Original subtitles

Honey, bacon, eggs, hash browns, and homemade biscuits.

Sweetheart, I love it.

Wait a minute.

Did you wreck the car again?

Carl, there's no ulterior motive. It's simply an I love you breakfast.

Well, I love you too, sweetheart.

And I'm sorry for being so suspicious.

Oh, that's okay.

I invited my boss to your poker game.

I knew there were some strings attached.

But, Carl, my boss loves to play poker. You need another player, and I want to

suck up.

Harriet, I hardly know the guy.

Carl, if I have to go back and tell my boss that he can't play, he's going to

very unhappy with me.

Oh, all right, all right. He can play.

Thank you, Carl.

I owe you big time.

Well, you can start by getting me another biscuit.

Can't. Late for work.

where they belong?

Oh, because Bugs and Hugs is coming to see them.

Bugs and Hugs?

Oh, yeah. She's a bug collector I met over the internet.

Wait a minute. You insect people get together on your computers?

Oh, yeah.

Why, we even have our own chat room.

It's called The Beehive.

I met Bugs and Hugs there. Her real name is Agnes Pritzker.

Agnes?

bug chick, but I gotta go do anything else.

Well, don't you worry, my little dung beetle. You're not going, you're just

showing.

How's her?

You're Bugs and Hugs?

That's right. And you must be Larva Dude.

Absolutely.

I know.

Is anything wrong?

No. It's just that I've never seen a bug collector with shaved legs before.

You've never met a female bug collector?

Shaved legs.

Oh, wow.

Oh, your Supremus Fembiotus is magnificent.

Oh, thank you. I take pride in my carrion clown beetle.

Where did you find it?

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

And a dead fish on a riverbank right next to a badger dropping shortly after

brunch.

Would you consider trading your clown beetle for a chrysophora chrysocolla?

You have a glorious scarab?

We have a trade.

Why, is the Jerusalem cricket a ground dweller?

Great.

Well.

Well.

I guess I'd better run. I'm late for a party.

Well, thanks for coming by.

Oh, my pleasure. It was nice to see the face that goes with the screen name.

that holds it up.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Agnes? Yes?

Oh, I hope I'm not being too forward, but you sure are a pretty lady.

Why, thank you. And that wasn't forward at all.

No?

And I happen to think that you...

are a very attractive guy.

Thank you.

You know, it's strange. We just met, but I feel this...

chemistry between us.

Me too.

It's like an electricity.

You know what I think?

What?

It's passion.

Oh, my.

Sometimes passion needs to be expressed.

Your eyes.

See, only you.

Oh, your body.

It's here for you.

Your lips are aching to be kissed.

Deep.

Deep. I said I guess I better run. I'm late for a party.

It was nice to meet you, larva dude.

Oh, it was nice meeting you too, bugs and hugs.

Hello.

Where's this Niedermeyer guy?

Oh, he'll be here any minute.

Hey, and guys, remember, he's my wife's boss, so be nice to him. I got him.

You're my boss. I ain't nice to you.

Well, that's because you don't know any better.

You guys bust me up.

Couple of cookie vacuums for sure.

Carl! Yeah?

Nick Niedermeyer. Sorry I'm late. Stopped off to get a pizza. Oh, great.

Where is it?

Ate it.

Hey, pigeons! Nick Niedermeyer. I'll spell it for you later when you write me

those hefty checks.

Choked on my chicklets.

Nick, this is Sergeant Willie Tannen. Hey, Willie.

This is my neighbor, Zuhair Budo.

Zuhair Budo?

That's not a name, that's an eye chart.

trying to pull my neck.

Well, this is Charlie Sullivan, the assistant coroner.

Two more murders and I get my 300 dead guy pin.

Good luck.

Enough chit -chat. Let's play poker.

All right.

Okay, fellas.

The stakes are 50 cents, a dollar, and 5 ,000 on the last card.

What stakes?

Come on. Let's put some serious money on the table.

Uh, no, this is just a friendly game.

Your five.

And raise your five.

I fold.

What is so funny?

All I had was a ten high.

What do you have?

A pair of kings.

I bluffed you, pal.

You should have stayed in.

Well, thanks for pointing that out.

I may have to rename my house Chateau Winslow.

Because you're buying it for me.

This game has taken a dark turn.

So, Carl, how's the game going?

Oh, just fine, sweetheart, just fine.

I'm in the same game.

He's a loud, stinky man.

Relax, Zuhair.

It's just like I told my wife.

Everything is just...

Lucky guess.

Oh, Myra.

I need some advice.

Here's some. Burn the slippers.

No. I cheated on Myra.

You found another woman willing to touch you?

She's a humma -humma, whoa -mama, strip -stretch -me -doll baby.

And a woman like that is interested in you because... Well, we both love

bugs. And she came over to trade some. And then, bam, I got hot.

You got hot?

Oh, my.

I'm so ashamed of the things I did with Agnes in my naughty, naughty mind.

Wait a minute. Back up.

Did you say in your mind?

Oh, yes.

I never actually did anything with Agnes.

I imagined it.

Then you didn't cheat on Myra.

But I did.

I lost it in my heart.

Steve, everyone has fantasies.

Oh, have you ever heard fantasies about me?

I did.

Really?

Yeah.

You were waving to me.

From the back of a moving van.

If you

really feel like you've done something wrong, then I think you should tell her

and get it off your chest.

But I might lose her.

That's just a chance you'll have to take.

That's the only way you'll be able to live with yourself.

You're right, Laura.

I'm going to tell Myra.

But if she dumps me, will you be my sweetie?

Well, you are really a true... Go ahead. Think it over.

Carl.

Three kings.

Good.

But not good enough.

A flush.

You know, Carl, you got the wrong last name. It shouldn't be Winslow. It should

be Winsnever.

Okay, guys, let's pony up for the... the food how much is it again five bucks

each that's not fair why not well look at you i could live a year on just what

you spill

putting five bucks for the refreshments?

Well, Nick, if you feel that's too much, just put in whatever makes you feel

comfortable.

Well, how about nothing?

That'll make me feel real comfortable.

Oh, that's your romance, isn't it?

Stars, the full moon.

Well, I'm sorry, banana butt.

But I'm preoccupied.

I have a confession to make.

What is it?

I met a girl.

No.

Her name is Agnes.

Agnes?

That's a stupid name.

I met her on my computer.

internet tramp.

She came over to trade bugs, but the thing is, she was devastatingly

What? Why, the next thing I knew, I was picturing myself giving her a big...

No biggie.

Come again?

Steven, you're a strapping young man with raging desires, and I can't control

your fantasies.

But if you ever act on them, I'll nail your ears home to Mama.

Are we?

After all, you're a macho piñata with big prizes inside.

And I'm not the only gal in line to smack you.

Came true.

Came true.

And besides,

My job is to make sure your real life is a whole lot hotter than your bug bimbo

fantasy.

into this game, and you've been acting like a jackass.

It's really okay. No, it's not okay, Carl.

I kept quiet last week, and I haven't said anything tonight.

This poker game is important to you, and I messed it up by inviting this

windbag.

Do I have to remind you who you're talking to?

I wasn't being transferred.

Transferred?

They're moving me to the automotive department.

So you can't fire me?

That's right.

Ah, so you have no authority over my wife whatsoever.

None.

Honey, I think Nick needs a napkin.

Oh, sweetheart.

I do believe that you're right.

There we go.

Watch that there. Ah, there you go.

Look at it.

It's like playing with man.