is open. I knew it. I just want to say that I'm very proud of you.

You haven't caused one single disaster all night.

I hate to ruin such an important evening.

Myra, want to know a secret?

Sure.

Even though I'm going steady with Myra, I've always dreamed of going to the prom

with you.

I know. You asked me when we were six.

I fantasized about what my prom night would be like. Ooh, fantasize.

I pictured a handsome date dressed in a gorgeous tuxedo.

How?

Then he'd pick me up in a limousine and we'd dance the night away.

That'd be the best time of my entire life.

That's a nice fantasy.

No, it's not a fantasy because you made it all come true.

I did?

There's only one thing that's keeping this from being a perfect night.

Well, what's that?

This.