Original subtitles

My dubious cutie. Steve, it is too late to be hanging out with you and your

Jurassic muck looks.

I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

Ah, but you'll be too excited to sleep once you see that.

straight hours.

I'll go down and tell the kids to turn off the music so you can get some sleep.

Don't worry about it, sweetheart.

That TV won't bother you.

Richie, stop yelling.

I'm not.

Hey, you want to shoot some hoops?

No.

What's the matter with you?

I went to a party last night, and now I'm real tired.

Well, well.

Look who's up at the crack of noon.

I didn't get to bed until 7 a .m.

Oh, good defense, Edward.

Son, were you drinking?

I blew the foam off a few.

Uh -huh.

Hey, Rich, um, I'd like to speak to Edward alone, so... So I should get

Thanks.

Well, that party you went to last night must have been a real doozy.

Yeah.

The frat house really rocked.

Music, babes, good food, drinking.

Well, we had a keg in the tub.

And a keg in the kitchen.

And a keg in the coat closet.

Do you find this amusing, Edward?

No, sir.

Because I don't find it remotely amusing.

When my teenage son comes home drunk.

Oh, Dad, I'm 19 years old now.

I'm in college now anyway.

And besides, last night was the first time I got drunk in my entire life.

Well, Edwards, you know, you are underage.

So that one better be your last.

Come on, Dad, lighten up.

What do you mean, lighten up?

Mother and I send you to college to get an education, not to party hardy.

Look, I study hard all week. When the weekend comes, I want to relax.

I mean, that's the whole reason why I joined a fraternity, so I can have some

fun. I don't object to fun.

I love fun.

In fact, I'm the grand funk master of fun.

But I don't need to take a drink to have a good time, and neither do you.

Always do this.

Why do I always do what?

Limit me.

Build walls around me. Edward, this is not about walls.

This is about roads.

And drinking will take you down a road that leads to a dead end.

Look, Dad, I don't see how having a few beers with my friends is going to hurt

me. Edward, here is the bottom line.

The next day that I catch you drinking again will be the very last day that you

live in this house.

Steve Urkel.

Anytime you're ready.

How much did this job pay?

Ten bucks an hour plus tips.

Oh, goody, goody.

You see, I need this job so I can fix my friend's floor. I blew a hole through

it. Who cares?

Well, he does.

Why, the people sitting on the couch downstairs can look right up his boxers.

Look, will you please get on with it?

Yes, you are.

Your music isn't the kind my customers want to hear.

Cafe Java customers come here to mellow out. I need a jazz musician.

A cool, charismatic guy with a dynamic stage presence.

Ow.

Ow!

What is it?

You may not want me, but wait till you meet the other me.

Folks, folks, folks.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the cool jazz tones of Stefan Urkel.

Thank you, thank you. Right back at you.

Stick around.

Tonight, we're going to do this cafe my way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Right back at you.

You know, as I look around the room, I see so many beautiful women.

I'd like to lay out a few insights into my psyche. A few philosophical thoughts

I'd like to call.

Stefan's tips for a better life.

In this world, there are givers and there are takers.

The takers eat better, but the givers, oh, they sleep better.

At least

once in your life, own a convertible. But buy a windscreen so you don't mess

your hair.

Oh, and don't burn your bridges. It's amazing how many times we have to cross

the same river.

Oh, that is so heavy.

And always have a friend who owns a truck.

And finally, for Stefan's most important tip of all.

Always, and I do mean always, be romantic.

Let me love you, baby.

Till you feel my love for you is real.

Paula, you're always acting like an old lady.

You even walk like one.

Edward.

Uh -oh.

You know it is 4 o 'clock in the morning.

Really? Oh, my watch must be slow.

Edward, you've been drinking again.

Okay, maybe a couple.

Were you drinking, too?

No, I swore off.

Booze gives me a British accent.

I'm the designated driver.

And may I say, in Eddie's defense, he was a lot drunker before he threw up in

designated car.

Thanks a lot, Waldo.

You know, you could win the gold medal in the stupid Olympics.

It's time to go to bed.

Whatever you say, Funk Master.

And after you've slept it off, you can pack your

things.

Pack my stuff?

That's right.

I warned you, Edward, that the very next time that I caught you drinking again,

that you'd have to move out.

But, Dad... No buts, Edward.

Now, you have until the weekend to find you another place to live.

Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Stefan Urkel.

I have a bittersweet announcement to make.

Tonight will be my last night here at the Cafe Johnson.

I came here to pay a debt to a friend. And thanks to your generosity, I've done

that far sooner than expected.

So, I thought tonight should be your night.

Are there any requests?

Will you marry me?

Are there any other requests?

I have one.

Ladies and gentlemen, this lovely young lady is Laura Winslow.

Now remember her name so you can all tell your kids you once saw the perfect

woman.

So what's your request?

Well, I'd like to sing a song.

Is that so?

Yes, and dedicate it to you.

What more could a man ask for?

Now, what song would you like to sing?

Well, I realize that you have to leave, even though it breaks my heart.

But I want you to know that I'll wait for you.

You will?

Yes.

And until you return, I'll be saving all my love for you.

It's all that we share.

You've got your family and they need you there.

Though I try to resist being there on your

list. But no...

Just a few minutes more Gonna get that old feeling

When you walk through that door Cause tonight is

the night For feeling alright We'll be making

love

Hey, Waldo.

I'm all packed.

Eddie, you can't move in with me.

What? I figured I'd wait until your arms were full so you couldn't hit me.

Waldo, what's going on here?

Look, Eddie, aren't best friends supposed to tell each other the truth,

it hurts?

Yeah.

Well, the truth is, I don't like it when you drink.

Well, why not?

You get mean.

You make fun of me.

I do not. Yes.

Remember, you said I'd win the gold medal in the stupid Olympics.

Well, I got news for you, Eddie. I looked it up. There's no such thing.

Look, Waldo, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I really need a place to

stay.

To move in with one of your drinking buddies.

Eddie, when you drink, you're a different person.

And that person's not my friend.

And he's not your friend either.

Gentlemen.

Hi, Mr. Winslow. Bye, Mr. Winslow.

Why aren't you going with him?

A change of plans.

I'm moving into the frat house.

Oh. Yeah.

Six bedrooms, 18 guys, one bathroom.

Lots of fun.

I bet.

Well, I guess I better get going. Mm -hmm.

Take care of yourself.

Yeah.

Dad.

For what it's worth, you were right.

About what?

About drinking.

I'm starting to see it is a dead -end road.

Got me kicked out of the house, and it just cost me my best friend.

You know, it's a funny thing about drinking.

You don't realize what it's doing to you until it's done it to you.

Yeah, well, I made a decision.

It's not going to do it to me.

You mean that, Edward?

You bet I do.

We are.

We're not going to have to pack these things again, are we?

No way, Dad.

Go ahead.

Tonight at 8, Robert and Tia are

shocked when they find a pregnancy test at Niecy's house on all of us. Then at

9... After reuniting with her mother, Veronica searched for her classmate's

leads to clues in a bigger mystery on an all -new Veronica Mars.

Now stay tuned for Dance 360 next on UPN 27.