Original subtitles

And we just got word the seniors golf classic has been rained out today.

Oh, so we'll switch live to Hawaii for the bikini suntan final.

Hey, all right.

Oh, sweetheart.

You look great.

Thanks. Mom called from work and said there's a part -time opening at

so I'm going to go down and see if I can get an interview. Hey, well,

sweetheart, maybe you should wait a while. It's still pouring out. Uh -uh.

been waiting for a job to open up for weeks.

I'm ready.

I'm tight.

I'm primed.

I'm staying home.

I don't blame you, sweetheart. High winds, torrential rains, lightning,

Only a crazy fool would go on a day like this.

Hey,

Steve, where's your tuna boat?

Steve, you're actually going out on a day like this?

Oh, of course.

Why, today's opening day of Bug World. Oh, oh, and the first hundred people get

a free box of chocolate -covered cockroaches.

Well, Steve, it's raining cats and dogs out there.

Yeah, I hope I don't step in a poodle.

Oh, a silly little drizzle never hurt nobody, nowhere, no how.

What are you doing here? It's not red tag day.

There's an opening for a sales clerk here and I applied.

Oh, me too.

But I have a meeting with Mr. Waxman.

Oh, so do I.

What?

I guess we're both up for the same job, huh?

I see.

Oh, good. You're both here.

Oh, hello, Mr. Waxman.

Sidney, you lose weight?

Well, I did skip lunch.

Ladies, I've gone over all the applications, and I've narrowed it down

two. Oh, well, I can start tomorrow.

I can start this afternoon.

I can start right now. I sold stuff while we were waiting.

Easy now, easy.

Actually, you're both going to start tomorrow.

What? Well, I've decided to give you each a week tryout, and then I can make

decision based on your job performance.

You mean you're going to hire based on ability?

Yes, we try to do that every now and then.

Well, ladies, tomorrow morning, 9 a .m.

Looks like we both have a week to prove ourselves.

May the best gal win. Right. I'll see you tomorrow at 9. I'll be here at 8

I'll be here at 8. May I help you?

It is really coming down, I think.

Okay, let's celebrate.

Chocolate cake, everybody.

Hey, I didn't know we had chocolate cake.

I ate it.

What are we celebrating?

Your new job.

Oh, Ma, I didn't get it, Chad. Mr. Waxman said it's only a one -week

There won't be any tryout once I have a chat with Mr. Waxman.

Oh, no, Ma, I don't want you to do that.

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

Because it wouldn't be fair. I want to land this job on my own, not because my

mom and I have the same boss.

Well, if that's the way you feel about it, I'll keep quiet.

And, Laura?

Yes? I'm proud of you.

It's still pouring out. Oh, yes.

Myra and I are going to go celebrate her new job.

She didn't get it yet, Steve.

I know, but my job is the first place of little me.

And no offense, Lyra, but people respond to her.

from that lightning.

be having few

this time.

Oh, thanks, but me and the old outdoors just don't get along like we used to.

Oh, Steve.

Oh, look.

My days of being a human lightning rod are over. Why don't someone else get

-started by 10 billion volts of direct current?

But, Steve, it's not even raining today.

What's up with you?

Nothing. Yes, Steve, I'm no scientific rocket.

But I think you're afraid of lightning.

Well, good luck, man.

I've been struck three times.

Well, I've got a burn on every part of my body, for goodness sake.

So that's your plan?

You're going to stay inside the house for the rest of your life?

Why not? There's absolutely nothing out there I can't do in here.

Oh, really?

What if you decide you want to be a cowpoke?

Are you going to herd cattle in the kitchen?

How's about you?

$600.

How much?

I said $600.

Ouch!

No wonder you mumbled.

And what a shame it had to happen on the last day of tryouts.

Interesting your mother is laughing up the boss just now. before he makes a

decision. Look, Myra, I told you in the beginning, I don't play that way. If I

get this job, it'll be because I earned it.

My, somebody's a defensive Debbie.

Hi, honey.

Well, ladies, I've made my decision.

Sidney, eat something. You're a stick.

Well,

first of all, I want to say that you've both done a terrific job.

He's strong.

After careful consideration, I've decided the job should go to Laura.

What?

Be strong.

Mr. Waxman, there must be some kind of mistake.

Were you on medication when you made this decision?

I'm sorry, Myra. If there's any openings in the future, we'll keep you in mind.

Look, Mr. Waxman, if my mother influenced you in any way, then I don't

job. Harriet had nothing to do with it. You got the job because you earned it.

Oh, this is outrageous.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Waxman, I have to admit, I'm confused.

Myra sold twice as much as me. Well, she also had three times as many returns.

Oh, so it's my fault this store tracks the wishy -washy?

It wasn't only the returns, Myra. You exaggerated and lied to your customers.

You told them they looked good in things when they didn't.

Harmless flattery, Sid. Just like when I told you you were losing weight.

I see.

Laura, on the other hand, cares for her customers. She's sincere.

She develops the kind of clientele that will come back to this store for years.

That's the kind of salesperson we're looking for here at Ferguson's.

Very well.

Congratulations, Laura.

What is this country coming to when honesty and sincerity are more

important than the almighty fuck?

Mr. Weitzman, I have to ask you one more time.

My mother didn't try to influence you?

Not at all.

I really got this job on my own?

That's right.

Congratulations. I'll see you tomorrow.

We're not open tomorrow.

Oh, Monday. I'll see you Monday.

Oh my god.

in our bedroom.

I'm scared of lightning.

Steve, I am pulling a double shift tomorrow.

Please, I need my sleep.

All right, you go ahead.

I'll just snooze under here. Just me and the death bunny.

He's obviously very upset.

I think we ought to talk this out.

Oh, all right.

Sit down.

Now, look, Steve.

You have been hit by lightning three times.

So I can understand your fears.

But you haven't been out of this house for a month. A week.

It seems longer.

Steve, if you never go outside again, well, just think of all the wonderful

things you'll miss.

Like what?

Well, the warm sunshine on your face.

Picnics.

Swimming. Oh.

Baseball games.

Oh.

Moonlit walks with Myra.

Oh, my babe.

Oh, but going outside is too risky.

You know, Steve, I am very disappointed in you.

You are?

Yes, I am.

This is not the Steve Urkel that I've come to know and tolerate.

It isn't? No, it isn't.

Steve Urkel, the scientist.

would wonder why he's been struck by lightning three times.

I mean, the odds of that happening are astronomical.

One in 35 billion, at this particular latitude.

Steve Urkel, the scientist, would try to figure out why that happened.

Dead speech, man.

You're right.

What happened to me was a scientific phenomenon, and therefore there must be

scientific explanation.

Right? Right.

I'll work on it in my laboratory.

Let's see.

I mean, electron microscope, a centrifuge, 50 cc of my plasma, and a

A skunk? I kill the smell.

Oh, big guy.

Big guy, scowl.

You know, most people wouldn't have taken the time to help me through this

crisis.

You're welcome, Steve.

Consider yourself hugged.

The Earthman is back.

And you got it.

Oh, joy.

The time has come.

I will no longer hear that lightning bolt.

For I will bend my brain.

Good morning, Steve.

Fabulous news.

You were right. There was a reason why I've been struck by so much lightning.

Iron.

Iron? Yes. I discovered that the ball sauce I used to turn myself into Stefan

chock full of iron.

Now, true, it makes me peppy.

But it also turns me into a human lightning rod.

Well, can you fix it?

I already did.

I ran my blood through a Mr. Coffee filter.

And I got this.

Wow.

That's heavy.

Of course.

Here I am.

But now I can go outside all light -hearted and giddy.

Well, get your giddy in gear. I'm late.

intelligence.