Original subtitles

This is glue.

Glue? Yes.

It's my super earth grip. Titan pending.

What's it doing in the fridge, Steve?

I have to keep it cool. It hardens at room temperature.

Didn't you read my memo?

Look. Glue.

Sticky. May plug colon.

Steve, you put up so many memos.

I stopped reading.

Oh, really?

Well, you'll be getting a memo about that.

Hey. Uh -oh.

Laura, honey.

Calm down.

It's not that bad.

No, it's worse.

I've been trying to get a date with Dante Lewis for months, and I wake up

zit on my forehead the size of a blimp.

Sweetheart, you're overreacting. Nobody will ever notice.

Look at the size of that zit!

No one would notice, huh?

I understand. You're humiliated.

Don't you expect to see Moat and Mavid just come shooting out of that puppy?

I'm gonna go in there and not be in here.

Uh, Steve just left and I... have a date, so if you have to leave, I'd

appreciate it.

Suit yourself, but I can zap your zit before your fly guy gets here.

Really? Mm -hmm. How?

Well, just this very morning, I, too, awoke with a blemish.

I don't see anything.

Exactly. I used my Monk House Miracle Mask.

And look, once again, my skin is positively radiant.

What's in this miracle mask?

Oh, completely natural ingredients found in your everyday kitchen.

Oatmeal, honey, baking soda, avocado, lemon,

egg white, and Mother Nature's

astringent...

You don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, I do.

You just want to meet your mom.

That's because I'm right. I know basketball.

Yeah, well, so do I. I follow the games. I read the stats. And I'm telling you,

Dennis Rodman plays better with purple hair.

Hey, fellas, how's it going, huh? Hey, how was the game?

Cool. Bulls in overtime.

I won.

But you know what? The players always tip a little better when they win. You

know what I'm saying?

You mean the Bulls players come here?

Oh, sure, man. The whole place gets packed.

So if you guys want to meet them, you better hurry inside and beat the crowd.

Check it out.

What do you think?

Don't ask me to think. It hurts.

I know.

We can't go in there.

It's a bar, a tavern, a pub, a lounge, a saloon.

So? So, we're not old enough to drink.

We're not old enough to drink.

So let's just go inside, check the place out, starve some free peanuts and score

a few autographs. No way. Not me. Not gonna do.

All right, fine.

Oh, wait.

Now, you guys have a choice.

You can either come with me and feel good about yourselves, or you can put

souls in moral jeopardy and walk into that devil's playground.

See ya.

All right, fellas, welcome to the Ace High, huh? Got your favorite seat

right here. Go have a seat. Two kings, looking good.

All right, if there's anything I can get you, just let me know. All right?

We got the best seats in the house, Waldo.

That's because the house is empty.

Look, Eddie, I came in here to meet basketball players.

And if they're not going to show up, I'm going to need another reason to stay.

Hi, guys.

I can give you two reasons.

Well, hello there, precious.

My name is Eddie Winslow, but you can call me anytime you want.

And you can call me Yvette.

Ooh, Yvette.

I'm Chandra. What's your name, handsome?

No, it's Waldo.

Waldo, Geraldo, Waldo. And I already have a girlfriend.

Her name's Maxine.

Oh, well, is she nice?

Oh, she's a sweetie pie.

But if she saw us together, she'd rip off your arm and beat me with it.

Something to drink? Well, I am a little thirsty.

Tell you what, my man. Bring the lady whatever she wants, and I'll have a

ale.

I'd love some champagne because the bubbles tickle my nose.

My turn next.

And for you?

I have some water and plenty of free peanuts.

So, Yvette, tell me about you.

I'm much more interested in you. Oh, my life is an open book, baby. Just let

your fingers do the walking.

Yeah.

All right, then. Thank you.

A toast to...

chance meetings, and love at first sight.

To warm, exciting moments between strangers in the night.

I see London, I see France, I see your best underpants.

Would you like to buy a rose for the lady?

Certainly. In fact, a woman this beautiful deserves two roses.

And another rose.

Well, thank you, Eddie.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go use the little girl's room. All righty.

Be gone too long. All right.

Eddie, I don't think the Bulls players are coming in here. Who cares?

I'll make it out like a bandit with Yvette.

So get her number and call her.

I got to get home.

All right.

Excuse me, bro. Can I have the check, please?

Sure.

$500?

Is there a problem? You bet there's a problem.

$500?

For a bottle of champagne and two roses? Oh, two roses?

That'll be $550.

finest champagne and the freshest roses.

This is ridiculous. I demand to see the owner.

Very well.

You know, Waldo, I think we're being scammed here.

Now, I told you we should have left a long time ago, but did you listen to me?

No.

The place is empty. Let's just peel out of here.

I'm Frank. I happen to be the owner of this establishment.

I'm told you have a complaint.

That's right. You're trying to rip us off and we're not paying.

I see.

Fellas, tell them what happens when customers don't pay their bills.

Bodily damage.

Well, I have an idea.

What if we both leave and save up our money and come back and pay off our bill

in, say, six months?

I have an even better idea.

What if just one of you leaves, gets me my money, and pays off the bill in, say,

now?

That could work.

Look, Waldo, this whole... thing is my fault. I got us into this mess.

I'll come back for you as soon as I can, alright?

Thanks, Eddie. Hey!

Nice try.

Okay, you go.

Where am I gonna get the money?

Well, go to my dad.

Tell him we were on our way home from the game and my car broke down on the

expressway and we weren't near a phone and we need the money to fix it.

Got it? Got it.

Then whatever you do, Don't tell them what really happened.

Don't worry. Wild porcupines couldn't drag it out of me.

Amara, my face is tingling.

Ah, that means the Monk House Miracle Mask is working.

Time's up.

Let's take a gander at your zit -free face.

You're a cult, are you kidding?

Look at this from different angles. Let's see here. Oh, I see what's going

What are

the ingredients?

Avocado, honey, lemon, baking soda, eggs, and milk.

second shelf in the fridge.

Well, what's the matter?

That wasn't milk.

That was super glue.

Geez,

Daddy, if you had just labeled that bottle properly, this would have never

happened. Oh, but sweet feet, I do believe you could have been a little

conscious in your preparation.

jerk should get this baby right off your face.

I hope so, because two simple jerks got it on my face.

Drama queen, drama queen.

Can I do this answer?

You got, you got, you got ready?

All right.

All right.

And could no longer sustain ignition.

Dragged her left.

But we were not near a phone and found ourselves in a bewildering predicament.

Thesley, your son Edward requested that I borrow $500 in American currency from

you.

His father.

Carl Winslow.

Edward come instead of you, Waldo?

All right, I lied.

Nothing happened with the car.

Eddie got scammed by some cheap movie in a bar. Now, please, I can't take this

constant grilling.

Well, where is he, Waldo? The H -High Lounge. And for God's sake, leave me

alone. I don't know anymore.

That's a stupid boy.

Frank, if my friend can't get the money, what happens to me?

You ever hear the expression, it cost me an arm and a leg?

Well, hello there, big spender. Dad!

Can I help you?

I'm Carl Winslow. I'm this young man's father.

Oh, well, sorry you had to come all the way down here.

I'm afraid your son is a man about town with a wallet that's just about empty.

Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to see my son's bill.

$450 for a bottle of champagne?

Edward, were you drinking?

No, Dad.

I bought it for her.

Well, at least you had a good excuse.

Then I had no idea it cost that much.

Well, I guess all you had to do was ask.

Learned a valuable lesson, huh?

A hundred dollars for two roses?

You know, I landscaped our whole backyard for less than that.

Well, he's young. Just chalk it up to experience.

Well, you know I would if I didn't think that you were trying to take advantage

of him.

Listen, pal.

Your son owes me $550.

If he doesn't pay it, I'll have him arrested.

You want a wine?

Tell it to the judge.

Well, you... You want a... Um... You know,

pal,

Misleading people and extorting money is a felony.

Plus, Edward and his friend are under 21 and by law aren't allowed in here in

the first place.

Oh, yeah?

What makes you such a big expert?

This.

I'm Lieutenant Carl Winslow, Chicago PD.

You're not doing well.

Now, wait a minute. You should have told me you were a cop.

Well, all you had to do was ask.

Well, now I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Okay, now wait a minute. I

think this is one big misunderstanding.

Well, I guess you can chalk it up to experience.

Come on.

This isn't fair.

You want a wine?

Tell it to the judge.