Original subtitles

Thank you.

It's no biggie.

No biggie? Well, where are you going?

Oh, you'll see.

Gee, you're taking this like a prince.

Mm -hmm.

You're being sweeter than Kathy Lee Gifford sucking sugar cubes.

Yeah.

Why aren't you screaming at me?

Well, Steve, I finally realized that you're an accident waiting to happen.

So I figured out a stress -free way of dealing with you.

Well, what is it?

Backup furniture.

Now, let's see. What was it that you broke? A coffee table, a lamp.

Oh, yes, and a gold vase.

I broke one of these upstairs.

Look what you did.

have friends over.

I'm quite aware of that oppressive rule, thank you.

In fact, when Max was over yesterday, I skipped my elbow trying to climb out the

bedroom window.

Oh, what a shame.

Want to see the scabs?

What do you want?

I'm starting to get the snipples, and I can't find any vitamin C anywhere to

scare away Mr. Mucus.

Here, you can take some of my Just as long as it's on your way out.

Oh, I'm forever in your debt, my pet.

Why, my nasal cavities will forever remain in your honor.

I'm fine. I need some more. Oh, yes, you can help yourself, uncle.

Oh, you're probably cranky because you're getting a big old zit on your

You're too short.

You're distracting boys on both teams.

I am?

I mean, I am.

I'll let him out. Thank you.

Laura, I'm afraid the next time we do the Muskrat victory pyramid, you will no

longer...

garage this weekend.

I haven't forgotten, but it sure would be nice if someone would volunteer to

help.

I'll help you, big guy.

Well, thanks, Steve, but I'm sure that I will have plenty of help.

Any more potatoes?

Eddie, your father is talking to you.

Oh.

Well, what is it, Dad?

I need your help this Saturday afternoon.

Oh, I can't. I promised Greta I'd help her dad do something.

What? Just put up some shelves.

But big guy, I'm free.

I can spend the whole day with you. Isn't that great?

Yippee.

Laura, why aren't you eating?

I'm on a strict diet and I'm sticking to it.

Connie, you gotta eat more.

Starving yourself to death is not a healthy, wetty diet.

What's wrong?

Your pork chop is shaped exactly like West Virginia.

Oh, my goodness.

What?

My mashed potatoes are shaped exactly like the state of Maryland.

Dwight, if you trade pork chops with me, I'll have bordering states.

Happy now?

Wait a minute.

Your dinner roll looks a lot like Delaware.

Now, you treat your dinner roll with me. Always!

Get up, girl. We're doing it again. Again?

Why do I have to exercise? Nobody called me fat.

Because you're my best friend and you're obligated by law to suffer with me.

Laura, this obsession with you to lose weight has gotten out of hand. Carl, I'm

not obsessed.

Half a pound? What do I have to do to lose some weight around here? Cut off a

stinking foot?

Hey, girl, did you bring? Yeah, here you go.

What's that?

Now, don't take more than one at a time or you'll race through your day and warp

dry. All right.

What is that?

Don't worry about it, Mac.

Are you sure these things work?

Are you kidding? My cousin just told us she went from Nick Carter to Naomi

Campbell in three months.

And your cousin just gave them to you? Nah, girl, she traded me for a box of

Ding Dongs.

That girl's got no willpower. I'll see y 'all later.

Bye.

Laura, what are you doing?

Girl, starving myself and exercising isn't working, so I'm going to take diet

pills.

Laura, are you insane? Diet pills have stimulants in them. Well, so people get

addicted to that stuff.

Maxine, people who don't know what they're doing might get addicted, not

my God, you sound like an after -school special.

Will you relax? I'm just going to take enough to lose 5 pounds or so, and then

I'll stop.

Well, this is so crazy. You don't need to lose any weight.

Maxine, you heard Monica.

I'm too fat for the pyramid.

Laura, I just think that maybe... Will you drop it? It's not a big deal, okay?

Well, if it's not a big deal, then why are you hiding them in your vitamin

bottle? I'm not hiding anything.

Laura!

Hi, Mrs. Winslow.

Sweetheart, can you help me put the grocery away?

Yeah, Ma, I'll be right there.

Laura,

I just hope you know what you're doing.

Don't worry, Max, I do.

Oh, hi, Max. Hi, Mr. Winslow. Hey, listen, is Steve up yet?

I haven't seen him. Oh, good.

Bye -bye. Bye.

Oh, hi, big guy.

Morning, Steve. I thought you'd be sleeping in this morning.

You know, I almost did.

Somehow my alarm clock got unplugged. You don't say.

Lucky for me, I've got a cuckoo clock in my brain.

Or I would have missed out on our little shelf project.

Well, you know, Steve, you really don't have to help me. I'm sure you'd rather

be dissecting bugs or something.

How will you stop it, you silly goose?

Well, I love the industrial arts. Why, this summer, I helped my father build a

picnic table.

Did you?

Oh, yeah.

Of course, our project came to an abrupt halt when I accidentally dropped a belt

sander down his pants.

What did he say?

Well, he said... I

don't want to hear this.

Oh, bless you.

Bless you.

You go ahead, big guy. I need to refuel on vitamin C.

Take your time.

Here we go.

Hey, Charmy?

before we get started.

Well,

okay, here's the plan.

I'm going to work on this side of the garage, and you're going to work over on

that side of the garage.

That way, I won't be near you, and I might survive.

Okay, now, the first thing that we have to do is measure and cut the wood.

Steve.

Steve. Steve.

Be still.

What's wrong with you? Oh, nothing. I'm just ready to go. So let's go. Go, go,

go, go, go, go.

Okay. Now, each shelf should be 36 inches long.

36 inches long.

I got stuck.

Measure and cut the wood. Steve. Measure and cut the wood. Steve. Measure and

cut the wood.

Hi,

big guy.

Hey, after this, let's wash the cars, write some songs, paint the kitchen, and

build a treehouse.

Let's just put up the shelves, okay?

Okay, don't keep them, okay? Uh -huh.

Yep, me too.

What's wrong?

This is the worst carpentry I've ever seen in my life.

You're just sore because I beat you.

Look what you did.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine. Never been better.

I can't get rid of this cold, though.

Oh, Steve, no.

Hey, what's up, Laura?

You said I could help myself.

Yeah, well, I changed my mind because, you know, you shouldn't take these.

You know, because, you know, too much vitamin C is, you know, bad for you.

What? Steve's acting like this because they have stimulants in them.

case, I think I better take you down to the hospital and let them look you over.

Hospital? Good idea.

I'd rather have you go out the forest.

Laura, how long have you been taking diet pills? Ma, I just got them. I

taken any, I swear.

But I was gonna take them.

What are you up to now, sidekick?

Well, you know what I mean.

I just wanted to lose a couple pounds.

Honey.

First of all, this is not the way to do it.

And second, what made you think that you needed to lose weight all of a sudden?

Well, the captain of the cheerleading squad said I was too heavy to be on top

the pyramid anymore.

Ah, I see.

You know, Laura, when I was in high school, I made good grades.

I thought I was pretty smart.

But one day in English class, Jimmy Thompson called me stupid.

And you know, I believed him.

Really? Yeah.

I actually flunked the next test.

Well, Ma, you're not stupid.

And you're not fat.

Laura, sometimes people say things about us that aren't true.

But we can't let what people say control the way we live our lives.

Let's get to what's really important.

How do you think you look?

I look okay.

Just okay?

Pretty good, I guess.

Pretty good?

All right, you got me, Mom. I'm a babe, okay?

That's my girl.