Original subtitles

Vicky Marley is the man.

Oh, he is so live. I can't believe you got a ticket to his concert.

Oh, well, you know me, baby.

I got connections.

I heard you sitting live for 35 hours.

Well, that too.

I don't know what it is, Eddie, but live reggae music really turns me on.

But then your feelings, it's creeping up on you.

It's on against you before you know what to do.

I got the power to prove you.

I got the power to prove you. I got the power to prove you. I got the power to

prove you.

Hey, Biggie, how you doing?

Can't complain.

Thanks for coming.

Ain't no problem.

But why you talking to me, man?

Kiss the girl!

That

concert

was great! I love Biggie Martin! For real though!

I got the power to boo ya.

I got the power to boo ya.

I got the power to boo ya. Yeah, oh.

Mind if I cut in?

Daddy! Get in here.

It is past your curfew, young lady. You are 13 minutes late.

But, Daddy, we... Greta, shake his hand and go to your room.

You two won't be seeing each other for quite a while.

Daddy! Go.

With all due respect, sir, don't you think

you were overreacting just a little? I never overreact!

Winslow? You broke the rules, and now you gotta pay the price.

But wait a minute, sir. I have a good excuse for why we're late.

What is it?

Killer bees?

That does it.

I forbid you to see my daughter for a month.

That means no seeing her, no phone calls, no letters.

Would that include faxes?

I just received a letter from the IRS.

I'm being audited.

Now, Mother Whistler, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

Do you? I might.

I never declared my poker winnings.

Well, how much could that be?

I'm not telling you. You're a cop.

Well,

this doesn't explain why you're being audited.

Oh, yeah, they probably just pulled your name out of the computer at random.

That happens all the time. Yeah, I'll just go down with you to the IRS and

take care of this together, okay?

Oh, I hope so.

I don't want to get sent up the river.

Mother Winslow, I'm sure it's not going to come to that.

Oh, good.

Because I heard what they do to pretty girls in prison.

Here's a first.

There's food on the table and you're not eating it.

I'm not hungry.

Uh -oh, girl trouble.

It's Greta.

Laura, I was 13 minutes late bringing her home from our date, and now her

won't let me see her for a month.

Oh, talk about strict.

Miss her like crazy.

You know, Sticky Carter had the same problem with his girlfriend Loretta, but

found a way around it.

What did he do?

Well, he found another guy to pick Loretta up for him. Then the guy would

her off to Sticky, and then the friend would take her back home.

I had no idea Sticky was so tricky.

Wait a minute.

I wouldn't trust any of my friends to pick up Greta. They're all players.

Sticky felt the same way, so he found some geek to do the job.

Where am I going to find a geek?

Ask

and

you shall receive.

Man, what happened to you, Steve?

Well, I was shaving and I got the hiccups.

How you doing, Steve?

Every time you call me Steve -O, my savings account gets wiped out.

Relax. This Steve -O requires no cash -o. Just a few moments of your time -o.

I'm not reassured at all.

Now, in plain English, what do you want?

Okay. Greta's father won't let me see her for a month. I want you to pretend

be her date and pick her up so I can take her out.

Yeah, so?

Well, we both work for Greta's father. If he catches us, we'll be fired from

Mighty Winnie. We won't get caught.

I'll get Greta back to you with plenty of time to spare.

Now it's fraudulent. I won't do it.

You know, Steve, since you moved into this house and we started sharing a

you've done something very, very important for me.

All right, pick up your dirty underwear.

No, besides that, you show me what it's like to have a

brother.

A brother?

Oh, Lord.

That's right.

More than a friend, more than a pal.

A kid brother.

Really? Kid brother?

Won't you help your brother?

You go.

I'll do it. I'll pick up Greta. Thanks, Steve.

I'm so excited, Edo. Oh, I can't wait to tell the whole world that you and I are

brothers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Steve, let's just keep that

between the two of us.

Oh, like a secret they put down like that.

Charity received.

Oh, I can't find my check stubs.

Mother, relax. They're right here. See? Right there. Oh, thank you.

I'll remember you in my will.

Some of these blood -sucking G -men leave me anything.

What? He didn't make his payment?

Well, then, uh, take his house, huh?

I'm Simon Kincaid, your auditor. Yes, good morning. I'm Carl Winslow. This is

mother, Estelle. Oh, well, pleased to meet you, Estelle.

So, let's rock and roll, huh?

Excuse me, Mr. Kincaid.

What's that there?

Oh, that?

Well, that is the pencil I used to put away Leona Helmsley.

you say goes on the record and can be used against you in a court of law.

Isn't that great?

Hello.

Did you say your name is Estelle? Yes.

Not Stella? No.

Are you an exotic dancer?

No, but I used to do a mean shimmy at the state fair.

When this happens, I am supposed to be auditing a Stella Winslow.

Ah.

So you made a mistake, eh?

No, no, no. I never make mistakes.

You see, this is the fault of Frimkus in Notification.

He's out of here.

I knew it had to be a mistake. I keep track of everything.

She does.

She really does.

Not like my son here.

If he doesn't have a receipt, he makes one up.

Mom, the meter's running.

He's really funny.

Always looking for a deduction.

He once wrote off a box of Snickers as a business lunch.

You have to excuse her. She's getting on in years. She's 134.

Bye now.

Carl with a K or a C?

With a C.

With a C.

Well, I think it's safe to say that you and I will be seeing each other again

real soon.

You know, Greta usually goes out with the smooth, sexy, trendy guys. I'm

relieved to see you're none of those things.

Oh, yes, well, perhaps your daughter was attracted to my stylish threads.

My sultry voice.

Or my vow of premarital celibacy.

You look familiar.

Well, a lot of people do say I look like Denzel Washington.

Sure, after he's been run over by a tractor.

I know I've seen you somewhere.

Oh, I work for you. I'm in the drive -thru window at one of your fine weenie

establishments. Oh, a company man.

Oh, hello there, pretty gal.

Hi, Stan.

Well,

you kids have a good time. Be back at 11.

I'm on the dot.

Wait a minute.

to do to him what you do to my other dates.

What's that?

Oh, you know, take his picture, get his fingerprint.

Not necessary.

I trust this boy, Greta. You know why?

Why? Because I have every confidence in the world that you could beat the snot

out of him.

You know, a lot of parents like that about me. They say it's just a joke.

Oh, boy.

That was close. I bet this is expensive.

You're right. It's priceless.

Goodbye, Daddy.

Nice meeting you.

Greta. Daddy.

Here, baby.

Guys, guys, guys, guys.

Oh, stop that.

Now, listen up, Mr.

and Missy. The both of you have to be back here by ten minutes to eleven, and

not a second later.

Okay, all right.

You promise?

You have my word.

Steve. You!

I got two hours late.

What in Sam Hill happened to you?

We had a flat tire.

The spare was flat, too. We had to walk three miles in the rain to the nearest

gas station.

Well, okay.

Accidents happen.

But it's my butt that's in the ringer. Now, what do you expect me to do?

Well, could you do this for us again tomorrow night?

Please?

Little brother.

Oh, shove that brother stuff in a ditty bag.

Hey, Q, press the foliage off your dress and try to look less rumpled. Now, come

on, come on.

Bye. Bye, baby. All right. Now, with any luck, your father will already be

asleep, and I'll be able to vamoose while the vamoosing is good.

And my vamoose is cooked.

explaining why you look like the swamp thing.

We had a flat tire. We had to walk in the rain.

Well, then why isn't he wet?

Gore -Tex, drip -dry.

Upstairs, young lady, Mr.

Urkel and I are going to have a nice, friendly little chat.

Daddy, it wasn't his fault.

Go.

Sorry, Stan.

Steve. Right.

For a fool, Urkel, you are never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to see my

daughter again.

Ever?

Not only that, you're fired.

Mr. McClure, what are you doing here?

Look, Greta was really out with me tonight. I asked Steve to front for me

could keep seeing her behind your back. You what?

I promised Steve I'd have her back in plenty of time, but we got a flat tire

we had to walk in the rain to a gas station.

Yeah, and that's why he's wetting my knee.

I don't care who did what.

You're both fired.

What? You can't do that.

Oh, I can, and I did.

Good night.

What's his reward?

You fire him.

Well, let me tell you something, sir.

If that's the kind of boss you are, I don't ever want to work for you again.

What's going on? Hold it. Hold it.

Perhaps I did overreact the other night.

You may have noticed I get a little crazy when my daughter's concerned.

Yeah, just kind of crazy.

But the original grounding still stands.

Winslow, if you and Greta really like each other, you can wait a month.

No problem, sir.

Greta's worth waiting for.

And so are you, Eddie.

Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.

What about our child?

You're rehired.

saves in one night. My luck must be changing.

Good night.

Good night.

Look what you did.

Mr.

Winslow. Yes.

Donuts are not deductible.

They're a business expense.

Uncle Sam says, ah, okay, slick.

You owe the United States government $2

,753 .41.

What? But I don't have that kind of money. Well, then you may end up having

arrest yourself.

I'm sorry. That's probably a lot funnier to me than it is to you.

Yeah. Well, a little suggestion for the future. A ballpoint pen makes a much

better impression than purple crayon.

Oh, that's my nephew, Richie. He likes to color. I borrowed it from him. Well,

then I suggest the next time you do your taxes, you send the little fella home.

I can't. He lives with us.

Really?

Well, you didn't list him as a dependent.

Well, I didn't think I should. His mother lives with us, too.

Oh, wait a minute. Now, just how many people live with you?

Well, six. Why?

You only put down three.

Well, this is terrible news.

Well, why? What's wrong? Well, because of your additional dependents, you were

actually entitled to...

A refund.

Really? Oh, my.

How much? How much? Oh, let me see.

Add the three, subtract the seven.

It's $18 .16.

All right, Mr. Kincaid. Mr.

Kincaid, I love you, Mr. Kincaid.

Don't, don't, don't. Thank you.

I'm not happy about this. This is a big blotch on my record.

have that pencil?

I suppose so. Why?

I want to frame it as a memento.

I'm going to tell people that beat Simon Kincaid.

I'm sorry.

That's probably a lot funnier to me than it is to you.